Family: God's Greatest Gift

My parents are traveling; thus, I have been arriving to a lonely house.  The silence was welcomed the first week, but I miss their cheerfulness throughout the house.  I miss arriving to their warm welcome, our happy meals together and Sunday afternoon porchin’ in our front lawn.  Even my dog gets a bit of separation anxiety when left just with me as a companion (smile) and our family bird doesn’t sing his usual afternoon symphony…  In a book, Pope Francis, wrote for children he states that one of the most beautiful things God made was the family.  Sometimes I think because I have been spoiled with such a close knit bunch that I have set my standards high for marriage.  Then again, my parents are going to celebrate their 50^th wedding anniversary this year!  Even so, I was raised with rich family values and the Sacrament of Marriage initiating all families – that is until I reached high school and started forming friends outside my barrio that I realized that what I had was truly special.  In my culture parental responsibility and support didn’t come with an eighteen birthdate expiration date.  Grandparents were never placed in nursing homes no matter how needy they became.  There was this unspoken law that parents took care of the children until the children could take care of them, thus everyone from the youngest to the oldest member remained clan until death.  Even in death, we continued to ask for their intercession because we knew that we were familia forever.    

When I got to high school I had friends who didn’t get along with their siblings and people whose families were scattered across the states.  Suddenly it was cool to be the type of “Married with Children” family, an antithesis to the loving family view.  In the media, I saw this movement from family to friends.  It was no longer about having a great family, but more about having great friends.  The many romantic comedies I saw during these years told me that I had to get a kicking profession and after hours party with my friends.  I created this dream in my mind that I had to become a professional so that after a long day at the office I could grab a cab, like in “Sex in the City,” to a bar or club where I would join my friends in daring escapades.  Yes, developmentally speaking there are times in our lives when our peers gain more importance than our families, but the messages I was getting and still get is that singleness is the dream and family is but a stuffy reality; at times described as a ball and chain.  Maybe shows like “The Cosby Show” were equally deceiving, but at least it taught us to aim high. 

Today, more than ever I think we need to celebrate the beauty of family.  The reason I opened a Facebook account was because I wanted to see the pictures of my friend’s children as they grow up.  Though to our modern culture and even commercially the family might be a hindrance or too serious a subject - to me, my little clan has been my saving grace.  They have been there for me in only ways that people who share your blood can.  My mom was intimidated by my education because she thought that with formal schooling I would be ashamed of her, or even worse no longer need her.  She had the courage to share her fear, at which I said, “Mom, I will never be too old or too anything to not need you.”  Children no matter how old we get, we are always our parent’s kids.  My dad retired recently and when he visits his mom who is ninety-plus-years-old he still behaves like her little boy.  Though he now takes care and provides for her, he still needs his momma.  Perhaps, I am spoiled because God gave me a great family one that I just couldn’t live without- they are the ones that I can’t wait to share my joys and when I stumble the ones that carry me forth.  We are in no way perfect, believe me we all have our weaknesses and moments when we can’t stand each other, but we were raised with the biblical tradition that family is  one of the greatest gifts from God. And when something is a special gift it has to be enjoyed, treasured and if need be protected.  Pope Francis is right, one of the greatest gifts God gave us is family and that’s why we Christians put such a strong battle to fight for this treasure God endowed us with because great societies stem from the microorganism known as familia.    

Fast the Right Way: 11 Examples

In this past Sunday’s bulletin I found a new way of fasting that I thought would be perfect to share.  We often think of giving up things during Lent, but behaviors can also be given up to make room to grow in Christian virtue.  For example, yesterday, I was driving home from work and this car cut me off and scared me.  I was so upset after the incident and was thinking all kinds of nasty things I wanted to yell at the driver and felt this great need to vent.  Then I remembered that just hours ago I had read my daily Lenten meditation that said, "when tempted to say something negative about someone today, even if the negative information is true, hold your tongue." So, I turned to God and expressed my frustration.  I realized as I put my case before God that the reason I was really upset was because the person in the car who cut me off was rude and this rudeness hurt my feelings.  In that moment I realized that I could hold on to the anger or just let it go without it ruining my day.  So, I gave it to God (no venting on Facebook needed)  and by the time I arrived home I was no longer angry.  Little things can really affect and ruin our days if we let them, that's why this list is so important:  

1) Fast from hurting words and say kind words.

2) Fast from sadness and be filled with gratitude.

3) Fast from anger and be filled with patience.

4) Fast from pessimism and be filled with hope.

5) Fast from worries and have trust in God.

6) Fast from complaints and contemplate simplicity.

7) Fast from pressures and be prayerful.

8) Fast from bitterness and fill your hearts with joy.

9) Fast from selfishness and be compassionate to others.

10) Fast from grudges and be reconciled.

11) Fast from words and be silent so you can listen.

Lent is a time to grow, to shed imperfections to make room for a new me in Christ.  Fasting can help us, if we look past the giving up of "something" as only a way to show that we still the have willpower and see it as a platform for sanctification.  

Seven Ways to Pray During Lent

When I teach I like utilizing the various teaching methods to incorporate the many learning styles of my students.  In the same way, I like to approach prayer utilizing all my senses to come to God.  This creative way makes prayer more engaging and varying the methods keeps it from becoming a stale, boring process.  During special seasons like Advent and Lent, I implement a little imagination to my prayer life, these small changes make me better able to appreciate and grow during the season.  While prayer can be daunting, it really is quite simple.  Our entire lives can be a form of prayer with the right perspective.  Below are the way I am perfecting hence seven my prayer life this Lent, feel free to steal my ideas (smile).

In Community- Go to Mass an extra day, an adoration service or a rosary group and offer it for someone in need. 

Notes of Gratitude- One of the best teachers I ever had taught me the importance of a thank you note.  During Lent I have a “forty day of thank yous” tradition in which I write a short card to a priest, deacon or religious daily and mail it out.  I also pray for that person during that day.  

With the Saints- One of my fraternity sisters gave me, “Lent and Easter Wisdom from St. Francis and St. Clare,” a daily prayer book.  I have been walking hand in hand with these two saints this Lent and I love it.

Stations of the Cross- This is the seasonally perfect prayer for Lent.  Most parishes have scheduled times and services for this specific type of prayer, like mine where we pray and then have dinner in community.  I also like going to Saint Michael’s Abbey where the stations are outside on a hill and with a guide booklet I can spend time in nature walking the path of Calvary at my own pace.

Pray before the Crucifix- Take five extra minutes to pray before a crucifix contemplating what you see.  What is Jesus saying to you this Lent?

Learn- Take a cause you are passionate about and learn more about it.  I am learning about modern day slavery and how the choices I make affect others. 

Fast and Donate Money Saved- If you buy coffee every morning or lunch every day, go without it for a week and donate the money to charity.

Prayer is more than reciting words, all of our being has to be involved both in communicating and listening.  Then actions should follow.  Happy Lent.   

Ash Wednesday: Wearing Ashes

We started Lent, yesterday, a beautiful day to begin such an important time in our spiritual year.  With it a time of denial, of abstinence from some things that we enjoy.  I have a sweet tooth so this year I am giving up dessert and soda pop.   In years past this was the extent of my observance, though mom would always bring a little extra ashes from church to mark us all.  When it was her turn to get ashes at church she would play on the pity of a kind priest and ask for a little extra to pass on to her rebellious children.  At home she'd come to each of us personally and draw the cross on our foreheads repeating, “Remember that you are dust, and to dust you shall return.”  I, the agnostic who cringed at any sign of religiosity, would let her mark me thinking I was doing it for her so that I would spare her feelings.  Now, I see that something happened in that small gesture, her pious action connected me to my family, my Catholic community.  This invisible thread gave me a glimpse of hope a light that maybe, just maybe Nietzsche was wrong. 

Though in the privacy of my home, I allowed my mom to pass on a tradition important to her, after returning to God it took me many years before I grew comfortable going up to receive the Lenten cross.  I just didn’t understand why I had to be marked and to wear the sign so publicly made me uncomfortable.  Though, I would accompany mom to Ash Wednesday service when it was the time to go up for ashes I would remain in my pew or leave the parish.  The ritual stirred conflicting emotions inside me.  A lot of opposing views, unanswered questions and negative feelings arose that usually I could dismiss since Ash Wednesday only happens once a year.   What I remember most is that my mom never rejected the initial stages in my conversion, she didn’t push me – she accepted that God was not done with me yet (smile).

Eventually, I had to confront the chaos inside me and put some order before I could truly celebrate Lent as a good Catholic should strive to.  It meant answering questions like why do we get ashes on our foreheads? What does it mean? Where does the tradition come from?  Why do we wear them publicly? Knowledge answered my questions, but my growing Catholic faith and love for my Catholic Church helped eliminate the shame.  Wearing the cross of ashes is not like Hester wearing the Scarlet Letter, more like a knight carries his crest with honor.  In order, to reach the point of honor I needed to discover the beauty and more importantly the truth of my faith.  Now I try to go to the earliest service so that I can wear the ashes on my forehead the whole day because it’s my emblem, my crest connecting me to my religious family – but also tracing my lineage leading back and moving towards God (the circle of life).  The ashes reminds us of our mortality, that our lives are but a brief moment.  It helps us to not fear death because we have eternal life in Christ and motivates us to repent and change in our journey towards heaven.  Yesterday, I wore my cross all day long happy to be a witness of my faith and to share my knowledge with others when Lent talks spread throughout the office.  Many were encouraged and told me they would make the time to go to Mass, a little ash cross can be the best evangelization tool if we allow ourselves to be agents of the Good News.

How to Fight Spiritual Dryness

My Franciscan Fraternity celebrated its 20^th anniversary this Saturday with a half day retreat and God knows how much I needed this moment away with God.  Lately, I have been feeling a bit run down in matters of faith, like I am experiencing a moment of spiritual dryness.  I don’t get the same enjoyment in my spiritual activities - they are beginning to feel like another thing I have to check off my list.  Instead of looking forward to Mass, religion classes, RCIA, prayer…  They feel like obligations.  Of course, I still show up because faith is more than a feeling, but the “burned out” shadow continues to overshadow the nourishment that I usually get from my spiritual activities.  Thus, this short retreat couldn’t have come at a better time.  Everyone goes thru periods of spiritual dryness, yet these moments are not a time to give up, rather one should lean more on God - the bible tells us so (smile).  So, on Saturday even though what I truly wanted to do was sleep in, I got up to attend the retreat and at its conclusion a glimpse of hope illuminated my soul.

Mass- I began my day with Mass and got to witness the profession renewal of my fraternity’s brothers and sisters.

Confession- I knew that I was due for confession and during the retreat we were given time for the Sacrament of Reconciliation which really healed me.

Learning- Father gave a great talk in which he shared his testimony, a former Jehovah’s Witness who converted to Catholicism through the intercession of the Virgin Mary.

Sharing- Two of my fraternity leaders shared a brief introduction into why they are Secular Franciscans.

Community- I got share in a small group, as well as listen to others.  Then we had a nice lunch and social time.

By the end of the retreat I felt energized, like God penetrated through the dryness and watered the parched soil of my heart’s plot.  I also understood that when my faith begins to feel more like an burden, time away with God and a group of Christian friends will do great things.  As will participating in the Sacraments and being honest during confession, no matter how big our sins feel God’s mercy is greater.  The example of others is also so fortifying, like group therapy where listening to others inspires and motivates us to continue in the right path.  When I feel like I am running low or even on empty a retreat has always been my answer, even Jesus felt the need to retreat.  His example demonstrates the importance of finding the time to leave behind everything to go into the wilderness and be with God continuously. 

Belonging to a Faith Community

Finding the right faith community is important because part of our conversion occurs in group.  Belonging to a group that shares our same desire to grow and mature inspires us to continue seeking, to continue looking for answers to our questions while offering support and encouragement along the journey.  Some people that live in rural areas don’t have the ability to be picky as to where to attend services, lucky for city folk, I have quite a selection to choose from.  When asked, what parish I belong to, I usually say that I have dual residency because I belong to one and serve at another- but in reality I like attending the parishes in my area for different reasons.  Thus, today following on my last post, I want to share the local parishes that you will find me throughout the year.

Saint Barbara- When I was attending protestant Churches my brother asked me to attend a retreat with a group that he belonged to (Jóvenes Para Cristo) at Saint Barbara’s.  After the retreat I joined the group and that’s where my Catholic conversion began.  Through the years I went from joining the JPC Prayer Ministry, lecturing, heading the Hispanic Parish Council and currently I help out with RCIA.  Most of my involvement has been with the Hispanic community, but the parish has a thriving Vietnamese and Anglo community too; which makes for some great trilingual services.

Saint Vincent de Paul- I wanted to learn my faith in English because some of my friends were asking questions and I felt like I didn’t have a place to refer them to because of the language barrier.  So, I began attending services, becoming a CORE member for confirmation and joining a young adult group at Saint Vincent’s.  I met some wonderful people and the parish is absolutely beautiful!  Since, this parish is the closest to my house as a child we used to attend when before they built the church we used to have services in the hall – so we do have history.  I love the crucifix, I can just contemplate it for hours.

Holy Spirit- Every year Holy Spirt hosts the blessing of the animals’ ritual which is how I started attending this location.  It’s a flourishing community, recently I was able to take Bishop Barron’s, “Catholicism the Pivotal Players Part I” study series and I had the best experience.  Some Sunday’s you will find me at the 3PM Mass with my family.     

Saint Simon and Jude- For Franciscan feast days this is the place you’ll find me, after all it’s a Franciscan parish.  Every year they host the most beautiful Transitus service.  This year I invited my buddies from my fraternity to join me and I think they might be joining me yearly because they couldn’t stop raving about it.

I am blessed because I live close to many parishes.  This makes worshiping a lot easier because I have quite a selection to choose from.  On an average Sunday you will find me at Saint Barbara’s until twelve-thirty helping with RCIA and then I swing by to pick up my parents and nephew to attend the 1PM Spanish service at Saint Vincent de Paul.  Though Saint Vincent is my home parish I just can’t seem to leave the location where it all began (smile).

Five Places I Love to Visit

Since my move to California from Mexico, I have always resided in Orange County.  It has become my home a place filled with wonderful memories.  If you came to visit and wanted a tour - these are the places I would take you to.  They are not touristic areas, just ordinary places that I love to visit and spend time at.

Central Park- It’s a park behind the HB Public Library.  I grew up visiting this park, it served my family and relatives as the backyard we didn’t have growing up.  A place where Easter egg hunts and parties galore occurred during my childhood.  Now, it’s a quiet place I visit to get perspective.  Dollar and I love to go on walks there and listen to the various sounds of nature.  It’s a place that holds tons of great memories and also hosts the Civil War reenactment.

Christ Cathedral- The Diocese of OC is my favorite place to visit, the grounds are wonderful for walks filled with beautiful art work to contemplate.  I loved it even before it converted to Catholicism.  Since, I take classes on campus (throughout the year) I get to roam around it weekly.  It has so many secluded areas for prayer, I love all the little nooks.  

HB Dog Park- We don’t visit it as much as we used to, but we do love the fun enclosed doggy heaven.  Usually the park is full of regulars, people that really care about their animals and keeping them safe.  There’s two areas one for small dogs and another for the bigger ones, Dollar is allowed in both.  He prefers the little guys though, maybe that’s because they are not as aggressive.

Open Sesame- This is one of my favorite restaurants, it’s in Long Beach.  The Lebanese food is amazingly good, though there can be a bit of wait since it’s so popular.  It’s also a place to go with only a couple of friends because the venue is small and big groups are not easily accommodated.

Trinity Broadcasting Center- It sadden me when I heard that this place was sold.  It used to be one of my favorite places to spend time with God.  The outside gardens with religious artwork and the inside palace like decor made it one of my favorite locations to stop by.  It was a place that also had a theatre and featured Christian films daily.  A lot of good times were spent there.

Since the Trinity Broadcasting Center doesn't count, due to its closure- I had to include the beach.  I live ten minutes away from it, though usually the parking situation keeps me from regularly going- when I do make it, I love it.  There's a doggy beach so I can even bring my dog along!  

Places can help us think about our world, reflect, pray or simply offer us a place for relaxation.  Public gardens, museums, art galleries, churches… What are your top five?

Ten Simple Ways to Brighten Another's Day

God created us to live in community making it easier to serve one another; yet, something so simple as lending a helping hand can be complicated by thinking that we need grand gestures.  In reality, ordinary actions are usually the things that reach another’s heart.  There’s always someone who is struggling more than you and a simple act of kindness not only helps the other person, but doing good improves your life too.  Here’s my list of ten simple ways to brighten another person’s day. 

1) Make an extra sandwich for lunch and give it to a homeless person on your way to work.

2) Greet as many people as you come across, a friendly greeting and smile are a powerful combination.

3) Visit a home for the elderly and spend time listening to the many abandoned members in society.

4) Volunteer to read a book at your local library or preschool.

5) Go for a walk around the neighborhood and pick up litter.

6) Feed the birds (bird food) at your local park during the winter, they need love too.

7) Send a nice card or call and listen to a friend who is going through a difficult time.

8) Clean out your closet and donate your clothes to a shelter.    

9) Treat a friend who is unemployed or going through financial difficulties to lunch.

10) Pray for others, lift their needs to the Lord. 

I found that for someone with mental disabilities, who used to experience periods of depression - helping others was the best way to help myself.  Healing happens when we serve one another for all parties involved.  Thus, next time you are feeling in rut, know that there's others who are hurting too and a simple act of kindness goes a long way.