Last night
was a whirlwind of activity. I had to
stop by my parish before class to make some last minute arrangements for
tomorrow- we are planning our annual RCIA Via Crusis at the beach. This year we decided to do it a week ahead so
that we can all participate in Good Friday parish events. Traffic was really bad and I was running late
to my first class on Canon Law, luckily I made it a few minutes before class
started. I am back in class with the
deaconate group of 2019. It seems like
there’s not a whole lot of interest in canon law, so I got a lot of queries as
to what made me take the course. To be honest,
though I am working on getting my Master Catechesis Certificate, I love to
learn. I have this image of heaven being
like a school, where I spend eternity worshipping God by learning. I know that might be hell for some of you-
but I find so much pleasure in learning…
As I drove home after a great classroom discussion, I was thinking about
how pleasing it is to me to discover new layers to God and my Catholic Church;
this knowledge not only fortifies my faith, but makes my love for God stronger. It’s like when you are falling in love with
another, the more you get to know him the stronger your affections grows.
This Lent, I
have been praying the Stations of the Cross. I was meditating on some of the prayers and
reflections that go with this type of contemplation and this theme of sharing
in God’s suffering as he makes his way to Calvary keeps repeating. I stopped for a moment to reflect on what I
was asking God, “to share in His suffering” and I thought do I really mean
this? Do I really want to share in His
passion? When my brother got really sick
towards the end of his life, when the schizophrenia took over, there were
moments when I wanted to carry some of his crazy so that he wouldn’t have to do
it on his own. When my family was crying
and hurting in the hospital room again I wanted to carry their hurt so that I
wouldn’t have to see them in pain. Have
you ever experienced seeing a loved one hurt and wanted to alleviate their pain
by taking some of it on? I think that’s
what it means to want to share in Jesus’ passion and we can’t ask to carry the
cross unless we really love him. Unless
seeing him on his way to his crucifixion hurts us so much that we volunteer to
help. I think I finally understand what
it means when saints write about wanting to suffer for Christ.
I started
watching “Mad Men” mostly because I like to admire the fashion. After watching a few episodes I realize that
there’s this lie that has infiltrated our society, a lie that love is as
superficial as pleasure. Yet, true love
is sacrifice and sharing in the hurt.
When I was growing up I never thought of my parents as my ideal of a marital
couple because they were ordinary. Now,
I see how much they love each other not because they have become more romantic,
but by the sacrifices they have made (and make) for one another. Keeping a clean house, making a good meal,
washing dishes, working a 9-5 - doing the ordinary toils that’s true love. The passion of Christ show’s us that passion is
suffering for the common good of others.
And at times helping carry each other’s cross. If we are unprepared to suffer then we are
unprepared to love. This Lent, the idea
of sharing in Jesus’ passion makes me uncomfortable because I am being asked if
I love him enough to share in his suffering.
To be honest I am still terrified of suffering – but it’s been good to
come to understand how closely intertwined love and suffering are.
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