Happy New Year

I was looking back at twenty-twenty and I realized that even though I struggled with my mental health due to the quarantine and though I had a mini-breakdown due to the stress of virtual teaching not to mention a long period of debilitating depression from lacking my faith support groups, in addition to only having enough energy to take care of the main responsibilities – the tough year also brought with it many blessings...   

After a period of going without Mass, our Catholic Church brought them back outside. 

I discovered that I have an aquatic dog who loves (an understatement) the beach!

My parish placed the Blessed Sacrament outside so that we can worship Him in the parking lot from the comfort of our car.

It was the year that I was able to wear masks outside of Halloween.

Francis turned one and had a quarantine themed birthday party in isolation.

We took our first family trip to Big Bear and created many great memories en familia.

I completed my Master’s in Education after a more than a ten-year hiatus.

I discovered headbands- even during quarantine one must remain fashionable!

Francis was blessed for the first time during the annual Blessing of the Animals.

I completed my first year back as a teacher and celebrated with a virtual end of the semester party.

I turned four times ten- a milestone birthday and even though I couldn’t travel as I had hoped it was just as memorable at home with my family.

I ended the year in good health with my family and one super spoiled pup.

It was a tough year, earlier in the week mom lost a childhood friend to Covid, luckily next Friday we will be able to attend the outside funeral services.  This loss brought with it many feelings, specially fear.  During this past year, I haven’t really been frighten by the whole virus, but having it hit close to home brought with it the fear of keeping my folks safe.  Thus, though I had two weeks off for winter break, I spent most of it at home trying to keep my parents safe.  Hopefully, this new year will provide the cure so that we don’t have to live in fear of getting others possibly deadly sick. There's much hope to this new chapter called 2021. Happy New Year!

 

  

Christmas 2020

How was your Covid Christmas? 

It was difficult to not feel a little different this year during the Christmas season.  Though Zoom replaced some of my usual holiday gatherings with friends and I was able to celebrate Jesus’ big day with my family this season sure felt different.  None more than Nochebuena, our first Christmas Eve (since my reversion) that we haven’t gone to midnight service.  Our parishes weren’t offering it because Mass is back to being held outside again.  It was depressing not being able to go kiss and adore baby Jesus in the manger after Nochebuena service like we have done for so many years now.  

Christmas Day proved equally different because I attended Mass with only my siblings.  My parents are both retired and at the age that the virus seems to hit most severely so we have been trying to keep them safe.  In addition, they are avid news viewers and I think this has made them a little more anxious about going out. It didn’t help, that aunt called and informed us that all her kids are infected.  Yet, what hit my mom worse is that a childhood friend of hers is battling for her life with the virus in the hospital.  We have been praying for her as a family and hope that she can recover even though it seems unlikely.

We are the lucky ones thus far because other than quarantine we have been doing well. The consequences of the virus have been felt in ways that is probably sinful to complain because as I celebrated this Christmas surrounded once more by my parents and those who I love most our hearts are full.  Not being able to go to Midnight or Christmas Day service with my parents made me realize how much I take for granted.  It felt incomplete to be able to attend without mi familia; yet, when I helped mom with our annual tamale batch, or when we gathered together to pray and eat dinner or when we opened gifts this year those moments felt so much more special.  Not being able to worship together during Mass only amplified the moments where we could be one family and I had to thank  Jesus for giving me so much this troublesome year.

Penny's Bakeoff Challenge

This week was such an emotionally good week.  While the pandemic left us no choice, but to try are best with virtual I still felt connected to my kids and coworkers.  Yesterday, our region provided a cooking lesson type virtual party for staff.  They hired the local cooking school that we bring in to teach our students culinary skills, but this time for the staff.  As an avid “British Bake Off” and “Nailed It” viewer I felt like my dream of being a contestant on said shows were brought to life.  During the three-hour lesson I scrambled around my kitchen, thinking I need to buy sharper knives, and a scraper and a better mixer- I guess I just couldn’t face the reality that perhaps the cook was the one with the deficiencies (wink).   

It was my first time working with real pasta dough and my goodness I just got a new appreciation for Italian chefs! How in the world can anyone cut the pasta in perfect lines and keep it from becoming mush!  I also got experience cooking with a timer- most of the time I was rushing trying to keep up with the instructions coming from my computer.  I think the chef, thought that teachers are great students, but we kept asking her why our dishes weren’t looking like hers, what to do when we messed up and to please slow down!  At a time, I thought the chef looked annoyed by our inadequacy.  In the end my pasta turned out like a pile of mush that even Francis didn’t want to try it.  I was thinking, “I am cooking dinner for my family,” but if I was competing on “Nailed It” I would have been in last place.  That’s how disastrous my linguine carbonara looked and tasked to match.

In the end I learned, that I am a baker and while I love to eat, as a cook I am still a work in process.  My dessert, pistachio biscotti, turned out yummy and looked much like the chefs.  Francis wouldn’t try it either, but my dad and nephew had a slice and that made all the mess and dishes that I had to do after worth the stress of being in my schools cooking competition. 

My Lady of Guadalupe Altar

I had a milestone birthday recently and I felt all this pressure to make it special after all I am the girl that still has themed annual celebrations.  Maybe the lockdown due to the pandemic gave me too much time to think and I kept the hope that by November I would be able to travel.  As the day grew closer and I realized that things weren’t changing, rather the upcoming holidays meant more restrictions- out went the last hope that I would celebrate around the world.  My last hope was that I would be able to take a weekend trip to visit la Morenita en el D.F.  Yet, when I shared with my parents they jokingly said, “make sure you book a hotel to stay at for two weeks afterwards to quarantine.”  Then a friend further sealed my plan when she told me that her husband was stuck in Mexico after contracting the virus in an emergency visit he had to make.

Though, I ended up having a simple, quite-enjoyable celebration at home, I felt like every time I plan on visiting the Virgencita something keeps me from going.  I was moping around thinking about my unfulfilled plan, when I read something that made me smile Grande!  Our Lady comes to all of us, she’s not in quarantine in her Templo, she is with us. When we call to her she comes to our assistance. 

This year has been quite difficult. I know that to complain about not being able to travel is quite petty when people are struggling with real troubles.  Yet, I miss the freedom to do those things that nurtured my being.  These past few months, I have struggled with my mental health.  Initially not being able to go to Mass or attend faith groups really messed with my head because the things that kept me sane were taken away.  I am a person who finds the greatest fulfillment in spending quality time with others and no matter how great Zoom is, it just doesn’t replace the intimacy of being together under one roof. This week I was put on a fourteen-day quarantine from work, after a student tested positive for Covid and though I am able to work from home, I miss leaving the house.

As I prepared for the Feast of Our Lady of Guadalupe, I realized that she is with me.  I don’t need to go to a specific location to be with her, she comes to me!  So, for the first time I built an altar for her and it made me so happy to pray the final novena day in front of it. 

My Love for Christmas Ornaments

When I was a little girl my elementary hosted the book fair every year before Christmas break.  They always sold little figurines or ornaments in addition to books and I would always save a few bucks to do my Christmas shopping.  Every year I had enough for two gifts and every year I bought two gifts one for my parents and the other for my sister.  Even then, I knew that my sister’s love language was receiving gifts.  Every year I would study the figurines and ornaments before picking the two I would spurge on and then I would go home and wrap them satisfactorily putting them under our tree.  In my child’s heart I imagined the joy that my recipients would express when opening my gifts… The first year my sister opened the gift I saw the disappointment in her face, but I thought I had just chosen the wrong figurine.  However, the years that followed she would open my gifts while saying, “I don’t know why, I even open these when I know how lame they are.”  Sometimes, I would have her open both thinking that perhaps she would like one of the two ornaments I was gifting, but every year I never got it right. 

Now when I go thrifting and I find ornaments I think about who gifted the wrong figurine in hopes of brightening another person’s day.  What little child went to her book fair and instead of buying something for herself spent all she had on another?  I think of the millions of gifts that were wrong and end up in a pile of rescue me from the landfill.  I have learned that I cannot take all of them home, but every Christmas season I end up with a couple more saved ornaments that make the little girl in me exceedingly happy!  This has turned into a collection- a religious ornament collection. Some are worth a pretty penny because they are glass-blown, hand-painted by renowned artists and others are probably still found in book fairs across the country. 

Every year when I take out my ornaments, I study each one and it sends all sorts of happy into my body.  Each one is special to me and each one for the most part has been rescued from the landfill.  I have pieces from some of the top ornament designers that survived not being wanted and have found a home in my tree.  This year as I put up my tree I was afraid that Francis would knock it down confusing my ornaments for toys, but so far, he has shown little interest in my little pleasures.  This year while I put them up my sister said, “Wow, we have so many really nice ornaments…”  And that put the biggest smile on my face!    

The Graduate

Sometimes dreams get put on hold for a little bit- thirteen years to be exact… 

After, my Bipolar diagnoses I left teaching.  It took me some time (years) to learn to function normally with my disability and during this time I thought that I would never again work in education so all activities that surrounded my teaching dream were left in limbo.  I was one class away from my Master’s when I had my mental breakdown and I never finished because I thought that I would never be able to perform that job.  This year Corona Virus and all, I completed my Master’s degree in Education!

Every time in the past thirteen years when I thought of completing my degree just for the sake of finishing what I had started the pain of opening the wound of a failed dream froze me.  I couldn’t think of education without puncturing the scab enough for the mixture of pain and waste- wasted years pursuing a dream that never materialized to come like a towering wave. The thought of being surrounded by students with tangible illusions of leading kids in a classroom, students who would get to live out their fantasies made me sick with defeat.  I lacked the humility to see others succeed in the field while my health limitations kept me from reaching a goal I had made as child playing teacher in my garage.          

I don’t know if I would have ever gone back to finish my degree had it not been for this year of redemption.  After waiting a week, too scared to call back a school to confirm an interview appointment at a job that I don’t remember applying for – I was hired as a teacher.  Before I was hired, I made a plan on how I was going to deal with stress- what my techniques would be for when things became too hectic, I was even considering weekly therapy.  I created a plan so that this time I would deal with things that brought my demise in the past and succeed as teacher.  However, throughout this whole transition God’s hand was at work returning everything that I had lost due to my disability.  I found myself dealing with stress in positive ways and not shutting down when things got overbearing.  Prepping myself (mostly my mind) so much in advance made things manageable, so much so that I gained confidence enough to return to school and finish that last class. 

I didn’t plan it to be during a national pandemic, but it happened that I graduated during a virtual ceremony.  That might add some interest in the future when I tell my story about how I returned to education during the worst time to be a teacher and managed to succeed because with God all things are truly possible.       

The Benefits of Hummingbird Watching

Everyday I spend two hours in my backyard after work with Francis.  We play fetch, but mostly enjoy laying on the grass and looking up at the sky thankful to be off of screens.  In being still, I have noticed a life happening around me that due to the hustle and bustle I had missed.  My dad bought a few Hardy Fuchsias and they have been ever so popular at attracting hummingbirds.  Every afternoon when Francis and I are at play the same hummingbirds stop to get their meals.  There’s one in particular who always shows up at the same time and after taunting Francis, feasts on our plants.

It’s funny because at my age I had never seen a hummingbird at rest.  Yet, our continuous visitor likes to sit on our clothing lines and look down upon us.  From below, I get to admire its tiny body as it cleans its wings and yesterday I even saw it catch a fly!  I am no ornithologist so I was surprise to learn that hummingbirds have a diet of plants and insects. It’s beautiful how a tiny creature is so complex and so simple at the same time.  It’s also surprising how much one appreciates from being still.

I always pictured moments of inactivity as passive. In our society rest comes with a negative connotation, but now I see that when we are still we enter into a whole new world.  One of my favorite verses is: “Be still and know that I am God.”  I love that verse because when I fall into a low bipolar period all I want is someone who will be with me in the low valley. Someone who will accept me at my low and who will lay with me and watch hummingbirds at play.  Someone who won’t push me into activity, but who will relax entering into the peace and wonder of God.

During this quarantine, I spend two hours every day outside in my yard with Francis playing fetch, but mostly just laying down on the grass cloud watching.  For a long time, I felt shame that instead of taking on a new hobby I rather be lounging outside.  I too am slowing going through a conversion by looking at these periods of stillness - ones so utterly filled with God as good. Through this private glimpse into His creation I realize how wonderous and magnificent our Lord truly is! And I am learning that being still, truly brings us closer to God.    

Seven Things I Miss

Every month I film a video to put on our school Flipgrid to get students and staff “socially” at a distant involved.  This month’s prompt was what I miss most due to Covid-19.  So, I thought I would do a list of the seven things I miss most…

1. I miss Bible study.  My social life revolved around different groups that I belong to.  The Monday night Bible study group, Giana’s Club, Rise Women’s group, and my Franciscan Fraternity.  Or taking classes at the diocese- I was a couple classes away from getting my Master Catechist Certificate.  After working all day, it was such an encouragement to meet people in person and grow in my faith…  The Rise Women’s group is the only one that has managed to remain active through Zoom and I truly appreciate our monthly check-ins.
   
2. I miss being able to go into any Catholic parish to pray in front of the Blessed Sacrament.  One of my ways of dealing with stress or the downs of my disability was to run into the bosom of the church.  I find it so wonderfully healing and uplifting to be able to pray inside our beautiful parishes.  Sometimes just silently sitting the pew inside holy places is all my soul needs.  While I am glad that Mass has returned to my diocese – I miss being inside the actual building.
   
3. I miss visits to the salon!  My hair and nails have been in a state of disarray.  While I am not a girl who visits them frequently, I do enjoy having a gel manicure, a French-tip pedicure and my bangs trimmed.  Sometimes going to salon motivates me to invest in my look- right now I live in comfortable clothes and a braid.
   
4. I miss hanging out with friends.  A couple friends have had babies during quarantine and I have yet to meet their little, bundles of joy.  Of course, I miss just being in the same room with them catching up and nurturing our friendship.
   
5. I miss traveling.  Oh, how I miss the planning and preparing for my next world adventure.  Usually, I travel with a church group and right now we are not even seeing each other locally so traveling together is out of the question.
   
6. I miss going in to work.  I have a little bit of a drive due to traffic to and from work- and I thought I would never miss the commute, but I miss not being able to be at my school with my colleagues and students.  I hate distant learning and look forward to day that I can return to work completely.
   
7. I miss having a choice.  While I am quite happy at home, I miss having a choice to leave my house.  I haven’t been able to do social things with nephew and it blows!

I think what I miss being in the company of others doing those freedoms I took for granted.  My county is starting to slowly reopen and I am super excited as we move towards back to normal.  What do you miss?   

iHeart Yoga at Lantern Park

I have never been a fan of Yoga… To be honest I get bored.  Yet, last week my boss treated us to iHeart Yoga in the park and the allure of being out in nature made me accept the invitation.  According to their website – it’s the longest and most popular class in Dana Point.  You can drop in or book ahead of time for an eight-dollar donation. The class runs for an hour and people at all levels participate and equally enjoy the session because the instructor gives various options of stretches to accommodate everyone.

Selfie with our Yoga Instructor

The setting, at Lantern Park, makes for an ideal backdrop. You lay your mat on the field under the shade of pine trees overlooking the harbor.  The amazing ocean views and cool breeze make for an ideal setting to relax the mind and get in the spirit of body and soul… It was a great way to conclude a stressful week; thus, I totally recommend iHeart Yoga for anyone that is looking for a way to work out during Covid.

While, being outdoors appreciating nature at its best, I still don’t think Yoga is for me.  After half an hour I was like a preschool kid looking for something else to do. My mind just couldn’t namaste any longer.  I think the yoga instructor noticed my inattentiveness towards the end and she was ok with it.  She was like, “do what feels good to your body” and what felt good was just to lay on my back and look at the sky.  After the class she came over to me because I had mention that I was a yoga novice.  I told her that I think I needed to start with half hour sessions because the hour was too much for a beginner.  She gave me a high five for trying and provided information on intro to yoga options offered at her studio.  Her optimism and kindness were so refreshing and for that I would return again.

Sunflowers & Brooches

I went for a walk with Francis and I was captivated by my neighbor’s sunflower garden.  Every time I see sunflowers I feel like my brother is smiling down from heaven.  When he was alive, he planted a batch of sunflowers and only one bloomed and it got so big that it started tilting.  He loved and tended that flower with so much care. At the time the large size and drooping position made me think it was most hideous.  After he passed, all I could think of was how much he loved that ugly-duckling of a plant and suddenly the whole species of sunflowers sail me back to him.  Whenever I see one I am reminded of my brother happily tending his garden- trying to convince me that oversize, drooping flowers are beautiful.  While, the ones in my neighbor’s garden are multiples and smaller- the yellow gleeful color always takes me back in time.

During my thrifting escapades I found two flower brooches.

This one is a 1980’s Yves Saint Laurent’s for Avon brooch, the designer took Vincent van Goh’s Sunflower paintings as inspiration. I love the whole design, the glossy gold setting and the jewel tone enamel flowers in a vase with a handle.  It makes me think of picking garden flowers and setting them on your kitchen table. I found this vintage piece for a couple bucks and it’s currently selling for well over sixty dollars. Not a bad day of picking.

This one is a collectable St John Bee on a Sunflower brooch.  It’s 22K gold electroplated, signed and sparkles with Swarovski crystals. This is one of my favorites, I bought it soon after he passed simply because it reminded me of him and I thought I could pin it close to my heart.  Again, I got it for a couple dollars and it currently sells for over one hundred- again another good day of American picking (smile).

When I was a child I dreamed of heirlooms and somehow finding these treasures make me feel like I am wearing history.  I also imagine the stylish woman who wore it before me and just like spotting sunflowers I am filled with the fuzzies.