Wasted Days

Wasted days… Sometimes I love to take a day off and do nothing at all… To give my dog a full body massage if I feel like it.   Or paint my nails a funky shade.  Or curl up in my bed listening to soothing, classical tunes and eventually traveling into the depths of a mystical novel.  Lately those calm days are a thing of the past, business rules and everything seems like a dreaded chore – my body & mind are asking for a retreat…  Later in the month I will be going on a Caribbean cruise, but at the moment that feels so distant.  I have been trying to discern how God wants me to fill my days, what activities I need to do and which I need to let go.  It’s a trying battle finding balance…  I am such a complex being at times needing so much to be happy.   I think of the saints and how much they did during their lives and feel guilty over wanting time off to be just with me. A day of staycation…  That sounds great curling 0n my sofa with my doggie and a hot chocolate mmm…  My kingdom for a lazy day (smile).

Stop & smell the roses.

Sweet Nothings

I began my year reading… Books are so much fun, last year I read ninety-two books – I guess that makes me a nerd!  During Christmas my sis gave me a book on shoes! I love to learn and this year I want to learn about fashion with an emphasis on vintage.  I struggle with vanity and commercialism because I, like most women enjoy shopping.  While 90 percent of what I wear are second hand items I am probably one step away from hoarding (yikes)!  I have hundreds of books and shoes and while this year I also want to focus on cleansing myself of many material possessions- this post has to do more with my love of books.  Being an English major makes me quite a book snob- I lean more toward classics and well written contemporary works, but I also like adding a touch of plain fun here and there.  And of course the smart shopper in me never pays full price. 

Browsing Around...

For Christmas I got a few gift cards and one of them was to Barnes and Noble.  So, the other day I decided to spend time there browsing for books that I want to buy online at a better deal.  I found three that after going through them looked like they had a lot of substance and possibility (smile).  But I decided to buy one book at a time to avoid the clutter.

My Wish List...

My friend told me that when looking for a man I need to hang out in places that I enjoy so that the possibility of finding someone who I have something in common with is greater.  It’s wonderful advice, but when I am in a bookstore I get lost in books and forget to look around… I really have no game (boo).  Until recently I didn’t even think guys existed who liked books as much as me- I thought all guys loved sports and that I was sentenced to tolerate endless ESPN hours or even worse endless hours of video games.  I am a girl’s girl- and for the past six years I thought the consecrated single life was my vocation, thus I have no clue on how to find a man. --- I don’t know how books led to a conversation on my lack of game (SMILE).

Some Learning on a cold day.

Back to books, I love learning about everything.  If I had the money and time I would go to university for the rest of my life!  In fact, when I imagine heaven I think of it as a big school where I can go learn all sorts of things for infinity; like ballet dancing one day, philosophy the next day, playing the piano, cooking etc.  Gosh, this post is just a bunch of ramblings…           

Happy 2014!

Starting 2014 with family...

Hope you had a Happy New Year!  It’s customary for me to celebrate the New Year with my friends, Christmas with my biological family and New Years with my chosen family.  Though I had to work a full day – I still had plenty of energy to play Twister with my nephew and to begin my New Year going to bed at three in the morning!  After work, I stopped by home to have an early lunch with my parents and then headed to my favorite mommy's house for an intimate dinner and fun games with the kids!  My bestie got engaged over Christmas and we got the full scoop on the engagement and I was asked to be a bridesmaid for their wedding!  Am super excited!  After celebrating New Year’s east coast style there I headed to my final stop dancing in downtown Fullerton with my other bestie.  We ended up at Revolucion 1910 Cantina for a New Year’s Party where between Spanish and English music we welcomed the New Year.  We had balloons & confetti falling while zipping yummy champagne and while I didn’t have a New Year’s kiss am hoping this 2014 is the year that romantic love comes back into my life…

I heart my little man!

Dancing the year away...

I just began my Peanuts day by day calendar and am looking forward to the many blessings life has to offer this 2014, Happy New Year my faithful readers!  

Cheers!

Happiness is celebrating with friends.

Winter Chill

At the Queen Mary for "Chill"

Last year my nephew was making his Christmas wish list and after a while of contemplating what material gift he most desired he turned to me and very seriously said, “Tia, I have experimented with all the toys in the world and what I want most this Christmas is to go to the snow.”  While Big Bear is about two hours away from where I live, my nephew’s parents weren’t too excited about letting me take him.  Thus, we never made it, but his wished remained with me throughout the year and this year when I discovered that the Queen Mary was hosting “Chill” I decided that we must investigate...  We entered an igloo in rented parkas for the temperature was nine degrees and inside large, colorful, ice sculptures retold the Nutcracker story.  In the center of the story was an ice replica of the Queen Mary with ice slides to use and of course my nephew & I tried them out a few times.  On the other side of the Igloo there was a slide for tubing or an ice skating rink – we decided to go with the first choice.    

The Nutcracker in Ice...

Tubing...

During one of the Christmas time homilies I recalled a message from one of the priests stating the importance of spending quality time with your children instead of buying them gifts they will quickly discard.  I think this message goes for all your relationships; spending time with one another is the best gift we can give each another.  While reading The Five Love Languages, I discovered that this is my primary love language.  In Mexico, the whole material gift giving for Christmas is not a part of the holiday celebration- there the whole festivity has to do with spending time with God and family.  My parents brought those values with them to California and we love spending time with each other - talking, listening and sharing laughs.  In fact, sometimes when I start to spend too much time doing church activities they let me know that I am missed and this helps me lead a balance life… 

Silliness...

Happiness & Togetherness...

The Ice Princess

This year in my advent group my friend asked the question: “What did you get for Christmas last year?”  And none of the six of us in the group could remember…   While the American Commercialized Christmas is all about the gifts – the reality is that they really don’t matter that much.  I had many Christmases without presents as a child, yet recalling those memories of years past I only remember so much happiness and togetherness (smile). 

Shivering Cold...

So long 2013…

2013 has been good to me: I traveled, changed church communities, discovered Peanuts Comics, and bonded with family & friends… 

During the Cruise I swam with dolphins, parasailed, went cave tubing & explored the Mayan Ruins  

At the end of January I went on my first cruise ever- which is really a monumental moment because one of my biggest fears is getting eaten by sharks!   I hate shark movies & sharks terrify me in general!  The ocean too is not my favorite, since I almost drowned in it when I was a child and thus never learned to swim.  Also, it wasn’t any cruise it was a Catholic Single’s Cruise which meant wearing a bathing suit in front of potential suitors!  I remember one late night I was out on the terrace by myself looking into the infinite night, listening to the crashing of waves upon the ship and I remember thinking to myself I can’t believe that I am out in the middle of the ocean in shark territory (smile).

Medjugorje, Roman Colosseum, Pantheon... 

The Vatican, Sunday Mass

Fountain of Trevi, Dubrovnik, Split

In May, along with my parish’s choir I got to go on my first pilgrimage through Europe.  Father was able to get us a special pass to celebrate Mass on Saint Peter’s tomb.  Our choir was invited to perform at one of the Liturgical Celebrations at the Vatican- to our surprise we were assigned the Sunday Mass at Saint Peters’ Square and we were 20 feet away from Pope Francis!  Of all the days, we were there the day he was canonizing a Mexican saint and his homily was in Spanish so I was able to understand his message (smile).  I have experience many Eucharistic Celebrations that have been quite spectacular- but there on Saint Peter’s Square surrounded by giant statues of the apostles and masses of people- with the playing of trumpets announcing a great king I had no doubt that Jesus was present. 

Young Adults, Hikes, Adoration & Teen Ministry

After being relieved of my duties as secretary for the Hispanic Council at Saint Barbara, I decided to move parishes and to begin practicing my faith in English.  When I started attending Mass I started going to Spanish services and I started to practice my spirituality in Spanish, but as time went by and some of my friends started getting curious about my faith- I didn’t have resources (in English) to point them in the correct direction.  Thus, after contemplating the move for some time I decided that it was time to act and I moved to Saint Vincent de Paul Church which is closer to my home too.  It’s been interesting learning the Mass in English and the popular prayers- I am still quite the amateur, but am enjoying the change and being able to worship God in two languages!

One day I was terribly bored and came across a Peanuts cartoon and it made me smile and the more Charlie Brown Comics I read the harder I laughed.  I am not a comedy person I love drama & thrillers as a genre - comedy not so much- therefore, discovering that I found a source of laughter really impressed me!  Since then I have found comics for every possible life situation and my favorite of all the characters is Snoopy and Linus comes in close second.  The language the characters use is so mature and proper- other than their use of "stupid" I quite enjoy them!

Lot's of fun times with friends

This past year also allowed me to enjoy my family and friends to the max.  There were many special moments- from my nephew’s first piano concert, the birth of a few more little guys to many happy celebrations. 

& Family

Noche Buena

Hope you had a Merry Christmas… At casa Penny we sure had a blessed time eating, bonding and opening our hearts to Jesus.  Culturally we celebrate Noche Buena (Holy Night) on the 24^th of December.  Which means that during the twenty-fourth we are busy making tamales, pozolé and ponche.  It’s a huge family party in which we stay up (including the children) until midnight when we celebrate the birth of Christ.  As the clock strikes media noche we hug one another wishing each other a Feliz Navidad and then we open presents!

Mom Making Tamales & Ponche...

Dinner & Family time...

Opening Presents...

On the twenty-fifth we usually go to Mass to wish Jesus a Happy Birthday!  There’s usually a nativity scene inside the parish and after Mass ends we all go up to it and kiss baby Jesus in the manger; we also contemplate His birth and say a silent, personal prayer.  This year Father challenged us to look at the small statue of Jesus in the center of the nativity and to answer honestly, “What Jesus is saying to each of us.”  The babes body language (with his small arms extended out) can only be saying, “I want you because I love you!”

Happy Birthday Jesus! I love you!

Wishing you a Merry Christmas, Penny & Dollar!

A Letter from Jesus

"My Dearest Loved Ones,

It has come to my attention that many of you are upset that folks are taking My name out of the season. How I personally feel about this celebration can probably be most easily understood by those of you who have been blessed with children of your own. I don't care what you call the day. If you want to celebrate My birth, just GET ALONG AND LOVE ONE ANOTHER! Now, having said that let Me go on. If it bothers you that the city in which you live doesn't allow a scene depicting My birth, then just get rid of a couple of Santas and snowmen and put a small Nativity scene on your own front lawn. If all My followers did this, there wouldn't be any need for such a scene on the town square because there would be many of them all around the neighborhood.

The 4th Weekend of Advent: date with nephew Brea Christmas Lights... 

Stop worrying about the fact that people are calling the tree a holiday tree, instead of a Christmas tree. It was I who made all trees. You can remember Me anytime you see any tree.

Decorated brother's grave...

If you want to give Me a present in remembrance of My birth here is my wish list. Choose something from it:

1. Instead of writing protest letters objecting to the way My birthday is being celebrated, write letters of love and hope to soldiers away from home. They are terribly afraid and lonely this time of year. I know, they tell Me all the time.

Went to watch a fun "The Secret Garden" musical with my friend...

2. Visit someone in a nursing home. You don't have to know them personally. They just need to know that someone cares about them.

3. Instead of writing the President complaining about the wording on the cards his staff sent out this year, why don't you write and tell him that you'll be praying for him and his family this year. Then follow up... it will be nice hearing from you again.

Led the Lifeteen Happy Birthday Jesus Party Night

4. Instead of giving your children a lot of gifts you can't afford and they don't need - spend time with them. Tell them the story of My birth and why I came to live with you down here. Hold them in your arms and remind them that I love them.

5. Pick someone that has hurt you in the past and forgive him or her.

6. Did you know that someone in your town will attempt to take their own life this season because they feel so alone and hopeless? Since you don't know who that person is, try giving everyone you meet a warm smile; it could make the difference.

The Actors Retelling the Christmas Story...

7. Instead of nit picking about what the retailer in your town calls the holiday, be patient with the people who work there. Give them a warm smile and a kind word. Even if they aren't allowed to wish you a "Merry Christmas" that doesn't keep you from wishing them one.

8. If you really want to make a difference, support a missionary - especially one who takes My love and Good News to those who have never heard My name.

Dinner, Cake, & White Elephant Gift Game...

9. Here's a good one... There are individuals and whole families in your town who not only will have no "Christmas" tree, but neither will they have any presents to give or receive. If you don't know any, buy some food and a few gifts and give them to the Salvation Army or some other charity which believes in Me and they will make the delivery for you.

10. Finally, if you want to make a statement about your belief and loyalty to Me, then behave like a Christian. Don't do things in secret that you wouldn't do in My presence. Let people know by your actions that you are one of mine.

Core Team and finally got a copy of Time with our Pope!

Don't forget - I am God and can take care of Myself. Just love Me and do what I have asked you to do. I'll take care of all the rest. Check out the list above and get to work; time is short. 

And do have a most blessed Christmas with all those whom you love and remember...

I Love You,

Jesus"

Short & Sweet

Wearing matching colors!

After forty-six-years of wedded bliss, my parents went on a date on Tuesday night (smile).  They went on a Christmas Parade Cruise down in Newport Harbor where they dined, danced and admired the beautifully decorated beachfront homes.  My dad returned home whistling a tune while my mom couldn’t stop running through all the details of the night (smile)…  Their marriage has gone through many seasons - currently they find themselves in the golden age, reaping all the fruits from many years of trial and error.  At the beginning of their marriage my dad’s alcoholism caused the majority of the problems, but he’s been free of drink for over twenty years now (hip-hip hooray).  During this time, my mother loved him with patience, endurance and prayerfully until he became the man she needed him to be.  Today, he’s always boasting about the great wife he has and she - about the great husband she has- they both feel like they got the better end of the deal!  Together they are always laughing, joking around and working on projects.  On Sundays, they wake up early and walk with Dollar to the coffee shop around the corner.  I’ve never been married, but I have learned so much (on the subject) from watching my parents.  The most important is to never give up on each other, they have endured so much - yet, they are each other’s biggest cheerleaders... And to love with actions and with respect. To Laugh together daily, often and hard. To be generous and forgiving…  And above all to let God reign in our hearts and in our home. XOXO

Mischievous Smile! Handsome pair!

         

No Pictures Allowed

On Saturday, I found myself standing outside the Nidorf Sylmar Juvenile Detention Facility- stripped of jewelry, phone, money - even my hair tie was confiscated because of the small metal cuff that connected the tie together.  Entering the facility took over an hour due to the meticulous search that each of the people in my group underwent.  As I entered the LM Compound, am not sure what I expected to see, but I was not prepared for what I experienced.  Young children (as young as fourteen or just shy of eighteen) all dressed in grey sweaters (with the size marked by sharpie on their backs), blue Dickies and black rubber shoes.  They were all sitting with their hands on their knees and ordered not to look up until told otherwise.  Some couldn’t contain their curiosity and looked up while still managing to hold their head down.  The warden shouted instructions and finally gave the command to relax.   At which point interested eyes looked at us.  Their eyes scanning my face killed me – they were but children! As we introduced ourselves to the group of about 30 inmates they welcomed us with smiles, “Hello Miss, nice to meet you.”  Their courteous greeting punched the air out of my lungs- they were the age of the kids I see in confirmation classes!  My eyes got misty and my throat began to threaten a possible melt-down… At which point I asked God for strength and for the ability to hold it together so that I could love these kids and show them a living Jesus through my actions.  Am not sure what criminals are supposed to look like, but these kids (some doing 25 to life) didn’t fit my minds definition.

Some of the young adults from my parish joined the Sisters of the Company of Mary for the Christmas visit to the juvenile hall.  There we sang songs, had dinner and played games with the kids.  While having dinner I had the opportunity to chat with some of the teens and while our conversations were mostly on the topics of hip-hop music and dancing – they asked me to pray for their coming court dates so that they would be able to spend Christmas with their families.  One told me it was his first time getting detained and promised me that he would never be there again; he looked at his shoes and said, “it’s crazy we are all wearing the same shoes!”

While singing Christmas songs they requested, “Silent Night” we sang it together and it sounded so beautiful…  When I was a teacher- I remember many times wanting to take my students home to provide a healthy, loving environment to flourish- that’s how I felt that night.  I wanted to take these kids home and give them an opportunity to rise above their circumstances…

When I was outside and had my material freedoms back I bitterly muttered, “that was the most depressing thing I have ever done in my life.”  My heart felt like it was breaking and I didn’t want this experience to be just another service moment.  Since then I have spent many hours contemplating that visit- thinking of the teens and praying for them.  Am not sure what God is asking me to do, but I feel something very powerful stirring inside me.  I see adoption in my future and this experience confirmed it even more because love transforms lives and that much I do have to give. 

Great Expectations

December is such a busy month; between the parties, the decorating, the activities, the potlucks, the writing and sending of Christmas cards, the shopping and the list goes on- that by the time Christmas day comes all I want to do is rest!  Last year the same thing happened I overbooked my month with all these fun activities and by the end of December all I yearned for was free Penny time.  In the Catholic faith, the period of Advent (Christmas time) is a time of preparation for the birth of Jesus in our hearts.  It’s a time to slow down and take the time to reflect on the Christmas story and to contemplate the second coming of Christ.  It’s a time to think deeply about our personal faith and our relationship with God.  During this time it’s common to hold small Bible study groups in our homes so that together with our spiritual brothers (and sisters) we can contemplate the real reason for the season. 

My Bible is full of scribbles. 

Earlier in November, my friend asked me if I would be willing to host a small group at my home for the four weeks of Advent and I impulsively said yes.   As the first week approached, I started having second thoughts – I really feared opening my home to people that I had never met before.  As a child of an alcoholic- this fear in me just consumed me and this feeling of shame came over me that linked back to when I was a child and my dad used to get so embarrassingly drunk that I decided to never bring friends home.  I seriously almost had a panic attack the day of our first Advent meeting- but I had six people coming over- I couldn’t cancel.  So, I contacted one of my best Catholic friends and just started telling her how I was feeling, I mentioned how I was afraid that the people that were coming over would have a critical spirit and would judge me on how I live.  The more that I talked and she listened the more I realized how absurd my fears were and I realized that God wanted to heal another area that I had been unconsciously keeping from Him.

My Bestest Catholic Friends (Oops one is missing)

My buddy in her wisdom started to direct my focus away from the anxiety and towards my responsibilities as a hostess and to assure me that hosting is stressful for everyone!  She started asking me questions like: when you visit someone’s home what are things that you like? And then following up with: do you think you could do that?  By the end of our chat, I had a list (she and I had developed) of things that I needed to do during the meeting like being welcoming, having a coffee pot ready and some cookies along with the materials set. She encouraged and prayed for me - and knowing she was praying for me gave me strength.  The first night of the group I managed to do all the things on my list while at the same time lead the Bible study and though I was terribly nervous I survived!  The friends that came over (they are friends now) were super sweet and God just radiated from their beings.  Submerging ourselves in scripture and sharing our faith took away all my anxiety and now when we meet, I look forward to it free of fear & shame.  I’ve said before that I struggle with anxiety and at times it can be paralyzing - sometimes the most simple things can trigger anxious periods, but when I lean on God I can confront those difficult moments and give Him those insecurities knowing healing will happen.

Materials for study.

I still have one more week with my Advent study group, and I am glad that I said yes because the experience has helped me to sit and spend time with God.  It has helped me to realize that above all Christmas is a time for Jesus- it is He who we honor and He who we eagerly wait for!  It’s a time of joy and expectation, Happy Almost Birthday Jesus!