Objective: Restoring The Relationship

I have been a bit sensitive these past few days, women get these streaks where even a sad commercial on TV will make us cry; but, after the tempest calm follows.  I hate having these bouts of insecurity- I wish I was better at handling them because not only do I drive others crazy - I too can’t stand my highly emotional self!  Yet, I must ride the wave until my hormones calm down and I am back to peace.  This time though, I caused a huge disagreement with my dad over the carpet incident (post I deleted because it was too personal and recent for the public eye).  I kept thinking that instead of showcasing the way my family and I resolve issues, always choosing to restore the relationship that it was just a piece on me not getting my way.  Am not going to lie, I am very spoiled.  I am the baby of the family- my siblings are seven years and older than me- so I’ve always been everyone’s spoiled baby.  Yet, I like to think that if I don’t get my way I won’t throw a tantrum.  In my family, we have been taught to live peacefully a lot of the time we let small issues go without talking about them and choosing to look the other way.  Some would say that we just shove our issues under the rug without really talking and growing from them; but, I think it’s more of a choosing your battles kind of mentality.  My parents have taught us that in problem solving the objective is always to restore the relationship, no matter what happens we are a family and forgiveness must happen.

No one is perfect and the more closely we get to know each other (the more we see each other’s weaknesses) the higher the chances for hurting one another are.  In a family the chances of hurting increase because "we live so closely and love so deeply." When I was a teenager I was telling my mentor that as soon as I graduated high school I was going to go as far away from my family because of the alcoholism and violence I saw at home.  That I would choose the farthest college and leave to start a new life away from the familial pain.  Then she said something that to this day I recall, “You know your family can hurt you the most, but they are also the source of your deepest happiness.  Love works that way, it can cause you the most hurt, but it also gives you the greatest joy.  If you run from your family you will sacrifice both.”  That truly is the secret about love- it can elevate you to the highest skies or throw you into the darkest pit.  That’s why many avoid forming close bonds because “for even as love can crown you, so shall he crucify you.”  In my young life I saw a lot of hurt and dysfunction in my family, but I also experienced unconditional love.  Sometimes, when we are hurting it’s hard to see past the dark thoughts it’s also quite difficult to change to produce a different outcome.

Change as the cliché goes “starts with yourself.”  When I mess up I always try to look at my part in the issue.  Then, I take responsibility for my part in the problem and try really hard to leave blame out because true reconciliation it’s not about accusations.  The object is restoring the relationship and sometimes a simple apology won’t suffice.  If we look at the Sacrament of Reconciliation we see that after owning up for our mistakes and asking for forgiveness depending on the situation there might be need for restitution and a commitment to change.  This is all followed free of guilt because real love and true forgiveness is not concerned with pointing fingers.  Though the process is simple, it’s hard to muster the courage and humility to talk about problems; but, from my own personal experience these moments are valuable for all relationships.  We are a close bunch (my family and I) because as uncomfortable as conflict makes us we talk things out with kindness and respect – the object always being not who is right or wrong, but repairing the familial bond.