Pablo Neruda wrote “A Dog Has Died,” a poetic eulogy for his
beloved dog when his dog passed. In the
second stanza he writes:
“I, the materialist, who never believed in any promised
heaven in the sky for any human being, I believe in a heaven I’ll never
enter. Yes, I believe in a heaven for
all dogdom where my dog waits for my arrival waving his fan-like tail in
friendship.”
When death comes knocking at our door to claim a beloved -simultaneously the ones left behind are left trying to make sense of the
loss. For many of us death is the first
time we acknowledge our mortality and with it what comes next. When my brother died I understood Neruda’s
words to the core of my being, but unlike his poem I needed concrete evidence that
life after death is real. In fact, death
was what humbled me to my knees and opened my heart to hear God’s truth. Today, I believe in heaven with the same certainty that I trust the air that I breathe gives me life. It is this truth in life after death, that has given me and continues to give me a reason to live. A reason that my life on earth matters, has meaning and that when one breathes life's last breath all is not lost... In fact, it's only the beginning of eternity (smile).
Nevertheless, we all deal with death differently, but in the end we all
hope for a heaven- a place where all those gone before us go… I usually dissociate myself from loss, when
my brother died I immediately packed up his room and gave everything away-
almost erasing him from my life because that’s the only way that I could
cope. I didn’t want things of his in my
home to remind me of his absence- so they all went to charity or in a box in the attic. This past weekend, I found myself
getting ready to purge my dog’s things because I thought that he too was about
to leave me…
A couple days ago during his regular short walk around the
neighborhood my dog collapsed, two out of the ordinary sways before his body plummeted to the floor. As he laid on the concrete sidewalk completely unconscious, I thought he had had a heart attack and as I
waited for any signs of life, his little chest showed me there was still life in
him. I carried him home where he
continued to have balance issues. Seeing
the signs of his rapid deterioration I was bracing myself for the worse, and once
again I had to find peace in the promises of my faith. Those promises that in November of 2004 began
my spiritual journey. I thought of
Neruda’s poem and while many say that animals don’t have souls therefore heaven
is not their destination I believe that God is merciful even with little furry
friends who are angels here on earth for so many of us.
Late last night, the vet called and told me that the results
were back for Dollar’s tests and they all came back normal- except for his
thyroid. His thyroid is rather low which
is causing him to fall all over the place, but with medication he should improve.
Praise be to God! I get to have him in my life a little longer. While I was making preparatory arrangements
for a possible euthanasia – God extended our time together. Thank you all for the prayers, God heard
them! In a couple weeks hopefully after the meds begin to kick in, my little wolf
will be back to his shenanigans.
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