In My Shoes: My Weigh Loss Journey: The Beginning

Before I left on my mini vacation I had mentioned that I wanted to begin a fitness and dietary program to help me lose weight. A friend who runs support groups for people interested in achieving a healthy lifestyle invited me to join a group that she is running during Lent. The group varies from her usual groups in that it's a forty day challenge (instead of the usual twenty-one days) and has a spiritual component. I signed up very excited and motivated to finally work on an area of me that I had postponed for quite some time. I was doing really well with the group, waking up early to take my dog on long speedy walks, saying no to unhealthy foods and making healthy, active decisions. It seemed like this time I would succeed in achieving my goal, but then I got really sick with bronchitis and first the workouts had to be postponed because I was too sick to do anything physical. Without being able to do much activity, I soon went back to my old, unhealthy ways because not only was I ill I was also going through some emotional downs. It’s no secret that I am bipolar and emotional highs and lows are part of my make-up. In addition, the Seroquel that I take gives me strong hunger cravings. This cocktail of varying emotions and medication side effects have turned me into an emotional eater. Since I was diagnosed I have gained over seventy pounds. In an effort to suppress the anxiety associated with bipolar I ate as a very bad coping mechanism. Now, after years on the meds and more in control of my emotional high and lows I know that I can change these bad habits. Thus, today I begin again. Less than half way through Lent I am getting back on the bandwagon and making the necessary changes to lead a healthy life. That doesn’t mean that this blog is going to turn into a diary of my weight loss journey, I will however do monthly check-ins to hold me accountable and encourage others who are struggling with the same issues.

A lot of people think that Catholics follow Gnosticism, that we believe the body is bad. This heresy has polluted the minds of many people sometimes even fundamental Christians, but God tells us that our bodies are the temples of the Holy Spirit. He tells us from the beginning in Genesis that all He creates is good, as an artist proud of His work after each day of creation He states, “And it was very good.” I try really hard to have an inner conversion to become a better person daily, but when it comes to my physical self sometimes I treat it as a gnostic would. I mistreat it with unhealthy foods and little to no exercise. I think well what matters is in the inside, but if we look at our faith the whole person body and soul is of equal importance. A lot of my repetitive sins are done to my body because I don’t give it much attention. Once a friend told me that Christians often focus on sexual sin as very bad, when a woman gets pregnant out of wedlock people frown upon her, but to God sin is sin. All sin separates us from God it affects the unity of our relationship. Thus, gluttony and sloth are sins that also affect our relationship with Him. Most days after a long day of work I don’t feel like exercising, I don’t feel like walking my dog even when he waits for me excited to go outside. For a time I was paying a dog walker to help me walk him. In addition, most days I want to just relax after work - to sit and read all afternoon or when I am really exhausted catch-up on Netflix. I give in to laziness instead of making the effort to go out and take care of my dog owner responsibilities or of taking care of my body. These bad habits are areas that I want to change because not only will I be making changes physically, but also spiritually. Conversion is body and soul. This Lent I gave up music, and sometimes during long rides I want to turn on the radio in my car but instead I pray the rosary or talk to God. I also gave up soda and yesterday after a tough day I felt like breaking my fast, but I didn’t. These two things that I am abstaining from this Lent have shown me that I do have the discipline to change. Thus, I know that no matter how many times I have to begin again in my journey to weight loss I will achieve it eventually. I do the Stations of the Cross every Friday and just like Jesus fell three times on his way to Calvary he picked himself up to accomplish the Father’s will. Thus, I know that God is with me even if I have to start over again and again.