Yesterday, I treated myself to an event where Scott Hahn
spoke on the Sacrament of Marriage. He is
promoting his new book The First Society in which he explains that Catholic
marriage is the answer to bettering society.
I come from a family where my parents just celebrated their fiftieth
wedding anniversary and their commitment to the Sacrament has really inspired how
my siblings and I think about matrimony.
Recently, my mom was sharing that early in her marriage she packed her
belongings and took my brother (her only child at the time) and sought refuge
at her mother’s home. Mom said that as
the end of the day came to a close my grandma asked mom to go home because it
was getting late and mom responded that she was leaving my dad. My grandma then said, “daughter, I warned you
long before you married him that he was an alcoholic and that you were going to
suffer because of it and you made your choice to marry him. So, now go home and be a good wife.” This would be the last time that my mother would
try to leave my dad.
For years she suffered the neglect and alcoholism of my
father. These were bleak years in which
she saw dad squander money, get into bar fights, come home in state of disarray
from falling in drunkenness, bring his drunk buddies and expect my mom to serve
them, neglect his parental duties… Mom
suffered silently and as I grew into a teenager, I resented her for staying
with my dad even when he was so utterly selfish… Yet, as time passed- as I grew into an adult,
I saw the sanctification of my mother and through her self-denial and prayerful
persistence the transformation of my father.
She has taught me that marriage is for life and a choice that sometimes
doesn’t feel great- but always chooses the beloved. That there are times (even years) in marriage
where it sucks, but if you survive these difficult moments all is worth it. My dad would come to recover from his
alcoholism and to this date he’s been sober for twenty plus years. These years have allowed me to see a
transformation that sometimes I still have to pinch myself to accept that I
have the most amazing father.
These past years, have been the golden years in my parents' marriage. I see them together and it warms
my heart because after fifty years they are more in love than ever. My dad has changed so much, he constantly
boasts about my mother and how lucky he is to have her. Yet, his actions are what
most impress me. He’s always thinking
about how to lighten her load and constantly showers her with flowers and sweet
words. What he didn’t do as a young man
in wooing mom, he does now and he’s more than made up for all the suffering he
inflicted.
Scott Hahn spoke about the importance for married couples to
share with others that in matrimony there will be huge challenges and times
when the spouses feel like huge failures.
I have seen this in my parents’ relationship; yet, I have also seen them
triumph and to finally fall rhythmically into a harmonious place side-by-side. It’s difficult to reach fifty years of
marriage even harder to reach it madly in love as my parents are- but if I have
learned one thing from them is that love is a choice. Love is not a feeling that wears off when the
serotonin levels in the brain level, it's a choice perhaps the most difficult choice – to choose daily, love above all. It is through this relationship of the two that my family is so close knit - my parents are the foundation that constantly brings us together in joy or adversity. Thus, when I hear that Catholic marriage has the power to heal society- I completely agree.
No comments:
Post a Comment