The State of My Heart…

I haven’t written about the progress towards my one-and-only in sometime and a friend asked me just yesterday for the state of my corazón.  My heart is full of love and the desire to release it at the given time that God tells me so.  It’s still dormant and following God’s will to not awaken until love so desires.  I think that has been what I have been working on lately- to not give my heart away too soon.  To not be clouded by my romantic spirit, but to follow my heart with caution and reason.  I don’t have a lot of experience in dating nor in the opposite sex.  Ninety-nine percent of my friends are women.  I mentioned before that I have only been in one relationship and have gone on two dates since my break-up almost a decade ago.  When I am around men I’m attracted to I stumble, my speech gets tangled and I have difficulty carrying on a conversation- sometimes it’s easier to resort to silence.  If my relationship with a man could be done through writing I might have a chance- since it’s in writing that I find most of my courage & clarity (smile).  Yet, I know that God wants me to grow and to take me out of my comfortable, intimate circle into an arena where I will be challenged to mature in love. 

I have a tendency to be the person that falls in love first in the relationship- I give my heart too easily and usually end up hurt.  My sister who knows me best, tells me that I need to fall for men that love me first- meaning I need to wait to give my heart until I know for sure that my love is reciprocated.  Father Morrow, too, told me that when my heart wants to move emotionally too fast I need to keep repeating "he’s not into me" and allow the man to do the pursuing.  For if a man is into me he will pursue.  As logical and simple as both the advice Father and my sister offered – I finally agree that in order to protect my heart I need to be more practical. 

Next month I am going to the National Singles Conference, that’s my next attempt at finding love.  I must confess that since the singles cruise and after my failed attempt with the Ave Maria Dating Website I haven’t put myself out there.  However, I am content knowing that I am actively doing my part and trust in God that when I am ready for my hubby God will place Him in my life. Until then I am guarding my heart in a more proactive manner and enjoy the blessings of single life (smile).