“Whatever is received into something is received according to the condition of the recipient.”

Saint Thomas Aquinas said, “Whatever is received into something is received according to the condition of the recipient.”  God is always generous in His giving, but we limit His generosity when we are unwilling or unfit to receive Him.  I am coming out of a crisis of faith.  That’s why I wrote the previous post, because though my latest pilgrimage reignited the embers that so needed to be relit- it also mimicked what I have been internally experiencing.  Martha, our skeptic guide personified what I had been feeling lately and through her challenges about what was real and not- I realized that I myself had been doing that with God through mandated isolation and even after the pandemic restrictions were lifted.  I got comfortable being away from my religious community, away from Mass, away from God… 

In Loreto, there wasn’t enough room at the hotel we had reservations to accommodate our group and five of us including myself had to be driven to a nearby location to sleep.  That night, I was exhausted and was planning on skipping dinner to go to my room and sleep and it wasn’t until after everyone had left to their rooms that the leftover five were told that after dinner we would be driven to a nearby hotel for the night.  I was super frustrated to receive this news like a bucket of water and because we had to wait in the lobby for an hour before dinner and I was the only on that wanted to skip on dinner. So, I had to brave it three more hours before I could be taken to my room for rest.  When we made to the hotel, I realized that it was a retreat house and not a hotel. My room was very humble, but there was a painting above my bed of Mary and Child and that gave me confidence that I would have a good night sleep.  It wasn’t until morning when we were to be taken back to join our group that we noticed that we had slept right outside the church where the walls of Mother Mary’s house are kept.  I guess Mamita wanted to have me near during the night!

Later that morning, when we all boarded the tour bus, the driver missed a metal rod that stuck out and I was awaken by the glass of my window cracking. I was terrified, but quickly noticed that only the outside glass had cracked.  After analyzing the damage, the driver thought it safe to continue on our way, but as we started to drive pieces of the glass started breaking, I was terrified that the weight of the shatter glass was going to break the inner glass. However, the bus driver was able to pull over in time, remove all the cracked glass and we continued on our way safe with the inner window still intact.  It wasn’t an hour later that I heard a scream and the noticed that one of the passengers had fallen out of his seat asleep and his wife shrieked trying to keep him from hitting the ground. After assessing the situation, we laughed, but I was a little on edge from all the unexpected happenings.

I dwelled a little too long on all the things going wrong with the trip, that I felt like an unwilling recipient to all of what God wanted to give me.  Yet, God is good all the time, because now after a few weeks back I feel so many graces that I am receiving as I look back.   

Our Rome Tour Guide

So, there I was touring some of the most beautiful places in Rome with religious significance and I had a skeptic as a tour guide, Martha.  Just right outside the Sancta Sanctorum trying to decide if I would be able to climb up the twenty-eight stairs on my knees, Martha ends her tour bit with, “The wood of the stairs was tested and only dated to the fourth century so these steps are probably not really the stairs that Jesus climbed on his way to his trial, but does that change your faith probably not.”

Just a few minutes earlier at the Cathedral of Saint John the Lateran on our way out, Martha pointed to the relics of the Last Supper Table and offered her first bit of doubt, “During the times of Jesus, tables weren’t used so this is probably not the real table, but does that change your faith of course not.” Then she led us out as if her words weren’t a big deal and moved to another painting and while she shared what she knew about the art piece, I thought this lady is not good at reading her audience.  At the archbasilica where the heads of Saint Peter and Saint Paul are said to be found, again Martha said, “no one has ever opened them to know if it’s truly who they say they are.”

By the time we had reached the Basilica of Santa Maria Maggiore, I made a comment to Father, “I think we have a skeptic as a tour guide – she keeps saying that none of the relics are the real thing.”  Then she made a huge error when she said that the mosaic of Jesus crowing his Mother represented Mary as Jesus’ wife that Father finally had to address not only her Marian theology, but the information she was sharing with us.  He politely gave her a mini Mariology lesson and also challenged her on the furniture that was around during Jesus’ time by quoting the many times the word table is used in scripture.  From my own studies I know that tables looked a bit different (lower) during that period so maybe that’s where her confusion stemmed.

Yet, by the time we reached the Sistine Chapel the group was over our Rome tour guide.  I for one was thinking of skipping the Sistine Chapel this time because the previous time I went I hated being stuck in such a crowded place, but before I was aware I was inside the museum.  That day the itinerary wasn’t followed and I got stuck in the crowd thinking we were going to a different location. In my mind I was hoping to sip on a cappuccino while the group went to the museum and instead I was in a people traffic jam with a tour guide who I had less and less patience for.  It seemed that Father having had the brief talk with Martha made her insecure and she was now reading her extensive notes afraid to make a mistake.  She stopped in the garden of the museum to explain the frescos that we were about to see. Tour group after tour group passed us and she continued her extensive lecture on the art pieces. The hot sun combined with our aching feet from standing all day made many of my group members run out of patience.  “We just needed an overview not a college discourse!” bellowed an elderly man, but it seemed like Martha was wound up and nothing could stop her from sharing the most miniscule details.

Hours later we boarded the bus exhausted, but happy to be leaving our Rome guide behind.