Last Wednesday, my cousin lost his wife to
cancer. As I sat in his home surrounded
by family and friends I realized how fortunate I am to be part of such a caring
culture and family. In the small town in
Mexico where I was born death is celebrated in a very positive, nurturing and
Catholic way. It begins with friends and
relatives immediately going over to the one left behind to give our condolences
or pésame. The pésame is always
done in person and holds a lot of significance and is unique to the Mexican
culture. It literally translates to your
loss weighs on me too and I am here to help you carry it. My cousin’s small house was full of people in
mourning if it weren’t for the somber atmosphere it could have been mistaken
for a party. Once the house was pretty
full we started a rosary for the soul of the departed and after shared hot
chocolate and pan dulce.
As I sat getting my rosary ready for prayer I recalled traditions we
used to follow in Mexico as a sign of respect for both the deceased and the
family. We would go through a period of
deep mourning or luto. During this period of luto we wouldn’t watch TV or turn the
radio on, we would wear black for forty days and avoid parties as an alliance
of mutual mourning – we also followed these rituals during Good Friday of
Lent. It’s almost as if we united in grief
with these outward actions and paid tribute to the deep void left by the
departed. The day after the velorio (the wake) and burial we begin the novenario
(the novena) at the house of the one closest in kinship to the deceased. For nine days we will visit my cousin and
show our support by uniting to pray the rosary.
The Power of Prayer...
Maybe I am biased because traditionally the above is
how I am used to celebrating deaths, but I really see a lot of goodness, giving
and sacrifice in our way of dealing with death.
God created us to live in community and what better way to unite than in
the hardest of times. It requires a lot
of giving and self-sacrifice to leave one’s duties and be present to give our pésame,
to attend the wake, the burial and to commit to a nine day prayer in another
person’s home. It’s physically taxing
for both parties, but oh so good for the soul.
Especially during the firsts days of loss to see how the life of your
loved one touched so many and to feel the love of your family and friends it’s
an experience that one never forgets. My
cousin expressed how grateful he has been to not have to face this alone, to be
distracted while he attempts to come to terms with his loss and I totally
understand. There’s nothing one can do
to lessen the pain of loss, but one’s silent presence always helps lift a
little.
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