Moving Back to In Person

Lent is starting this week and I am looking forward to a time of conversion in a way that I hadn’t needed before.  This year, I am looking forward to bringing community back into my life.  After a couple years of seeing people virtually or not at all, I am being more intentional about doing things the good old-fashioned way, face-to-face.  Though I have enjoyed and been blessed to have my monthly women’s group, fraternity and Franciscan formation continue to meet virtually these past hectic months – I crave for my weekly in person bible study to be back on my schedule and established as a routine again.  I also, hope my other groups will slowly begin to meet in person soon. 

For Mass I have rotated between virtual and in-person attendance based on the spikes of Covid mostly for my parent’s sake.  They are retired and watch the news and this has made them quite worrisome about our safety, so in order to help them keep peace of mind I have modified my actions.  Now, though I think that we are back to feeling more optimistic about the pandemic that I have returned to in person Eucharist.  While I missed going in person severely, joining online has been such a beautiful experience because I was able to attend live streaming all over the US.  I got to see many ways communities’ worship and I learned a lot more about the Eucharist and how to enhance community involvement.

My favorite virtual attendance where at parishes where more traditional people attend because I loved seeing the veils and listening to classic hymns.  I also enjoyed the parishes that did the spiritual communion prayer for those worshiping from home.   The best thing that I witnessed was a community in Kansas that has a chalice that travels each week to a different family to remind them to pray for priests and vocations.  They announced the name of the family that would be receiving the chalice, the family then came to front where the priest handed over a box (with chalice inside) and sent them to pray and return the chalice the following Sunday for a new family to take over.  I was so excited by this, even from my screen at home since I had never witnessed anything like it.

Yet, even with all the great intel that I have gathered from my virtual faith life, it doesn’t compare to the intimacy that occurs during in-person attendance.  Even though, two years plus into the pandemic I have gotten used to login from home to attend the few options available to keep my faith in communion with others- nothing compares to the beauty of physically being with other people.  I miss the sideline conversations, the small group discussions and breaking bread physically with others.  In all my faith groups we would have snacks or organize potlucks for certain feast days and I miss the joy of those simple celebrations. As California has once again dropped the mask mandate as a sign that there is improvement, I am also at a point where I need to be around others. Thus, this Lent I am looking forward to attending in person Lenten services, Fish Fry’s, and maybe even a weekend retreat!   

Time Off

I am learning as a teacher that I need to be healthy too. Since, I am a year round teacher I don’t have that nice long summer off, but I do get vacation days to take whenever I deem wise. For the past two years I didn’t want to miss any days even though I was neglecting my own needs. I simply felt guilty thinking the students needed me. You see, I have been entrusted with students with disabilities and mental illness. So, usually when I take a day off I get at least one text asking me where I am at and if I will be out the next day too. It’s endearing to have teens that have developed such a connection with me and that my presence inspires calmness.  However, I recently shared with the students that have the hardest time when I am not there that I am bipolar and sometimes I also need a mental day to take care of me. It was sweet when my seventeen-year-old nodded acknowledging that he understood.

Just recently I decided to take my vacation days here and there to work on my own mental well-being. I will take one or two extra days when I have a long weekend, even if I don’t have any special plans. Today, I am at home taking an extra day and I had enough energy to cut my own bangs which had been neglected far too long (smile).  

I was also able to see a few friends over the weekend and I told them that I am tired of being cooped out at home and that I am going to be more intentional about seeing everyone. As I vocalized this to the friends that I did see, I got positive reactions that it’s time to see each other again and learn to live during this pandemic not just survive.  Getting together with my church friends made me realize that I need them to inspire my faith too. We had some great conversations about how God has been working in our lives and it made all of us desire Him more. We promised that we would come together this upcoming Lent for a home fish fry and rosary time.   

Life is meant to be shared and if I have learned anything this pandemic it’s just that. Don’t get me wrong I love being a homebody, but I also need a good chat with my friends. It does the soul good (smile).

I Am A Little Weird

I am a little weird…

I remember when I started therapy my goal was to be normal.  My life was in so much chaos that I craved a normal family and, in some way, a normal me.  At the time I didn’t know that a lot of my weird was because I was struggling with untreated bipolar disorder.  I was also traveling the least traveled path for a girl from a little town in Mexico going to college was unheard of.  The power to realize my dream to leave the ghetto was at the time my primary decision to hold off on dating in addition to trust issues brought on by my past with abuse.

I never made my love life a priority, I just thought that it would happen on its own.  I guess just like all the other avenues that I have traveled dating has also been a different experience for me.  First, it was out of my radar because I wanted to graduate college.  Then, I thought that it would just arrive on its own, but the places that I was going to were places that the type of guys I am into would never go to.  My friends met guys at bars and clubs, but those guys were not my type.  I like introverted, intelligent men. Smarter than me, even better.  I find brainy men utterly attractive and these men rarely step inside a club or a bar.  Then I encountered that sometimes, intelligence more often than not came with arrogance and that was a major turnoff. So, I realized that I wanted an utterly intelligent man with a humble heart.  Along the path I had a faith reversion, that meant that now I was also looking for someone who would inspire my faith journey – a man with a vision towards heaven… 

No one around me fit that bill, so I trusted that God would figure it out for me.  I had heard of online dating from acquaintances and eventually some friends; however, just like college the online platform is the less traveled road for girls from where I come from.  Thus, I have been apprehensive to get on there.  I still have this part of me that believes that God will bring the man for me when the time is right.  My parents are small town folk and when I speak to them about joining a dating site they are as apprehensive as I am.  They are used to the good old days when a girl would meet a man from the same town, a man who could be trusted by his family.  For now, I am still waiting and praying and asking Saint Valentine to bring me mine.