Last week I
went out with one of my guy friends who wanted to talk to me a bit about
introverted, single men and their way of approaching the dating scene. Today I am going to share some of his insight
in addition to some of my thoughts on the subject since I also consider myself
an introvert. For the sake of this post,
we will define introversion as both needing alone time to recharge energies and
inward temperaments. The courting
process on its own is a daunting task, add a bit of shyness and inexperience to
the mix and it becomes almost impossible for many of us introverts.
Communication: Introverts hate small talk and have difficulty
keeping the conversation going with new people or people they don’t know well. Thus, forming new relationships can be quite
difficult. Silence doesn’t mean they don’t
like you, they just process things inwardly instead of vocally. This makes them
great listeners, but usually at the beginning the more outgoing person will
need to keep the conversation going. They also need time to process - so, if they
don’t respond immediately to your texts or messages understand that they need time
to reflect and respond. Recently, I
thought a man’s delayed responses was a sign that he was not into me, yet am
learning that we communicate differently.
Reading Signals: Women are usually very attentive to detail and
tend to over analyze a man’s behavior.
Recently, I also tried to have a conversation with a man via messages
and our conversations went nowhere because we both have difficulty initially keeping
the dialogue going. Thus, I felt like he
didn’t want to talk to me because he was not interested. My friend shared that women that are touchy
really confuse him, because they are expressing a lot of affection (which
translates to interest), but when he tries to pursue they usually decline. It was interesting to see that both men and women
have difficulty picking up on the right signals.
He said that I should tell my lady friends that if we are interested in
a man we need to hit the object of our affections with a frying pan. Thus, there are too things to be learned here:
(1) Women lose the fear of showing a man
through word and action that you are interested and
(2) Men ask the girl out clearly,
remembering that being a gentleman is more than opening doors- it also means
being prepared to take rejection so that your lady won’t have to.
Honest and Loyal: Introverts are usually some of the most honest
and loyal people. They only focus on one
person at a time in the dating process. One honest relationship means more to
them than having many superficial friends. Thus, dating mixers, conferences,
events geared at helping facilitate the dating process are as uncomfortable as
networking. We don’t like to feel like
we have to sell ourselves; thus, even if we attend these events we are more
likely to be unsuccessful at meeting someone.
Group Dates: My friend suggested group dates as a possible
way of meeting and developing romantic relationships. I am not so sure since in a crowd I get lost-
unless I know the people well or they are all women.
Patience: Be patient with him/her. Reading the book Quiet or studying
literature on introverts can really help understand the way we think and react
to things that are important to us.
Learn and accept how we function socially. We usually enjoy low key activities most of
the time and value alone time. Keep in
mind that each introvert is different, thus getting to know the person, asking
questions and observing their behavior will tell you a great deal of who and
how they are.
To be
continued… Dating Introverts Part Two
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