Walking Through the Desert

I have been going through a dry period, some challenges at home with those that I love most have really affected me emotionally.  Even so, I have been going to daily Mass and when I arrive, I tell God, “am here Lord, even though I don’t feel like it.”  Usually I find my greatest consolation in receiving the Eucharist, though I am going against my emotions when I receive the Eucharist a spark of hope is renewed and I can accept walking through the desert because bits of my future in Eden are revealed.  This past Sunday, I went to Spanish Mass and as I arrived, I greeted God with the above sentiment adding that I needed His guidance.  I waited and during the Gospel reading I felt like the part where Jesus says, “I give you a new commandment: love one another.  As I have loved you, so you also should love one another,” was for me.  Following the reading Father gave such a great homily warning us not to accept the diluted definition given by modern society that love is a feeling.  “Love is a choice,” he said, “it’s persevering even when the rosy feelings are not present… It’s loving your brother when you don’t feel like it…”  Mother Teresa used to say that the solution was usually to put more love into things.  Most of the time my reaction is to withdraw – to find a safe haven to protect me from hurt. 

Over the weekend, I was able to attend Mass in the Ordinariate Form for a couple of friends who got married.  Again, during the homily, the priest exhorted us to love the way God taught - to understand that suffering is part of loving, and suffering for each other is the greatest gift.

On Sunday, during RCIA we held a celebration for one of our students who after twenty-eight-years of living with her significant other was united in Holy Matrimony.  The husband joined our student to celebrate with the class.  We had a first dance, a toast, cake and gifts as part of the festivity.  Before the celebration began, the couple wanted to share some words and I was really moved by what the husband had to say.  He admitted that he had hurt his wife and children a great deal because he was machista, but after finding God and being molded by Him -he changed.  His testimony really moved me because again he was declaring that love is a choice that requires active renewal and to press on even when our feelings betray us. To continue living our faith even when we don’t feel any consolation because eventually the desert will pass. If I may ask for your prayers for my family, thank you.