Happy 5th Blogiversary In My Shoes

Year 5 of "In My Shoes"- wow, I can’t believe that I have managed to write in this space for this long!  It has meant so much to me to be able to express myself here, mostly with no reservations, and I want to continue doing so, but with more creativity.  I want to spend a little more time using another love of mine, photography, in my posts.  My nephew insists that I need to discover which saint is the patron saint of pictures because I do enjoy documenting our adventures and he’s at an age where he hates stopping to capture the moment.  Come to think of it my dog hates it too, when he sees my phone in camera mode he runs the other way - thank goodness for bribery, with a good treat both of them pose for me as many times as I want need them to (smile).

First, I would like to say thank you to all my readers for sticking with me and for the encouragement.  I notice that the posts with the most traffic are the ones where I am simply sharing my story so I promise that I will continue peeling layers of my personal faith journey on here.  Our life is a voyage towards heaven and I still have a long way to get there – so am sure that God will continue to give me material to share and hopefully inspire.  These are my thoughts at a point-in-time and I hope that’s how you take them because I am still learning.  I love the lyrics to a Switchfoot song:

 “I’m learning to breathe, I’m learning to crawl, I’m 

finding that You and You alone can break my fall, 

I’m living again awake and alive, I’m dying to 

breathe in these abundant skies…”

Because that’s how I feel, like every day is a learning experience and some days I pass the lesson and others I fail- some days my posts enlighten others not so much,  but, God continues to guide and lift me never giving up on me.  And when there’s a person that continues to cheer you on (the way God does with me) then everything is meaningful, everything is possible!  Since God came into my life I am awake, I am alive and I have peace and that’s the reason that no matter what happens I stay firm in my faith- because nothing aside from God has given me purpose, has given me peace…  

Second, I want to thank God and my blog’s patron saint, Saint Francis of Assisi, for continuing to inspire me and give me courage to open my life to whoever receives and accepts the invitation.  This next year, I plan on starting a new series of introducing my friends the saints, so look for a new monthly installment of my very own life with the saints (smile).  Whether a biography, a personal testimony of my relationship with the saint or a novena that I enjoy praying with a specific saint – I do want to expand on holiness through the great examples of holy men and women that we have in our Church.

Am looking forward to spending a little more time and effort to improve this little adventure started five years ago. Cheers to what is to come!

Remaining in God's Peace

Last week I was laid off from my job again, in a few months I will be once again without employment.  The company decided that the little group that they kept in California is not a good fit, so they are moving the entire business to Texas.  This time, my reaction was much better, I thanked God because I know that He has a great new adventure planned for me and sometimes I need a kick in the right direction otherwise I won’t go.  This time I am encouraging my coworkers and trying to have a positive attitude because it’s just a job that will be replaced with another.  I have been here before and my attitude makes the difference between living stressed or remaining in God’s peace.  God’s peace.  Am not sure if I have shared this before, but God’s peace is the reason that no matter what happens I will not move away from my faith.  Through most of my life, I’ve been anxious and unsatisfied, I thought that with more accomplishment I would come to a point where I would be happy.  So, I tried so hard reaching goals and achieving success; but the moments of joy were short lived.  The more I lived trying to collect achievements and focusing on my future the harder it got to live in the present.  The present was the only thing getting in the way of my peace.  

I came from a chaotic home and used my imagination to survive.  When things were out of my control in my outside world, I would go to a place in the future where things were different.  Sometimes I used books to take me away and other times I dreamed of a day when through a series of good choices I would escape.  To live in the present as a child was painfully unstable, daydreaming created a wonderful place for me to retreat too, but as I started growing up- those perfect inner dreams haunted me.  I wanted to create the perfection of my fantasies in real life and I felt like many sacrifices needed to be made.  One was living with tons of pressure to succeed, failing was just not an option.  This discipline helped me graduate college, but I remember that no matter what I accomplished I had this recurring thought that “once I completed one more thing, then I would be happy.”  Chasing after this illusive happiness gave me no peace, still it was a pattern that had kept me alive for so long that I trusted it.  Someday I would be happy and that was enough. 

It was through God’s philosophy that I learned that I could be happy now, that I didn’t have to wait.  Jesus told me that I could live with peace, that as long as I had him I would not want.  He taught me to live in the present, to look at my world and delight at every moment in the gifts he has given me.  Instead of chasing a dream, he taught me to love my reality.  Thanksgiving is the secret. The more grateful we become the more peace we find.  Sometimes, when things get a little chaotic I default to feeling hopeless and pessimistic; but I don’t remain there long.  One thing I love about the Catholic Church is that parishes are always open.  When I feel like my peace is slipping from my hands I drive to the nearest chapel and I go inside and cry.  I can be very sensitive sometimes and I grew up with a mom who believes that a good cry does a body (and soul) good.  Now as an adult, I love crying in front of Jesus because I know that he won’t worry and he will let me cry it out.  He will even endure the times I angry cry and offer the same type of comfort as he does when I am desolate.  He’s taught me that joy is not always found in happiness that sometimes struggle and pain will come into my life and that life happens both in success and in failures.  That defeats are great learning and conversion opportunities; thus, I must welcome them with grace, trust and hope.

I have gone through much in my life to date; but, I am no longer alone in my fantasy I have a God who is always with and for me in my every-day-very-real-life.  A God who I just have to ask to give me peace in the tempest and like the omnipotent God that He is - He calms the waves with only His voice.  On Sunday, Father gave a great homily on mental illness because even when we are believers our disabilities remain, they are in us to glorify God.  Even though I am quite the balanced bipolar sufferer I love that parishes around me are open for refuge.  Our Church, our Holy Mother with all the saints and Jesus himself are always open – with arms wide open - waiting for each of us to run into her!  When we have this great support system we can have peace in whatever condition and that’s why I remain a Catholic, because I have searched everywhere and the only place I find peace in whatever situation is in Jesus Christ! (SMILE)     

The Importance of Meeting Others Like Me in Church

Team Priests.

As someone who returned to the Catholic Church after almost two decades of being away, I understand that conversion happens in stages.  In the initial stages I just wanted to discover that Catholics were normal, meaning that faith didn’t create a cult mentality.  That I could still be me in the world and believe in God.  During that time more than anything I looked for social things to do and friendships to develop.  These encounters gave me confidence to surrender more to God and things that were a spiritual challenge slowly began to make sense and a love of these holy practices started to develop.  Children are not the only ones that find attending Mass difficult, new believers do too.  I still remember how difficult establishing my Sunday Eucharist routine was and how it took a couple years to make Mass attendance a priority.  Thus, every Sunday when my nephew gets upset and whines about going to Mass I get it. 

Recently, he told me that he’s not sure if he believes in God.  He’s quite an inquisitive, bright child and he has a lot of questions about how God and science add up.  I’ve done my best to answer his questions because I know all those scientific theories propelled me away from my faith and finding intelligent answers to my questions was what eventually restored it.  Thus, I ordered a couple videos from Father Spitzer for the two of us to watch together on origins and God.  I also spoke with the woman in charge of child faith development at my church and she’s giving me some age appropriate books for him to read.  Additionally, I spoke with Father and he told us that when we are done watching the videos my nephew can come and talk to him with whatever questions he might still have.  In addition, to lifting him in prayer I also have been taking him to fun social parish events that show him that church not only includes attendance at Sunday Mass. 

Final score Seminarians 65 Priests 60.

I recall how important (initially) it was for me to be around others in social settings that did normal things, but still were on fire for God.  So, I have been a little more proactive in bringing him to social events.  Though his parents aren’t fully practicing they allow me to share my faith with him and that’s a blessing.  Last week, we went to the parish bonfire and he immediately hit it off with a boy near his age who is home schooled and also the son of one of the parish’s leading catechists.  They bonded over RoBlocks and now both virtually play on the computer.  I also took him to a basketball game where our priests faced the seminarians in a great match.  This made him see that even priests are regular people who love and serve the Lord, but enjoy a little fun.  Am very blessed to have a diocese that has many social events that help not only my nephew, but all those beginning their faith journey see that (we) Catholics are normal people.  I wanted to share this story because if you have a loved one or a friend who you want to lead to God it’s important to introduce them to the community.  God gave us community knowing how much we need one another to thrive…  Thus, I ask you to please keep my nephew in your prayers so that God reveals Himself to him and that the truth sets my “love bug” free.

He predicts that Team Priests are going down.

6 Stylish Ways to Beat the Summer Heat Modestly

After a long winter, temperatures are extremely high in Orange County- which has this fashion loving girl in disarray putting away the sweaters and looking for items that will help cool me down while keeping me modest.  Yikes, transitioning from one season to the next (or as it is known in California from cold to hot) can be a bit stressful for women because we get bombarded with images of what we should look like, images that sometimes leave little to the imagination.  Nevertheless, as women who belong to the King we must dress like royalty, classy as if we're as photographed as much as Duchess Kate because we are role models in our communities.  While the magazines might speak one message of sultry and sexy- we can also speak a message reflecting the beauty of Christ by dressing with dignity valuing our bodies as temples of the Holy Spirit.

My one weakness is that I like to read fashion magazines and lately I have been seeing a lot of messages that indicate that feminism is taking your clothes off or wearing the skimpiest outfit imaginable.  If that is what feminist now is, I don’t want any part of it.  I wonder if the women who fought throughout history for our rights if they would agree with the way modern celebrities define feminism as the right to bare all. Recently, Demi Moore’s daughter walked around the streets of New York topless because she wanted to make a point that she’s a feminist and she’s comfortable with her body.  Another popular idea that people are using to expose themselves, “I love my body so much that I will reveal as much as possible.” The messages I get when I see this kind of exposure is not one of empowerment or equally.  In fact, I think that instead of progress – I see objectification – something that true feminists have fought hard to move away from.  If we study progressive women in history we see a desire for women to be seen as more than a pretty face or killer body – a message today lost in translation…

Moving back to staying cool while keeping your clothes on (smile) here’s my fab six list.  All items were thrifted bargains (except my tee).

1) Fun accessories like a floppy hat. I have a lot of different hats, but I usually run out the door and forget to grab one.  Hat's are not only fun, but essential to keeping skin safe from harmful sun rays. 

2) Light tee or flowy top.  I am not the type of girl that wears plain t-shirts unless it has a clever quote, like the graphic tees from J Crew the one I'm wearing is my latest find it's got "Champagne" highlighted in sequins! I do prefer tops with a little more detail like the one below with eyelet sleeves.

3) Light fabrics. Oh, how I love linen and cotton they remind me of Cuba or the Caribbean.  So fresh and so crisp especially in lighter colors.  The top above is from Ann Taylor and it has puffed eyelet sleeves reminiscent of Anne of Green Gables and her dress with puffed sleeves (smile).

4) Sandals or Wedges. A pop of color, beading or tassels and sandals are the staple for warm weather. I love these metallic giant bow Rebecca Minkoff Calista sandals, lately I have been living in them! 

Need something a little dressier add the height of a wedge like these Betsey Johnson picnic inspired espadrilles.

5) Summer Dresses.  During the summer I enjoy more casual, simple designs with airflow that keep me fresh and comfortable. The dress above is from the Gap, a super pleasant linen shirt dress.

6) Fun Shades. These are the Von Zipper Alotta sunglasses they have this edgy vintage vibe to them and the oversize is a bit 60's drama.  

Almost all of the items featured were secondhand finds, as you can see top designer brands in pristine condition can also be found at thrift stores.  Hope you enjoyed the list and remember to hydrate (smile).

My Love Story with the Sacrament of Confession

After my brother died, I attended several Christian churches where confession happened privately between the person and God without an intermediary, but as the Eucharist was calling me home I kept thinking of the Sacrament of Reconciliation.  Since my first communion, I hadn’t gone to confession with a priest until I was thinking of returning to the Catholic Church - almost twenty years later.  I remember the day I finally made the decision I went to Saint Barbara Catholic Church and stood in line waiting for my turn to go into the confessional all along carrying this great anxiety. Mostly, I was thinking about receiving penance and because I didn’t understand the concept I kept telling God that if I was given a few Hail Mary’s I would be disappointed.  Of course, there was also the concern that the priest was going to be judgmental, maybe even mean when I shared my sins; however, what pressed most deeply, was the penance I would get – how could a few repetitive prayers cleanse me of my sins?     

When my turn came I went inside and knelt down next to the screen window and I repeated a phrase I had often heard in movies, “forgive me Father for I have sinned.”  Then I told the priest that I had no idea what I was doing and with great patience he guided me through my first confession as an adult.  When it came to a close, I waited for my penance and it never came.  So, I asked him if it was ok for me to pray in the parish and attend Mass even though I had so much confusion about Catholicism.  He let out a little laugh and said that it was my home.  Still no penance.  Finally, he said I could go in peace and I walked back into the world without the list of Hail Mary’s I thought all penitents received after confession.  I sat in the pew marveling at how wonderful God is because I was so apprehensive about penance and I didn’t get any.  In fact, my initial times in confession I left the confessional without any penance and I realized that God was making me comfortable – working at my pace in my Catholic conversion. 

Without planning I went to my first confessions with the same priest and each time he made the experience more positive.  Around the third time he asked me to come around and sit right next to him (as if we were two friends) this invitation helped when he handed me a copy of the Act of Contrition and told me quite directly, “I know you don’t know this part, but I would like you to learn it. Today you can read it.”  Each time I went to confession God revealed a little more about the ritual and the way that little bits were presented to me over a long period of time really helped my conversion.  The day I finally received penance it had nothing to do with praying three Hail Mary’s, but more on correcting actions to mend my wrongs and praying for God to help me…

I still get tense when going to confession because I am aware of my weaknesses those that have led me to sin; but, I love that in the Catholic Church confession is a Sacrament.  That there’s a clear ritual that teaches each of us how to seek forgiveness and bring us back into community. I love the examination of conscience because it helps me to really spend time thinking and becoming aware of my sins.  I love that a priest serves as the presence of God – one that helps me by being His ears and His voice to guide me in this world. I even love penance because NOW I understand its significance one that aims to help us grow in holiness.  Going from a person who went directly to God to repent of my sins, I find the Catholic ritual makes me more accountable and boy is it nice to go into that confessional with a list on my sins and to come out and tear that list and place it in the trash knowing that I am back in harmony.  Through the ritual and with the help of the priest, I find that I spend more time and effort than I ever did before (when it was just God and I) thinking of how I failed and desiring to confess, ask for forgiveness and reconcile with God and His Church.  The wisdom of the Catholic Church truly is beautiful (smile).   

My Love Affair with Melissa Jelly Shoes

Back in the eighties, summer of eighty-seven to be exact we walked into a Thrifties store on our way to Lake Elsinore and in the center isle I found a pair of the most obnoxious, green jelly sandals.  All the girls were wearing them and the lively television commercials claimed to be the “it” shoe of the summer.  The pair I found was in the clearance section most likely because of the horrid green color, but to little-seven-year-old me they were my Cinderella slipper.  I begged my parents (mostly mom) to pay the few dollars for my dream shoes and after much teasing about the ugly shade, I convince her.  The tag on them even claimed to glow in the dark- while I would have preferred a pair with glitter – glow-in the dark had its appeal.  Mom suggested I wear them to the lake since they were water proof and when I got there my favorite cousin teased me severely- making jokes about Penny never getting lost because those shoes could be seen from miles away, or how even if I went missing in the dark those shoes would be my saving grace.  Knowing his clownish sense of humor I laughed and later proved him wrong when one of my precious shoes was carried away by the current of the river to never be found again.  I only wore those shoes for a few hours before they were gone leaving me with only a love for plastic shoes.

Fast-forward to the new millennium and the return of fashion from yesterday - bringing back to life and to production jelly shoes!  Brazilian brand Melissa perfected the eighties jelly shoe turning it into all sorts of perfect contortions: heels, flats, sandals, boots… The shoes are even scented in all types of yummy bubblegum flavors a signature smell that takes me back to the summer I first fell in love with plastic shoes.  In 2004, after many creative partnerships with top fashion designers and celebrity faces the brand launched from Brazil to conquer the rest of the world.  Today, as the craze for jelly shoes is coming to an end (like all trends usually do) to me they continue to make my heart skip a beat.  Shopping second hand has had its advantages in helping me try many styles all for less than ten percent of their whopping over one-hundred dollar price tag.  Some things never change, I am still the thrifty shopper that my mother molded me into, but I haven’t had a river separate any of my pairs (smile).  The best part is that they are one-hundred percent recyclable.  Shoes that are good for the planet- say what!      

I had a friend ask me what my favorite planet-human friendly brands are and I thought that I would feature one on here now and again.  Now if plastic shoes are not your thing, the line also has the very popular Mini Melissa line for little girls.  Be sure to check them out - the shoes are made in Brazil and are super durable. I have a pair that I always wear to walk Dollar when it rains or the grass is soggy and I love them- good for dog walking say what!  The many designer collaborations has also produced quite beautiful pieces, so give them a try.

Melissa Kristen Night Mary Jane Pumps

Vivienne Westwood for Melissa Anglomania Heart Stamp Peep-Toe

Melissa Patchulli VII Wedge

Jason Wu for Melissa Trippy Ballet Flat

Melissa Wanting Blush Bow Flats

Vivienne Westwood for Melissa Lady Dragon Tortoise Shell bow Peep-Toe

Mel Dreamed by Melissa POP IV Bow Flats

Melissa Harmonic Floral Flip Flops

Takeaways From "On the Call to Holiness in Today’s World"

I finally got around to reading the latest papal exhortation, “On the Call to Holiness in Today’s World,” and I thought I would share my takeaways.  Pope Francis explains the call each of us receive to become saints in his simplistic style giving us so much to ponder and realistic ways that each of us can become holy right where we are. 

What holiness is:

Holiness is evident in those around us (parents, neighbors, elderly, children… the saints next door) people that inspire us demonstrate traces of holiness and because they are like us imperfect in the process of becoming holy, they can serve to encourage and inspire us. 

Holy, each in our own way.  Not all of us are called to religious or missionary lives, but we are called to be holy, each to our own capacity and in the world where we develop.

Through small gestures- Holiness occurs with our every action.  When we choose not to gossip, when tempted to retaliate and we choose peace… when in every situation we try to give good witness to God.   

Holiness happens in community. We need each other to become saints.  It is other people that inspire and help us grow- that’s why Jesus gave us community - to come together in worship and seek each other for help, support and to accompany us in our path to heaven.

What holiness is not:

Holiness does not depend on my efforts- Holiness is a gift from God, it’s His grace in us.   Everything that we accomplish is through Him, His progressive power to transform us.

Holiness is not a formula. Holiness is love, seeing the face of God reflected on all the other faces that we encounter and treating them as we would if they were Jesus himself.

Holiness doesn’t lack humility. Acknowledging our limitations allows grace to work within us in a genuine journey of growth.  Humility makes room for the Holy Spirit to transform us to better reflect God.

Holiness is not knowing all the answers.  Though it’s important that we educate ourselves we must always strive to learn to serve each other better and not to lord above those who know less than we do.   

Holiness is the life mission and we must not be afraid to be let ourselves be guided by the Holy Spirit a spirit that loves and liberates us.  “Holiness does not make you less human, since it is an encounter between your weakness and the power of God’s grace.”

In the words of León Bloy, when all is said and done, “the only great tragedy in life, is not to become a saint”.

Independence Day: Seeing God's goodness

Pray for us, that we will have the grace to see Your goodness in our experiences every day…

When I first returned to the faith I thought that God could only be experienced in big, spiritual moments inside the church.  That when people spoke of making our lives one of constant prayer it meant me kneeling in front of an altar for most of my day.  Now I know that living prayerfully means inviting God into our daily activities.  Yesterday, I took my nephew to the Battleship Iowa Museum.  On our way there I put on a David Crowder CD that inspired great conversation - one that ranged from Homer Simpson choosing hell because of a donut - which I cleared as inaccurate because hell won’t have donuts since they are good and all good things belong in heaven (calorie free of course) to his new favorite computer game, Roblocks.  As we toured the ship we learned a great deal about American history and weapons of mass destruction- the latter being a topic of much interest among my eleven-year-old-nephew. 

When we returned home, we joined the rest of the family for a barbecue.  We shared a meal that prompted great conversation and togetherness.  Usually when we gather there’s much laughter because we truly enjoy each other’s company.  Making time for family is important, my parents love when they are included in celebrations.  Something that I not always made a priority.  Before I used to plan things with friends and discard my parents and family aside, now I see how happy they get when I dedicate time to be with them and I realize what a blessing it is that I still have them with me to share these moments.     

At night we headed to the front of the house to light up our stash of fireworks along with the neighbors we lit the sky for a good chunk of a time.  We were never on our knees, but the presence of God remained with us throughout the day.  Making time for our loved ones, for our aging parents or our young children are ways that invite God into our lives and when He’s invited evidence of His presence is so evident. Hope you had a Happy Independence Day!  

Saint Francis Model of Holiness

I was reading a beautiful narrative about Saint Francis of Assisi.  When he received the gift of the stigmata he composed the following prayer:

“Thou art holy, Lord God, Who alone workest wonders.  Thou art strong. Thou are great.  Thou art most high.  Thou art the Almighty King, holy Father, King of heaven and earth.  Thou art the Lord God Triune and One.  Thou art good, all good, highest good, Lord God living and true.  Thou art charity, love.  Thou art wisdom.  Thou art humility. Thou art patience.  Thou art security.  Thou art quietude.  Thou art gladness.  Thou art justice and temperance.  Thou art riches to sufficiency.  Thou art beauty.  Thou art meekness.  Thou art protector.  Thou art guardian and defender.  Thou art strength. Thou art refreshment.  Thou art hope.  Thou art faith. Thou art sweetness.  Thou art our eternal life, great admirable Lord, God Almighty, merciful Savior.”

One would think that such a beautiful prayer was inspired by moments of utter beauty and perfection, but one would be wrong.  Before Saint Francis received the gift of the stigmata he had been suffering terribly both physically and mentally.  A life of poverty, self-denial and service had left him in bad physical shape.  He was also struggling with thoughts of failure and division within his established order of friars. Challenged by evil spirits he found himself in an exhausted spiritual state too.  Close to the end of his earthly life, facing difficult challenges he still clung to God with complete resolve.  He still went out and sought the Lord with utter humility and trust.

I want that gift.  I want to seek and praise God even when it hurts, when things are bleak and when my emotions betray everything that I believe.  Yet, I am still so far away from sainthood so far that I need these examples of holy lives to encourage me to tell me that it’s possible to be “content whether hungry or well fed” because God is.  I love Saint Francis and I don’t think it’s a coincidence that God appointed him to be my introduction into the saints.  You see, Saint Francis and I have so many things in common.  We are both enamored by creation and love good prose.  Recently, I also discovered that he wrote “The Canticle of the Sun,” after being annoyed by a rat infestation.  He decided to change his annoyance into praise.  How nice it is to be in the company of a cheerful person who understands that even in challenges God is with us.  This morning I needed good encouragement and during my break I sought God in the company of Saint Francis, learning about how even in his greatest suffering he rejoiced in God makes me want the same.  Hopefully by hanging with him and other saints more often some holiness will rub off on me (smile).