We are in This Struggle Together

Exploring Nature with the King of my heart.

I am a doubting Thomas.  I identify with his skepticism and his refusal to believe without tangible evidence.  He waited to trust in the resurrection of Jesus until he could see and feel the wounds.  As a young teen I left the church specifically because I thought science and religion couldn’t coexist.  Believing that I had to make a choice- I chose science.  Recently I was reading Chesterton’s Orthodoxy.  In the book, Chesterton plays with the idea of fairy tales and how no human being has ever lost his sanity by believing in magic, but many great philosophers have gone mad trying to devoid the world of God.  I also, read The Case for Christ and listened to many lectures by Father Robert Spitzer where they both provide scientific evidence for Intelligent Design.  While God has provided a lot of information to help me reconcile science and religion in my life- I still have doubts.  I constantly ask Him to place my hands on His wounds because my suspicion is so great.

Happiness is a smiling dog!

I think the biggest battle in my spiritual life is prayer.  Is He listening?  Does He care? Will He hear my cries and provide help?  The answer through faith is yes.  According to scripture and Catholic Tradition God is involved in our daily struggles, He didn’t create the world and placed us in it to just leave and watch from afar never interceding.  He cares!  Yet, I doubt when I pray and I don’t hear an answer right away- or when the answer is no.  I doubt when I want something or am praying for someone and all I get is silence.  I been thinking lately of the man that asked Jesus to heal his son and cried out, “Lord, I believe, help my unbelief.”  Help my unbelief.  The Apostle Paul talks about a thorn that he pleaded for God to take from him, but God said no and Paul realized that through this thorn he depended on God for sustenance.  I need God (I know life without Him) and I choose God.  I pray even when I don’t feel like it, even when I doubt I pray because I believe in Jesus Christ.  Sometimes I pray that He helps my unbelief, other times I ask Him to let me feel His wounds.

Though I have had great confirmations of the power of prayer, I still struggle.  Yet, when I think of Exodus and how many times God provided tangible evidence to the prayers of His people and they still doubted- I realize that I am weak and it is in weakness that God loves most to create...  Whatever my struggles, I have made my choice to follow God all the way to heaven and there’s no amount of unbelief that will keep me from surrendering my life to Him who my heart adores (smile).    

He's MINE!