Self Love

The Good Old Days...

It’s January and the big discussion this month is the most common New Year’s resolution, losing weight.   Growing up I was the girl with the healthy body size wearing a size six or seven for most of grown-up life- but after my mental breakdown due to the medication I started gaining weight- in a year I put on about seventy-five plus pounds.  One of the side effects of the meds was major hunger cravings – after trying dozens of med combos I finally found one where the most drastic side effect was weight gain and at the time I didn’t care about the excess weight I just wanted my mind to function normally.  My motto was fat, but sane.  After a couple years of working on my sanity I finally  realized that I had gained a lot of weight and I was so utterly unhappy with myself. So much so, that I stopped dressing up- I felt like I looked like a giant decorated piñata when I did dress up.  I also didn’t want to see people who hadn’t seen me in a while because I was afraid of their possible negative comments.  When I did go to parties I no longer had that confidence to be friendly with everyone like I usually am, I just wanted to find a corner where I could hide for the night.  Taking pictures was painful because I didn’t like what I saw.

Previous Weight

Now Rocking with Elvis & at the Grand Canyon

This past year has been a year of acceptance.  After going on the singles cruise back in January I noticed that even at my current size men were attracted to me and you know that really helped with the self-acceptance a bit.  One of my cruise friends from Mexico wouldn’t call me by my name, but rather mi niña bonita (my pretty girl) and while getting spiritual direction from Father he too out of the blue said to me something to the effect that I am a beautiful lady and to use my beauty for Christ.  I guess now you know why I am going again, I found a lot of goodness on that cruise (smile).  These days when I look at pictures of myself I am not as critical and I feel good– even pretty when I do dress up.

During the 2013 Cruise

I never thought that I would accept myself at this size, but God really does marvelous things when we are open to Him.  Now I understand how tough it is to wear heels at a heavier weight and how difficult it is to find boots that will fit your legs (wink).  I admire curvy women especially those who dress with pride in their figure - I even borrow tips from their fashionable sense.  Though, this year I am working on getting fit and healthy because though I accept myself at this weight I know that I am happier when I am slimmer, but it’s nice to know that I am beautifully made no matter the size I am.