Love Delights in the Beloved

When you care about someone even watching him sleep is satisfying- just knowing he exists and is part of your life makes one smile.  I came to this epiphany as I watched my little wolf laying at my feet lost in dream.  In life, many times we are judged by our performance, a teacher once told me that no one likes to hear about failures, in literature as in film the stories that are most memorable involve the hero’s journey, a plight of action and adventure...  Often times I feel like I am the sum of my success; but, when I am home with the ones that love me most I know that in love performance doesn’t exist.  God gave us the capacity to love, He made this beautiful emotion to connect us with one another and with Him.  Yet, love is a choice that popularly gets hidden in romanticism as a miraculous feeling that suddenly appears.  When I was young I used to think that my parents loved me because they had to, but as I grew up and met people from broken families I began to see that my parents love was a choice both made to love me unconditionally- even during moments when I was difficult and challenging to love.  I also used to think that love was flowers and chocolates and poems- all things sweet- a definition that only reached the superficial lining of this beautiful gift.

In my parents’ relationship, I didn’t see a whole lot of romantic expressions, thus my role models of love came from fiction.  I made it a study watching every romantic comedy, reading all the romantic classical novels and I craved to have a Romeo and Juliet (without the dying) kind of love - one that was always exciting, dramatic and so full of passion, even if it was short-lived.  I was looking for a unicorn in matters of love, not even a magical expression – but a love that didn’t penetrate past the surface.  As soon as there was a feeling of normalcy of ordinary- it was no longer the ideal.  Looking at love stories in popular culture and how they usually only get told until the object of their affections is caught, some even make it to the wedding, but few speak of what comes after- I come to realize that to many - love is just the chase and the imaginative happily ever after.  When in reality love hurts, it aches, it breaks and throws you down in pits of the most painful suffering because to love is to open ourselves to discomfort and to hurt. I saw this type of love in my home, one that caused a lot of pain and I wanted to run away from it as soon as I was of age to do so.  However in my journey, I met a woman that told me that if I ran away from my family I would also be running from the source of my highest happiness because though love can throw you into the depths of despair love also lifts you to paradise.  Just look at Jesus, he came down from heaven and died for us so that we would be with him in paradise.  Our love stories, thus must emulate his, they should be unafraid of suffering, of sacrifice - but also have merriment as he enjoyed his friends when he walked this earth.

As I watched my little wolf sleep, looking at his tummy as it inflated and deflated, felt his breath on my skin - I wondered if God gets such delight in watching His creation, even when we repose.  Without doubt I know He does because when love is present there’s no need for performance, love dances simply because the beloved exists (smile).  True love seeks the beloved even when it hurts, even when we must travel in an unpaved road and suffer trampling in the unknown path because just being in His presence is enough -because hurt when shared is endurable.  The most intimate relationships require no action, no words just presence.  I think of the saints who could remain in God for long periods of time in silence, just happy to be in His company and I realize that when one reaches that level in a relationship one begins to understand love as a verb, but a verb where the action is simply union.  Togetherness in quiet, just joyful to exist together in one point in time, to look at the world (both the happy and the sad) and know that we have a partner in crime to face whatever peril will come.  Knowing our weak nature God gave us friends along the way to encourage and teach us about love- even a little yellow mutt whose fleeting years have been a university in unconditional love.  A little fur ball who's shown me that sometimes delighting in the beloved is the most beautiful form of love.  Animals have always spoken such deep truths to me and when I think of love now I think of finding a person who can be quiet with me- quite boring as opposed to the romantic notions that a young me craved for.  In the quiet so much is spoken, so much is revealed, so much healed...