Mexican-American

Happy Mexican Independence Day!  Though I have lived in the United States of America most of my life I do feel this great sense of connection and pride to my place of birth and my roots.  They say you can take the Mexican out of Mexico, but not the Mexico out of the Mexican… I grew up in this small apartment community (el barrio) where my neighbors were all Hispanic and right next door several of my cousins. The smells of Mexican cuisine and sounds of Mexican music were ever present as I learned English and adapted to the new culture of the country that saw me grow.  At home Spanish dominated conversations and my parents always advocated that no matter what I achieved in my new homeland that I should always remember where I came from.  I recall many times my parents sharing how they came across Mexican’s refusing to speak Spanish, “You can hear their accent and see the cactus in their forehead placed there from their homeland, but refuse to speak in Spanish.” They would shake their heads and then a “never forget where you came from” talk ensued.

Sure, early in my teen years I wanted to blend in with the rest and like the protagonist of Toni Morrison’s, The Bluest Eye, I too thought that the ideal beauty was blonde hair and blue eyes.  I hated people calling me exotic and just alluding to the fact that I though I grew up in this country my looks immediately classified me as a foreigner.  Yet, at home I continued to hear my parents and brother-in-heaven stress that I needed to be proud of my roots. I continued to celebrate the holidays with tamales, a community bonfire, large family and dancing.  Thus, slowly I made the decision to take pride in the things that I loved.  I began to see beauty in my culture, in my native tongue and in my people. 

Today, I constantly stress the importance of raising children multi-cultural- while it’s more popular now a lot of people still feel like they have to choose one or the other.  I saw this when I taught preschool – the mostly Hispanic parents wanted their children to learn English only- I still see this in the RCIA classes I teach young people that understand but don’t speak Spanish and it kills me.  There’s so much beauty in our Mexican roots in our language, and though for whatever reason we immigrated to the USA we can still be ALL of us- not just the new parts forming in this country- but also our native culture that makes us complete.  My Mexican culture values family and faith – what better foundation as we make new lives in the land of the free.  

Doggy Training

Yesterday, we had our first dog training session at PetSmart.  My experience was so positive, it felt like group therapy for puppy owners.  While I thought that Francis has been a difficult dog to train, I realized that he is ahead of the game.  Many in his class were older than him and still not potty trained.  We worked on “sitting” (something Francis has already mastered) and “focus during distraction” something that he definitely needs to learn.  I think the main reason I enrolled him in the class was because he’s terrified of other dogs and I am at a loss as to what to do with his biting (teething).  As he has grown his teeth have punctured my skin and it’s no fun trying to work with a dog that hurts you without him knowing how to use his mouth safely.  It’s been a long time since we have had a puppy in the house and while the smiles are endless, he has been getting into quite a bit of trouble with his nipping and digging holes in the backyard.  I thought that after he completed his vaccines socializing him with other dogs would be a breeze and that the dog park would relieve him of all the puppy energy that is getting him into trouble.  Last night, he began the class under my seat terrified of being in such close proximity to other dogs, but as the class went on, he got more confident and by end he smelled another dog’s nose which was such a great victory.

Patience.  I think that after having a dog (Dollar) that I was able to teach quite easily and didn’t have any major behavioral problems- I was in the mindset that all dogs with dedication would be equally as easy.  Yet, Francis has been the complete opposite of my previous dog and I need to accept that even though he is requiring outside help that he will (with patience) turn into a great behaved dog.  The class last night revealed that Francis is actually ahead of the game in terms of knowing commands- he just needs help in socialization and I need to learn how to address his teething in a different manner. 

Dog training is not just about training the dog, it's also about training the owner.  He’s so little that I was afraid about using too many treats because I was thinking that I didn’t want him to have obesity problems, but I realized that treats are my best friend.  If I cut his meals into smaller portions than I can give him more treats to reward positive behavior.  I think his size has also been bewildering to me because I am used to a dog triple his size.  When I go on walks, I think “he’s too little to handle too much walking” or I get scared when bigger dogs are around… Thus, I am also learning how to be a good owner to a smaller dog.

Last night, while Francis had a blast and came home to sleep a full night- I think it served me quite as much.  I realized that what I have at home is a puppy and I need to remind myself that Francis is a puppy in training and that though we have a lot of things to work on, he’s not a bad dog- but one on his way to being a great therapy dog!  While I thought the class would be for Francis, I realized that it served both of us equally- can’t wait for the next five sessions in the weeks to come.

Helpful Tips for Catechists

Yesterday, I began my sixth year as a catechist, we have fourteen enrolled in the program so far, but that number changes as more people join on the second week.  This year two of our students from last year have joined the team and their excitement has really impacted me – to hear their new found love for God is so refreshing.  I think sometimes, after some years of following Jesus I can take things for granted and to see the excitement of new converts really inspires and motivates my own faith journey.  Last year, I really thought it would be my last because I had so many things going on that I just couldn’t give my best to my RCIA service, but after I was informed that faith formation for the diocese had halted for a year I found myself with the time and energy to continue my RCIA service.  I think if you’re interested in sharing your faith with others through a parish faith formation program here are some tips.

Age Matters- I was a Confirmation catechist for one year and I just never found my grove with that age group (teens).  After joining RCIA where I find myself sharing my faith with adults I felt right at home. I love working with adults because of their level of maturity.  Yes, I have found some adults can be challenging; but for the most part they are more respectful and willing to open their hearts to God.  Having said this, I have friends that love working with children and teens- so it really depends on your personality.   

Teamwork- It really does take a village to lead others to Christ.  God created us for community and the team reflects that faith family unity.  A good team uses the strengths of each person for the evangelical mission.  I have been serving as the secretary of RCIA since I began serving in addition to giving lessons and helping in daily instruction.  Each member in our team decides how they want to serve, what they want to be in charge of and that really enriches the program because each is comfortable in their roles.

 A Good Leader makes all the difference. While God is in charge of the conversions a leader of the team helps guide the team and students.  Working with my best friend and leader of faith formation for adults has been such a great experience.  Sometimes we butt heads, but for the most part her creativity and passion is contagious.  Every year she pushes us to give better service, she challenges us to grow and I think that’s why I continue to serve as a catechist.

I think when it comes to giving to others the old adage, “you can’t give what you don’t have,” really plays an important role.  Each year I learn so much, this equips me to better serve the following year.  Thus, I never feel like I have mastered the art of being a good catechist because I am always learning, this ongoing growth is what keeps being a catechist exciting.  Every year a new batch of souls come to us and make the year so utterly unique – am really looking to the adventure of this 2019-2020 faith formation year.

Words From My Brother

Recently I came over a journal entry that my brother-in-heaven had written.  It was a list of six goals or maybe six things that he learned in his short life on earth.  As I read each bullet point, I felt his lingering presence – each word brought with a piece of him to me.  They transported me to a familiar place where he and I once existed.  The simple words recreated him and for a moment I felt like he was still with me, continuing to guide me – even from the grave:

• Always try it- if you fail at least you will have the satisfaction of knowing you went for it.

• Have the courage to be you.

• Be kind. Be humble.

• If you love someone, let them know.

• A rejection is better than a “what if.”

• Do not get to the end of your life with a collection of regrets.

Some nights, the two of us would go to the park after the lights went out and sit on a bench while Dollar ran free in the dark field.  There he would talk to me of his experiences and his hopes for our lives.  He always imparted little nuggets of wisdom.  He was eleven years older than me and perhaps he felt it his duty to teach me lessons he learned from his failures.  Maybe it was the undetected Schizophrenia, but he never had the courage to pursue the girl(s) he liked and he wanted me to not allow fear to control my actions.  Sometimes I can be very brave, but when I am faltering, I like to think of my brother and his desires for my life.  Am glad that I came across his words- written down for me to tangibly carry – so that in moments when I lose my way his words will help me find my path again (smile).   

I know that I have disregarded my blog, lately- I promise to be more consistent.

On Kindness

I have been thinking a lot about kindness and the effects there of: a listening ear, non-judgement in struggles, a warm embrace, volunteering to help, offering to pray…  Lately, I have witnessed a lot of kindness from friends as well as from strangers and it is these gifts that have made such a difference in my life.  These small signs of love have allowed me to see God in the midst of my struggles and to come out of period of dryness into a place where I feel so overwhelming His presence.  On Saturday, I went to my Franciscan annual pool party, there a friend listened to me as I poured my heart – she told me about similar struggles she had faced with loved ones and offered to pray for me and my intentions.  Somehow, she sensed that I needed a listening ear and she asked me to come and soak my feet in the pool with her.  There I had one of those healing conversations – where her past experience really validated and encouraged me.

At Monday night bible study, I was sharing with my classmates about the liberation I felt recently when I was prayed over and without asking one of my classmates said, “let’s all pray a Hail Mary for Penny” and the whole class was like “let’s do it.”  I was sharing my experience as my answer to one of the discussion questions, so when the whole class prayed for my personal intentions I was moved beyond words because again I saw God so utterly present in my life.  These people (who I have been studying with once a week for almost a year now) through their kind action revealed that each of us have the power to be the hands of God and do good in serving our brother.  That a small gesture can really fill the hearts of those who are facing challenges.

Recently, I was in a vulnerable position and the when the doctor who came in to assist us, said, “this is a place of non-judgement.”  This safe place created by her statement and the actions that followed were what I needed at that moment.  In order to confess weaknesses and work towards healing we all need a place of non-judgement, where our past actions are not bigger than the recovery that awaits.  In Jesus, we see this non-judgement when it comes to working with people in need.  The Pharisees question why he is spending time with sinners and Jesus so eloquently replies, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick.  I have not come to call the righteous, but the sinners to repentance.”  Jesus shows us that no matter our circumstances we all deserve kindness, more so those who are hurting.

Lately, I have been more aware of these moments where kindness has made such a difference in my life.  It has liberated, comforted and encouraged me so…  In the midst of it all these small gestures I have seen God ever so present in my life (smile).

What I Am Reading Now

I love books and lately I have found myself with a little more time to read and though the majority of my time I have devoted to reading dog training manuals – I have also been able to read other material.  Here’s my reading list.

If you find yourself like me trying to domesticate a little wolf, I would highly recommend Dog Training for Dummies.  Though the dummies series has breed appropriate volumes, I feel like the best one is the one that started their dog training series and thus encompasses various training methods.  I first bought the Shih Tzu version and I had to order the one that helped me train Dollar, because I felt like the Shi Tzu volume focused more on breed specifics than actual training.  Dollar was a great dog, perfectly trained by me with the help of Dog Training for Dummies; thus, I am now using it to train my reckless, little pup, Francis.

I have started my first lectio divina bible study and have been studying “The Gospel of Mark.” As I find myself drawn to the study guide, connecting each day with themes found in this specific gospel – I decided to read the entire gospel to get a better understanding of my current bible study.  It’s wonderful reading scripture and having a guide to point out certain things that are historically significant, or stylistic to the author and also having the freedom to just jump into the biblical stories and get a better understanding of the characters, the times, and of course Jesus more profoundly.  

When I am struggling the biggest hurdle can be my thoughts, which being Bipolar don’t need much assistance jumping into the abyss of helplessness.  It is during these moments when I feel like I am having such a challenge controlling my mind, that instead of giving into the negative chatter I pick up a book and redirect my focus to "holy thoughts."  For Christmas I was given two volumes of Words of Wisdom by Father Warren J. Rouse.  He is one the priests that lives in Sierra Retreat House and when I went on my Franciscan retreat, he was advertising the third volume.  I have found his reflections so helpful in helping me fight gloomy thoughts and to bring my mind back to God.  He really has great insight into the peaceful, comforting heart of God.

Books have always been my great friends and they continue to help me in my journey (smile).

Back to Peace

I went to Mass on Thursday, for the Assumption of Mary, and it was the first service in a long time that I found myself completely immersed in worship.  I can’t stress enough how being prayed over liberated whatever sad, anxious spirit had stuck to me and I finally found consolation.  It was a special feast day that incorporated incense into the Mass and I remember being so drawn by the smells, it just connected my senses and drew me into the service in a way that I had long been lacking.  On Sunday, the readings again got me so engaged and spoke to me filling me with hope and perseverance.  I thanked God, for His words, for the Eucharist and for breaking that veil that had me feeling so disconnected during worship. 

Things haven’t changed here, I am still facing the same struggles, but now with a peaceful spirit.  For a skeptic, I still am in awe of how being prayed over made all the difference.  Like I told my Franciscan small group, I believe in the power of prayer when I am interceding for someone else, but when I am crying to the Lord for myself, I can be very doubtful.  Thus, to be freed from the oppressive Spirit after being prayed over has began to change my thought pattern about prayer.  Though, I wish that I had that complete trust in the Lord as seen in our Holy Mother- I know that little by little my doubt is being transformed. 

I have thought long and hard about these past post that perhaps have been a little gloomy in content, but I think it’s good to show that it’s ok to experience unpleasant feelings, to feel almost at the point of defeat- even as Christians because we are human and experience the same range of emotions; however, before we break God always comes through.  It is in our weakness that the glory of God is manifested (the Bible tells me so); thus, when I am struggling it’s ok to share that struggle because our testimony is powerful.  I am reminded of the “Book of Job” (perhaps my favorite book in the Bible), he goes through great tribulation feeling a range of unpleasant emotions, but he never quivers away from the Lord. Job stands firm in his faith, even though he suffers immensely – it is in seeing his major suffering and loss that the glory of God shines ever so brightly.  Though Job losses everything, God rewards Job’s fidelity. 

Sometimes we go through a purging season, where we feel like we are losing everything that gave us comfort and peace but, God has a plan.  We need to be empty to be filled up again.  We need challenges to grow in sanctity and in our trust in the Lord.  It’s hard to let go - to walk in uncertainty, but if I rely in the promises of God- that walk can be one of peace, one that looks forward to the celestial gifts waiting to be opened.

Power of Community Prayer

“Where two or more gather in my name there I am with them…”  God made us for community, to share our joys and to help carry our woes to the cross.  On Sunday, I was a little under the weather, there are many troubles ailing my family – big problems that I can’t do anything about.  During my formation small group one of the discussion questions on prayer brought tears to my eyes and the leader of the group noticed that I was not my usually cheerful self.  So, she stopped the discussion and asked everyone to lay hands on me and my small group all prayed over me.  During the prayer I heard God say, “let go.”  Since I have been feeling quite at peace.

Sometimes when our loved ones are struggling, we want to help them and we take on their burden and feel utterly overwhelmed because we weren’t designed to be the ones carrying another’s burden.  That is God’s job.  Our job is to be there, to help in anyway we can and if the situation is beyond our scope of help then we pray so that God will act.  Though carrying the burden of my brother might feel like solidarity- the reality is that I am taking the place of God.  Jesus said, “come to me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble.” He tells us that when we are having a problem, we need to seek God and to let go of our trouble because he doesn’t want us to carry that load.  When we turn to Him and entrust him with the situation causing us woe, we are free to do His will.  To love and serve our neighbor always repeating, “Jesus, I trust in you.”

I love a story of a father watching his little girl get pinched with a needle trying to pull thread through it. He was tempted to go and thread the needle for her, but he knew that if he allowed the temporary pain his little girl would learn to do it and her self-esteem would grow knowing she had finally done it.  It’s hard to watch our love ones suffer and to think of the good that can come from it, many times I want to act - to help… But I am learning to discern what matters I can help and which I need to entrust the Lord with.  I think in many cases I need to learn to let go and not be an enabler through my desire to help, but rather give it to God.

I leaned this prayer on Sunday, a day that time in community filled me with the peace I was lacking:

“Jesus, right now I place my life in your hands.  In sickness, in financial difficulty, and in the midst of wounded relationships, I offer myself to you. Come and lift me up from stormy waters, and place my feet on the rock of faith in you.”

Saint Clare & Root Bear Floats

Yesterday, was the Feast of Saint Clare and in my Franciscan meeting we had Root Bear Floats to celebrate.  I forget sometimes the importance of studying the life of the saints, of getting to know them as close friends.  Though I love Saint Francis, I don’t ever resort to calling on his beloved best friend, Clare.  As you may know Saint Francis established three communities one for men, one for women and a Secular Order for people who want to live his spirituality out in the world.  Francis never had plans to do this, but slowly the need for each community came to life as people fell a deep connection to his way of life.  Beautiful Clare came from a family of nobility, her family was busy making a match for her to marry, but she refused all suitors because she felt a great desire to give herself to God.  After years of secretly meeting with Francis she realized that she wanted to follow the same path.

Her family didn’t support her desire for religious life, so on Palm Sunday she left her home traveling to a little church where Saint Francis cut her hair and she received the poor habit of the friars.  Though her family tried to persuade her to return home, she persisted and they soon realized that she wasn’t coming home.  She dedicated her life to the poor and to Christ.  Her life in the convent was filled with much physical suffering due to chronic illness that brought much pain.  In addition, she struggled most of her life trying to receive approval for her Rule and only two days before she died was it granted.  She was an exceptionally bright woman, who showed such a profound spiritual understanding that Popes, Cardinals and bishops all came for her counsel. 

In learning more about her life, in community with my Franciscan brothers and sisters I realized how much I need to become better friends with Saint Clare.  I admire her spirit of persistence.  Many times I feel like giving up and the only surrender that needs to happen is my surrender to God’s will.  If I already prayed and made the decision to entrust God with my situation, then I need to do my best to move forward with my day; to fight the temptation to dwell until I become anxious and desperate and focus instead on loving and serving others.  Clare persisted in doing good even though at times it seemed like she might not get approval for her Rule, she didn’t allow herself to despair, but trusted in God’s will.  Her persistence is what I most feel drawn to today, because it’s a trait that I need to emulate.  It’s too easy to give up, but with friends like Saint Clare, God shows that all is possible for those who trust in the Lord.            

We Are All A Little Weird

We are all a little weird and I am no exclusion. 

I give the last rites to animals that have been killed in the streets- I guess the correct terminology is roadkill.  When I pass through animal remains, while driving, I bless them with the sign of the cross and say a little prayer and imagine that God made their end the least painful.  I am an animal lover to the core and am quite sensitive to seeing mangled bodies of God’s creation; thus, in a quick ceremony, I imagine that these little animal souls are at rest perhaps running free in heaven’s gardens.

The weirdest thing that I have found at a thrift store is an urn of someone’s pet.  I noticed that the little box looked similar to Dollar’s, in a clear bag with the dog’s paw print and a condolence card from the place of cremation.  I took it my friend’s the cashiers and asked them if I could have it to give it a proper burial.  They looked at me probably the way you are while reading this (smile) and agreed that perhaps the little guy deserved a resting place that wasn’t their garbage bin.  Now Dollar has a companion resting beside him.

I am the oops child that came seven years after my parents thought they were done having children; thus, I was much younger than my siblings and growing up in a farm meant that animals were my closest companions.  I daily socialized with chicks, rabbits, goats, dogs- you name it and I considered them my animal best friends.  From the moment I was born my days were filled with farm life and animals lots of animals.  In Mexico, animals died normal deaths and when I moved to the city, I saw that some had difficulty coexisting with the city environment and met their ends in terrible ways- usually hit by cars.  Though there are qualified people that pick up the carcasses from the road, a little prayer allows me to thank God for their existence and to wish them a happy death.

If you still want to be my friend after learning this… (smile)