Growing in Brotherly Love

I have been looking at the life of Saint Francis more deeply as I continue my path towards joining the Secular Franciscan Order.  It’s been a long path towards getting professed and I yearn for the day that I will finally be officially a member.  Sometimes, I get discouraged because I didn’t think that it would take this long- but I am reminded of the qualities that I admire most of Saint Francis and I stick with it.  Recently, I heard about a time that a brother told Francis that someone had used his room, and Francis didn’t like the fact that they referred to his sleeping quarters as “his” so he found a different place to sleep at.  It’s impressive that he went from this man that loved to wear the latest fashions to a man that wanted nothing, but God. 

Recently, I was asked why I love Saint Francis - his way of life pulls me in like a magnet.  He loved animals, creation, simplicity… But I what I love most is that he saw God in everything!  He understood God’s language imbedded in the entirety of His creation.  That’s why Francis created such beautiful poetry about the small things in life, why he spoke to the animals and why he cried when he saw the beauty of a sunset.  Francis understood (what most of us forget) that God is everywhere.  He is especially in reflected in the poor and marginalized.

I work with students that mostly haven’t done well in school prior to coming to us, so they are not used to getting recognized as scholars; thus, when I started working at my school I implemented student of the month with my kids.  When the principal found out what I was doing she decided to implement it with the entire school and it has been such a success because students love the recognition.  This week, for Student Council I had an awards ceremony and gave every student a medal for participation.  We all dressed up and I bought a disco light to make it more like a party and each student got recognized, then we had a moment for speeches and the kids even the shy ones were so moved by their awards!

Sometimes, it’s hard to see God in difficult people and that’s when I want to most emulate Saint Francis’ love for the poor.  He saw beyond the ugly hurt of people and understood that God’s love could transform even the ugliest beast.  Time and time again I see this in my life and work.     

We All Need A Little Love

There’s something utterly captivating about humility; yet, it’s such a tricky concept that if one recognizes it can easily be lost in the acknowledgement. I grew up in poverty, surrounded by people that had little to no formal education.  As I grew up and made it out of the barrio and entered a world opened to me by education I had to face many first-time experiences- unknown to the world where I came from.  My first post job took me to the Ritz-Carlton and I remember thinking how much happier I would be speaking with the workers in the kitchen.  In the Monarch Bay Courtyard, I shuffled around people who asked me about my parent’s political views or if I was daughter of the Duarte’s who founded the city. While I went around meeting people whose costume jewelry was probably the real thing, I heard my native tongue occasionally making its way as the kitchen door opened and closed.

I have never been comfortable in luxury, I prefer humble gatherings and people too.  It’s funny because I always saw myself working at a school helping students that were like me immigrants, English being their second language, living in the hood… I knew how I could reach these kids.  Yet, God has a funny sense of humor and I was to take a job at a school were the students that I serve the majority are designer-wearing, middle class, white kids.  I was thinking, “God, what in the world am I going to teach students that come from households where during quarantine they don’t need to worry about having internet access, a computer or even a private space to do their work – they have it all materially speaking?”  Those firsts days I struggled shifting from my humble bubble into a charter at a location where for the most part economics is not an issue.  Seventy percent of my students come from households where parents have gone to college.

Yet, as I have fought my own battles trying to feel more comfortable with all types of people, I see that in the end we are human beings with the same needs for love.  The majority of the students that I work with come to us because they have been bullied or because they have mental illnesses that prevent them from functioning at a normal school.  I see kids with deep levels of depression and anxiety – illnesses that make traditional school a nightmare.  Through my service, I see that though they have everything from someone looking in through a window into their lives– these kids need love and that I can give.  God placed me at this school to show me that everyone (even people that have everything materially speaking) need assistance.  We are brothers and sisters not just of the poor, but of everyone.     

Parents, Sons and Daughters

There comes a day, when as a son or a daughter you realize that the roles have been switched, the parents that all of your life have taken care of you now require you to care for them.  It’s a difficult realization to start to see their strength weakening and to accept that those two people who have been your rock, your foundation are no longer as strong and that with each passing day they grow weaker.  This pandemic if anything, it has shown us with older parents that they are fragile.  Many of us have kept our distance and isolated ourselves with our families this past year and while physically our bodies have been spared, psychologically we have suffered. 

Recently, even the jolliest of people have been diagnosed with anxiety and depression.  Some have lost their coping mechanisms like Church and Bible Study Groups and have fallen back into the old habits of drugs and alcohol…  While the message all this past year plus has been stay safe and keep away – not much attention has been paid to consequences of this mandated isolation.  In my own nucleus I have seen the psychological challenges of COVID and I pray that the worst is behind us, that we can now begin to heal from difficulties the pandemic has brought to each of us personally. 

While for me only my agoraphobia has been heightened, I recently took my mom to the doctor because she’s been affected psychologically by us trying to keep her safe by having her home as much as possible.  She normally is a social butterfly and having been kept away for over a year has taken a toll on her usual cheerful disposition.  While, I know that with medication and therapy she will pull through it seeing her feeling unwell gave me a glimpse into our future. I began to feel our roles changing I becoming the caretaker.  In my culture we have this unspoken rule that parents take care of their children, until their children are old enough to take care of them.  It's a beautiful tradition nonetheless to watch your heroes grow older and weaker takes time to get used to.