Finding Peace

Place Christian girls in a room and they will lose track of time talking, sharing and just being supportive.  Last night, I attended my monthly Gianna Club meeting, we were closing our book study on silence and between the laughter and serious sharing I realized how crucial it is to have like-minded people gather and inspire one-another.  Lately, I have been feeling pretty spiritually dry (I think you probably have noticed from my previous posts) I have avoided silence or time spent with God because I have given too much importance to other things- in doing so, I have neglected my spiritual life.  I keep looking at the past, instead of living in the present and forming new experiences with God.  In other words, He’s become so familiar that I lost some of my reverence, I have taken Him for granted…

I started going to morning Mass, intending on going daily.  Every morning I would show up and say, “Lord, I am here even though I don’t want to be here.”  During the service I had trouble concentrating, I was restless just wanting for it to end.  Though physically I was present – the rest of me never made it to Mass.  These past few months that’s how I have felt in matters of faith and though I have placed an importance on study, I realized that my prayer life has suffered.  There’s this disconnection- now I am a person that knows the faith, a cerebral Catholic that knows the answers, but lacks spirituality.  Last night I finally realized that a relationship (no matter with who and especially with God) must be nurtured – in a way it’s a living organism that must be fed.  Learning about God is great, but if I don’t spend time with Him then I will just be someone who knows of God and not someone who knows Him.

Many of the saints lived their lives like a twenty-four-hour prayer- in constant communion with God.  They understood that the best place for the lover is in the presence of the beloved.  This morning I went into my backyard with a cup of coffee and just listened to it rain, I marveled at the perfection of nature and of He who created this magnificent world.  I took the time to admire all His beauty and thanked Him for giving me so much, and asked for forgiveness for not living appreciating all that I have – and I do have so much!  It was my first time in awhile choosing God instead of the things that have been occupying my time and am not sure if it was last night’s fellowship or just consciously trying to be with my Creator – but this early morning I experienced a peace that I have been lacking and I realized that I have known all along how to get and keep that rest and that is in seeking and finding Him.  "...Seek me and  find me..." (smile).