Who are you quarantined with?

Who are you quarantined with? 

I am fortunate to be in the presence of my immediate family during this pandemic.  In times of difficulty it really does matter the people that are with us.  My parents have been my rock, they have helped me maintain a positive attitude especially during a few months that I thought I was slipping into an old familiar depressive state.  Their laughter echoes throughout the house, a joyful sound that I have grown accustomed to.  Since, working from home I have been able to have lunch with them daily just the three of us (well four if you include a black-shadow-of-a-wolf called Francis) and those interactions have allowed me to know them more deeply and for my admiration only to increase.

Lately, though things have been a little difficult for them.  While Covid remained a background worry, these past weeks the virus has claimed the lives of people close to us.  First a childhood friend of mom’s and a couple weeks later my aunt.  These losses hit my parents deeply, I could see the pain mixed with fear in their eyes.  In our culture, it’s important to be present in times of trouble – but due to Covid restrictions and overall the danger of travel for people their age they were unable to accompany my family in Mexico for burial services.  This inability to come together in times of pain really hit hard. 

Yet, we are lucky.  We have one-another.  In the first months of this life changing pandemic I was the one battling with my mental health and my folks were the ones helping me stay afloat.  Now that things have turned, I find myself offering them a little silliness to lighten the bleak times and coming with creative alternatives to show our support even from a distance. 

If anything, this past year of isolation has shown me that we can’t make it on our own.  We all need others to help us in our journey.  Connection with each other is what makes life worth it.  While I have missed the freedom to go out wherever and whenever I want – I have been in isolation with my best people.  In times like these, that’s the biggest blessing.

Today Was A Good Day

It was a good week.

I never imagined that my first year back as an educator would be hijacked by virtual learning.  In my arsenal of preparation, I did not plan for a pandemic, quarantine or teaching with a camera to students on the other side of the screen.  It’s super uncomfortable for this camera-shy gal, to spend my days in front of a camera.  My dreams all take place behind the scenes, yet this national crisis has me daily teaching, motivating, inspiring kids to continue working on towards graduation.  Some days I struggle to leave my bed, knowing that I have to turn on my camera and work in isolation trying to bring feelings of unity and hope to my kids.

In in-person learning, I can read the class, I can see when I am losing my students or when they are excited and really capturing the lesson; but, in virtual learning I speak into this black abyss and am not sure how the students are doing.  Since, I have issues being on camera, I empathize and do not require my students to have their cameras on unless they want to.  This means that most turn theirs off.  Yet, I have noticed that they participate more when their cameras are off.  On days that I don’t have technological issues I rejoice – but most days I find that my internet lags, or that some kids can’t open a document, or that the platform I use is failing to function and I spend my time trying to fix these technological issues that learning seems to happen very little.  I used to struggle with the drop in learning that this pandemic has caused, but I have learned that just showing up to class and being there for my kids is the big lesson.  Forcefully turning on my camera and being present is me letting them know that they have someone who will show up no matter what.

Virtual learning is not as rewarding, but there are days that even all the challenges cannot keep some good from reaching me.  This week, I had a student who on her first day of class arrived crying.  She suffers from severe anxiety and this past year I have watched her grow and become more confident.  This week she surprised me when she joined our virtual run club and two Direct Instruction classes.  She has blossomed from an insecure girl, terrified of others into a student doing extra while working towards her high school diploma and college.  She and I have developed a deep bond and watching her excel has been such a victory…

Then I have another kid, a teenage mom and she is always sending me picture of her baby, now six months old.  When she sends me updates on her baby, I can’t help but feel so darn special!  I met her when she was pregnant and to watch her blossom into a mom while continuing her education has been a joy.  Sometimes I get so focused on the technical aspect of my job, that I miss how much my students are developing and achieving great things even in this challenging time.

It took me almost a year to get into distance learning, but now I am starting to see beyond the challenges and see the fruits of this difficult process.  

Agape

 Do you love me? Jesus challenged Peter with these words three times.  Each time challenging Peter to a deeper love and just like Peter each of us go through life learning to love to a greater capacity.  We are in a love university which ends with death as our graduation, meaning that as long as we have breath we need to grow in love. 

In our teenage years we begin to dabble with love and our emotions take high precedence, but to remain with that definition of love is to not uncover the real gift and only be satisfied with the wrapping.  Yes, love makes us feel supreme, there’s no greater high than to love and be loved; but emotions are capricious and fleeting.  Feelings are here today and gone tomorrow, but true love remains.  Love begins the moments that emotions subside with action and dedication.

I look at my father’s garden.  Everyday he is out there tending, pruning, watering… Yet, when he travels to Mexico for a month or two his garden browns and withers.  In order, for his garden to give its natural beauty it requires a lot of attention. A lot a of action from the hands of its gardener.  If the care stops death comes to all those flowers. 

God in His infinite wisdom made us stewards of His creation.  He knew that man was not made to be alone, but thrives in relationship. In relationship with nature, each other, and Him.  Yet, He gave each of us the gift of freewill to choose how deep those relationships go and time to tend, prune and water our lot so that maybe like Peter we too would be challenged towards agape.

From a girl raised with Mexican soap operas that highly exaggerate love as uncontrollable passion, I am still learning that love is a choice followed by actions.  It might be a less romantic definition, but it certainly is a healthy one and the true way that transforms the world.           

Three Weekend Feel Goods

 After a challenging week both for our country and personally tracking my kids to remind them that school was back in session, I am so ready for the weekend.  While there’s a lot of chatter about everything that is happening, I want to focus on things that bring a little joy into my life.  Thus, my three weekend feel goods came about to remind me to invest my energy on the positive.

Audiobooks! This new year my resolution is to read more, however sometimes my eyes hurt so much from being on the computer all day that reading hurts.  Thus, a great solution is audiobooks and the best part is that my local library has a great selection for free.  Just download the Hoopla App and login using your library card and you have thousands of titles at your disposal.

DIY Projects.  I have been back at working with leather handbags and restoring items to give them a second life.  My little projects always make me feel so earthly-utterly responsible because I save items from landfills and connect them to people who will use them after I restore them.  Today, I am listing a Zadig and Voltaire crossbody bag on my eBay store to find it a new home. 

Mass.  Even if I find it a bit distracting outside, and even though I now attend on my own without my parents I am so happy to have this tangible experience.  I am so grateful to be able to worship in community and to receive communion, my nourishment for the week ahead.

Even in quarantine with the rising fear of contagion there’s always ways to live a full life.  I haven’t spent so much quality time with my family and maybe because they are the most interesting, genuine people I am still fascinated by them.  Even if I have become quite agoraphobic, I thank God for giving me all this down time to relax and learn to enjoy.  Though I struggle with motivating myself to do things, I am learning to enjoy the new lifestyle that at the moment our current circumstances dictate.  

Happy New Year

I was looking back at twenty-twenty and I realized that even though I struggled with my mental health due to the quarantine and though I had a mini-breakdown due to the stress of virtual teaching not to mention a long period of debilitating depression from lacking my faith support groups, in addition to only having enough energy to take care of the main responsibilities – the tough year also brought with it many blessings...   

After a period of going without Mass, our Catholic Church brought them back outside. 

I discovered that I have an aquatic dog who loves (an understatement) the beach!

My parish placed the Blessed Sacrament outside so that we can worship Him in the parking lot from the comfort of our car.

It was the year that I was able to wear masks outside of Halloween.

Francis turned one and had a quarantine themed birthday party in isolation.

We took our first family trip to Big Bear and created many great memories en familia.

I completed my Master’s in Education after a more than a ten-year hiatus.

I discovered headbands- even during quarantine one must remain fashionable!

Francis was blessed for the first time during the annual Blessing of the Animals.

I completed my first year back as a teacher and celebrated with a virtual end of the semester party.

I turned four times ten- a milestone birthday and even though I couldn’t travel as I had hoped it was just as memorable at home with my family.

I ended the year in good health with my family and one super spoiled pup.

It was a tough year, earlier in the week mom lost a childhood friend to Covid, luckily next Friday we will be able to attend the outside funeral services.  This loss brought with it many feelings, specially fear.  During this past year, I haven’t really been frighten by the whole virus, but having it hit close to home brought with it the fear of keeping my folks safe.  Thus, though I had two weeks off for winter break, I spent most of it at home trying to keep my parents safe.  Hopefully, this new year will provide the cure so that we don’t have to live in fear of getting others possibly deadly sick. There's much hope to this new chapter called 2021. Happy New Year!