We Love Because He First Loved Us

We love because He first loved us.  When we understand that God loved us first, that God loves us perfectly and that God loves us forever- we learn a key lesson and that is that we are loveable.  Knowing that we are loveable makes us able to take risks to do things knowing that perhaps we might get rejected- it gives us the courage to be vulnerable.  A priest once asked a child why do you love your uncle and the little girl thought about it for a while before responding, “I love him because he loves me.”  The love of her uncle gave the child the power and reason to love him back.  Knowing that he loved her told her she was loveable and made her able to love back without worry about rejection.  Similarly when we realize that God loved us first and that He loves us now unconditionally and for all eternity we gain an understanding that we are loveable and this knowledge frees us to love others.  His love gives us the courage to love others even if we get rejected because at the end of the day we are still loved by God.  As we learn to be vulnerable to take risks it helps that when we do expose our vulnerability to another that he responds in an encouraging way.  This gives us the confidence that if I walk towards you, you will come to meet me.  It establishes a dynamic between two that where I go you will go and where you go I will go.  This encounter between the two (this active I will be with you) gives us the courage to continue reaching out towards the beloved.  This builds connection and deeper trust.  We were created for connection so when we start connecting with another it’s like heaven on earth.  When we reach out and know that our hand will be met by the beloved the foundation is laid and building begins to take place (smile).  Thanks for not leaving me hanging, for meeting me and giving me way more than I could possibly have imagined!  Slowly as we take risks and build connection we are freed to be authentic and to be ourselves knowing that we will be accepted.  The fears begin to diminish and the negative feelings of exposure will too fade.  God’s love gives us courage and frees us to love others knowing that no matter what happens we will never lose the love of God.  Similarly as we love another and he accepts and returns the love we are free to build together slowly something special, something worthy of the two of us.

It’s also important to give thanks and enjoy the present moment.  To thank God for helping the two of us come this far, for helping and guiding us.  I know that it’s not easy doing things in a public forum, but am glad that God has given us the courage to use the means He has given us. And I know that we will continue to grow behind the scenes soon. I am lost for words this morning, my mind is just so happy with all the gifts you have given me (SMILE). Thanks be to God and the archangels for their intercession.
        
*Some thoughts from Brother Nicholas Monco

I Need You Because I Care

Father once gave a talk on codependent relationships and he mentioned a quote that has stayed with me since: “Immature love says, I love you because I need you.  Mature love says, I need you because I love you.”  The first statement is based on dependency- I am dependent on you because you validate me and give me worth.  Its finding your entire identity on the love the other person gives and relying on the beloved for you happiness.  This is what unhealthy relationships are made off.  The second statement is based on setting someone apart as special, because I think you are so unique and unlike anyone else I have met I cherish and appreciate you. Though I know that God is the only one that will satisfy my needs, I would like you to be part of my life.   As you begin to care more for another person there also begins to grow a healthy need for the beloved.  Though you are a well-adjusted person active at home, work, church, community- all areas of your life you begin to feel this need for that one person your heart has signaled out.  You live for the moments when you are near him, for those exchanges that only the two of you understand and your mind seems to produce no other thoughts, only of the beloved.  Going from a person who was fully functioning and independent and suddenly finding yourself needing another and no longer able to control that desire to be near him- makes all of us vulnerable.  Yet, it’s very normal that as affection grows so does the need for the other person.  God designed us to live in community- He made us all different so that together we would find our strength.  When He tells us about one body having many parts with different functions, He is alluding to the fact that people are unique with different qualities and we are created to belong together strengthening our families and communities.  In an even more intimate belonging, He made man and woman desirable towards one another.  He created us to need one another as we begin to know each other.  Yet, as we begin to experience this new need for the beloved it can be quite uncomfortable and even scary.  It makes us feel quite vulnerable, exposed even at the mercy of the beloved. 

We must remember that it’s very normal to feel this way.  It’s scary to begin to need another person.  However, these stages or feelings must be conquered if we want to deepen the friendship.   This means ignoring the negative thoughts, being kind when we make mistakes, forgiving when we hurt each other and beginning a healthy dialogue.  We also need to accept the love that is given to us and to respond to it.  Return a loving look instead of turning away embarrassed or act in a loving way instead of holding back in self-protection.  Slowly we need to work on lowering our defenses even though we will hurt along the way, but with God we have it in us to be resilient.  Opening ourselves to love means building together a new world, with lots of meaningful interactions – though it’s hard and painful we must not forget that it’s also supreme and wonderful.  Let us not let fear keep us from enjoying a gift that God wants to give us.  Let us not let fear keep us from growing in love.  Let us not let fear carve our path.  We are creations of love made by Love and it’s time that we begin to trust in love.  I want God to carve our path and where God is found fear doesn’t exist. I need you because I care about you.  This doesn’t make me needy this makes me on par with God’s plan.  I was designed to care and to need others.  I am a member in the body of Christ that needs my brothers and sisters to survive.  It’s ok to need you and ok if you need me, it’s all part of God’s design (smile).    

Siempre Adelante with God

When I began reading scripture, specifically the Book of Exodus I often wondered how people lost faith in God even after He showed them so many miraculous signs.  In the desert they grumbled and even turned against God, at one point they wanted to be back as slaves instead of wandering towards the Promised Land.  As I began applying the word of God to my life I began to understand a little better why the chosen people grumbled- I too found myself repeatedly doubting and complaining when I felt God had deserted me or wasn’t listening.  The act of remembering is difficult to adapt when we are going through struggles.  To remember what God has done for us in the past, how He has delivered us before, and to remain strong in adversity relying on God’s promises takes a lot of faith.  To place our trust on God even during the greatest tempest requires supernatural faith.  Remembering what He has done in the past for us needs to give us courage during difficult moments.  Knowing our Biblical history strengthens our faith and our trust in God grows as we get to know Him better.  Similarly, in our human relationships we need to adapt this tool of remembering.  As trust between two grows there will be trials that will challenge the relationship- but during these moments of doubt we need to remember that we are both on the same team working towards the same goal.  We need to remember to trust God as He guides us and to have faith in each other based on the past displays of mutual self-giving.

The road towards building stronger trust among two is hard!  Especially at the beginning when we feel like we are on opposing teams.  Yet, if we want things to work out we need to develop the habit of seeing each other as teammates.  This is quite difficult.  Though I try to have faith and trust in my friend sometimes I get scared and insecure too.  It doesn’t help that I am an introvert and we introverts love to overthink things- sometimes we think about things so much that we create problems that were never there to begin with.  I wrote something on a friend’s wall the other day and I started thinking that maybe it sounded really inappropriate, like I was endorsing drinking and partying so I deleted the comment.  This brought hurt to my friend and only afterwards did I realize that my over analyzing got the best of me.  Sometimes when we are opening up ourselves and our lives to another there’s this great fear that I will mess up and lose the affections of my beloved.  This fear of loss due to a wrong step can bring a lot of insecurity. Yet, I learned (from this experience) that in a friendship or any relationship where there is some form of love there too will be acceptance even when we mess up.  If I look back at our friendship, and remember the things that we have overcome I gain confidence in us, but if I focus on the fear and insecurities then instead of building I am tearing down.  Our faith teaches us the importance of remembering, everyday during Mass we remember and participate in our Salvation Story.  Thus, I need to remember constantly that you and I are chums and chums are on the same team working towards the same purpose.  Sometimes, like our peeps in Exodus I will forget and grumble- just please be patient and kind with me.  Am so happy with our growth and looking forward to what’s to come. ¡Siempre adelante!

From Silence to Talking

What would you do if you had twenty-four hours to live and money was not an issue?  This question began our bible study class and the typical answers were: travel to exotic places or dream destinations, go on shopping sprees, do something I love like play the guitar and make music, spend time with my family and friends…  I thought about the question for some time before I answered, “If I only had twenty-four hours to live I would love to face some of my fears.  I would tell and show those that I love and care about how much they mean to me. I would especially like to tell the apple of my eye how I feel about him and let go of the fears that keep me from doing that.”  Beginnings are tough.  Revealing our feelings, showing we care is definitely scary because there is great risk involved, but not starting is worse.  To remain in a safe haven never venturing into the lands of the heart is easier and more comfortable than to go into what appears at first glance like no man’s land.  Yet, the great thing about being Christian is that no man’s land doesn’t exist because everywhere we go God travels with us (smile); at His time- He leads the way. 

In our biblical history we have many examples of God leading the way and providing according to the covenant He made with His people.  We also have many examples of our ancestors grumbling when they got impatient and doubted in God’s providence. These historical narratives should give us courage in God’s timing and patience in waiting for Him to provide.  Transitions are difficult, just look at the Book of Exodus as our people traveled to the Promised Land most lost faith, grumbled and fell back into their old ways.  Yet, through the grace of God and His unconditional love and support our people eventually completed their journey. 

I once took a film appreciation class in college and I learned about the transition from silent film into talkies.  Most people didn’t think they would work, producers were set in their ways and wanted to prolong a period of an art form that wanted to grow.  Some continued producing silent films, but soon realized that the talkies had taken over.  Instead of reading the occasional storyline on screens and having to interpret severe actor expressions- the audience now preferred movies with dialogue.  And this brought an end to the era of silent film.  Our relationships with others need to follow this pattern of evolution.  We need to go from silence into talkies.  Relationships are living organisms that with the passage of time and good cultivation will expand and grow.  However, every stage is a new beginning.  At first talking online is challenge, but as that is conquered through great creativity (like Morse Code) then the two need something more substantial.  So, phone conversation is born and again we must learn the ways of the new form of communication- this is another beginning with an end that will eventually take us into face-to-face dialogue.  As we go through each stage we need to remember that every stage is a sort of new beginning.  Thus, we need to practice patience and great kindness.  We need to work together as a team knowing that we are both teammates part of the same team (God’s team) and being teammates means that we are working together for our common good.  Am excited, que tengas otro hermoso dia.   

Pope Francis Visits the USA

It’s so exciting having Pope Francis in our country! Last night when he arrived, I was just getting home from the pharmacy and was able to catch his US landing and I cried.  After having a troublesome last few days, dealing with insomnia and the insomnia causing me to feel on constant edge- it was such a blessing to catch the arrival of a man who exudes so much love and peace.  His happy face gave me so much hope it reminded me that God was with me, especially during my struggles.  I guess all this negative built up from the past few days needed to be released and I sat in front of my parents TV crying.  After a good cry I took some medication and fell asleep.  It was such a peaceful slumber and I think I would have slept right through to the next day had I not a commitment to the Alpha Bible Study at my parish.  Though I left the study early due to exhaustion, I was able to get a good night sleep and today I feel wonderful.

I have been catching up on the Pope’s visit throughout the day.  I was able to read his greeting this morning with President Obama.  To watch clips of the Papal parade.  It’s so uplifting to see America excited about our church leader’s visit!  The massive crowds and welcoming signs make it nice to be Catholic today.  People are curious about Pope Francis, about our Catholic faith and about God.  I hope that this momentum and curiosity continues to build up and enables people to open their hearts to God’s truth and love- those qualities people see and are so attracted in our Holy Father.  Also, may it inspire us Catholics to not have fear or shame in declaring that we belong to the Roman Catholic Church, that we are followers of the one true church.  That we stand with our faith in complete fidelity.

In the meeting with bishops.  I loved the piece in which he spoke of dialogue:

We must work at communicating with others in ways that create a safe, tolerant environment for others to voice their opinions without the fear that we as Christians will prosecute or condemn them.  We who know the love of God must show others that powerful love.  When we learn to be kind we give others a reason to listen to us.  Only after we listen and are listened to can we work together to change the issues that need change...  

Am looking forward to the Mass canonizing Blessed Junipero Serra later today, as well as the future engagements that our Pope will continue to attend these next few days!  What a great blessing to be able to witness such important moments in history- even if it’s from a seat at home.             

Forgiveness is the Final Form of Love

The death of my brother brought many blessings into my life, a protestant pastor once told me that perhaps God used my brother's death to save my soul (that thought makes me very happy).  My brother brought the reconciliation between God and I (smile)…  The last post I wrote might make some people who I love in my life appear like tyrants; thus, today I want to speak of forgiveness.  The death of my brother propelled my small family unit to evaluate our life, our choices and to make changes.  In January of 2005, I went on a retreat with an old Catholic Church group and there I was able to forgive all those people who had hurt me and to begin healing.  My dad has been alcohol free for over twenty-years now.  He has always been a man who even with his addictions worked hard to provide for his family and since his recovery he has made my mom and our family his priority.  We are very close.  It took me years to forgive him, but the death of my brother caused my heart to break and the hurt tore my pride and shortly with God’s grace and the power of a forgetful mind we mended our relationship.  We own our own home now and my uncle comes to visit often and I enjoy having him over because I love him and have also forgiven him.  In the Mexican culture we don’t dispose of people no matter how much they hurt us, family is for life whether we like it or not – and while that mentality can sometimes feel like a curse it’s also very Christian.

The three men who molested me were a little harder to forgive (one was a neighbor and the other two cousins).  The abuse affected me in such a huge way.  So much that I couldn’t be alone in a room with a male.  I remember when I had male professors and on rare occasions where I found myself alone in the classroom with one I would always need to be near an open door.  Growing up I didn’t date nor desired male friendships.  To this day I am very inexperience with opposite sex.  I don’t have the easiness of conversing with men that I do with women and I don’t really let just anyone in.  It took quite a lot of years to heal and to lose my fear of men but slowly I have overcome it.  Though I forgave the men who molested me, I cut ties and I try not to see them.  On rare occasions when I do it still hurts, especially because I never told anyone about the abuse.  But Father told me that forgiveness doesn’t mean that I have to have them in my life and be best friends, he said it just means being at peace and releasing the hate and hurt.  I learned that holding on to hate and a desire for revenge really was causing me great harm and slowly I gave it to God.  He has patiently healed me and given me the grace to forgive.  Though sometimes when I think about them unaffected by their actions towards me, I still feel anger and hurt, God helps me to forgive again.  Sometimes forgiveness can appear like we are letting others off the hook, yet I have come to realize that forgiveness is as much for me as it is for the other.  When I forgive: I choose peace in my heart, I choose to no longer allow the hurt to affect me, I release my burden to the mercy of God and giving it to God for His judgement opens me up for His constant healing.  It’s an exchange of the negative so that I am emptied for God to fill me with His goodness.  It’s growing in God’s perfect love.   

Forgiving myself has also been difficult.  Especially because abuse victims usually feel a great deal of shame and responsibility for the abuse.  I used to avoid mirrors because I thought I was really ugly.  My insecurities led me to develop a perfectionist mentality and I was really hard on myself when I failed to be perfect.  This too was an area that I had to give to God to tear down and rebuild.  With time, He helped clear the self-distortions and today I love my reflection especially my inner self.  Am glad that out of all the mess that I was God was able to create a heart who is more patient with my and others' failings, and more empathetic and understanding.  God didn’t waste one once of my suffering, but used it all to rebuild a woman that I am proud of.  I am not saying I am perfect, but I am so at peace and happy - this goodness and healing that God gave me allows me to better serve Him.  Through my past hurts I am able to relate more profoundly with others and to offer a little hope because I have seen the darkness (even been consumed in darkness); but God’s light penetrated through and freed me to a life worth living.  A life with meaning and purpose all in God’s most Holy Name. Amen!    

Another Converty-Pants Testimony

Last night I began a new program that our parish is doing to reach the unchurched and those who have walked away from the Catholic faith.  Father suggested that we all participate. Though I was not interested in joining because it’s a series of ten sessions covering very basic material, my friends motivated me to participate as a way to meet together once a week and grow in faith.  Thus, I joined to socialize with my friends, to get to know them more while exploring deep topics and to learn about the program since Father wants me to lead a group next January.  Each night is set-up in a very casual, welcoming way.  We begin by having dinner with our small group and just socializing.  Then a video is played followed by questions about faith.  In the video there was this small testimony a man gave and it really moved me…  Sometime ago I read a post on my friend’s blog about seven types of Catholic nerds and if I can take the liberty of labeling myself I think I am the Converty-Pants Geek.  Our conversion story has power.  Inspired by last night I want to share today why I left the Catholic faith.

Parroquia San Juan Bautista en mi Pueblo 

I grew up in a very deep Catholic environment, by the time I was seven I was fully initiated into the church having received all of my Sacraments of Initiation.  Our town in Mexico moved along with the liturgical year and together as a town we celebrated the big celebrations of the church year round.  I went to church every Sunday and sometimes during the week too.  Life has simple and happy.  When my family moved to California we still went to our local parish for dominical Mass.  Yet, as I left the childhood years and entered the challenging years of adolescence I began finding my church attendance meaningless.  Problems at home made me begin to question my faith.  In Mexico, we were pretty well off, we owned our home and I had my own bedroom while in California we shared a two bedroom apartment with my uncle and his family.  At one point, there were eighteen of us living in such small quarters.  My dad and uncle were alcoholics and every weekend they would get really drunk.  Alcohol would make my uncle crazy and at least once a month he would beat my aunt.  My dad would be too drunk to help separate the fights and I would have to intervene.  This meant sometimes receiving some of the blows.  The turmoil at home and the poverty in which we lived made my life very hard.  The beatings became my routine for years and slowly I began to lash out to the only one that I could- God.  I hated Him for not answering my prayers, for not healing my dad from alcoholism, for allowing the violence to occur.  One Sunday, I told my mom that I would no longer be going to church anymore- I must have been around twelve years old.  Too weak to argue she consented. Then one night, I arrived from a school dance and opened the front door to find glass shattered everywhere.  The next morning I was to learn that my dad had tried committing suicide.  That night I killed God out of my life.  I hated Him, to hope in Him was too painful and I gave in to bitterness and resentment.  Anger became my fuel and I didn’t want anything to do with a God who never intervened in my wretched life anyway. 

Men have always been attracted to me, even when I was a small child and several times I experience things that children should not experience.  Though I was never raped, the trauma was enough to leave me broken and ashamed.  Three different men at three different times in my life molested me.  This too would be another huge barrier between God and me.  Where had He been during these traumatic moments? Why had He allowed it to happen?  Fury entered into my heart and revenge motivated me.  I wanted to grow up and be powerful enough to avenge the damage that these men inflicted in me.  I hated all men, and I vowed never to get married.

By the time I left High School, God was just someone who if I needed a punching bag I would use.  I hated Him so much.  I hated the pain hope gave me and I was too weak and too angry to ever rely on faith.  I found solace in the writings of Nietzsche and others like him.  The further I walked away from God, the stronger I felt; but also the unhappier and the more bitter that my heart became.  I suffered from severe untreated depression.  My life was meaningless and I often thought of suicide.  I hated myself, I hated men, I hated my dad, I hated life and God above all.  Then I began to abuse alcohol and to party to wee hours of the morning.  Alcohol relieved the unhappiness temporarily, but in the mornings I would feel so ashamed of my drunken behavior.  Soon I was drinking from Thursday through Sunday- just staying sober to attend college classes and to complete homework assignments.  I began drinking and driving.  Life didn’t matter, I didn’t matter we were all going to die anyway- complete hopelessness consumed my heart… 

Then my brother committed suicide and defeated I ran to God.  Not for myself, but for my brother I needed to believe in life after death for my brother’s sake.  I couldn’t accept that after suffering from Schizophrenia he would just disappear into oblivion… Nietzsche couldn't be right! Suffering had to have meaning and serve a greater purpose.  On November 16th 2004, in an Emergency Hospital parking lot God came into my heart with a force that would change the course of my life forever.  When I called to Him, He responded the trees shook and my heart was consumed with a peace so profound. God was with me I knew it. I mattered, my brother mattered our lives mattered to Him.  On that day in true protestant form I gave myself and life to God. I told Him to come in and repair the brokenness, to come in and heal the hurt to come in and give me strength.  And poco a poco He has. 

Beginning the Master Catechesis Certificate Program

Yesterday, I began the Master Catechesis Certificate program with the Diocese of Orange.  This has been a goal of mine for some time and am excited that I have finally started.  Though I was a little nervous, my first night went by so quickly. The student body consisted of mainly married couples that are discerning the diaconate or are serving in church ministry.  Although, I happen to be the youngest person in the class and the only one who is not married I really enjoyed seeing married couples taking courses together- what a great example.  My professor teaches theology by day at a local Catholic high school and he is AMAZING!  In spite of the fact, that by the end of the night my head wanted to burst with so much new information, I love my teacher. He is really knowledgeable about the subject matter and he’s also a very devout Catholic. I began the program by taking an intro course into the Old Testament.  Last night we went over the first three chapters of Genesis and I learned so many new things about God and His great love for us, which is so evident in the two creation stories. When God speaks action takes place, that’s how powerful His words are! Wow!

A lot of what I learned last night so fittingly goes with the material I have been talking about in my previous posts.  God created us to live in harmony and in relationship with God, ourselves, others and creation.  He wants us to know Him, to know ourselves, to know others and to know the needs of creation so that we can be good stewards.  We went through the two creation stories verse by verse and I was amazed because God gives us everything and loves us in such a complete, perfect way.  He knows our needs even before we do and provides accordingly.  Adam hadn’t realized that in all creation there’s not another like him, but God already was thinking of creating Eve for him (smile).  Even though I have read this story multiple times, last night I realized that God hears our prayers even before we have conjure them up in our minds.  He knows our needs way before we do and like He provided for Adam, God will provide for us. 

I also saw the importance of trust in our relationships.  God gives Adam and Eve everything, but He also gives them the law, you must not eat from this tree.  In all of creation God just limits one tree, in doing so, He is asking Adam and Eve to place their trust in Him.  God wants a covenant relationship with humanity and a covenant requires two things: trust and love.  Trust and love grow simultaneously, and God created us to freely love Him, to choose Him out of our own freewill.  He creates a paradise for us, makes us in His image and gives us the freedom to choose Him- speak of vulnerability!  Sometimes, I get scared in my efforts, I think what if he rejects my attempts to reach him, what if these small gestures of mine inflict me much pain later, all these negative what if’s… But when I think of the way God loves us, and how I must imitate His ways it gives me courage to be vulnerable to take a leap and trust a little more, to reveal a little more and to grow in friendship hopeful in the possibilities to come. Animo!

I love being a student, just sitting in a classroom learning deep truths makes me so happy and there's no subject that I most enjoy than learning about God.  Am so excited for the next three years of this program and the many subjects within my faith that I will explore.  We must always keep our faith active and moving.

Healthy Relationships Depend On Me

While I sat on the pew this Sunday at Mass, during the second reading, Saint James, spoke about faith in action, and I thought about a time a priest told me that my faith had to be like water in a river always moving with the current.  He said that if I fought against the current I would eventually tire and not make much progress, but if I let myself go I would travel smoothly.  He said that, that’s how faith works.  We must place our trust in God and have faith that He will move us along at the pace that He decides is best for each of us.  Water that is left stationary after awhile rots and stinks, and faith without action also has that stench of death.  Thus, we must always challenge ourselves to live our faith actively, allowing that inner activity to project out of us in works and deeds. This is specially true in our relationships with others, to me having healthy relationships in all areas of my life is really important because it gives me inner peace.  When I am upset with a friend, a family member, a professional person or even God, my life cannot handle the disorder that a small tension creates.  In my earlier years (sans God) I thought that peace with others was something that depended on others.  In order for me to be content in my relationships, others had to ALWAYS treat me kindly, fairly, accept and love me…  With God, I soon learned that I was doing two things by placing my peace in others' hands; one, I was giving them the power of my happiness and two, I was fleeing responsibility.  Inner peace is a personal decision I make and that decision brings the fruit of joy and happiness into my life. Peaceful relationships require steps that though rather easy to explain are not so easy to put into action.

First, I must be grateful for the people in my life and this must become a habit!  Being thankful means remembering the good things about each person and the good moments that have been shared instead of focusing on another's shortcomings and weaknesses - this helps keep a positive attitude.  People who choose to have a selective memory - one that only remembers the good things and doesn’t dwell on painful hurts invite joy into their hearts because they have a forgiving spirit.  Love in whatever form wants the best for the beloved and hopes for the best for that person.  However, sometimes our vision for the best in another means that the other person must change those annoying habits or behaviors that bug us.  Yet, we need to learn to be patient with one another because we are all works in progress and instead of getting impatient with another’s development we must learn to celebrate people’s progress.  If we expect perfectionism in others we are going to make ourselves miserable.  Like God doesn’t wait for us to be perfectly holy to love us, neither should we.  We must learn to react with our hearts and we do so by creating a thankful spirit within ourselves, one that is grateful simply because the other person exists and is in our lives. Gracias por existir is a favorite prayer of mine.

Second, we must pray joyfully for people in our lives.  It’s important to remember that we can’t change people, but God can (smile).  So instead of complaining about the weaknesses in others I must develop a spirit that prays for them because prayer works - complaining doesn’t.  I have learned that four things that I must always pray for each person that I love and that God will grant because it’s according to His will are: “I must pray that another grows in love, makes wise choices, lives with integrity and becomes like Jesus.”  God wants all these things for each of us so our prayers will be heard and granted.  And if our loved one grows in these virtues we will reap the benefits of his sanctification (smile).  It encourages me so much when I know that others are praying for me because I need help in my transformational walk with the Lord. I know that I can’t become a saint on my own.  We all need people who listen, accept and understand that we are imperfect, but believe that we are trying mighty hard to change.  We need people who prayerfully and with good cheer motivate us to press on in God’s path.  People who pray and motivate us to be more like Jesus are companions that walk with us to heaven and we all need them!

Third, we must expect the best in another person, which is usually not the case.  Normally we expect the worst in others and we build walls and keep our distance until they have proven themselves.  Yet, we all need people to believe in us.   It gives us confidence and builds us up.  It’s been proven that one of the common characteristics of successful people is that all had at least one person who believed in them.  Healthy relationships require this habit of believing the best in the other.  Instead of criticizing and tearing down your friend, we need to believe in him and have the vision that he is going to grow and become the best image of himself in Christ.  In time with practice we even learn how to bring the best in others (smile).

Faith in action is hard.  The three steps above show a way to be a blessing to others and to take control in a very positive way for peace in or lives and peace in all of our relationships.  Yet, the steps are not easy! They require a lot of dedication and at times of dying to self.  Faith requires action, it challenges us to grow and mature in all areas of our lives.  As long as the Spirit of God is moving in and through us we can change our ways (little by little) and love in a way that reflects the love of God.  We all have so much possibility and can affect the lives of others just by learning to flow downstream with God without fighting Him, but asking Him to transform us so that we can better love others. By asking Him to give us His vision to see the best in each person, by praying for more godliness in others and by being thankful for their presence in our lives we create a positive environment for ourselves and for our loved ones to grow. Being Christian means that we must love people differently than the world does and maintaining inner peace and peaceful relationships is a testimony of God's grace in our lives. Paz y Bien corazón. SMILE. 

*Some of the ideas taken from a talk given by Rick Warren.  

Perfect Love Casts Out Fear

Since the fall of man there has been disputes in relationships, Adam blamed God for giving him the woman who seduced him into temptation and Eve blamed the serpent- neither took responsibility for his/her actions.  Gone was the perfect relationship that God had blessed the two with and now because of sin they felt fear and shame.  Since then, this fear and shame threatens all new relationships whether it be friendship, boyfriend-girlfriend, husband-wife…  As we begin to open ourselves to a new person there’s three fears that we all encounter.  First, the fear of being seen as I really am, especially those traits that I consider my weaknesses.  Those traits that even I don’t like in myself or accept and those areas that are works in progress.  This fear of exposure makes me want to keep my distance or to hide because to be seen as I really am and then be rejected will inflict great pain.  Yet, for a friendship to grow or any other type of relationship there needs to be this mutual undressing of self, this mutual revealing of our true, honest, authentic selves.  Though shame can makes us want to keep our distance because it brings negative side effects (like nervousness, fear of embarrassment and humiliation and makes us more self-conscious) we must overcome these negative emotions asking God to give us His courage and strength.  Second, there’s the fear of disapproval and this makes us defensive and critical. "Before you reject me, I will reject you," is the typical mentality.  This fear that because we disagree you will run for the hills makes me hold back and during weaker moments, retaliate.   This fear leads to the fear of losing control and makes us demanding, my way or the highway is the common attitude.  The question is why am I afraid to show you who I am?  Rejection.  Though I love myself and am learning to make peace with my current weaknesses and have hopes of becoming a better me in the time to come - rejection can have quite a paralyzing effect.  It’s as if the new relationship brings with it a mirror that constantly shows me my flawed reflection, my insecurities and inexperience…  It takes courage to make it past all these fears, and it also takes a lot of God, for perfect love casts out all fears.

The antidote to these insecurities brought by new relationships is to learn to live in God’s love for where God’s love is present no fear is found- Perfect love casts out fear.  The closer I get to God the more I will rid myself of fears and insecurities.  The shame will diminish or be healed and in its place confidence in myself and in God will grow.  As I begin to figure out how God loves me I will be able to love others as He loves me.  In fact He tells us, “This is my commandment, that you should love one another as I have loved you.”  And how does God love us?  First, He completely accepts us, which means that if we are rejected by another person we will always have God to heal us, to help us start again and most importantly to love us.  This dependence on God enables our relationships with others to be healthy and not codependent.  Sometimes we think if I was perfect everyone would like me, but Jesus was perfect and not everyone liked him.  Yet, he didn’t depend on the love of others for his happiness or self-identity - he leaned on God when he felt weak and vulnerable and God never failed him.  Secondly, God loves us unconditionally meaning that no matter the rotten sinner we are right now or the holiest of saints He loves us equally, constantly and forever- as much today as He will tomorrow.  Thirdly, we are forgiven.  As Pope Francis said, “The lord never tires of forgiving (us).  It is we who tire of asking for forgiveness.”  Lastly, to God we are extremely valuable.  Value depends on who owns it and what someone is willing to pay for it.  We belong to God and He paid for us with the life of his Son, Jesus Christ! 

"Love never stops being patient (it extends grace), never stops believing (always has faith), never stops hoping (always expects the best) and NEVER gives up (endures the worst)."

It makes me so happy to think of the complete way that God loves me, but when I think that that’s how I need to love others it overwhelms me.  I need to completely accept others, love them unconditionally, always forgive them and never forget their value.  Those are difficult orders.  That’s why every morning we need to surrender our hearts to God.  I need to ask Him to come into my heart and cast out my fears and to help me give that same love He gives me to others and to do it consistently not just when I feel like it.  Sometimes I don’t want to post anything on Facebook, but I think that routine usually communicates that all is well so I do it thinking of you.  It’s my way of doing what Mother Teresa said, “Do small things with great love.”  Consistency is huge in earning trust.  After we surrender our hearts to God we must remind ourselves how God loves us. Let's recall daily, God loves us completely, unconditionally, with never ending forgiveness and we are most valuable to Him.  Then we must offer that same love to others.  Just like God loves us we must love everyone and as we begin to change our focus on loving and not how others love us we begin to free ourselves of fear and shame.  As we begin to love others the way God loves us we give others an opportunity to respond to that offering.  How they respond ultimately should not devastate us because we will always have God.  I love Pope Francis specifically because I see this manifestation of God’s love in him and through him.  During the special on 20/20, “The Pope and the People,” there was this moment where He speaks to a Texas nun and he laughs and says very jovial (in Spanish), “I don’t think a Pope is supposed to say these things, but sisters I love you so much!”  We can learn so much from our Papa Francisco!    

*Some of the ideas taken from a talk given by Rick Warren.

Using Our Intellect in Loving God

Words have always been my weakness.  I remember when I was very young if I heard a good quote my skin would get covered in goosebumps.  Books became my security, my passage to hopeful lands away from the daily struggles that one faces in poverty.  To this day words excite, inspire and move me.  I think that’s why I love the Bible so much because they are God’s words to me!  Yet, sometimes I get really excited when I read books that I forget to cross reference the material that I read with God’s truth.  In these posts I think you have noticed that sometimes I write things in moments of high inspiration and sometimes after I have sat awhile really thinking things through and how they fit my personal faith and how they compare to God’s truth - I cringe at my posts.  But then I think this is a blog about my daily journey with God and the thoughts expressed today- tomorrow I hope will be more developed and more consistent with God’s truth.  Thus, whatever I write about here I am open for discussion- I am not one of those people that has to be “right” even when I am wrong.  Dialogue is important for our spiritual growth.  Anyway, on Saturday I spoke with a woman who was selling Catholic books at the conference and she talked to me a little about Richard Rohr.  She said that she only carried certain books of his because some of his more current books are a bit what she called “out-there.”  I was surprised to hear this especially because the first book of his I read I felt so moved by it.  Yet, at the same time I thought if a priest can be controversial and maybe even get things wrong in matters of faith that means that I really need to cross reference everything in light of God’s truth and be more vigilant about the things that excite me.

God created us to live in community for many reasons, but one big reason is because he wants us to work together at not allowing ourselves to be deceived.  He tells us straight out be vigilant, “watch out for the false prophets. They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves.” Am not saying that Richard Rohr is a false prophet, I still love his writing and his thoughts.  His book really has helped me a great deal and I plan on reading a few more of his writings.  The point I am trying to make is that before we get excited and act on the ideas of another we need to ask some questions.  How are these ideas representing God’s truth?  What does this say about my Christian faith?  Is this consistent with the teachings of the church?  God gave us intellect because He wanted us to use it.  He wanted us to choose Him knowingly through careful use of our freewill.  He gave us friends, family and church community so that together we would guide each other towards truth.  As much as I value my friends, family and church community I want and pray that God sends me a man firm in his faith so that he will help and guide me.  I am still such a novice to Catholic doctrine and tradition; thus, a good partner in crime would benefit me greatly (smile).  I want someone who will challenge me and help me grow with great love and patience.  I want someone who will guide me, especially when words inspire me in such powerful ways that I forget to cross reference them to God’s truth.  As strong as I might appear- I am really needy.  Needy in the sense that I can’t walk alone to heaven I need an army and hopefully a general that will lead the way.  I want a good Catholic man to help me strive for heaven while enjoying our earthly journey.   In the same way, I want to help my man get there too.  I might still be a babe learning to crawl in matters of faith, but that means that I have a long way to grow.

Deep faith and a committed life to God and the church is what attracts me to a man.  There’s nothing more stunning than God radiating in the life of a man.  And boy, you are hot!  I know that you might need to explain your jokes to me at first and might need to teach me a great deal on tradition, the saints, Catholic prayer among other things, but I hope you’re up for the challenge.  I will try to be a good student with a lot of questions and commentary that will also inspire your growth.  I’ve always pictured heaven as a university where we worship God through learning more and more about Him- it’s the nerd in me - can't help my love for learning (smile).   

Conflict Means We are Growing

I went to a Catholic Conference this Saturday.  I arrived a bit angry and hurt to the event so much so that as praise and worship began I thought, "God, I can’t sing right now."  During part of the morning my harden heart began to become more and more receptive to God’s love.  I listened to three consecutive, phenomenal talks by three priests and by the end of the third my heart had been penetrated by God’s mercy and love.  The last priest I listened to brought his very used Bible and quoted scripture easily, he talked about the verse “forgive them Lord, for they know not what they are doing.”  Jesus’ wisdom never ceases to outstand me.  Sometimes we want people and our experiences to be perfect and free from conflict and problems.  Yet, as we enter new experiences as we brave new, untraveled territory in our lives, Jesus’ lasts words on the cross really are comforting (literally).  It’s ok to make mistakes especially when we don’t know what we are doing.  Many people let the fear of making mistakes keep them from some of the most wonderful experiences God wants to give us.  Yet, love (like God on the cross) always expects the best in and as is patient with the other.  Jesus’ could have condemn us, but instead excuses our sin as ignorance, “forgive them Lord, for they know not what they are doing.”  If he’s able to forgive and excuse our shortcomings and ignorance, so must we do the same.

Later that night, I went to a beautiful healing service and there my heart continued to soften.  When we have conflict with another person, especially in the initial stages of a friendship when trust is beginning to be shared and formed the enemy will take every opportunity to attack us.  The powers of darkness will whisper loudly that we are not good enough, that something is wrong with us, that our friend no longer cares about us during the disagreement.  All lies that when one is vulnerable can sound quite true.  Yet, conflict is essential for growth.  Mohandas Gandhi said, “Honest disagreement is often a good sign of progress.”  In order for a friendship to mature it must endure trials and deeper revelations of one another.  One thing that must remain ever present, that we must always carry in our hearts is that disagreements are never a rejection of the other.  While parents might not agree with many things their children do or the opinions they hold no matter the difference what reigns above all and is unshaken is the love they have for their children.  Similarly, God loves us even if He disagrees with our opinions and actions at times.  He loves us regardless and believes the best in and for us.  We are told to imitate God, thus we too must be patient with one another and trust that no matter the disagreement the love between the two doesn’t change.  In new relationships sometimes we doubt that the other person cares when we messed up or had a disagreement, this insecurity can be very painful.  But as time passes and we face together these moments of trial - trust in each other will grow and though problems will continue to arise we will rest in the knowledge that no matter the problems love prevails and is constant.  Just because we disagree doesn’t mean I no longer care about you.

As a friendship grows there’s also this need for the other person- this doesn’t mean that you are needy.  With greater affection a need for one another begins to grow and that can be scary and bring feelings of insecurity because when we need another we feel vulnerable.  Slowly and organically this need will be satisfied in our togetherness and as trust is built that fear and vulnerability will fade.  Love is for the courageous, we cannot be wimps, thus we must constantly pray for God’s help and strength.  Little by little, day by day with God’s help we will get through these uncomfortable stages.   

Little by Little

Yesterday, I went to confession and I was thinking how sometimes I am quicker to make amends with a person that I have hurt and usually not so quick to go to confession and ask God for forgiveness when I know that I have sinned against Him.  It’s hard going into the confessional because there’s always this out-of-place fear that the priest will condemn me for my transgressions.  Though I have received nothing but love in the confessional I still have a hard time going in with the complete trust that God will be quick to forgive me.  Sometimes when I really need some encouraging advice the priest through the grace of the Holy Spirit will tell me exactly what I need to hear.  Yesterday, was one of those occasions.  After I listed my sins, the priest took the time to talk to me and help me correct some of the sins I tend to repeat again and again.  Very lovingly he gave me my penance, and absolution but also a wealth of wisdom to implement in my daily life.  The past two days I have talked about the stages of falling in love and in some areas of my relationship with God I am still very much in the initial stages.  I take steps back when things don’t go my way and despair thinking that God won’t help me that He doesn’t care.  It’s a matter of trust and sometimes my doubts get so big that I wonder if He truly exists.  They are momentary, dark thoughts that quickly pass, but oh how I wish that I didn’t get them.  Father suggested that I be more thankful.  As he started listing the many things that I take for granted I realized that I need to daily thank God for all the things and people that I take for granted- doing this will help me see the abundance that my life is and the generosity of God.  My thoughts need to be trained and focused on God and what He is doing in my life right now - not the things that I am praying He will do and grant soon.  My petitions need to be left in His hands trusting that in His time He will grant them according to His will.  

I am thankful because I am discovering that in a matter of two, both people need to equally invest and slowly commit themselves.  In the stages of initiation both the man and the woman need to actively participate.  It’s a mutual self-giving.  In the many books that I have read on courtship they state that the man must initiate, but I am discovering that the woman has an active role in the initial process too.  She helps and encourages the man so that he won’t be going into foreign territory alone, but together they will confront the uncomfortableness of the steps of initiation.  He leads and she responds by following.  I once read that it’s important for the man to make the decisive moves so that when she doubts his love she will be comforted by those brave actions he made in which he chose her.  All it takes is one moment of courage and if she likes you she will accept your loving action and respond positively.  I know things in real life are not as clear cut as they are in courtship books, because life is a little a messy, but together we can do great things…  Going from single to a relationship is overwhelming, but going from single to slowly cultivating a friendship that’s a comfortable pace to begin. I am thankful because though things have changed since Biblical times and courtship is quite a new engagement I feel like I am finally making some progress in understanding how it works.  While books put all the pressure on the man and for a really long time I believed the woman’s role was to wait passively, now I know that women must wait actively. Praying and showing through actions that she’s interested, always encouraging the object of her affections to approach her.  This is hard for introverts (to reveal their feelings of attraction for another), but with prayer and God’s courage we can learn and develop ways to drop the barrier long enough to be a helper.

The Public Version :)

Am thankful for time because through its passage God gives us gifts when we are ready to receive them as to not overwhelm us.  Little by little, like the tortoise we will finish the race and with patience it will be an enjoyable journey. Ask God to help you see His blessings in all situations so that with a grateful spirit you can thank and rejoice in Him... 

Four Stages of Love Part II

Continued from yesterday (Four Stages of Love Part I)...

Stage Four: Is perfect union between the couple and God, “they are the clearest incarnation of Jesus in space and time.  They do only what they hear God saying.  They are known for what God is known for… They are not just positively dependent on one another, but now they are interdependent and together facing the world.”  Together they face trials and discover a unity deeper than momentary differences because God is working in them and through them.  They are aware that growth happens slowly with the passage of time and wisdom, for saints do not happen overnight it’s a lifelong process; thus, they cultivate godly patience.  “Stage four is what the saints are made of and what the world so desperately is longing to see,” authentic Christians united under one common good, love.  Though both people need to be close to God’s authoritative role, they want to be near Him because He creates life in the two allowing for “Jesus to come out from them.”  In His presence they grow strong.  “Those with (God’s) inner authority draw life from within because there is life within- not just laws and principles, duties, or fears, but life.  And they know that what wisdom has taught them: You can only build life.”  They do not attribute this life to themselves, but are insistent that it’s a gift and are anxious to give it away to others because they know, “it cannot be earned, diminished or hoarded. It’s not theirs.  They do not possess it as much as it possesses them.”  God teaches and gives the two the ability to love deeply to believe in each other and gives them a true spirit of servanthood.  All these gifts are meant to be shared in the family and in community at large.  What begins as a union of two people with God has a greater purpose and that is to reach and serve the world.  To become a family within a community that both can serve.  I once read that children are God’s way of making lovers less selfish, because when two people come together there’s a desire to keep that love to themselves instead of sharing it - and children bring an opportunity to share that love.  God has great plans for people in love, reaching the marriage vocation is not the end, but only the beginning of a mutual process of sanctification.  Our love story doesn’t end as Hollywood romantic comedies with a big wedding feast, they BEGIN with sacramental marriage.  For God will challenge us until we reach heaven to grow and mature in our faith, love and trust.  His plan is one of constant renewal and an adventure that I hope love finds me worthy of embarking with my one and only (smile).

“We probably will go through these stages many different times in our love life and in many different ways. But once we have experienced and chosen at least a stage-three existence, I doubt that we could ever be satisfied with an ongoing stage-one or stage-two response.”  After we have discovered true love and formed a strong union- as exciting and emotionally powerful as the initial steps of falling in love are there’s nothing more beautiful than the real deal.  Yet, as we are navigating through the initial steps of falling love, we must learn to enjoy the present experience because every stage has its beauty, its wonder and also its challenges that will bring us closer and move us along our very own unique journey of love (smile).  The four steps together of falling in love (as taken from Richard Rohr) can seem quite intimidating, but remember that it’s a process that takes years, decades an entire lifetime because saints don’t happen overnight.  Friendship is a great beginning rushing to the finish line is not wise.  Patience as always in this process is a virtue that rejoices with small advances forward.  And when traveling with a friend, we are no longer alone not even during the uncomfortable beginning stages and that’s pretty comforting (smile).