A Life Worthy of Me

Linus explains the real reason for Christmas!

“I am making so many good memories,” my nephew whispered on Saturday as we toured Knott’s Berry Farm (SMILE).  He is about to turn eight and already he’s demonstrating such wisdom.  A friend once told me that success (and the duty) of every generation is to leave the world a better place for our children.  To carve a new world, a better prospect for our future generations.  As my sister and I took a sitting break to share some ice cream with my nephew we recalled how when we were children we were so poor that we were unable to take these fun outings.  Yet, as we grew into adulthood our choices have enabled us to live the lives we always imagined…

The first year I started therapy, after sharing all my darkest moments- my damaged past due to alcoholism, poverty and domestic violence my therapist saw past the brokenness and challenged me to create the life I wanted.  She gave me one of the greatest lessons of my life, “Penny, the past you have no control over because you were a child and as children grownups are supposed to care for their children, keep them from harm and all the important decisions adults make for them.  But now as an adult- think of the life you want to have and create it, you have the power to choose how you want to live starting now…”  That day my therapist words gave me a clean canvas and since I have been painting a life worthy of me.  As the foundation for my life painting, I have kept all the good things that my parents and ancestors have passed on to me and those areas that had been damaged or needed remodeling I have started to replace with goodness and love.  The thing is that if you challenge yourself to be better those around you become better too.  Slowly, I lost my fear of showing emotions and demonstrating those I love that I do indeed care.  I became a hugger and slowly my family became huggers too- my vulnerability helped me and my family learn to love in a way I always imagined.  Birthdays became important because growing up they were mostly gone ignored, now I serenated and celebrated my family and slowly they learned to do the same for me.  Recently, we started praying as a family for the big holidays like around the Thanksgiving table and during Advent we light the dominical wreath candles together… My life is what I always imagined and so much more.

We can either hold on to our hurts blame those who inflicted the pain, those who broke us- we can throw a pity party for ourselves or we can rise above our circumstances and slowly forgive and love.  If we are Christians that’s a commandment- we must forgive others as He forgave us.  In this culture revenge always looks so much more appealing; but, when we hurt others we hurt ourselves.  Yet, when we forgive and love them (even though they hurt us deeply) we open our lives to God and His infinite love, His infinite goodness and His infinite possibilities.