Healthy Relationships Depend On Me

While I sat on the pew this Sunday at Mass, during the second reading, Saint James, spoke about faith in action, and I thought about a time a priest told me that my faith had to be like water in a river always moving with the current.  He said that if I fought against the current I would eventually tire and not make much progress, but if I let myself go I would travel smoothly.  He said that, that’s how faith works.  We must place our trust in God and have faith that He will move us along at the pace that He decides is best for each of us.  Water that is left stationary after awhile rots and stinks, and faith without action also has that stench of death.  Thus, we must always challenge ourselves to live our faith actively, allowing that inner activity to project out of us in works and deeds. This is specially true in our relationships with others, to me having healthy relationships in all areas of my life is really important because it gives me inner peace.  When I am upset with a friend, a family member, a professional person or even God, my life cannot handle the disorder that a small tension creates.  In my earlier years (sans God) I thought that peace with others was something that depended on others.  In order for me to be content in my relationships, others had to ALWAYS treat me kindly, fairly, accept and love me…  With God, I soon learned that I was doing two things by placing my peace in others' hands; one, I was giving them the power of my happiness and two, I was fleeing responsibility.  Inner peace is a personal decision I make and that decision brings the fruit of joy and happiness into my life. Peaceful relationships require steps that though rather easy to explain are not so easy to put into action.

First, I must be grateful for the people in my life and this must become a habit!  Being thankful means remembering the good things about each person and the good moments that have been shared instead of focusing on another's shortcomings and weaknesses - this helps keep a positive attitude.  People who choose to have a selective memory - one that only remembers the good things and doesn’t dwell on painful hurts invite joy into their hearts because they have a forgiving spirit.  Love in whatever form wants the best for the beloved and hopes for the best for that person.  However, sometimes our vision for the best in another means that the other person must change those annoying habits or behaviors that bug us.  Yet, we need to learn to be patient with one another because we are all works in progress and instead of getting impatient with another’s development we must learn to celebrate people’s progress.  If we expect perfectionism in others we are going to make ourselves miserable.  Like God doesn’t wait for us to be perfectly holy to love us, neither should we.  We must learn to react with our hearts and we do so by creating a thankful spirit within ourselves, one that is grateful simply because the other person exists and is in our lives. Gracias por existir is a favorite prayer of mine.

Second, we must pray joyfully for people in our lives.  It’s important to remember that we can’t change people, but God can (smile).  So instead of complaining about the weaknesses in others I must develop a spirit that prays for them because prayer works - complaining doesn’t.  I have learned that four things that I must always pray for each person that I love and that God will grant because it’s according to His will are: “I must pray that another grows in love, makes wise choices, lives with integrity and becomes like Jesus.”  God wants all these things for each of us so our prayers will be heard and granted.  And if our loved one grows in these virtues we will reap the benefits of his sanctification (smile).  It encourages me so much when I know that others are praying for me because I need help in my transformational walk with the Lord. I know that I can’t become a saint on my own.  We all need people who listen, accept and understand that we are imperfect, but believe that we are trying mighty hard to change.  We need people who prayerfully and with good cheer motivate us to press on in God’s path.  People who pray and motivate us to be more like Jesus are companions that walk with us to heaven and we all need them!

Third, we must expect the best in another person, which is usually not the case.  Normally we expect the worst in others and we build walls and keep our distance until they have proven themselves.  Yet, we all need people to believe in us.   It gives us confidence and builds us up.  It’s been proven that one of the common characteristics of successful people is that all had at least one person who believed in them.  Healthy relationships require this habit of believing the best in the other.  Instead of criticizing and tearing down your friend, we need to believe in him and have the vision that he is going to grow and become the best image of himself in Christ.  In time with practice we even learn how to bring the best in others (smile).

Faith in action is hard.  The three steps above show a way to be a blessing to others and to take control in a very positive way for peace in or lives and peace in all of our relationships.  Yet, the steps are not easy! They require a lot of dedication and at times of dying to self.  Faith requires action, it challenges us to grow and mature in all areas of our lives.  As long as the Spirit of God is moving in and through us we can change our ways (little by little) and love in a way that reflects the love of God.  We all have so much possibility and can affect the lives of others just by learning to flow downstream with God without fighting Him, but asking Him to transform us so that we can better love others. By asking Him to give us His vision to see the best in each person, by praying for more godliness in others and by being thankful for their presence in our lives we create a positive environment for ourselves and for our loved ones to grow. Being Christian means that we must love people differently than the world does and maintaining inner peace and peaceful relationships is a testimony of God's grace in our lives. Paz y Bien corazón. SMILE. 

*Some of the ideas taken from a talk given by Rick Warren.