Dating Introverts Part Three

In the past two posts, I focused on characteristics of introverts.  Today, I would like to extend that knowledge to courting in a Catholic environment.  First, it’s important to recognize that quiet, and inward personalities are not a sign of insecurity or weak character.  Don’t interpret a man’s initial shyness and distance as a cue for you to start dominating the relationship and doing the work for him.  Let him pursue you.  Be patient, prepared for delays and a slow beginning- never rush him.  Invite him into your world, encourage him to approach you and be available for him; but, never take over his role.  Pray- that God gives him clarity to discern your signs of interest and the courage he needs to be the pursuer.  I think it’s really tough for us women, to wait on a man when he’s giving extremely small signs that he might also be interested – and sometimes we fail by trying to rush him or just doing the pursuing ourselves.  Yet, no matter how introverted a man might be- if he likes you he will pursue- give him that honor.  My brother-in-law is super private and quiet- yet he found the courage to pursue and marry my sister (smile).

For success in relationships good communication must occur; thus, learning how each of you communicates will also help lessen misunderstandings. First, don’t take his shyness and reserve personal.  Accept that he’s private and is very selective on who he allows into his inner circle and that he is a man of a fewer words than most.  If he tells you something in confidence make sure you remember to keep it a secret- he needs to know he can trust you.  Remember what he says- introverts are usually people of few words and usually the words they do use are of great importance.  In addition, focus your attention on him completely when he’s talking.  My best friend is an extrovert and sometimes when I am talking with her she takes out her cell and sends a message or replies with something completely unrelated to what I was sharing- at first it was really irritating and hurtful because I felt she wasn’t listening to me- but after years of friendship I know that’s just how she is.  In the same way, she tries harder to focus solely on me when I talk to her.

The initial stages of relationships are full of awkward moments and misunderstandings.  That’s why I like the philosophy of first loving each other as sister and brother in Christ.  When I love someone else as one of God’s children I am less afraid of rejection and more willing to forgive and accept that person as he or she is.  It puts both of us on the same team and it helps push away negative, prideful thoughts.  It also makes the relationship less “I” focus and more “God” centered.  When I like a man and I am showing him that I am interested (without knowing his feelings) it’s always a battle with my pride.  “What if he realizes that I like him and he doesn’t feel the same way!”  That’s a constant battle… Yet, when I think of him as my brother-in-Christ and I choose to love him as such- I realize that I am doing God’s will.  When I think of him as my brother-in-Christ and I choose to love him my feelings for him are less self-motivated and less selfish.  I no longer care about injuring my pride, but of how to better love and serve him.  Being sensitive to his way of life and being patient until he is ready to take action takes a different meaning.  It's no longer about me and what I am getting from him; but, rather what God expects from me in all my relationships.  I also pray a great deal to not lose patience and when I do I pray even more.  I try to utilize my energy in positive ways trying to not lose my cool and to hope in God and in my beloved (smile).

Dating Introverts Part Two

Dating Introverts Part One