Sadness is Perfectly Ok

On Saturday, my best Catholic friend’s and I got together at the new home of one of my girls.  Her husband is so sweet, he left the house so that we could have the freedom to talk and share.  It was a night that we so needed because we all had individual struggles that we were holding onto and needed to be shared.  I loved listening to them as they shared marital, familial, deaths of loved ones- among other real difficulties each of them is facing.  The difference in listening to their struggles is that they shared how they saw God involved in their lives.  They praised Him and contributed their strength to our heavenly Father and prayer… Sometimes as an introvert I tend to keep things bottled up.  This unwillingness to share my dark moments can make them seem bigger than they are.  Thus, as we went around the room catching up my problems became the “real” size and they no longer felt overwhelming.  As I heard them speak about the presence of God in their lives I began to see His presence in my moments of weakness.  I knew that it was going to be an emotional night because I knew of the disappointments, pain and loss that each faced, but I didn’t realize it was going to be such a bonding experience.  The next morning we all texted each other still thankful for those hours together.  The benefits of solid friendships – if I could only count them!

In Christian circles, sadness is one of those things that has gotten lost in translation.  A lot of people of faith think that sadness cannot be part of our Christian experience.  So, it gets written off; but, Jesus cried when his friend died.  Jesus, stopped and felt his pain unashamed.  When things are difficult sadness is a perfectly normal reaction and ok feeling.  Many of us are so scared of sadness that even when a child falls and scrapes his knees we go to him and say, “its ok.”  The child knows it’s not ok - his skin is ripped and blood is seeping through.  He’s hurting and the pain is REAL.  We grow up in the faith hearing things like there’s “no sad Christian,” and at least for me – I felt like sadness had no part in the Christian life so I shouldn't talk about it.  Yet, when our marriage is in crisis, when we suffer disillusionments, when we lose people we love- sadness is the perfect response.  Cry, share your hurt with God (in prayer) and with friends and loved ones and do so without fear of being unchristian.  BUT- don’t remain in the sadness.  If you notice that after a few days your sadness is not getting better seek help.

Recently, I was a bit sad and I fled to chapel to pray and cry with God.  Later, I wrote my first prayer and I asked Him to help me not take back what I had given Him.  It’s important that when we give God our suffering we make sure it stays there.  That’s part of our healing process.  I know it’s hard because our feelings will want to take it right back, but if we want to heal we must trust it entirely to Him.  I also sought the company of not just my best friends, but the company of saints.  I have been reading two books simultaneously one on Saint Francis of Assisi and the other by Saint Teresa of Avila and both have filled me with so much goodness.  I also love rosary Novena’s, so during this time I have been fervently praying one with Mother Mary.  Though when we are sad it’s hard to do things, I have pushed myself to complete activities that I love and don’t make the time for. I have a few projects that I am working on at home and that keeps my mind from wondering into darkness.  Life is hard!  Thus, sadness (sometimes) is the most normal response, but our faith is about hope of passing through the valley of shadow into the realm of impossibility and hand it to God- because nothing is impossible for Him!  He might ask for our involvement (like maybe applying a forgetful mind and a touch of forgiveness) because He uses our trials to aid in our sanctification...  My friend’s from my Franciscan Fraternity gave me the prayer below quite perfect for moments of tribulation.  Praise God.