During my retreat weekend I came across a jolly fat friar
sculpture in one of the Serra Retreat Gardens.
He reminded me of Friar Jacques from the famous nursery rhyme and thus I
baptized him as such, since there was no name tag on him. This perfectly round character gave me so
much to ponder because from any angle that you look at him, Friar Jacques is
quite round. Yet, his smile and arms
lifted in a position of prayer or open to take you in a warm embrace really
spoke to me. So much so that I asked my
friend to take a picture of me with him, so that when I am having low
self-esteem days, I can remember that it’s ok to be chubby. I think that every year I write a post on
weight and it seems like I get nowhere in the department of losing usually
because I give priority to other things instead of working out. That combined with the Seroquel that I take
for my bipolar makes it almost impossible to lose an inch. Recently, I was doing research on people with
bipolar and weight loss and found that most people on Seroquel find it impossible
to lose weight because the medication is to blame. Thus, I have been thinking long and hard
about whether I should change my medications.
The encounter with Friar Jacques, helped me because even
chubbies belong to God and can do a whole lot of good. Sometimes people with weight issues easily postpone things in wishful thinking- I won’t do or attend that until I am a
size smaller. I know that I have thought
that plenty of times, especially when it’s a reunion and I haven’t seen a
person in a while- in the back of my mind I am afraid of their judgment, “Wow,
Penny has gained weight…” The thing is
that even when I was at my smallest, (size 7/8) I still struggled with weight
issues. I always thought I was fat- even
when I was at a healthy weight. I see
pictures of myself from those days and I think how in the world did I think
that I was fat then? Back then it was
probably because I was addicted to reading Fashion Magazines and the women in
those pages were all a size 0. I felt
like I didn’t reflect the type of beauty those periodicals sold. Obviously, it also went deeper with the abuse
I experience as a child and this feeling of ugliness that it gave me.
Now as adult, I have made peace with a lot of the psychological
issues that I grew up having, but I still struggle with self-image mostly because
of the weight I have gained due to the bipolar medication that I take. For the longest time my motto has been fat-but
mentally healthy. Yet, I know that I can
try to be both physically and mentally healthy.
I haven’t decided (it’s a huge decision) if I am changing my meds, but I
will continue to live my best life always.
Bumping into fat ol’ Friar Jacques really helped me understand that I need
to be content with myself whether slim or plump. I have a body that is round, but healthy and I
need to be thankful for it instead of ashamed by it.
While I strive to lose the pounds, I also need to strive to accept me
because as I age my body is going to go through many changes and I need to
learn that no matter what physical changes occur I am worthy and capable of
blessing the world with my existence. I
looked at the chubby friar and his whole person emanated jolliness, he looked
like he really enjoyed life so much so that he didn’t allow issues with self-image
to negate him of life’s beauty. I still
look at the photo I took of him and I can’t help, but smile- so many lessons
learned from this fat brother (smile).
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