Tour: Mission San Fernando Rey de España

I had been wanting to drive out to the next California mission on my list of twenty-one, for quite some time now and I was finally able to do so this past Saturday.  Things have a way of working out for the best because I really needed the day personal retreat.  My sister tells me that sometimes I have a few days when no one can stand me- meaning I get quite irritable and emotional.  I become critical, insecure and my usual glass-half-full attitude becomes full of negativity.  Unfortunately it’s part of having female hormones and usually I survive to see more cheerful days (this might be TMI).  On Saturday, weary and emotionally sick I took a long drive north to be with God and to find peace in His arms.  As I arrived at Mission San Fernando Rey de España, I was blown away by its beauty.  I was directed to start at the chapel and then Bob Hope’s garden because that area gets busy with Quinceañeras.  There was no one in the chapel when I arrived so I had a moment to be with God (just the two of us) and that meeting began a beautiful day of peace and prayer.  I then went over to the Bob Hope garden and sitting on a bench under a tree I prayed my day novena of la Virgen del Carmen (my friends and I are praying it together ending on her feast day).  I was mesmerized by this beautiful sculpture of the holy family resting with their donkey beside them and I was taking a picture of it when I got kicked out of the garden because of Saturday services.  Yet, the rest of the mission is so big that it took me most of the day to tour and enjoy areas in prayer and contemplation. 

The altar.

San Fernando.

 Me.

Nuestra Morenita so beautiful!

My favorite place- an area that I felt goosebumps as I entered was the Virgin Mary room.  This is a room in the mission that only recently has been opened to the public and holds various pieces of artful depictions of our blessed Mother.  It’s also the only room that music is played as one tours.  The combination of images and music made this my favorite room.  I felt so peaceful and I really knew that God and His blessed Mother were with me in this journey.  The room holds many different cultural depictions of Mary in various art styles.  Though the room is small it’s so packed that it took me awhile to go through the various images.  I saw a Native American Mary and a Mary holding Carmelites underneath her veil that were super neat. 

Inside the Mary room.

I love this image- they are all resting peacefully and their donkey wants to be near!

To end I spent sometime in the gardens and the grounds were mostly quiet – I chose a good day to go because I felt like I was on my own at the mission.  But enough talking let’s get to the pictures!     

San Junipero Serra

The garden behind the chapel.

 Bob Hope's garden.

 I loved this life size sculpture between greenery & with book in hand.

 In the courtyard.

My Friends: Diamonds in the Rough

Last week, I spoke for quite some time with a friend I met on my second cruise who is high functioning autistic.  He calls me occasionally – usually when he’s having high anxiety and struggling with life.  I really enjoy talking to him because as a bipolar sufferer it’s great having someone who understands me (through experience) in that struggle.  Most recently he was appointed as an autism advocate by his state and called me to share his written testimony asking for some pointers.  While my buddy can be a handful, especially in social situations when he lacks the ability to pick up on cues (making communication quite challenging) and while sometimes he can talk without allowing the other person to say a word– I really admire his perseverance.  During the cruise I noticed a lot of people in our group didn’t have a whole lot of patience with him and that saddened me because we as Catholics need to be more patient and giving than the rest of the world. 

A few years ago, I decided to try out a closer parish by my house and to change to English ministry in an attempt to learn my faith in the vernacular.  As I began forming new relationships, I soon discovered that within the community there was this girl who people generally left out.  She’s since become a close friend of mine.  Once, I was organizing a birthday dinner for a new friend from the parish and I asked her who I should invite she gave me a list with everyone in the young adult group except for one girl.  Thinking she had forgotten to include her I asked my friend why Annie hadn’t been invited and she told me that Annie made everyone uncomfortable.  I was shocked that a leader in my parish would exclude a person just because that person is a little odd, but I gave her the benefit of the doubt because I didn’t know Annie.  Since, Annie and I have become great friends, I learned that she suffers from a learning disability and has a tendency to miss social cues.  Sometimes she can over share or be a bit gossipy, but I learned that she does so because she knows no better.  As I got to know her, I began orienting her and asking her to keep the things between us private and she did.  So, I realized that she wasn’t really a gossip she just needed a little direction and some patience.  When a teen got pregnant in our confirmation program the teen choose to confide in Annie and that was such a shock to so many leaders, but not to me because I know her.  Last Advent she led a woman’s bible group at her house and I was so proud of her, she’s really blossomed.  I’ve noticed that girls that used to reject her are now friendly with her (while that should have been always in a church community) it makes me happy that others are finally seeing the beauty of Annie.

After the Orlando shooting, Pope Francis endorsed the idea that Christians should apologize to the gay community, but from what I have seen, I think we need to apologize to everyone because sometimes we do fall short of following Jesus’ example.  When I arrived to this country and I didn’t know the language, when I lived crammed into a two-bedroom apartment, when I was molested, when I was diagnosed as bipolar, when I lost my brother to suicide I learned what it’s like to be different.  The suffering that comes with being different and in many cases rejected - gave me wisdom.  As the old cliché goes, “God uses all of our suffering for His good.”  My painful past gave me ability to see goodness in all people, and while I too struggle with my own failings, my own darkness and my own sin; I love to root for the marginalized, for the odd balls because I am one of them.           

My Independence Day Weekend in Pictures

Saturday- After reading a plethora of positive amazon reviews I decided to try the Thundershirt, which is a relatively new holistic approach to ending pet anxiety associated with thunderstorms or fireworks.  My neighborhood (rather quiet during most of the year) is loudly patriotic.  This year it was mid-June and the occasional firework was set off in anticipation of our country’s annual celebration of freedom.  The Thundershirt worked great during days when the popping was occasional, but on Saturday it sounded like WW3 was taking place outside our home and the shirt provided little to no comfort.  So, on Sunday expecting the same patriotic commitment I had to result to good ol’ dog sedatives. This left my dog quite drugged the entire weekend.  So, much so that on the fourth I had to attend the parade without him!  Thus, if you are curious about trying the Thundershirt- while the concept sounds great it really doesn’t do much to “hug away the fear” as their slogan promotes.  

If you notice his feet are at odd angles, due to the effects of sedation.

Sunday- On the Lord’s day I went to Mass and also caught the latest Jane Austin inspired filmed, “Love and Friendship.” The movie is inspired by one of Austin’s earlier, less popular novels (Lady Susan) and though the movie is hilariously funny- I didn’t like all the manipulation that took place in the movie.  Lady Susan happens to be a woman that through astute skill manipulates people into doing whatever she wants- and though it was to be taken as a comedy I found the way she toiled with people really unbecoming.  As an English major, more than ninety percent of my classmates held Jane Austin as their favorite writer, and while she did write novels with heroic female leads and wonderful plots- Austen is not my favorite author.  So, I guess I can be more critical when discussing her work or in this case a film based on one of her novels.  Yet, I was able to enjoy the film with two of my good friends and that was such a blessing.  Especially because we went to eat beforehand and my friend (who lost her brother) finally opened up about her hurt and it was nice to be there for her.     

Monday- I asked my nephew if he wanted to attend the parade (since my sis had to work) and to my surprise he said he did.  So, he and I headed down towards the beach and found great parking only feet away from the parade path.  We happened to park right on Adams and Main across from a mega Baptist church.  The church annually throws a pre-parade family fun celebration with game booths and prizes for the kids.  Since, we arrived quite early we decided to explore the church festivities and my nephew had a grand time playing games, getting a silly balloon hat made, collecting a lot of patriotic swag and taking a picture in front of a giant USA flag that we also got printed- did I mention everything was free of charge!  Score, right!  They also very kindly provided us with free water bottles to keep hydrated during the parade.  A lady kindly informed me that the church does this kid-friendly celebration annually (good to know). 

 My favorite parade partner.

As the parade time approached we headed to the route to find a place to enjoy the parade and again we were met by a kind, old gentleman who let us sit on the curbside outside his home.  Thus, we had great seats to view the parade.  My nephew and I had a great time enjoying the creative floats, the enchanting horses, the many types of vehicles (especially the military vintage ones)  and we dreamed together of how one day we would be part of a parade ourselves.  As we were dreaming I saw this woman who looked awfully familiar on foot, she had gotten out of her car to shake hands with some folk a few feet away from me.  As she was about to shake my hand I realize that it really was the congresswoman I admired as a high school kid, Loretta Sanchez!  After shaking her hand I tossed my phone to the little, old man that offered us his curb and grabbed my nephew for an impromptu photo.  Ms. Sanchez was super kind about my desire to take a picture with her, and though we might not agree on some political issues I still have a huge girl crush on her (mostly because she embodies the immigrant dream).  I think this has been the best parade attendance of mine because I was in the best company - my nephew, who I have the best conversations with.  Hope your weekend was just as wonderful (smile).  

First year Disney participates in HB parade.

 On the sidewalk next to the man that allowed us to join him.

 Taking it back to Civil War times.

 Loved all the horses that paraded (smile)!

 Must have dreams: someday I will be like this girl on horse at a parade.

 Getting political with Loretta Sanchez!

 Teaching my nephew to love both his cultures!

 The most patriotic horse!

 We loved the NASA blimps.

 Snoopy makes an appearance.

 This horse has better hair than me!

Catholics represented.

Patriotic Thrifted Outfit: Happy Fourth of July

The accessories: my espadrilles look like a cherry pie would if it were a shoe!

Buying American made products is a way to participate actively in patriotic cheer.  Maybe you’ve heard the horror stories about dangerous work environments, human exploitation and child labor in relation to cheap overseas manufacturing – well today’s post is about raising awareness about the good we can do by paying closer attention to where our money goes.  Purchasing products manufactured in America lets consumers know that we are interested in supporting companies that comply with ethical labor standards.  Our purchases cast votes.  Let’s cast votes that support American economy, are eco-friendly and provide fair labor and product quality standards.  Statistic show that ninety-eight percent of clothing purchased is imported leaving only two percent domestically made.  Yikes!  This might leave you thinking that US products are non-existent; but though they are hard to find they are still around (smile).  Though, I do most of my shopping secondhand, when I find USA made products (which is often) I feel like I am contributing to the good of local business culture.  My sisters knows that when I find things that are locally made I get noisily excited because she usually rolls her eyes.  “Oh, my- Oh, my - this is US made!” Followed by my happy dance. 

Keep cool during the day with an American Living dress, fun summer shoes and a cute hat!

 These Betseyville espadrille slingbacks remind me of a picnic (thrifted 9.99). 

Add a red belt (old), some shades (Kate Spade Yardsale find $2.99) 

and a straw hat (thrifted $2.99) and you are ready for the hot sun.

The brands logo makes this navy blue dress a must for Independence Day.

Since the fourth of July is approaching, I decided the perfect thrifty post would involve this dress that I found a few weeks ago- for $4.75 from an ultra-patriotic brand that not only makes clothing here, but stamps it with our country bird, the American Bald Eagle.  There’s something about this fit and flare polo dress that screams patriotism.  I almost feel like a bit of a hypocrite wearing it because I generally don’t celebrate Independence Day because of one wimpy dog afraid of fireworks.  Usually my fourths are uneventful days spent curled on a sofa trying to calm my dog until the sedatives begin to work and then making sure I didn’t over drug him!  The responsibilities of a dog momma sometimes triumph over merriment.  Though, a couple years ago my friends convinced me to go away for the weekend - I had a great time and my dog survived my absence.  Yet, due to the sedatives he’s a handful so I like to be present, besides it’s the one day a year I sacrifice which he is totally worth.  Back to the dress, it’s made of light cotton and super comfortable for attending a parade, watching fireworks or just relaxing at home with one spoiled pup.

 As day cools add a patriotic scarf (Kate Spade thrifted $5.99)

Or a cute jacket (Marc Jacobs thrifted $5.25)

The other day, I was reading a friend's Facebook post asking why people spend so much on brand named items when they would be just as happy and with more money in their pocket if they tried a cheap alternative.  Cheap alternatives usually come at a high price for someone and that someone is usually too poor to voice his/her exploitation.  Usually with a higher price tag consumers pay for quality, quality in both materials and craftsmanship.  This quality produces longer life on a garment which means that it’s made to last.  In addition, most quality brands try to keep the integrity of their label so that consumers will shell out the higher fee.  I was once trying to explain this to a woman and she said, “But most people in third world countries don’t know they are getting low wages, or that they are working in unethical conditions - they are just thankful for work.  Our country blesses them with work!”  She might be right that the majority of the workers overseas might be grateful for the work, but we KNOW, we know that our greed and consumerism is exploiting the weak and our planet.  We can’t use ignorance as our escape goat because we KNOW the consequences of our actions and Jesus says, “Whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.”  Money talks, let’s use it to say I care America, I care world.  Happy Fourth!     

Keeping in theme with this make-up bag turned clutch (Spartina 449 thrifted $2.99)

Saint Joseph my Retreat Pal

I started noticing that when I go on retreat, a saint chooses me to accompany me throughout my weekend.  This time it was Saint Joseph, foster parent of our beloved Jesus.  When I arrived for my weekend stay at the Alhambra Retreat House, I went inside the chapel and sat in front of this beautiful sculpture of Saint Joseph standing with his protective hand over boy Jesus.  I sat there admiring the artwork thinking how Saint Joseph’s body language spoke so much of the great father he is.  It struck me that I don’t know much about him, so I headed to the library and found some books to learn more about his life during my weekend getaway.  Little is known about his life and what we do know comes from scripture.  Yet, some of the books I picked up were full of legends, stories of what he might have been like and some took the liberty of romanticizing the love between him and our blessed Mother.  I’ve always loved facts in terms of my spirituality so I didn’t find the books that I read very inspiring.  Instead I spent time in front of various images that I found during my weekend and I felt that through the artwork I got a better glimpse of him.   

The first image I came across was the one in the chapel, which gave me a warm welcome (smile).  I love to think of Joseph as a foster parent because  I've always had this strong desire to foster children and dogs.  Currently I have a little girl who I support through World Vision and I feel like she's my little girl in Bangladesh.  Saint Joseph gives us such a great testimony of fatherhood of taking a child and loving him unconditionally and perfectly.  The first time I heard him referred to as the "foster dad" it made me so happy that God has a place in His lineage for all of us.  

 I then spent sometime in his garden, with a sculpture that pays homage to his occupation, a carpenter.  Again, even though Joseph came from royal lineage he was a humble, ordinary man.  He wasn't rich when he took Jesus to the temple to be circumcised he offered a pair of pigeons because he couldn't afford a lamb.   

I found a few books on the library shelves, but all sounded like fairy tale bios.  Until I came across one citing Saint Teresa of Avila's devotion to Saint Joseph.  She encourages us to cultivate a deep devotion for Jesus' dad and to meditate on his virtuous life.  Having one saint recommend another is the highest tip of advice, so throughout the weekend I continued to seek him.

I went for a walk off the retreat grounds to a nearby parish and inside I saw him alone waiting for me.  

I lit a candle for my intentions and knelt in front of him. As I spoke to him I looked up and he seemed to be looking down at me- it felt very intimate and personal.  I lost track of time and would have spent my whole day there if we weren't interrupted by the Saturday Mass crowd (smile).  

On the last day of the retreat, I found this statue and I got to see a different side of Saint Joseph.  He was a compassionate caring father who raised Jesus in an honorable manner. When Jesus' was in danger he took drastic measures to lead his son to safety.  Though he speaks little in the Gospels, his actions reveal his holy character.         

I love words; yet, Saint Joseph is a man of few so I had to think of his actions of the character those actions reveal.  He was a man of great faith, one who trusted and loved God above all.  One who knew God so well that he recognized God's voice when the angels came to him.  His life on earth can teach us so much.  In this world full of noise I enjoyed the peaceful silence which I found in him.  It was a "pregnant" silence (smile).  In the silence, I realized that I need to learn to hold my tongue, to not respond emotionally to things, but wait until I can speak in truth.  That humility is learning to be silent when we want to respond to criticism.  So, am sharing with you the things I learned just by being still in the presence of Saint Joseph (smile).

A Shiny Pair of Slippers: My Path Revealed

Can I tell you a story?  Once upon a time, I fell in love with God and the ignited life in me desired to change- to reflect more of Him and less of me.  I pondered for a while if perhaps God wanted me to be His (body and soul) and I went through a year of informal discernment of religious life.  Yet, as a new comer to the faith I was also very immature and I felt that people that followed the steps of the saints were people that were already saints themselves.  Learning that some of the saints started as some of the biggest sinners was the shock of a lifetime.  The discovery, felt like when you are a child growing up and one day you realize that your parents are not perfect and they fall from the pedestal you held them onto.  Your dad is no longer the strongest, wisest person on earth- he’s just an ordinary man.  Similarly, I began to see the humanity of the saints.  Nonetheless, the saints are not of this world so in a span of a day I learned some of their biographies and their sanctity still seemed like it was ingrained in them.  As if God placed this godly desire in holy people in a very different way- a more powerful form than I felt I had it in me to be holy.  While I strive to be a better version - a reflection of a living Jesus in me, I realized that I had a long way to go.  I looked down at my feet and I was wearing these Swarovski crystal covered heels and I thought, “If I become a nun I will never be able to wear cute shoes again!”  You are probably laughing if you are not judging the superficiality of that thought; but, it’s true for all the new burning love I felt for Christ I had a stronger attachment to this world.  Love was an all good feeling- sacrifice was nowhere near my definition of love at the time.  So, after a year of personal discernment I put aside any notion of becoming a religious.  Sometimes as I write these posts about my thrifting experiences I feel guilty and boastful because I still have a strong attachment to pretty things.  Yes, I have a gift for finding treasures at low prices, but still when I think of Saint Francis of Assisi (which I do often) I feel like he would be disappointed in me.  If he saw my room full of things I wonder what he would say.  If he knew that I decided to become a laity so that I could wear pretty shoes would he nod in sorrow?

Sometimes I worry about not being smart enough, Catholic enough, traditional enough, accomplished enough, simple enough- of not being godly enough.  Of being a vehicle that instead of leading others to Christ I am promoting materialism and a distorted, too comfortable, non-Catholic Christian lifestyle.  While I might not be enough of the qualities sited above- I do have one quality that I try to uphold above all - I am honest to the core.  My nephew got in trouble a couple days ago because while playing with a friend in the swimming pool he pushed his buddy a few times underwater and the little boy became afraid of drowning.  My sister told me how she handled the situation, but still asked me to speak to my nephew about what he had done because she really wanted him to understand that what he did was wrong.  So, I looked at him straight in the eye and I said, “Honey, I’m going to share with you one rule I live my life by, the rule that always applies to any situation.  When you are wondering if what you are about to do is wrong ask yourself, “would I like it if it was done to me?”"  I passed along the golden rule.  You see as a child, in my early formation, my dad told me that we Duarte’s were people of our word that our word meant a lot of something and when others spoke our family name they would do so knowing we were people of honor because we kept our word.  Though my dad wasn’t a very active father due to his alcoholism- this one rule he not only taught us, but lived by it.  So, honesty is huge in my life.  But I am human and as a writer I do have a tendency for hyperbole… 

Now a tiny (and I do mean a tiny) bit more instructed in my faith, I am learning to make peace with the side of me that (like a fly attracted to light) loves pretty things.  I am learning to find balance and make peace with the fact that a sparkly pair of shoes revealed my path as a laity.  And I pray to God (because I do have a strong desire to walk through life on earth with a human companion) that He sends me a holy man one learned in the faith who will guide me because, the Lord knows I need the guidance, Hallelujah!      

Thrifted Modest Summer Outfit

I have come across many modesty posts from various Christian blogs that complain about the lack of modest clothing being offered at stores.  They seem to agree that hems are too high and that necklines are too low.  I always wonder where these girls shop, whether they lack imagination or maybe they just like to complain (smile).  What’s that cliché it’s not the clothes that make the woman beautiful (in this case modest) it’s the woman that makes the clothes come to life.  Growing up materially poor meant that we needed to get creative with what we had.  Often I have shared about my mother’s ability to refashion beautiful creations from old garments.  My sister designed and made beautiful clothes from cheap scraps of fabric.  Thus, I learned through example, that clothes like life are full of possibility.  Am not blind I do see immodest clothing on celebrities, when out shopping and sadly on impressionable young girls trying too hard to fit in. BUT I also see great alternatives, cute items that pass the modesty test.  However, if I like something that is too low cut, too short or too tight – I think of ways of evangelizing my selections by wearing a cute undershirt beneath it, or extending the hem, or getting a bigger size.  If I can’t transform the garment to my satisfaction I put it back and continue on my way.  The other day at a family party a lady danced very provocatively with a group of other women and her husband (who was sitting) was really upset by her behavior. This opened a great discussion in our home about modesty.  My mom commented that the issue was not dancing, because even married women should dance at gatherings with friends.  The problem was the way this woman was moving her body during a family (public) event.  I think the same concept can be applied to clothing.  It’s not the clothes that are immodest (in most cases) it’s the way people style them that makes them improper.

At Paséa Hotel in Huntington Beach.

Thrifted five dollar dress.

Brand New Michael Kors thrifted wedges!

Last night I went to an event last minute with my friend and it was a great opportunity to get fancy.  The dress that I wore I thrifted a few months ago – in fact my whole outfit is comprised of secondhand items. I’ve seen this style of dresses at most retailers and I think the style is feminine and modest.  The Michael Kors metallic wedges are a thrifting score! I found them brand new for a few bucks.  My raffia shoulder bag completed my summer look.   Due to the high temperatures I wore my hair up trying to keep cool.  So, if I can find modest pieces shopping secondhand anyone can (smile) sometimes we might need to tap into our creative side.

Thrifted Vintage jewelry... Enjoying some Italian Ice. LOL!