Remaining in God's Peace

Last week I was laid off from my job again, in a few months I will be once again without employment.  The company decided that the little group that they kept in California is not a good fit, so they are moving the entire business to Texas.  This time, my reaction was much better, I thanked God because I know that He has a great new adventure planned for me and sometimes I need a kick in the right direction otherwise I won’t go.  This time I am encouraging my coworkers and trying to have a positive attitude because it’s just a job that will be replaced with another.  I have been here before and my attitude makes the difference between living stressed or remaining in God’s peace.  God’s peace.  Am not sure if I have shared this before, but God’s peace is the reason that no matter what happens I will not move away from my faith.  Through most of my life, I’ve been anxious and unsatisfied, I thought that with more accomplishment I would come to a point where I would be happy.  So, I tried so hard reaching goals and achieving success; but the moments of joy were short lived.  The more I lived trying to collect achievements and focusing on my future the harder it got to live in the present.  The present was the only thing getting in the way of my peace.  

I came from a chaotic home and used my imagination to survive.  When things were out of my control in my outside world, I would go to a place in the future where things were different.  Sometimes I used books to take me away and other times I dreamed of a day when through a series of good choices I would escape.  To live in the present as a child was painfully unstable, daydreaming created a wonderful place for me to retreat too, but as I started growing up- those perfect inner dreams haunted me.  I wanted to create the perfection of my fantasies in real life and I felt like many sacrifices needed to be made.  One was living with tons of pressure to succeed, failing was just not an option.  This discipline helped me graduate college, but I remember that no matter what I accomplished I had this recurring thought that “once I completed one more thing, then I would be happy.”  Chasing after this illusive happiness gave me no peace, still it was a pattern that had kept me alive for so long that I trusted it.  Someday I would be happy and that was enough. 

It was through God’s philosophy that I learned that I could be happy now, that I didn’t have to wait.  Jesus told me that I could live with peace, that as long as I had him I would not want.  He taught me to live in the present, to look at my world and delight at every moment in the gifts he has given me.  Instead of chasing a dream, he taught me to love my reality.  Thanksgiving is the secret. The more grateful we become the more peace we find.  Sometimes, when things get a little chaotic I default to feeling hopeless and pessimistic; but I don’t remain there long.  One thing I love about the Catholic Church is that parishes are always open.  When I feel like my peace is slipping from my hands I drive to the nearest chapel and I go inside and cry.  I can be very sensitive sometimes and I grew up with a mom who believes that a good cry does a body (and soul) good.  Now as an adult, I love crying in front of Jesus because I know that he won’t worry and he will let me cry it out.  He will even endure the times I angry cry and offer the same type of comfort as he does when I am desolate.  He’s taught me that joy is not always found in happiness that sometimes struggle and pain will come into my life and that life happens both in success and in failures.  That defeats are great learning and conversion opportunities; thus, I must welcome them with grace, trust and hope.

I have gone through much in my life to date; but, I am no longer alone in my fantasy I have a God who is always with and for me in my every-day-very-real-life.  A God who I just have to ask to give me peace in the tempest and like the omnipotent God that He is - He calms the waves with only His voice.  On Sunday, Father gave a great homily on mental illness because even when we are believers our disabilities remain, they are in us to glorify God.  Even though I am quite the balanced bipolar sufferer I love that parishes around me are open for refuge.  Our Church, our Holy Mother with all the saints and Jesus himself are always open – with arms wide open - waiting for each of us to run into her!  When we have this great support system we can have peace in whatever condition and that’s why I remain a Catholic, because I have searched everywhere and the only place I find peace in whatever situation is in Jesus Christ! (SMILE)