Easter Vigil's Encouragement

Happy Easter!  It’s such a glorious time of the year, one that points to our eternal future in heaven.  At my parish, we received twenty-eight heavenly bound souls between the RCIA program for children and adults – just in the Spanish community!  After the three-hour vigil my team and I went out to Denny’s to break our Lenten Fast (our annual tradition) and there we always go over the ritual with much laughter.  We laugh at the mistakes we made and vow to improve on them next year, rejoice at the joy of our new Catholic brothers and sisters and encourage each other looking back at the conversion of our students from the first day of the RCIA program to now.  This year, God was really kind and gave us a batch that was quite easy to work with.  Sometimes we get people that complain a great deal about the way we run our RCIA program (thinking it’s too demanding) and this year we had a group that was always up for encountering God through the various activities we create.

On Easter Vigil the joy in the faces of the adults we worked with for the past year is the greatest encouragement.  For me every Easter Vigil is like going for the first time because each one is so especially unique.  Each year, I get to work with people who come to receive their Sacraments not knowing the great adventure of encounter and conversion that God has for them.  This year two sisters brought her reluctant siblings and both of them couldn’t believe the great work God began.  In one, God built her up from arriving in pieces to our program and to the other He gave her a new heart open to God’s transformative change.  Another student came having the cremated remains of her daughter at home, unable to let her go and through the Via Crucis at the beach she realized that her daughter needed a proper burial.  This woman learned she needed to give her daughter to God, He also reminded her that she still has two other children that need her.  Another student made the three-hour drive from Camarillo every weekend to make it to our Sunday class, a commitment that really inspired us.

Each year God brings in a new batch for us to work with and each year on Easter Vigil, He proves to us that our work doesn’t compare to His work in the lives of our students.  Each year, I say it’s my last as a catechist because I sacrifice a lot to be present every Sunday morning- but each year on Easter He reminds me that my small penance is little compared to the fruits of our labor (smile).     

The Promise of Eternity: A Game Changer in My Life

We’ve reached the climax of Lent, the beginning of the Easter Triduum.  These next three days are the reason that I returned to the Catholic faith.  After years of being agnostic, I finally made the decision to explore the possibility of God based on the promises of His resurrection.  The promise of heaven, of life after death and eternity (with Him and our loved ones) was the reason that I opened my heart to God and finally got off the teeter-totter to explore Jesus’ claims for salvation of the world and my own personal salvation.  Though, I can be a doubting Thomas, there’s historical (secular) evidence that Jesus came into this world and was crucified.  He claimed he was the son of God and died for us on the cross.  Some have tried to pass him as a schizophrenic or a mad man, but studying his life there’s no traces of mental illness.  Thus, the theory that he was mad is obliterated and am left with his ministry of salvation. 

These next three days we live His passion, death and resurrection; yet, unlike the apostles who hid and were unsure until Pentecost we already know that He overcame death and was raised on the third day.  Today, we have it so easy, specially the baptized who have received His Spirit. Jesus, told us that when he left, he wouldn’t leave us alone that he would send His Spirit to be with us in this valley of tears.  Gift, after gift- as if our salvation – our passage to heaven, was not enough He left the most powerful force to guide us in our journey to eternity!

I always thank God that I was created after Jesus inhabited our world because things to me make sense because of Jesus.  To have a God that came down into His own creation, lived, interacted and spoke to us in a language that we could understand is pretty phenomenal. Am not sure how people before Jesus handled death because it is through his promises of eternal life that I found the most consolation, the most hope when I lost my brother and even recently when I lost my dog (I know Saint Francis opens a window in heaven for little creatures) because of Jesus we know that we have an eternal future, that death is not the end - only the beginning to a life with God and all our saintly family.  That certainly is a game changer for me and the leading reason that I continue to follow Christ – because death is not normal- we are made for all eternity!  This Holy Thursday, I accompany Christ in seven Churches not leaving him alone like his own disciples, tomorrow I am in mourning as I live his death and during Easter Vigil my heart rejoices as the bells sound off that He is risen!  And that one day, I too will rise to be with Him in all eternity. Happy Easter Triduum!    

The Lord is my Shepherd

Yesterday morning, I taught on the Paschal Triduum for the first time in my RCIA class.  Usually I spend a good deal of time developing the one-hour lesson incorporating various learning styles to promote better learning.  I am a fan of PowerPoint presentations because I can include images and videos to better enhance the lesson.  Though I walked away from teaching when I was diagnosed as bipolar and have since retired from that profession, I realize that through my volunteer work I have never really hung the towel.  When I coordinated monthly events at Saint Francis Senior Home my ease with being in front of people helped tremendously lead the ministry.  I developed short faith lessons to share with the seniors at the home.  When I was a Confirmation core member, I too had to develop lesson plans for the teens and now for the past six years I have been instructing in the faith formation program for adults.  It is this understanding that has helped me realize that perhaps teaching is possible even for someone who is bipolar.

This past year, I had the flexibility to work from home so I was able to attend a lot of the school events at my nephew’s school.  He transferred to middle school this year and as I walked the halls of his school and saw the walls covered in work from the students my heart stirred with a desire to be part of this atmosphere.  As I interacted with my nephew’s friends, I came to the realization that as a substitute teacher I used to love my middle school assignments.  The combination of getting to experience middle school through my nephew and the realization that I have never stopped teaching put in my heart a desire to return to that profession- but this time as a middle school teacher.

After my trip from Mexico I renewed my teaching credential and I started looking in both public and Catholic schools for open teaching positions.  During this time in the school year there are not a lot of openings available, thus I will most likely need to wait until the summer when the hiring for educators occurs.  With my severance, unemployment, and my eBay business I think financially I will be ok to wait until then.  I actually would prefer to begin at the beginning of the school year since starting so late in the year is quite chaotic, but I am leaving it up to God.  A priest once told me that as long as I did my part by applying God would do His in giving me a job.  Recently, I lost my peace when I saw that there were only three vacancies for me to apply right now.  I was thinking what will people think if it takes me really long to find a job?  Will they judge me as a lazy, procrastinator?  These negative thoughts filled me disturbing my peace until I finally put a stop to it.  I went to God and remained in His silence until I heard His voice, “the Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.”  In the words of my favorite psalm- I realized that God is the ultimate provider, so I need to relax, continue looking, applying and God will do the rest (smile).

My Favorite Lenten Devotion

I have been a little scattered brained lately- when one doesn’t have a job it’s difficult to keep an orderly schedule because one has to be more intentional about it.  You’d be surprised how many things I have forgotten or confused these past weeks because I wasn’t keeping my usual calendar up to date.  I also added way too much to my schedule thinking that I would be able to accomplish lots during this period of unemployment and soon realized that I needed to give some things up because looking for work is a demanding task.  Thus, I decided to try the Ignatian Exercises at a later time because with my trip to Mexico I missed two weeks and I really felt like I wasn’t giving it my all.  My days are quite busy between the job hunt and working on my eBay business (post to come on this) fulltime.  One thing that has been constant (though) is praying the Via Crucis every Friday in community this Lent.

Normally for Lent I give things up, but this Lent I decided that I wanted to add community prayer to my season.  The Stations of the Cross have always been one of my favorite prayers because there’s just so much going on.  Every Catholic Church has the Stations inside, thus as one prays one moves along from one to the next and music is usually incorporated.  It’s a beautiful tradition because the story of Jesus’ passion and resurrection is told in a very sensual way.  One moves along from one station to the next, traditional hymns are sung and the images at each station depict a moment in Jesus’ way to Calvary.  This year, I was able to pray it many ways which gave me a deeper love for this tradition.

At my parish, here in California, we pray it every Friday night and it’s followed by a parish Lenten dinner.  The church usually fills to capacity, thus the only people that move are the priest and the altar boys.  Carrying lit votives two altar boys move from one station to the next as well as the priest, the congregation just turns to face each station as we pray and sing accompanying Jesus to the cross.  In Mexico, I got to pray the Via Crucis outside.  People volunteer to recreate one station outside their homes; thus, the group travels throughout the town from one altar to the next.  It’s a good trek and many barrios simultaneously pray the stations every Friday during Lent (so the whole town is united in prayer). At the main parish of the town a group of people also pray the Stations, however here the entire group moves from one Station to the next carrying a cross and switching who lead the prayers.  This Friday, my RCIA group will do the Via Crucis at the beach.  Normally I go early, and set up the fourteen stations from one lifeguard tower to the other and when everyone arrives, we pray it - each student taking part carrying the cross and leading the prayers.

The Via Crucis is a prayer that can be done differently and creatively, I think that’s why I have such a great devotion to it.  It’s one of those prayers that involves all of my being and whether I am praying it outside, in the streets, at the beach or inside my parish it always moves me because it’s so easily interactive.  So, before Lent ends, I encourage you to make the time to pray the prayer of the season at least once.   

Five Hallmarks of Saints

Five Hallmarks of Saints

Slept Little- Among the sacrifices of the saints was nightly discomfort, especially if the deprivation was in the interest of duty or charity.  It is believed that early benedicts didn’t have beds, but mats and were commanded to sleep in their habits in case they were needed during the night.  Sleep is like food some require more than others, I have the difficulty of persuading myself that I require little of each, but saints with facility accepted that they required little.  Saint Catherine of Siena took a short nap only every couple of days and others lived similarly without the blessing of sleep- this is a miraculous privilege like those who lived on the Eucharist alone.   

Ate Little- Prayer, fasting and almsgiving stand as the pillars of Lent, yet saints lived similarly year-round. Some choose a life of fasting – mainly living on water and bread. Saint Catherine of Siena miraculously lived on the Eucharist alone.  This detachment of pleasures is a way to give themselves more entirely to God.

Worked Hard- Saints dedicated their lives to saving souls and this was a twenty-four-hour job.  Each had certain talents and abilities which they put to use to bring God to others. Many founded hospitals, schools and orders to spread the message of God.  Many worked so hard beliving that they would get their rest in heaven.

Faced Many Tribulations- The saints didn’t become saints without much struggle and tribulations.  They suffered great loss, battled serious health issues, were rejected and misunderstood.  They took vows of poverty and worked daily with the people at the margins- they saw the worst of the worst; but never took their eyes away from God.  The more challenges that came their way the stronger their grip on God.  

Are Always Joyful- The saints had tranquility of minds and hearts because they didn’t have disorderly passions, inordinate ambitions and multiplicity of desires.  They were free from worry and anxieties that undermine the repose of the worldly.  They rested having a good conscience aligned with God’s will.  They were also grateful and this constant thanksgiving to God filled their souls.   

Saints led pretty extraordinary lives, not so much by what they had, but by what they gave up.  They lived like it was the season of penance, almsgiving and prayer all year long.  In becoming closer to God, they loosened their grip on worldly aspirations- something quite radical today.  They did simple things, things we can too do to get to heaven that’s why they are such great examples to have and to follow.  Any saint will always lead us to Jesus.

Mily, the Miracle Child

Recently, I was in Mexico and I had the blessing of spending it playing with my grandma’s dog and also with my cousin’s six-year-old Milagros.  Jesus really understood the importance of spending time with children because their innocence can really inspire our faith.  I took quite a few gifts to Mili because she has been wooing my family since the first time my parents met her.  On this particular day we were playing with a toy nativity, she was really into the toy because recently the magi (as is customary in Mexico) had brought her gifts.  The nativity came with a book and we read the story which gave a great explanation for each character in the scene.  As we learned of each character, she would add her thoughtful insight which constantly made me smile.  She had much to say about the wise men and how they brought her a stroller, cookies and other fine gems and she was very interested in the gifts they had given Jesus.

Yet, when we placed the angel on the nativity- she didn’t wait for me to tell her who he was, “Oh, this is our guardian angel who takes care of us.”  I thought it was the cutest thing that she already knew about guardian angels because when I was her age, I was mesmerized by an image of my guardian angel that hung above my bed.  In Mexico, we have a great devotion to guardian angels and this interaction with Milly reminded me of that.  Thus, in my next shopping trip I decided to search for the same image that hung in my room when I lived in Mexico and sure enough the first religious store that I tried, I found it.  My little angel, Mili, reminded me of the great devotion that I had to my guardian angel when I was her age simply because a beautiful image hung above my bed.

Found the exact image I had in my room when I was a little girl.

Mili after school.

Playing fetch with Chula.

Everyday, we would open a new gift that I had brought for her usually an interactive game and one day she came from kindergarten after winning a loot bag of candy and handed me a chocolate bar- I thought she wanted me to open it for her, but before I could she said, “I want you to have this, just because.”  Giving away candy is huge for a child and here was little Mili giving me one of hers! I took it giving her thanks and admiring what a wonderful child she is.

She'd let her hair down because she wanted to look like me.

In Mexico, things are expensive in terms of the salaries people make.  My grandma doesn’t have Wifi so I had to use the neighbor's and that’s the norm for most households.  I think in a way this is a blessing because children still play with toys and with one another, they are not locked to screens.  Little Milagros would come and play with me after school – most days we played fetch with grandma’s dog and then a game with one another.  The day we played with the nativity, was perhaps my favorite day because she told me how she got her name- “I am a miracle and that’s why my parents named me thus.”  Then, when I was called to adult conversation she went over to my grandma’s altar and remained transfixed talking to Mother Mary.  She didn’t throw a tantrum because I couldn’t play with her anymore, she just took her toys and started playing by herself- truly an amazing child, so glad I got to spend so much time with her.

Icon Painting Girl's Night

It’s the best feeling finding a group of holy women to walk with in the journey towards heaven. Even better finding one as creative as Gianna Club, where throughout each month we have a few gatherings that range from a book club to social activities that promote sisterhood.  On Saturday, a group of us gathered to learn more about iconography.  To begin, we had a thirty-minute skype lesson with David Clay, an artist and author that specializes in Catholic art.  His brief presentation taught us key elements of that particular style of sacred art.  He went over the symbolism, colors, style and the differences between painting and writing an icon- and icons and devotional art.  Though brief, his presentation really enriched our Wine & Painting night.

After the background lesson, we began our process of recreating an Icon of the Sacred Heart of Jesus.  We had three hours – which we soon learned was not enough time to complete such a complex painting.  Though icons can look simple because they are usually flat images, simplicity doesn’t mean easy to recreate.  Even though we cheated (by tracing the image onto canvas with the help of carbon paper) all the small details were very time consuming and difficult to do.  Especially the face!  We were all amateur artists and we couldn’t stop laughing at our hubris thinking that the task in hand was possible.  At the last hour we all realized that though the image we were trying to recreate looked easy, in reality it was much more complex than we anticipated.  With much laughter we humbly learned our lesson.

 Sustenance for the journey

 and Inspiration.

 Our materials.

A little bit of helpful cheating.

Final product - I ran out of time and quickly finished the background and just failed at his face.

My buddy was more patient and decided to finish hers at home.

Though none of us will probably be the next big icon artist- it was a great night to meet new friends and to share our faith in such a creative way.  We kept laughing wondering what Jesus thought of us as we ruined his image (smile).

Grandma & Me Sunbathing

Am back from a two week visit to my grandma in Michoacán, Mexico.  I hadn’t been back to the town that gave me life and nurtured me until the age of seven- for over sixteen-years.  Usually my grandma would come visit us in California, but recently she took a bad fall and I believe her traveling days are over – so it was my turn to visit.  I remembered my pueblo bigger than it is even though it has grown quite a bit since I last was there.  In my day, our house served dual purposes: our living quarters and a large, back corral where we kept our animals.  As I toured my old home my memories seemed bigger than the tiny house that housed me throughout infancy.  I felt a bit claustrophobic which conflicted with the wonderful memories that I have of my farmhouse.  I think it’s because the town has grown, we used to be the edge of town –  “la orilla” walking outside was like walking into a huge forest of a yard.  Now nature has been pushed out and our house got sucked into the expansion of the pueblo- placing us in the middle away from the beginning of the “cerro.” 

With all the changes, it was comforting that my grandma’s house remained better than I remembered.  One morning she told me how she and grandpa purchased the house one piece at a time.  It was just one room and each year if the crop did well, they added another room- until it became the four-bedroom home that stands today.  Grandma is such a great storyteller that I could see her pride as each room was added to her humble home.  “At first we didn’t have a whole lot of money, and I always loved flowers so I would go to the forest and bring wild flowers to plant in the garden,” she added, “I knew which grew best each season so I would pick different types depending on the season.”  The house is sectioned in a manner that leaves a large middle area exposed to nature, here she spends most of her days surrounded by flowers that from the moment she made the house her home she’s cultivated.  All sorts of colorful blooms fill her days.  It was also in this tiny paradise that I spent most of my days with her.

After the first week, I sprained my ankle on a step outside grandma’s bedroom door and on doctor’s orders I was forced to rest.  Though I thought that the immobility would hinder the enjoyment of my trip- it forced me to slow down and find pleasure as an invalid.  Next to grandma’s wheelchair I would too be parked with my foot set up high on a cushion each day and every day time travel so fast as the two of us enjoyed her blooming paradise.  We had time to chat, to lunch, to be together in silence, to pray the rosary, to welcome visitors, to laugh and just enjoy each other.  I had intentions of visiting more surrounding towns, but God had other plans – He used my injury to allow my grandma and I to hangout way more than we would have- had I use of both of my feet.  And while I will most likely get more opportunities to travel to places that will remain there- those days with my grandma were the true gift.  

Beginning of Lent Much Lighter

I love my black hair mainly because it's low maintenance, but recently my hair started sprouting grays- which complicates the low care I usually give it.  Some women love getting pampered, getting their hair done, getting pedis and manis; but I hate going into the salon. The whole process stresses me out: having someone touch me in usually areas not commonly touched like my head and toes, I loathe the awkward small talk, but most of all I hate being in a chair in a public place unable to do much for so long usually bored out of my mind.  You see my hair - which today someone asked me if it was a wig- was placed on my head to get me to heaven.  Yes, it's that much of pest that silently wreaks havoc.  Now you think, Penny likes to add sauce to her tacos when she speaks, and yes, sometimes I can be a bit of a writing drama-queen- believe me that there's not an ounce of exaggeration to the above statement.

I was blessed as a baby to be born with a head full of hair, ringlets my mom likes to remember.  As I have matured, I continue to be blessed with a head of thick hair, so thick that if it grows past a certain length it gives me headaches.  That's how I know when I need to go to the salon- I start getting pressure headaches that if not attended turn into migraines- and those are no fun.  An aside, recently I read the story of King David's beautiful son, Absalom, who had so much hair that when he cut it off, it weighed five pounds!  I am no wicked warrior, I can't carry all that plumage!  

Blessed are the stylist, they know how to thin my hair when I go in to get my haircut; not only do they cut it, they also have this really clever way to strip me of some density (smile).  I have recently started getting headaches, so I knew I had to make time to go get it cut.  Yesterday, after Mass with a dark cross on my forehead I headed to the salon to do penance.  Normally, I like to keep my hair black because it's natural and easy to maintain- but oh, the woes of getting older -the beginning of gray hairs.  A girl more humble than me would wear those white streaks with pride, yet I have decided to battle those grays or at least make them a little easier on the eyes so I thought that I would go with a lighter shade of hair color.  After five hours, that's right five hours of one stylist working with me I came out lighter in every sense of the word.

Some women love getting pampered, I enjoy a different type of pampering like a warm chair in sunlight with a good book.  Yesterday, I figured I would dedicate the half wasted day as a prayer offering and I took the hair pulling, coloring, burning dryer, cold washing, more hair pulling as a champ.  I even prayed three rosaries while I sat uncomfortably long in a chair.  Take that gray hairs!  I know they will return, those sneaky foes, but now my hair is a little lighter hopefully they will blend in better.  That's how I began my Lent, fasting while suffering for hours in a salon chair.  I know that I added a little comedy into my experience, but I am learning that all suffering can be an offering to God.  And this season is about that - denying ourselves so that God can come in to areas of our beings where he had not been welcomed- like the hair salon.  Pretty neat theology, I say! Happy beginning of Lent, a time of penance, abstinence and almsgiving.  

Passing the Light of Mother Mary

Before returning to my faith, I suffered from terrible night terrors.  There were nights when I would have such horrible dreams that I felt paralyzed unable to scream or move to force myself to wake up.  All sorts of scary things made sleeping anything, but enjoyable.   Thus, when I found a beautiful, vintage, porcelain Mother Mary nightlight during one of my thrifting adventures, I was thinking what a great find. Mother Mary’s literal light to keep me safe.  Yet, last week I realized that the nightlight was not meant for me she wanted to bring peace to someone that is currently having difficulty sleeping.  Thus, I gifted her to a woman whose twenty-nine-year marriage came to an end due to her husband’s infidelity. 

It’s funny how God places people in our paths that need our help. I was early waiting for a class to start and a woman sat next to me.  She was with heavy heart and needed someone to listen.  I smiled at her when she sat next to me, which encouraged her to begin talking to me.  She asked me how I was doing and I told her that I was a little sad because I had lost my dog.  We talked about losing pets and then she unveiled her woes to me.  She told me that she was trying to keep it together because only a month ago she discovered that her husband had another woman and two little children from this relationship.  “He has another family,” she cried.  “He’s been involved with her for at least four years since his kids are three and two.  He travels for work you see and at first he would be gone only a couple days a week, but lately he had been gone three even four days a week, but I didn’t think anything of it because we had been married for so long, I trusted him…” She continued telling me the shattered state of her heart and I was really not sure what to say, so I just listened.  When she was done, she thanked me for not offering any advice, “you know everyone has an opinion of what I should do, how I should feel, whether I should try to salvage my marriage or make him pay… In times like these I don’t want people’s input- I just want support…”

I don’t recall offering a word of consolation, I didn't have any, but when she finished and wiped her eyes, she thanked me for listening.  She just needed someone to listen without offering any advice.  During her narrative she shared that she had trouble sleeping and hated the nights.  While I don’t have any experienced being betrayed, I do know what is like to hate the closing of a day.  Anyone who suffers or has suffered from depression can tell you that the nights are the worst!  Being alone in the darkness with your thoughts, unable to sleep can be one of worst tortures.  Thus, I knew that Mother Mary wanted to light her nights, she didn’t want me to keep her in case one night I might need her.  Mother Mary wanted me to pass her on to someone who needed her light right now.  So, I placed my nightlight in a small gift bag and gave it to the woman the following week.  She was so happy that she would no longer go to a dark, empty house- Mother Mary would be waiting for her to get her through the difficult night.  It’s funny how God will place in our path people who are suffering worse, others we can help and by helping them we are also helping ourselves.