No Filters

When I think of purity, I, immediately think of sexuality- saving myself for marriage- but in terms of spirituality purity goes beyond physical abstinence.  I was in the confessional, and Father advised me to lead an honest life, days later my Bible study dealt with truth and then I heard a homily on integrity and I felt like God was asking me to focus on purity of heart and mind.  One of the characteristics I value most in others is honesty because I like to give the same in return.  I think the fewer the lies the healthier the relationship and in my associations that’s how I like to lead my life.  Yet, it’s easy to slip to think one white lie won’t hurt… 

Recently, I have had a few interviews and sometimes the stress can be so overwhelming that I jokingly told my parents that I was going to take Francis with me and say that he was my emotional support animal (smile).  When interviewing for a job I find it the most difficult to remain truthful, I want to win my interviewers over, but I want to do so being uniquely me without exaggerations.  Sometimes, though it feels that without hyperbole my simple self won’t do.  I think that’s why many of us lie because we feel like our ordinary self won’t do.  Like without the photo filter we are not good enough- I have even seen parents use filters on their already cute babies and that breaks my heart.

Last year, at the Via Crucis on the beach one of my students took a picture of the sunset along the coast and then she added a filter and she showed me proudly how great the touched up photo looked and I remember telling her that I thought the natural picture was perfect and didn’t need filtering.  Does distorting an image count as a lie? I just know that too much filtering can absolutely have an affect on others.  I have heard of people who are on dating apps being disappointed when they meet one another in real life because they look nothing like the filtered images used online.  Yet, this is nothing new for years magazines have distorted images of women (they elongate the legs, take in the waist, erase the wrinkles…) and only in recent times have some begin to stand up against the unrealistic beauty standards they sell.  A few brave celebrities have also been adamant of not allowing their images to be photoshopped, but not enough to stop the distortion.

Though sometimes I do like to travel away from my ordinary life and jump into the plot of a great narrative- I do believe in living honestly.  Growing up, I always felt ordinary and for awhile I fought to be extraordinary- but as I mature in years, I have come to realize that God created me.  There’s only one of me, I am one-of-a-kind, even if the world doesn’t see me that way...  The writings of Brother Lawrence have only inspired me because they echo the sentiments of Saint Therese: small as we are, we can still be saints- sans filter. I am attracted to people with simple hearts who know their weaknesses and smallness and through that humility God is able to work marvels.  Brother Lawrence hoped that monastic life would make him smart and rid him of his faults and awkwardness only to learn that God was satisfied with Him just as he was.  This revelation, gave Brother Lawrence hope that his ordinary life (doing the most commonplace tasks) could glorify God and that’s just what he did.  When we know who created us, and how much He loves us there’s no need for filters. Ordinary reality is pretty special when there’s nothing to prove, no one to impress only to glorify God in our smallness.  There’s this song that I love that describes the lover trying to do all these things to impress the beloved only to learn that the beloved is the one making the biggest impression.  When there is love - authenticity and realness is what wins hearts.  That’s why to come to God we need to have pure hearts, hearts that delight in the honest truth.  

How I Made Twenty-Thousand Selling on eBay

I have been building a small empire these past months on eBay (smile)… After getting laid off, I decided to try my luck in what a friend of mine likes to call my E-Commerce (laugh).  Though, this little venture has earned me more than twenty-thousand-dollars- it’s hard for me to take it serious because it just feels too silly to qualify as self-employment.  Employment sounds so serious and what I have done has simply turned a disability and hobby into a mad money-making machine (more laughter).  As I have often shared, I am bipolar and sometimes in the manic phases nothing sounds more divine than shopping.  If you’re a faithful reader you also know that I have dealt with this symptom by going to thrift stores and wearing my shopping self out while only blowing a couple tens at most. In my shopping sprees I started finding really high-end merchandise that was not my style and I thought it would be fun to reunite the item with a person who would appreciate it.  That’s really how this all began.

I have been an avid secondhand shopper for quite a few years now.  While to me buying used is a way of life and my small way of decreasing my carbon footprint, I have discovered that buying used is becoming more and more common among people.  Thus, I supply to a growing demand.  Yet, to me this business is enjoyable because:

First, I like to score good deals.  I am cheap, I will search and wait until I find what I want at a price that I want to pay.  To me there’s nothing like the high of finding a pair of Jimmy Choo’s in my size for one dollar or an eighties Louis Vuitton Speedy for thirteen dollars- yes, those stories are real.  I like things with history and things that can grow old and not disintegrate as quickly as fast fashion does.  Usually designer pieces are made to last and that’s why I find things that are still quite wearable and at a price that I can afford and not feel guilty at thrift stores. 

Second, I love to restore, fix or reinvent a purpose for things.  I think I started selling on eBay leather purses that I found and gave a facelift.  While at first, I just wanted to keep things from arriving at the dump too soon eventually the accumulation was too much for me so I also started to share with other deal shoppers like me online.  Soon, I started to see what a nice profit I was making and before I knew it my hobby was paying for my vacations and now, my living as I find suitable employment.    

Finally, I like to take pictures and write descriptions and list my items on eBay.  I do it all with my phone and the process though time consuming is quite user friendly.  My nerdiness helps, because I like to do research on items and learn the history and the creative process of each of the items I list.  This, knowledge has been extremely helpful in helping me list and price things fairly.  It’s also introduced me to other designer brands, taught me how to authenticate and just learn how to tell if it’s a quality item when I am out shopping.  In addition to giving me a greater appreciation for the craft of how things are made.   

Shop, restore, and product knowledge have been what have made my business successful.  Three things that I really enjoy doing; thus, for me to think of the money I have earned doing a lot of silliness seems weird to call it self-employment.  It’s a hobby and my way of saying, “I will not go gentle into the good night” – no bipolar symptom is going to keep me down (smile).  While it’s a lucrative hobby, I have learned that I do not want to do this as more than that.  Right now, I am devoting more time than usual, but once I find a job it will go back to my little hobby and I am ok with that.

Six Years

I have been wanting to write this entry since July, when “In My Shoes” turned 6!  Six years ago, I started this little outlet to write about anything that popped into my head in the AM and though sometimes my thoughts in the span of the life of my blog have been repetitive -I usually try to share the new experiences.  I have been lacking creativity these past few months because I have had so many changes and for someone who thrives in routine – life has been challenging.  Nevertheless, thanks for reading even during my slump…  Since, I started writing this space - here are a few things (milestones) that have happened:   

I officially became a flats over heels girl- Though I still have a great attraction for high heels my new lifestyle has converted me into a ninety-nine percent flats wearing girl.  I no longer go clubbing or party the way I did as a pagan (LOL) – now I usually do things of substance that require lots of walking and have no access to alcohol to numb the pain of the heels. And seriously there’s so many cute flats!

I learned that four-inches is my max heel height.  When I do wear heels (mostly to wedding receptions) I have realized that no matter how appealing stilettos are – I need a heel that I can move in…  Though lately I have discovered that a nice platform or kitten heel can be just as great.

Dollar is now in doggy heaven and Francis is my new doggy here on earth.  Losing the furball that made constant appearances here on the blog was a devastating loss and it hurt immensely.  After I laid him to rest, I realized that I wanted to save another dog as quickly as possible.  I figured two miserable souls could comfort each other, and while Francis has been completely opposite to Dollar in every way, he’s already part of the Penny Clan, we love him very much.

My faith has matured.  I finally feel comfortable being Catholic and practicing my faith as best as I can because my questions keep finding intelligent answers.  Thanks be to God I found a Bible Study Group that I love because the group challenges me to study my faith harder and to get to know God more deeply.  I also, am in the Master Catechist program receiving the same training as aspiring deacons and though my diocese is revamping the program, I am looking forward to continuing my studies when lay formation returns. 

After, having this great devotion to Saint Francis, I began and continue my Secular Franciscan Formation am looking forward to my profession.  I found a great community of Franciscans where I continue to learn the legacy this great saint left for us to follow in our journey to Christ.  My monthly meetings fill me with hope and a desire to continue learning and putting into practice Franciscan spirituality.

I have also been connected with many different young adult Catholic organizations that have helped me find people like me.  I no longer feel like an outcast, but take pride in my Catholic identity.  God continues to place people and experiences in my path that make my faith anything, but stagnant.  I have monthly meetings with young Catholic women and we study our faith while growing in friendship… And I continue to learn how to live my faith in the world and balance friendships with non-believers too. 

In six years, I do see the great changes and am excited for the future.  On Sunday, Father said during the homily that we should strive to live honest lives of integrity.  And I hope to continue being open and true this next year.  I also, will try to be more committed to my entries and sharing not only in words, but with pictures… For now, Happy Sixth Anniversary “In My Shoes” and thank you friends for reading.

The Power of Religious Art

As a young Catholic I always wondered why the Catholic Church didn’t sell its artwork to feed the poor.  Recently, in my Monday night bible study class a mom was sharing that her son, who has fallen away from the church, asked her the same question.  I think when one has been outside the church for awhile it does seem like a reasonable thought, that selling the art pieces will provide income to help the less fortunate.  Yet, religious art has a greater value than monetary.  Many people have come to know Christ through artwork.  I remember a priest sharing that, he had once gone to a retreat high as a kite because he was a drug addict.  When he woke up from his slumber during one of the sessions the first thing he saw, was an image being projected on the wall of Jesus holding a man.  The image was so powerful that he felt immediately sober and being called by Jesus.  This image was his arrow towards a conversion of life and eventually a journey into the priesthood.  He claims that through the image he knew that God loved him, even in the state that he was in and that God’s mercy was so great that it allowed him to see a different life for himself away from drugs, he felt an instant healing and a repulsion towards drugs after that.  Now a fully ordained priest he has the gift of healing.

A couple years ago, I had a student in my Rite of Christian Initiation classes, who has studying art at university.  She said the first time she saw The Pieta by Michelangelo she felt God in such a powerful way.  She detailly described how each movement in the clothing and the expressions on Mary and Jesus transported her to heaven for a moment.  I remember she was in front of the class sharing what she saw in the sculpture and it really translated to the beauty of God drawing her in.  Though, her encounter was through a photograph of The Pieta, she said one day she hoped to be able to see it in person.

When I first entered Rome, during one of my pilgrimages I remember entering Vatican City and seeing the sculptures of the disciples and Jesus up high on the rooftop.  These huge bigger-than-life-three-dimensional representations of Jesus and his apostles brought  me to tears- my heart felt so full.  This powerful feeling of being in the presence of greatness of being surrounded by holy men covered my skin in goosebumps and for a moment I felt like time stopped working and I was in the presence of Jesus in heaven with our Church fathers… Lately, I have been using art to pray with and I have to say that images can transport and activate the imagination to bring us closer to God in a way only art can do so. 

Where are you in the storm?

I know our Church understands the power of art and that’s why it’s so intent on conserving and protecting it.  Its beauty leads us to God.  And while selling pieces to the highest bidder can perhaps feed the poor momentarily - Man does not live on bread alone.  We are fed by more than just the food that goes in our stomachs, and that’s why people travel to religious sites so often to have these encounters with God through the beauty of religious artwork.

Mexican-American

Happy Mexican Independence Day!  Though I have lived in the United States of America most of my life I do feel this great sense of connection and pride to my place of birth and my roots.  They say you can take the Mexican out of Mexico, but not the Mexico out of the Mexican… I grew up in this small apartment community (el barrio) where my neighbors were all Hispanic and right next door several of my cousins. The smells of Mexican cuisine and sounds of Mexican music were ever present as I learned English and adapted to the new culture of the country that saw me grow.  At home Spanish dominated conversations and my parents always advocated that no matter what I achieved in my new homeland that I should always remember where I came from.  I recall many times my parents sharing how they came across Mexican’s refusing to speak Spanish, “You can hear their accent and see the cactus in their forehead placed there from their homeland, but refuse to speak in Spanish.” They would shake their heads and then a “never forget where you came from” talk ensued.

Sure, early in my teen years I wanted to blend in with the rest and like the protagonist of Toni Morrison’s, The Bluest Eye, I too thought that the ideal beauty was blonde hair and blue eyes.  I hated people calling me exotic and just alluding to the fact that I though I grew up in this country my looks immediately classified me as a foreigner.  Yet, at home I continued to hear my parents and brother-in-heaven stress that I needed to be proud of my roots. I continued to celebrate the holidays with tamales, a community bonfire, large family and dancing.  Thus, slowly I made the decision to take pride in the things that I loved.  I began to see beauty in my culture, in my native tongue and in my people. 

Today, I constantly stress the importance of raising children multi-cultural- while it’s more popular now a lot of people still feel like they have to choose one or the other.  I saw this when I taught preschool – the mostly Hispanic parents wanted their children to learn English only- I still see this in the RCIA classes I teach young people that understand but don’t speak Spanish and it kills me.  There’s so much beauty in our Mexican roots in our language, and though for whatever reason we immigrated to the USA we can still be ALL of us- not just the new parts forming in this country- but also our native culture that makes us complete.  My Mexican culture values family and faith – what better foundation as we make new lives in the land of the free.  

Doggy Training

Yesterday, we had our first dog training session at PetSmart.  My experience was so positive, it felt like group therapy for puppy owners.  While I thought that Francis has been a difficult dog to train, I realized that he is ahead of the game.  Many in his class were older than him and still not potty trained.  We worked on “sitting” (something Francis has already mastered) and “focus during distraction” something that he definitely needs to learn.  I think the main reason I enrolled him in the class was because he’s terrified of other dogs and I am at a loss as to what to do with his biting (teething).  As he has grown his teeth have punctured my skin and it’s no fun trying to work with a dog that hurts you without him knowing how to use his mouth safely.  It’s been a long time since we have had a puppy in the house and while the smiles are endless, he has been getting into quite a bit of trouble with his nipping and digging holes in the backyard.  I thought that after he completed his vaccines socializing him with other dogs would be a breeze and that the dog park would relieve him of all the puppy energy that is getting him into trouble.  Last night, he began the class under my seat terrified of being in such close proximity to other dogs, but as the class went on, he got more confident and by end he smelled another dog’s nose which was such a great victory.

Patience.  I think that after having a dog (Dollar) that I was able to teach quite easily and didn’t have any major behavioral problems- I was in the mindset that all dogs with dedication would be equally as easy.  Yet, Francis has been the complete opposite of my previous dog and I need to accept that even though he is requiring outside help that he will (with patience) turn into a great behaved dog.  The class last night revealed that Francis is actually ahead of the game in terms of knowing commands- he just needs help in socialization and I need to learn how to address his teething in a different manner. 

Dog training is not just about training the dog, it's also about training the owner.  He’s so little that I was afraid about using too many treats because I was thinking that I didn’t want him to have obesity problems, but I realized that treats are my best friend.  If I cut his meals into smaller portions than I can give him more treats to reward positive behavior.  I think his size has also been bewildering to me because I am used to a dog triple his size.  When I go on walks, I think “he’s too little to handle too much walking” or I get scared when bigger dogs are around… Thus, I am also learning how to be a good owner to a smaller dog.

Last night, while Francis had a blast and came home to sleep a full night- I think it served me quite as much.  I realized that what I have at home is a puppy and I need to remind myself that Francis is a puppy in training and that though we have a lot of things to work on, he’s not a bad dog- but one on his way to being a great therapy dog!  While I thought the class would be for Francis, I realized that it served both of us equally- can’t wait for the next five sessions in the weeks to come.

Helpful Tips for Catechists

Yesterday, I began my sixth year as a catechist, we have fourteen enrolled in the program so far, but that number changes as more people join on the second week.  This year two of our students from last year have joined the team and their excitement has really impacted me – to hear their new found love for God is so refreshing.  I think sometimes, after some years of following Jesus I can take things for granted and to see the excitement of new converts really inspires and motivates my own faith journey.  Last year, I really thought it would be my last because I had so many things going on that I just couldn’t give my best to my RCIA service, but after I was informed that faith formation for the diocese had halted for a year I found myself with the time and energy to continue my RCIA service.  I think if you’re interested in sharing your faith with others through a parish faith formation program here are some tips.

Age Matters- I was a Confirmation catechist for one year and I just never found my grove with that age group (teens).  After joining RCIA where I find myself sharing my faith with adults I felt right at home. I love working with adults because of their level of maturity.  Yes, I have found some adults can be challenging; but for the most part they are more respectful and willing to open their hearts to God.  Having said this, I have friends that love working with children and teens- so it really depends on your personality.   

Teamwork- It really does take a village to lead others to Christ.  God created us for community and the team reflects that faith family unity.  A good team uses the strengths of each person for the evangelical mission.  I have been serving as the secretary of RCIA since I began serving in addition to giving lessons and helping in daily instruction.  Each member in our team decides how they want to serve, what they want to be in charge of and that really enriches the program because each is comfortable in their roles.

 A Good Leader makes all the difference. While God is in charge of the conversions a leader of the team helps guide the team and students.  Working with my best friend and leader of faith formation for adults has been such a great experience.  Sometimes we butt heads, but for the most part her creativity and passion is contagious.  Every year she pushes us to give better service, she challenges us to grow and I think that’s why I continue to serve as a catechist.

I think when it comes to giving to others the old adage, “you can’t give what you don’t have,” really plays an important role.  Each year I learn so much, this equips me to better serve the following year.  Thus, I never feel like I have mastered the art of being a good catechist because I am always learning, this ongoing growth is what keeps being a catechist exciting.  Every year a new batch of souls come to us and make the year so utterly unique – am really looking to the adventure of this 2019-2020 faith formation year.

Words From My Brother

Recently I came over a journal entry that my brother-in-heaven had written.  It was a list of six goals or maybe six things that he learned in his short life on earth.  As I read each bullet point, I felt his lingering presence – each word brought with a piece of him to me.  They transported me to a familiar place where he and I once existed.  The simple words recreated him and for a moment I felt like he was still with me, continuing to guide me – even from the grave:

• Always try it- if you fail at least you will have the satisfaction of knowing you went for it.

• Have the courage to be you.

• Be kind. Be humble.

• If you love someone, let them know.

• A rejection is better than a “what if.”

• Do not get to the end of your life with a collection of regrets.

Some nights, the two of us would go to the park after the lights went out and sit on a bench while Dollar ran free in the dark field.  There he would talk to me of his experiences and his hopes for our lives.  He always imparted little nuggets of wisdom.  He was eleven years older than me and perhaps he felt it his duty to teach me lessons he learned from his failures.  Maybe it was the undetected Schizophrenia, but he never had the courage to pursue the girl(s) he liked and he wanted me to not allow fear to control my actions.  Sometimes I can be very brave, but when I am faltering, I like to think of my brother and his desires for my life.  Am glad that I came across his words- written down for me to tangibly carry – so that in moments when I lose my way his words will help me find my path again (smile).   

I know that I have disregarded my blog, lately- I promise to be more consistent.