Little by Little

Yesterday, I went to confession and I was thinking how sometimes I am quicker to make amends with a person that I have hurt and usually not so quick to go to confession and ask God for forgiveness when I know that I have sinned against Him.  It’s hard going into the confessional because there’s always this out-of-place fear that the priest will condemn me for my transgressions.  Though I have received nothing but love in the confessional I still have a hard time going in with the complete trust that God will be quick to forgive me.  Sometimes when I really need some encouraging advice the priest through the grace of the Holy Spirit will tell me exactly what I need to hear.  Yesterday, was one of those occasions.  After I listed my sins, the priest took the time to talk to me and help me correct some of the sins I tend to repeat again and again.  Very lovingly he gave me my penance, and absolution but also a wealth of wisdom to implement in my daily life.  The past two days I have talked about the stages of falling in love and in some areas of my relationship with God I am still very much in the initial stages.  I take steps back when things don’t go my way and despair thinking that God won’t help me that He doesn’t care.  It’s a matter of trust and sometimes my doubts get so big that I wonder if He truly exists.  They are momentary, dark thoughts that quickly pass, but oh how I wish that I didn’t get them.  Father suggested that I be more thankful.  As he started listing the many things that I take for granted I realized that I need to daily thank God for all the things and people that I take for granted- doing this will help me see the abundance that my life is and the generosity of God.  My thoughts need to be trained and focused on God and what He is doing in my life right now - not the things that I am praying He will do and grant soon.  My petitions need to be left in His hands trusting that in His time He will grant them according to His will.  

I am thankful because I am discovering that in a matter of two, both people need to equally invest and slowly commit themselves.  In the stages of initiation both the man and the woman need to actively participate.  It’s a mutual self-giving.  In the many books that I have read on courtship they state that the man must initiate, but I am discovering that the woman has an active role in the initial process too.  She helps and encourages the man so that he won’t be going into foreign territory alone, but together they will confront the uncomfortableness of the steps of initiation.  He leads and she responds by following.  I once read that it’s important for the man to make the decisive moves so that when she doubts his love she will be comforted by those brave actions he made in which he chose her.  All it takes is one moment of courage and if she likes you she will accept your loving action and respond positively.  I know things in real life are not as clear cut as they are in courtship books, because life is a little a messy, but together we can do great things…  Going from single to a relationship is overwhelming, but going from single to slowly cultivating a friendship that’s a comfortable pace to begin. I am thankful because though things have changed since Biblical times and courtship is quite a new engagement I feel like I am finally making some progress in understanding how it works.  While books put all the pressure on the man and for a really long time I believed the woman’s role was to wait passively, now I know that women must wait actively. Praying and showing through actions that she’s interested, always encouraging the object of her affections to approach her.  This is hard for introverts (to reveal their feelings of attraction for another), but with prayer and God’s courage we can learn and develop ways to drop the barrier long enough to be a helper.

The Public Version :)

Am thankful for time because through its passage God gives us gifts when we are ready to receive them as to not overwhelm us.  Little by little, like the tortoise we will finish the race and with patience it will be an enjoyable journey. Ask God to help you see His blessings in all situations so that with a grateful spirit you can thank and rejoice in Him...