Some moments in the year feel heavier when they have been marked by loss. I know for me every November there’s this gray shadow that just sits in place. It just shows up around the same time and just sits there, a reminder of something tragic, but also a testament to great love. When I was younger, I couldn’t wait to grow up and leave my family because my teenage heart felt like I couldn’t handle the pain of being part of such a dysfunctional family. One day, I was so upset that I shared this with my mentor, she in her wise age told me- you’re only thinking of the pain that you would avoid, but you would miss out on all of the joy. That was the beginning of my education - only those that know great pain can also know great love, these two disciplines live side by side to illuminate the power of love.
God calls us to be happy, and though I try my best to live
contently every November the shadow comes and drops reminding me of the separation
between siblings that began one Fall day.
I used to agonize over the sadness that comes during those weeks, but
now I use the shadow to remind me of why I believe. My faith is strongest when I think of death
and when I know that even if it comes and it shatters my heart, that one day I will
be reunited. At first, I used to think
that I would be reunited with my loved one and that gave me utter joy and
satisfaction- until one priest said, “what about Jesus?” Now when I think of my reunion with those
that have gone before me, I also think about Jesus and Mary and all the saints
that I have gotten to know and the longing for the life to come intensifies.
We are all just passing by, this house that we call our home
is temporal and a crumb of sand compared to the home that waits for us in
heaven. That’s why I believe, that’s why
I reverted and in November I think about it more deeply and the shadow that
comes serves as a reminder of the world to come…
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