If you are blessed to go on retreats often you are aware
that there are different types even when the goal is the same, leaving it all
behind to encounter God. The one I
attended this past weekend was extremely social- since it was a reunion of all
the Franciscan Fraternities in Southern California and people were seeing each
other for the first time in the span of a year I understood their giddiness. Nevertheless,
I was surprised that there was so much conversation and social gatherings each
night. When I picked up my roommate as I
was helping her place her things in my trunk, I noticed a bag with two bottles
of wine, surprised I slipped, “What kind of retreat am I going to?” She chuckled, “A Franciscan one.” Every night closed with a social, where people
shared wine, snacks and conversation. It
was really a great time.
Yet, I missed having Mass and adoration daily or the
opportunity for confession. I think that
after attending many retreats I do enjoy the ones with more time devoted to prayer. One of my sister’s said, “You might be
Franciscan in heart, but Carmelite when it comes to retreats.” On my last night, I left the social early to walk
the grounds and spend some time alone in prayer. I went to the point, where a huge cross and a
life size Father Serra stands illuminating the great view of Malibu reaching
all the way to the ocean. I took out my cell
phone and put on a religious song then I closed my eyes and listened to the
music mixed in with the crickets, frogs and other sounds of my
surroundings. I could feel His caress as
the wind stroked my face.
While lost in prayer, I recalled when Jesus is tempted in
the Judaean Desert by Satan. Being at highest point of the retreat house
reminded of Jesus also being taken to the highest point of town. First, Satan, asks Jesus to jump then offers
the riches below. This experience of
momentarily seeing Jesus at the top of world refusing the devils proposals
spoke deep to my heart because God showed me that in my darkness though I am tempted
to give in to the negativity, hopelessness and plain darkness - Jesus has
shown me better. Tears streamed down my
face as I realized that my struggles (the hurts that I am feeling now) have
purpose. I can surrender to adversity,
to Satan telling me that God is not present during the dark night of the soul
or I can offer them to God with great faith that nothing is impossible for Him. If Jesus declined, I must too. I thought of him tired and hungry refusing to
have any consolation that did not come from His Father and I asked God to give
me that type of faith - the type that doesn’t tremble when life gets
challenging.
Even though the retreat didn’t have as many opportunities
for community prayer as I am accustomed to, I realize that grounds are equally
important in helping us enter into the heart of God. Serra Retreat had so many special nooks and crannies
with Franciscan saints and Holy Family shrines that I still had a prayerful
time in the presence of God. How could I not with so much natural beauty (smile).
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