Fall In Love Again

I haven’t been in the mood to write lately—I remember experiencing this when I started medication for my bipolar disorder.  Part of the side effects included this all-consuming numbing sensation.  Going from an extremely emotional being to feeling “nothing” felt like death and at times I wanted to stop the meds just to feel something.  Yet, I pressed on and lived an unemotional life for months – I felt then that my creativity had died and I would never be able to write again.  Then one day, the pressing need to put pen to paper took over and I regained my ability to paint with words.  In a similar manner the high of falling in love with God faded and for a while my faith felt like nothing more than obligation… I picked up service opportunities and rushed from one activity to the next - rushing always rushing – thinking that a busy life translated into a Catholic life.  But like Martha dashing around gave me little time for prayer and diminished even more my connection with God.  I began to believe that the beauty and demise of my first initial reaction to God’s love was normal.  I had heard many testimonies stating that after years of following God emotions calmed and reached a plateau and then mature faith began.  A faith no longer measured by feelings, but facts.  While I understand and see the importance- the strength of a love so real that it requires one to love especially during those moments when our feelings betray us- I am also a romantic person. I need passion like I need air to exist and knowing God and His way of wooing I hoped that He would continue to overwhelm my senses.

After walking through a desert for a couple years finding my love rotting in a stagnant pool depleted of the initial ardor that drew me to God, I waited.  Then one day I stumbled on a lifeline and I found myself soaked in God’s passion.  The lifeline came in the shape of a naked, little soul so pure and inspiring that her love became my own, Saint Therese.  Reading her autobiography changed my way of loving God.  Up until the moment I opened The Story of a Soul I didn’t really understand the need to study the lives of the saints.  My zeal for Jesus consumed and blinded me- I wanted to focus on Him and Him alone- by reading the saints I naively thought my focus would be shifted away from Him.  What I have found is that through the memoirs of Saint Therese I have fallen in love all over again with God!  I find He occupies the majority of my thoughts and I want to talk to Him all the time.  It’s like we renewed our vows and we are back to the honeymoon stage- it’s so lovely!

GAP (3 dollar) Dress - On Major Sale, Steve Madden Peep-Toes-Yard Sale, Jewelry- Thrifted

  

I recently started reading Catherine Laboure of the Miraculous Medal I’ve had the book on my bookshelf for over a year waiting for the moment that I would be inspired to read it.  Though, I felt like The Story of Soul had ruined me and doubting this new saint would provoke me I was in for a surprise.  You have to remember (dear reader) that my Christian past is a mixture of protestant, evangelical and Catholic and my over protective love for God sometimes leans towards authentically following Him and Him alone.   Thus, when I think of saints I sometimes still cringe, but my exposure to the lives of these two holy women has opened mind and my heart.  I have discovered that reading about these virtuous women who loved God in such a pure form is like reading true, passionate, romantic narratives about God.  Such stories have again stirred my desire for holiness and goodness - and the pressing need to fall daily more and more in love with God has returned.  Studying the lives of the saints is like opening doors into the great romance of God and self.  I want to love You more, my God my Lord.
  

Pace Yourself

Yesterday I attended a Theology on Tap talk on dating and while I was driving home I started thinking about a weakness Catholics who are not serial daters demonstrate.  During the cruise while talking to various Catholic singles I realized that because we view courtship differently than the secular world it’s difficult for us not to form attachments to others when we find someone worthy.  I myself, have trouble in this area.  I met a man and had a deep conversation for a couple hours and based on that short interaction my feelings were so strong that I wanted him to be my one-and-only.  One talk and I was already thinking this is a man I want to get to know for the rest of my life… And I pursued him by sending him an email and waited knowing during the wait that he was not interested in me, but I felt like I had enough love for both us.  I prayed a million rosaries, but God said, “no.”  When I was relaying this story to Father during spiritual direction he told me that I needed to improve in protecting my heart and I needed to calm my desire to emotionally move from base one to homerun so quickly.  He told me to talk to my heart and train it to be cautious, but it’s so hard!  

While talking to more singles about this behavior of quick emotional attachment I realized that this behavior is a challenge many Catholic’s are facing.  I think perhaps our inexperience in dating is part to blame.  For example, I don’t date.  I get so lost between my career and working for the Kingdom the rest of the time that my heart gets no practice in the dating scene.  Thus, when a man inspires my heart it’s difficult to manage my feelings because they are so foreign to me.  Romantic love is an unfamiliar territory, but if I have discerned that marriage is for me than it’s a valley that I need to get familiar with.  Father suggested that I employ a technique of vocally telling my heart that he (referring to my beloved) is not into me- to keep repeating that statement in order for my stubborn heart to pace itself.  Part of that exercise is also learning to control our thoughts and when they begin to wonder too far to focus on God and keep busy. Having the vulnerability to open up to others is a beautiful gift, but like we practice chastity in our relationships we also need to develop a course of prudence in our emotional life.  Learning to guard our hearts and keep it real- meaning acknowledging the facts over our emotions and living in truth is the way.  I know that for us with passionate hearts keeping it real is the worst, but if it helps diminish heartache than it's a must (smile).              

March Catholic of the Month

Surname: Hummingbird

Parish: The Transfiguration of our Lord 

Engineer

God always provides, even when secluded on a ship full of strangers in the middle of the ocean He sends a much needed godly friend.  I was instantaneously attracted by her beautiful smile and her humble, happy way and as I progressed in knowing her I began to admire her faith.  After one night of dancing alongside Hummingbird I knew that we would be great friends.  While being on a singles cruise she didn’t have the desperate attitude of wanting to befriend only possible suitors and when I talked to her she looked at me not over my shoulder evaluating all the Catholic men on the ship.  She really embodied the Christian principle of loving everyone not only people that she would benefit from.  And when I surprisingly fell for the wrong man (he didn’t feel the same) on the cruise she motivated me to look at God and focus solely on Him so that I wouldn’t lose my peace.  There were many times that I shared the pains of my unrequited love and she prayed for me and encouraged me to lose myself in God's healing love.  It’s been over a year of this sweet friendship and now knowing her more intimately I see her firm stand in God’s truths and her ongoing positive charm and I thank God for sending me such a dear role model.

1.- What was your first encounter with God like? My first encounter (not considering the fact that God thought of me before I was conceived) happened in a more earthly, tangible way, when I was born (smile).  As far back as I can remember I have been in constant contact with Him daily.

2.- What has been your experience living/practicing your faith? I would like to exemplify my experience with this anecdote:  When I was around nine or so I watched the film Ladyhawke (highly recommend) through it I felt like God was confirming that I was not crazy for constantly being a chatterbox in His presence.  I discovered that like the character of Phillip Gaston “the Mouse” I too wanted to talk to God all the time (from the moment I learned to speak) and my relationship with God has grown since.  I feel like my faith has gotten stronger alongside my growing friendship with God and it’s because of our thick bond that I feel blessed and spoiled by my heavenly Father.

3.- How do you nourish your faith? With the grace of God through: the Holy Sacraments, constant prayer, daily Mass, weekly adoration and by being a catechist.

4.- How do you integrate your faith in your daily life? My life clings onto God and from that perspective I visualize each day through the eyes of my Catholic soul always attempting (very hard) to dominate my mind, body, and the actions that I produce each the day.

5.- What do you love about your faith? The unconditional, living presence of our Lord Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior!

6.- How does your faith help you grow? I try extremely hard to grow in faith, hope and charity (to the highest level).  In addition, I constantly pray that God diminishes my pride and arrogance and replaces them with humility.

7.- What does your faith mean to you? Everything.

8.- Why is your faith important to you? Why shouldn’t it be?  Through it, I remain alive and connected to my creator. I believe that if we are not able to recognize the importance of faith then we have chosen an empty, miserable and hard life.

9.- What are some activities you are involved in your parish? (In addition to my response to question three) I served God as an Extraordinary Minister of Holy Communion, and currently I am part of the Catholic Singles Young Adult movement called “Crisalida.“ 

10.- One fun fact about yourself. I really enjoy finding God, His teachings and His guidance in everyday that my Lord blesses me with life.  In every fact, I see Him in every situation, sign, song, attitude, t.v. show, movie, etc. God is in everything, in everyone, everywhere - you just need to pay attention, and you will be able to find Him even in your own reflection!

She’s quite the catch am praying that she will meet her knight in charming armor soon because she is such a keeper!  In the meantime I will continue to enjoy this precious gift that God has given me in bringing her into my life. Praise God!

Hollywood Looks to Bible for 2014 Blockbusters

Over the weekend I went on a two movie marathon date with myself.  Due to the high costs of the theatre I rarely go watch movies when they are released, but when I want to support a particular film I enjoy placing my vote by visiting the cinema-high prices and all.  On Friday, I found some time to watch two Christian films that are currently in theatres: God is Not Dead and The Son of God.  One was based on the Gospel of John and the other was an attempt at apologetics.  While in my experience, Christian films can be rather preachy, horribly acted and lean towards soft, predictable plots- both of these films were better made than expected. 

God is Not Dead follows a college kid’s trial in defending his Christian faith (or simply that God is not dead) to his atheist professor in a university forum.  The film’s contemporary Christian message touched a nerve- though I might be horribly biased since I love apologetics – the film left me giddy and optimistic not because God needs defending, but because our people need to be exposed to the realness of God.  The film does a great job displaying great scientific arguments for the existence of the universe created by an Intelligent Designer.  I even liked the acting, specifically the protagonist Shane Harper!  Usually Christian films though good intentioned have really weak actors, but Harper made his struggle genuine and believable.  Yes, the film has its preachy, mushy moments, but overall it’s a movie that leaves the audience hopeful and desiring to be better missionaries.  In the end, we are challenged to join the movement and send a text to all our contacts: “God is not dead” (thus if you received this from me over the weekend now you know why).

The Son of God portrays a happy Jesus – one who smiles and laughs a lot and that in itself is worth watching.  However, I found the film lacking- am not sure if it was my annoyance with the use (or misuse) of scripture or the fact the cast looked too western or whether the costumes (Mother Mary looked like she just left the salon during the crucifixion) that repelled me.  In addition, being a fan of Gibson’s Passion of the Christ the flogging scenes in The Son of God weren’t as powerful nor as gruesome - Jesus injuries looked fake.

This coming Friday, Noah is making its debuts in theatres nationwide and we have three more Christian films on their way this 2014: Heaven is for Real, Exodus  and Mary, Mother of Christ.  I think Hollywood is finally recognizing that Christians are starved for quality, dignified films.  In fact, I was reading that surprising all odds God is Not Dead has done well at the box-office this past weekend - a big pat on the back to all those who went and supported the film (smile).     

Learning to Love

I’m madly in love with God, but am not a good lover.  I lie, I gossip, I can be narcissistic, impatient, self-centered, selfish with my time, proud- the list is infinite of my un-impressive, humanly way of loving. Yet, God no matter how much I stumble never tires of taking me back because "Jesus doesn't require great actions from us simply surrender and gratitude."   That’s why the image of a babe crawling comforts me, there’s hope in that image of utter dependence and growth.  My faith is like that of a child, possibly a tantrum-throwing toddler, and there’s nothing great about my love for Him- the greatness lies in His love for me. His redeeming love. 

Sunday Mass: black lace dress- thrifted, Gold Tory Burch flats

In this age of relativism and secularization matters of faith are reduced to a private, personal affair.  For the longest time I was ashamed of sharing my faith within my social circle afraid of being branded some intolerant title, I was ashamed of Jesus.  I believed that as an educated person I needed to keep my faith to myself- but Christianity is about community.  It’s about taking the truth and goodness of God to others - it’s a missionary affair.  For years I kept silent, yet God never rejected me; in fact, He loved me, He healed me He filled me with His Spirit.  My hope is that those years of living incognito filled me with so much of His radiance that now like a lamp I can't help but shine His light.  Anything good in me comes from Him without Him I am nothing, but a wretched sinner.

There’s not a soul who doesn’t want to be a good lover.  When we love another we crave, we desire, we want to do our best at loving them.  Who better to teach us than love itself (smile). God is love, He is the valedictorian of the love university – so if you want to learn to be great lovers go to Him, learn from Him.  His yoke is easy and His burden is light…  These past years of being loved by Him I have learned to love how He does always wanting the best for the beloved.  With sacrificial and submissive love.  In matters of love, a humble spirit is required and I am learning to love like He first loved me, knowing that when I come across my one-and-only he will reap from my time at the love university.  God challenges us to change to progress in character- to become better lovers.  He does this by loving us first, by showing us through example what love looks like in action.  Thus, don’t despair press on – every day is an opportunity to grow in love.  If you are single do not disheartened become great lovers in preparation for the one He will send your way (smile).        

Beware of Ignorance or Fanaticism

As I endeavor in my walk towards heaven I continuously check my spiritual reflection hoping to see more of Jesus and less of me.  When I was a defensive agnostic there where two types of Catholics that totally disgusted me: the ignorant and the fanatic.  Even now, as a revert, I have very little patience for these two distortions of Catholicism I would even venture to say that they sadden me deeply.   Peter Kreeft proposed that since the majority of the American population is Christian, Christians are not really challenged to know their faith.  No one is really questioning why they believe what they believe.  However, agnostics or atheist being the minority have to argue their position. Thus, they usually do extensive research and learn about their spiritual stand to properly defend it.  As a former agnostic I predominantly studied Nietzsche and his stand against God and Christianity.  It was funny then that all I had to do was quote the German philosopher and ignorant Christians would stumble for words.  Now, due to my alliance to God apologetics is my favorite area of study. 

Maybe Kreeft is right that due to Christianity still being the great public majority it has made people lazy in learning about God.  It just baffles me that people are comfortable saying they believe in God but have no clue or desire to learn more about what they are proclaiming.  It shames me that because of their ignorance Christ is reduce to an almost fictional character.  There’s a great need in our church to become learned people.  When I promised my brother on his dying bed that I would give God a chance- I really took it to heart.  I started asking questions - the scientific, intellectual type that had driven me away from God.  If I was to believe in life after death I needed to understand it – to truly believe in God I needed to understand this whole cosmic plan according to Him and then form my decision.  I can’t imagine surviving my great loss if I had just sent my brother to some imaginative heaven, I wouldn’t be able to exist with that fantasy.  Maybe those that choose ignorance have not been confronted with death yet – maybe they haven’t confronted a pain so deep it shatters. Or maybe their spirits are simpler than mine and they can live not knowing?

Then there’s the fanatics, the ones that think they know Jesus so well that they feel they have the power to convert, judge and condemn.  Excruciating pain brought me to the feet of God and while I believe that He has power to heal my mind- I know that He also gave us doctors and medicine to aid us in our ailments.  These fanatics told me that with enough prayer I wouldn’t need medication any more (for my Bipolar Disorder).  In their efforts to help they inflicted more pain when they told me that I needed to sell my house because a bad spirit was definitely present there, or when they said that more prayer would have kept my brother from dying, or when they called my mother and asked her to pray more because in a dream my recently deceased brother had contacted them asking for prayer because he was in a horrible place.  Can you imagine hearing that your child is suffering after dying from Schizophrenia?  It took a lot of effort to help my mother overcome those lies.

Thus, when I look at my spiritual mirror I know that I don’t want to see ignorance or fanaticism.  Either one of these non-Christian stands pushes people away from God so easily. One day each of us will stand outside knocking on heavens door: 
"Sir, Open the door for us."
 But He will answer, "I don't know you or where you come from."
Then you will say, "We ate and drank with You, and You taught in our streets."
 But He will reply, "I don't know you or where you come from.  Away from me..."

Luke 13:25-27

"Who spoke the earth and sky to form

Who sets the sun and calls the dawn 

Who breathed me out of dust to life...

Who loved me through my rebel way...

The King of Glory Jesus Christ"

Joy is for All of Us

Enjoying Sand Diego with friends...

The cross taught me to live.  I went from being a young agnostic - bitter like King Solomon at the beginning of Ecclesiastes where everything is meaningless to learning that all meaning is found in God.  From a young age I sought answers to those deep philosophical questions like: Why do I exist? What’s the meaning of life? What is the purpose of my life? In therapy, these where the questions that caused my depression and which I tackled with my therapist- but I never found solace in our discussions.  I felt like Nietzsche dark and slowly going mad.  Recently while reading Orthodoxy by Chesterton I found a poignant observation about how Christian philosophers have never gone mad believing in God’s fantastical philosophy (smile).  While to many Christianity is a giant fairytale because at one point in the journey one must learn to live with many unanswered questions and accept humbly that we are finite beings with limited perception of the grand universe.  The way Chesterton explains, “Fairytales are more than true, not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten.”  Christianity provides the answers to all those loaded questions in one word LOVE, love conquers all.  Jesus (out of love) died to give us life- we owe it to Him to live our life to the fullest!

In my short walk with the Lord He has answered those deep inquiry’s that fueled my depression.  His philosophy has given me purpose, peace and joy.  I am still Bipolar with a tendency for depressive phases, but the deeper I submit myself to God the less these phases occur.  Though faith doesn't come easily because I possess a doubting spirit- and everyday requires re-commitment to God; when I find myself in great spiritual conflict I realize that no philosophy has given me the fullness that Christianity has.  In God, we are given direction, purpose and unconditional, perfect love.  In my journey- without knowing my spirit was transformed into one that is in constant joy.  I went from someone who cried all the time to a happy, silly little flower and I know that my happiness can only be attributed to my Catholic Faith.  Death taught me mortality, but Jesus showed me everlasting life!  To this day He continues to show me how life is meant to be lived …. This earthly journey towards the eternal starts now, sanctification starts now…  And though I fall and at times leave the path, He’s always there waiting for me to return to Him.  He's waiting for you, come follow Me...

Celebrating my friends 30th bday!

I know there are many people that criticize the Catholic faith, hold grudges and resentment towards it; but, if one truly gives God a proper chance and not judge Him according to His weak, fallible followers I assure you that He will bestow His blessings and you will never be the same again- like the Woman at the Well you will never thirst again.

Style Me Jesus

“Words can never say,

The way He says my name

He calls me lovely

No one ever sees the way He looks at me

He sees me holy…”

Once during confession Father asked me to use my beauty for God… Though highly flattered by his simple compliment I was at loss as to what he was asking of me.  In my childish understanding of Catholicism I had come to think of outer beauty as something close to a sin.  In fact, in 2007 after having one of the greatest encounters with God and going through a period of considering religious life, I stopped dressing up in hopes of killing the vain spirit that lived in my soul.  The experience was extremely freeing – I stopped caring what I looked like physically.  But eventually I went to the other extreme- I started to resemble a bum or a lazy, unkempt person.  In the years since, I've come to the understanding that God is all things good and beauty is part of who He is.  He made women with radiance and femininity.  In addition, He told us that our physical bodies are good.

A while back a coworker asked me why the Catholic Church has so much art and extravagant material possessions.  She made a remark that if Jesus lived so simply why such overwhelming wealth in its cathedrals.  I’ve thought about her comment a lot since and discovered that beauty should lead us to God.  If this is true, then the purpose of art is to exalt, to pay tribute to the King of Kings and more importantly to build a path towards Him.  This is reason enough to adorn our places of worship and to maintain them.  In the same manner I came to understand that my body is the temple of the Holy Spirit and looking my best for my Lord is not a sin.  In fact, the way I adorn myself can lead people to Christ.

Our culture looks at Christianity as something out of date, narrow minded and irrelevant. In addition,   they judge the outer before they give the inner an opportunity and that’s why we have to learn to use all of our person for God.  When I used to come to Mass only to warm a bench I would look at the lectors and the people involved in the various ministries and see them in long dresses from decades ago and no sense of style and I would think I don’t want to be like them.  I believed then that my physical image was a great part of who I was and my biggest fear was becoming a clone of an unstylish, brainwashed Catholic...  As Catholics we strive for holiness and pay a lot of attention to our inner beauty, but Pope John Paul tells us (what Jesus told us first) that our bodies are beautiful too! While contemplating the Pope’s theology of the body I learned that my clothes are a great way of witnessing to people.  To let those that are contemplating conversion know that Catholicism is for all of us- especially for those that have difficulty wearing long skirts (smile).  Style is part of our culture, it’s a language of the youth; thus, when others see us let’s speak their language.  Let’s tell them that Catholics enjoy the art of fashion too.  I think part of what Father was telling me, was just that - to let others see me just as I am and to use my God given love of fashion to evangelize and to win people for Him.  That’s what I strive to create here a forum that presents God as He is: ALL Caring. He cares about YOU- all of you- even the small and superficial part like personal style. He loves receiving more from us - the more we give Him of ourselves the more He can do through us (smile).   

On-Line Dating

On the anniversary of my one month subscription to Ave Maria Singles dating website – I thought I would fill you in on how the husband search is coming along.  The site has been a great disappointment (I know that it’s too soon for such harsh criticism), but there are only a few members that live in California.  The ones that are in California are too old, too far or not interested.  Out of the bunch of California residents (including the ones that live far) there were only six guys that caught my attention and I sent a quick hello and only two replied.  Those that replied told me that they were in the process of talking to someone else.  The other four read my hello, but didn’t reply.  There was one man that sent me a hello, but sadly he wasn’t my type and lives in Pennsylvania.  I am not opposed to moving, but I would rather live near my family.  One month into this online dating and I have given up (dramatic sigh).  Not really, am giving the site six months before I plan my next move – though I have already signed up for the National Catholic Singles Conference (smile). 

Joining the site has not been all bad, I have learned a great deal.  After a brief psychoanalysis on why I was not attracting any suitors, I realized that am happy with who I am.  For a minute I allowed myself to have a brief moment of what’s wrong with me?  Why are men not replying to my advertisement (smile)? Am I too liberal or not Catholic enough for the men on this site?  Slowly I realized that my destiny is in God’s hands and only He knows when my Mr. Right will come along and I am happily waiting.  It’s funny I was talking to my Catholic friends about my experience on the site and after many giggles I confessed the short identity crisis I was experiencing.  In matters of two, I like to take responsibility for my role in the relationship and I was sharing with them that maybe I am not conservative or reserved enough for this particular site.  I shared that maybe my love of emotional icons, or my way of communicating always with a bit of silliness was not something that men found attractive – or maybe I had chosen the wrong pictures…  In the end, they helped me realize that I am who I am and I like green eggs and ham (smile) and I needed to stop fretting.  Friends are awesome!

Tory Burch Sandals, GAP Dress & Belt, Gold Accessories

I think that we single Catholics need motivation to press on, especially when it seems like no fruits are being produced.  Just think all of our failed attempts are only steps closer to our destiny.  It is at times like these when we feel like we are walking through a desert barren with only an occasional tumbleweed that we need to rely on God for strength, guidance and hope.  Thus, I enjoy sharing my journey towards my spouse, not because I am desperate, but because it’s part of my story.  So stay tuned and prayers are appreciated.

Easter Preparation

The small town in Mexico where I am from is predominantly Catholic and I have memories of terrible sadness relating to the celebration of Lent.  I remembered being terrified of the common practice of acted out Stations of the Cross because all I saw was suffering and death.  Thus, I decided that this Lent my nephew needed to be involve in the traditions of our church.  I envisioned forty days of prayer, study, fasting and almsgiving at the level of a seven-year-old.  I offered Mass for my desire to teach my little guy more in depth about our faith.  Then I asked him if he would like to participate and after explaining how Catholics prepare for Easter he eagerly said yes. 

Giving up toys, Our prayer candle and Lenten Calendar.

Fasting:

First we went over fasting.  I explained to him that for forty days we fast (like Jesus did in the desert) to make more room for God and on his own he decided that he was going to give up playing with his precious Thomas the Train toys.  We placed his trains in a box and he created a label: “no toys for 40 days.”  He wasn’t satisfied with just giving up his train he decided that he also wanted to give up playing games on his laptop (smile).

Our Prayer Tree with Holy Week Art Work.

Easter Prayer Tree:

The second thing we did to prepare ourselves for the forty days was create an Easter prayer tree.  At the park the three of us (for Dollar tagged along) searched for branches and pinecones to create an Easter Prayer Tree.  I printed pictures of Jesus during Holy week and bought some glittery eggs to decorate the bare branches with.  We placed the tree in the center of my kitchen table (that’s the location we decided to pray at) along with a candle.  On the candle every day we add our intentions in ink and light it up as we begin to pray.

Methods of Study

Prayer & Study:

At my local Catholic store I bought a book Saints for Boys and a Brother Francis video and coloring book.  During my shopping I discovered that the Berenstain Bears found God and have a series of about twelve books on Christian spirituality!  This was such a godsend because one of my nephew’s favorite cartoons is the silly bear family.  I found this super book (highly recommend for parents) The Berenstain Bears and the Easter Story and my nephew loved it.  In fact, that little book inspired him to want to talk about Jesus all night. The simple way Berenstain presents the biblical story not only captivates the attention of little ones, but also explains it in such a sensitive, meaningful, relevant and understandable way. I am glad that I also purchased The Berenstain Bears Follow God’s Word it’s a collection of five stories on prayer and all things godly- these books really lead to great discussions on faith.  We also have a calendar that he crosses off each day so that he visually sees the progression towards Resurrection Sunday. 

"Grace what have you done murdered for me on that cross..."

Almsgiving:

All on his own he decided to do chores for payment and to use the money to buy a gift for the poor.

Brother Francis and Saints study guides.

So far it’s been such a learning experience for both of us and a blessed time of togetherness.  He looks forward to prayer time and excitedly reminds me every day that it’s time to pray.  I found that I love to share and discuss my faith with my little man.  He comes up with super questions some of them send me into great adventures to find the answer and the discussions we have are wonderful.  If you want joy in your life spend time with a child!  In addition, the prayer tree has worked great as a witnessing tool, curious people who come over to the house have been asking what the tree is about. I am having so much fun! My goal was to produce fruits by teaching my nephew all about our Catholic faith at an age appropriate level and God used the opportunity to bless me, God just loves spoiling His little flower as Saint Therese would say (smile). 

A Modest Romance

When I was younger I used to be the chaperon on my sister's dates- yes, my parents were the traditional, extremely strict type.  At the time my sister and I thought that they were small country folk desperately in need of a modern make-over, but now I know that it was their way of passing onto us their high standards for living.  Our family was the patriarchal type and one of mom’s many roles was to teach us to be modest women who would one day make good wives.  Her talk on courtship included a very clear outline on how a classy woman must always behave.  She engraved in our minds that as women it was our duty to protect our virtue because what men wanted in a wife was someone who they could respect and honor.  She told us very clearly that we were never to allow a man to hold our hand on a first date - in fact she told us that we needed to be very cautious about our physical demonstrations of affection with the opposite sex.  As a young child, I recall having these talks on the birds and the bees with my mother and I idolized her with that childhood innocence that I never thought to question her views on the subject.  As a rebellious teenager with a formal sex education talk in school I suddenly felt like my mother’s beliefs were too old fashioned. Classmates too supported the modern values and challenged me into war with anything my mother said.  She was the past generation no longer relevant…

Now as an adult, I see the wisdom of my mother.  I only have one romantic relationship to pull knowledge from, but I truly believe that all great romances begin with respect.  I have heard many men say that a man will only go as far as a woman allows him to go.  Hum… If this is true (which I believe it is) that means that we as women have a lot of power.  For one, we have the control to establish the pace of the relationship...  One of my favorite scenes in the 2005 version of Pride & Prejudice is when Darcy helps Elizabeth onto the carriage and holds her hand to help her up.  It’s the first moment in which they touch and the way the film depicts it makes the audience swoon for we have been longing for this.  My mom taught us- to experience the beauty of every moment and to hold hands only with the one that we really wanted to hold hands with…  When my ex and I held hands for the first time after a few months of dating it was the most beautiful experience – his chest puffed up with satisfaction and my insides danced with pleasure.  When we kissed after almost a year of dating it was better than any romantic film you have ever seen.  I made myself the prize and taught him to value me and when I allowed him to hold my hand or kiss me it was a sign of a huge conquest to him and fruit of his unrelenting perseverance - he loved me for it.  Nowadays people go from "hi" to sharing a bed and miss out on the rewards that come with the wait.  It’s just sex they say…  Yet, God tells us it’s much more.

I have learned that the best romantic relationships start as friendships and take time to cultivate.  One of our failings in this modern culture is the accepted rush with which we live life.  We want an easy, fast-forward button all the time, but even God took seven days to create the universe not because He needed rest, but because He wanted to stop and simply enjoy His creation (one-step at a time)…  Modesty is not just about the outward it’s also about waiting and in doing so learning the value of others.  It’s about experiencing life and enjoying everything, especially people, one moment at a time.

God in the Little Things

A few weeks ago I received a gift in my mailbox from a friend I met on the Ave Maria cruise two years ago.  It was A Shirt of Flame by Heather King and it came with a thoughtful note stating something to the affect that this book had inspired my friend and helped her during difficult times.  The gift recalled a conversation that a group of us had during dinner one night on this year’s cruise sharing our favorite saints.  My friend contributed that Saint Therese was her favorite because Saint Therese was known for seeing Jesus in “the little things.” I was really moved by her thoughtfulness and started reading the memoir soon after receiving it; but, since the book portrays the author's one year walk with Saint Therese, not knowing much about the saint I struggled through the first couple of chapters.  

At the time, I didn’t know anything about Saint Therese other than her name and seeing that Netflix had a movie about her life available for instant streaming.  Knowing that this book was special to my dear friend motivated me to read The Autobiography of Saint Therese of Lesieux: Story of a Soul. After reading the autobiography I got a better appreciation for A Shirt of Flame.  In the memoir, King travels with Saint Therese for a span of a year.  While experiencing daily struggles in Los Angeles, King reflects on the life of the saint and is inspired to a deeper conversion.  King finds solace in the childish faith of the woman who would become one of the doctors of the Catholic Church.  The premise of the memoir inspired me to take the idea of walking with a saint. So, this Lent I will be walking with some extremely godly women.  Each week I will take a different woman from the bible or a lady saint as a role model.  I will study her life, her faith, her struggles and her relationship with God.

This week I have been walking with Saint Therese and in my walk I have come to understand the importance of learning about saints because their lives inspire us to be more godly - they make the spiritual quest more human and holiness more attainable.  While reading her autobiography I was transported into a soul that loved God deeply and in manner that "the closer she approaches God, the simpler she becomes."  Reading her autobiography drew me into God and I yearned to love Him with the strength & devotion she did.
Her greatest desire was of letting go of everything because one cannot enter into heaven carrying anything and also to let more of God in.  I understood why King had decided to travel along with Saint Therese for King discovered like me that in this earthly journey we need faithful companions who will guide us towards God. 

The literal definition of the word “lent” is spring, which is so fitting because during this liturgical period we are challenged to grow and in growing produce fruits.  Lent is a time to work on personal spiritual growth, but it’s also a time to ensure that our spiritual growth is bearing fruit, “What does it profit, my brethren, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can faith save him?”  Jesus teaches us that faith is not enough, unless it is a faith that bears fruits.  Therefore, my goal is that walking with these women will in addition to getting to know them better will improve my relationship with God and others.  For our relationship with God affects every relationship in our lives and the way we treat others reflects our level of focus and the depth of our love for Him.  Consequently, during this Lenten Season my random posts will be dedicated to women of the Bible or women saints because women hold a very special place in God's heart (smile).   

What are you giving up for Lent?

Growing up, the men in my family would give up alcohol during Lent (the majority were alcoholics) and then on Easter Sunday they would get grossly drunk, to this day some of my relatives still follow this pattern.  I remember for forty days my dad would stop drinking and the family dynamics transformed.  My mother became a happier woman and her offspring rested in the peace and serenity of a fully present father.  As a young child and for many years to come I didn’t understand this Catholic practice of giving up something for Lent.  I witnessed firsthand that having the discipline to give up something for a short period of time didn’t change anything because after the forty days the dysfunction entered my family all over again.  Thus, I kept finding reasons to leave the absurdity of the Catholic Faith… As a revert, I understand that the past family Lenten experiences were not Catholic at all, giving up a bad habit only to pick it up after Lent is simply not Christian!  So, as we start Lent let’s focus on why we celebrate the church traditions as we do.

My Lenten Plan.

Lent is not just a time of giving up something (fasting) it’s a time of prayer and almsgiving (giving to others) - it’s a time of ardent preparation for the resurrection of Christ in our hearts and a time of transformation.  The big question is why are giving up what we are giving up?  Am I giving up soda because I drink too much of it or is because every time I get cravings for a drink I will be reminded of all the poor who are hungry for food and all of the poor who are thirsty for God?  In remembrance I will be challenged to pray for those in material & spiritual poverty and to sing in thanksgiving to my Lord.  Am I giving up Netflix to puff up my ego in learning that I have enough self-control to give up those things I truly enjoy or is it because I want to create more time for my family, loved ones and God?  It appears to me that Lent to the great majority is just giving up something to parade to others, “look at me I can give this up if I choose to.”  But the Lenten season challenges us to do more, to give more to simply become more Catholic.  People forget the two other pillars of this season the equally important prayer and charity.  Thus, the question is not what are you giving up for Lent, but also what are you adding for Lent?  Are you going to make time to join a small Bible study group for the six weeks approaching, or participate in the Sacraments more often, or are you going to pray a few more minutes?  How are you going to incorporate time for Jesus?  Will you be open to conversion? To walking to the cross, the grave and to joyfully celebrate resurrection Sunday with Jesus?  This is the time to draw close, to enter into the depths of God’s heart and abide in Him.  WOW!  

Giving-up Netflix to make time for my loved ones & study.

The solemnity of this season challenges us to practice dying to self, meaning: “when I think of myself- I will think of Him instead.”  In addition, to prayer and fasting this is a time of action: a time to feed the hungry, to give water to the thirsty, to visit the sick and the imprisoned to do acts of charity as a response to His great love for us.  Find a volunteer opportunity, donate money to a cause you are passionate about, help out at your local parish or give a friendly smile to a stranger… The list is infinite of good works you can do.  My hope is that this Lent you along with me will make a greater effort at celebrating the season in a more truly Catholic way.  God is always challenging us to dig deeper to go deeper – let’s take the plunge together (smile).     

Women's Retreat

On Friday, I left behind my worries, responsibilities and technology to go on retreat.  Every year I try to take one full weekend to be with my Lord - cloistered away from everyone and everything and just to focus on Him.  This year I went on my first women’s retreat and my first silent retreat; thus, I found myself unable to talk for three days and forced to listen (as Elijah) to the still small voice of God.  The retreat’s theme was on “Women of the Bible” and we had five great talks on five different (but very faithful and loving) women of the New Testament…  We followed the usual format of spiritual growth talks, Mass, Adoration and time for reconciliation.  While the location didn’t have grounds for walking it did have a glass wall in the living room area and one of the best moments of mine was just sitting very still looking outside while it rained.  A family of hummingbirds kept me rather amused for in the rain they kept fighting over placement on a bird feeder.  I concluded that these peculiar birds had to be California natives for I have never seen birds flying in the rain, feathers soaked!  We rarely get rain here and these feathered creatures were as excited to be out in the rain as I was of just being able to enjoy the splashing of the sky waters purifying the ground.  When I was a child my momma would tell us to look intensely at the splashes the rain created and to tell her when we saw the dancing lovers and to this day when I look at raindrops hitting the ground I see the feet of lovers’ tap dancing (smile).

During the retreat I also happened upon a book in the library The Autobiography of Saint Therese of Lisieux: Story of a Soul.  I greedily went through half of the book during my stay mesmerized by the depth of her spirituality – I envied her connection to God and her remembrance of Him during her entire life- even as a child!  What a great gift to know your vocation so clearly and so early in life.  She followed me the entire weekend challenging me to conversion, asking me to become a child in God’s hands and to trust with abandonment in He who created me. I enjoyed submerging in her simple life and her romantic use of language – to see her struggles; yet, never feeding into negativity, to discover her courage in following the will of God and to see her vulnerability in her earthly journey really inspired me.  Her devotion to prayer and her desire to intimately know Jesus guided me and motivated me to pray more, to desire Jesus more and to be a child above all in God’s arms.

The crazy Californian's...

The retreat also encouraged me to create a plan for Lent, to focus on the liturgical time that approaches as a time to die to self and in turn receive more of Christ.  It gave me the opportunity to sit for a while and truly consider not leaving Jesus out of Lent or out of Easter…  It’s important to take time to be alone with God to offer at least one weekend and to let Him find you and to guide you to where He wants you to be.  When you two meet He will pour Himself into you and give you everything you are lacking in addition to the strength to press on (smile).           

Casual Sunday Retreat Style.