Don't Rush Love

Yesterday, I listened to the Pope's Audience in which our Holy Father expressed the need to take things slow in matters of the heart.  He expressed the need to not rush things.  To not be motivated by physical attraction and feelings alone, but to use time to get to know one another.  Love comes slowly and maturing that love between two requires a slow process in which both people give of each other gradually.  Time gives each person the opportunity to learn who the other person is.  Below are some of my favorite quotes from the audience:

• “Love is beautiful work that involves a profound learning of the other.”

• “The Love between a man and a woman is learned and refined.”

• “Turning two lives into one is also almost a miracle, a miracle of freedom of the heart, given in faith.”

• "The covenant of love between a man and a woman, a covenant for life, cannot be improvised; it cannot be done from one day to the next…" 

• "There’s no such thing as an express marriage.”

The message Pope Francis delivered is really not new truth, but I think that in this time where we live rushing from one thing to the next we need to be reminded constantly that great things come slowly.  His message really hit home for me in many ways because sometimes I want to rush the process of getting to know another.  It’s a struggle between trying to live my life in a manner where I feel like I am utilizing my time wisely and not wasting it on an impossibility.  Sometimes when I don’t see tangible evidence that a certain friendship is growing I get impatient trying to make it grow at the pace I want it, but in matters of two things happen at a speed that both people require.  His message also made me reflect on how time gives us the opportunity to learn who are beloved is.  This exchange happens between the two in which both give and receive- revealing who each person is.  If the relationship is one sided then things will not progress, which I think is where I find myself slowly discovering that mildly wanting me is not good enough.  I want someone who will pursue me with intentionality and not be afraid of commitment.  Someone who wants to show me through self-revelation and deep conversations who he is.  Initial interest is followed by listening to each other’s hearts and then filling them with one-another and this takes time.  That’s the direction that I want to go and thought it requires patience it also requires action and risk from both… I once went on a date with this man that only talked when I asked him a question, even then his responses were so short that it was the most painful hour of my life.  I know that sometimes nerves, shyness and fear hold us back- but if we are people of prayer let’s ask God for courage.  Pope Francis advices to take things slow, but even if we are moving at the pace of tortoises the relationship still must move forward… 

Reclaiming Your Joy

On Sunday, I was at church from noon to three-thirty at the closure of the RCIA program for this term.  We went to Mass together one final time as a group, and then we headed to the classroom for a graduation style celebration.  I put together a slide show from pictures I gathered throughout the year- there were speeches, prizes to the top students, the handing out of the Sacraments certificates and closing with a yummy potluck.  However, since we run on Mexican time things went later than anticipated and due to another commitment I was unable to stay and eat.   From there I rushed to my friend’s house because I had promised to watch her two boys from four in the afternoon to midnight.  By the time I got to her house I was starving!  Her two-year-old still has separation anxiety so as my friend and her husband left the crying began, but I had offered Mass earlier for this specific moment.  And I busted out a really cool Star Wars flashlight from my bag of tricks and miraculously the crying lasted no more than five minutes.  The night went really well, I had an awesome time with the boys building a cardboard gingerbread house I took with me and then we had a movie night and they went to bed happy.  I was able to pray my daily rosary as I waited for my friends to return home.  All was fine and going to plan, until I got in my car to go home.  I was exhausted from a long day and craved my bed- when I realized that my car wouldn’t start!   

     

Keeping a positive attitude during troublesome times is tough!  The first words out of my mouth were, “God please make my car start I want to go home and sleep!”  Yet, as I kept trying to turn on the car I realized that I was stuck and then I started getting upset.  The weight of the long day started getting to me and I began to complain.  When troubles come, our natural response is usually not to praise God. As I kept trying to start the car growing more upset - a thought came to mind that perhaps this was God’s way of keeping me safe from an accident.  So, I went back inside my friend’s house and waited for AAA to come to my rescue.  The mechanic was able to start my car and I was able to drive home.  I got home delighted for my bed and slept.  Yet the next morning I woke up to the problem that my car still needed to get to the shop to get the starter replaced.  Looking for a mechanic on a holiday was challenging.  Knowing that my day off would now involve me spending most of my day at the car shop again was displeasing.    

Joy is that wonderful feeling that comes from being at peace with God, yourself and others...  I knew that the problem would get fixed.  Also, my family devised a plan in case I would be without a car for a day or two with carpooling schedules.  And again I felt like God was keeping me safe through this incident.  So, I decided to make the best of the situation and though my day was wasted in the car shop my afternoon turned out to be delightful!  Joy is a choice.  Peace is a choice.  And we can’t attract people to God without reacting a little different to the trials that life sends our way.  I try to be content, to lead a peaceful life, but when challenges come I do lose my cool and need to rely on God to get me back in focus.  He’s taught me that my attitude really has great power over how I handle tribulations.  I can make things worse with a sour viewpoint, thus as the cliché goes, “when life gives you lemons…”  

We are on the Same Team

Happy Monday!  When I was in high school I was known as the Laker girl because I was fascinated by basketball and loved the Lakers.  I was known to never miss a game and to be able to recite statistics with ease.  My email (to this day) is a tribute to my favorite player Ms. Van Exel.  It was just a phase that after high school I grew out of.  Yet, after many years of watching basketball and playing on a team I learned some skills that have been extremely helpful in my personal life… I have been thinking about how trust is built among two people and I realized that it helps to realize that both are working on the same team.  Players trust that as the ball is passed to other team members they are working together to score points and win.  Similarly, as a friendship begins it’s important to begin to develop the mentality that both people are working for the same team.  Sometimes when we think of guarding our hearts we think we must do this alone or apart from the object of our affections and this leads to a lot of hurt feelings and misunderstandings because each person is working for their own survival.  I get hurt due to a misunderstanding and suddenly I see my beloved as the enemy (and vice versa).  Sometimes this causes me to retaliate expanding the problem further or it causes me to retreat in search of protection.  However, I think that as time goes by there needs to be a shift from self to the duo. A decision must be made that we both like each other and have the same goal of cultivating a friendship and exchanging love amongst brother and sister in Christ.  Thus, it is inaccurate, erroneous- even deceitful to think that each person is wanting to intentionally inflict injury on the beloved.  Understanding that we are part of the same team creates unity, safety and a foundation for growth and creativity.

In basketball, the players have the same objective, winning, and they know that in order for victory they need each other to work as members of the same team.  In matters of two, there needs to be a same goal.  Initially to develop a godly friendship.  Nonetheless, Love, even philia, creates.  Thus, with the passage of time this friendship will mature and as it grows it will demand greater trust, surrender and devotion.  However, God gave us time as a way to grow gradually without going so fast that we feel insecure, overwhelmed or hurried.  God is our Team Captain.  He wants us to enjoy every step of the relationship and to call to Him when we feel insecure or like we want to quit or when we are struggling to understand if this relationship is part of His will.  This image of God as the leader of the two will also help in creating a safe foundation because it reinforces that we are part of the same team (smile).  Knowing we are both working for God’s team helps me realize that my beloved will never try to intentionally hurt me and when I am hurt to accept that it wasn’t done maliciously, rather an effect of a misunderstanding.  

All great teams spend hours practicing together.  They learn to build trust, to communicate and get to know each other’s strengths and weaknesses.  Communication is important, and goes beyond words.  Learning the unspoken language of each person and the weight of their actions reveals more than words will.  Saint Francis of Assisi has this famous line, “if necessary use words,” meaning that our testimony of life speaks louder.  On the court the players rarely use words, it’s a matter of body language and eye contact.  Off the court, in a team of two that same level of communication needs to develop- the non-verbal kind along with the sharing of words.  This revealing that happens helps the two realize whether they can work successfully together or whether a trade must be made (wink).  In addition, to communication among the two there needs to be a dialogue established between the three: me, my beloved and God.  Some people say that friends (man and woman) shouldn’t pray together because it confuses reality by adding a spiritual feeling that will block the truth about one another.  I think that’s a bunch a baloney – because knowing that I am praying for my beloved and that he is doing the same for me helps me understand that we are by choice placing this friendship in the hands of God trusting His will, His way.  And when I hand something over to God- I know that I am in the best place possible, and that gives me peace.     

Prayer Requests

Being bipolar at times is like riding a roller coaster – in a day one can have so many emotional highs and lows that at times it feels like all of one’s energy is concentrated on just staying intact during the ride.  My biggest fear is exploding, falling apart, losing myself- because when we lose our sanity recovering it is a long, painful process.  I’ve only had one episode where I’ve had a breakdown, but that was enough to scar me for life.  It’s been many years since it happened, but still when I have the rare moments when the meds don’t work I get fearful that it will happen again.  This week has been difficult, but I know that this too shall pass. Please keep me in your prayers… I promise next week happier posts- until then.

May Peace Reign in Our Hearts

Peace is the absence of conflict- the absence of confusion…  Every few months during my female hormone days my bipolar mania and depression come and invade my mind with tons of rapid thoughts- so many that I feel overwhelmed, anxious, restless- it gets even worse if I am feeling unsafe or vulnerable in some area(s) in my life.  The meds usually don’t work very well during these days and I am left to my own coping mechanisms.  Prayer is essential during my inner turmoil times, as is the support of my family and loved ones.  Not isolating myself and keeping my commitments also helps get me through the tense days until my brain begins to balance itself out.  I am really fortunate because I have a really large and loving support system that helps carry my mental anguish – I am not alone in this cross that God has chosen me to carry (praise be to God).  Yesterday, my best friend delivered a small care package to cheer me up.  It was such a lovely surprise – I especially liked the note she wrote and just the action helped me escape my anxiety.  It helped me realize that I am loved and I think that’s something that we all need to hear and be reminded especially on manic and depressive days (thanks buddy). 

Then a friend who suffers from Asperger’s and Bipolar sent me a text that he needed to talk because he was having a really hard time with the disorders.  I talked to him for some time (and even though I was feeling really anxious myself) listening to him talk about the things that he’s experiencing and just being there for him was a double bonus I helped him and in the process myself. Listening to my buddy I realized that keeping our sanity is the number one goal for people with mental disabilities.  Sometimes changes and sacrifices must be made in order for us to maintain our mental balance.  My friend validated my feelings that we bipolar suffers have a more challenging time picking up on cues in matters of the heart and how we need things to be clear to feel safe.  Safe boundaries and clear expectations protect our sanity.  As Christians we believe that mature love seeks the welfare of the other person first, that it’s more about giving than getting- it involves more of a mind decision than a heart’s feeling.  Thus, I have learned that keeping my sanity (not losing myself) is the best way I can love others- because if I go crazy then I am opening myself and others to chaos. 

Yesterday’s post is just between you and I, am sorry if it was too intense and difficult to understand.  I have a hard time trusting men- it’s not your fault and I don’t want to put pressure on you, I know we have made progress (smile). I truly believe that a strong friendship is a great foundation for more between a man and a woman, but I think both parties need to feel safe and be wise in order to protect each other’s heart (in my case my sanity as well).  I found a devotion that Pope Francis favors (Mary, Untier of Knots) it has a beautiful story behind it, let’s pray it together for God’s will in our lives.          

Pray for Our Priests

On Sunday, as Mass ended Father asked all the mothers to stand up for a special blessing.   After the blessing the choir sang a song especially for all the moms and when the song ended Father shared a poem that he wrote for his mom (who passed away not even six months ago).  The poem was beautiful- it made many mommies cry.  As he ended the poem he got so chocked up and was unable to speak.  He is a man of a joyful disposition, very loving, always laughing and transmitting that joy to those he encounters.  Thus, seeing him on the verge of tears consumed by his grief, unable to bring to a close the Eucharistic Service, really moved the entire congregation.  I think we waited about five minutes dumbfounded in silence.  No one left the parish we all waited silently in solidarity until our loving priest composed himself enough to silently give us his blessing.

Once when I had just started attending bible studies at the Old Catholic Church a visiting priest came and he shared his story of receiving the call to become a priest.  The priest told us that he had been invited to a Catholic conference by a friend and after much persistence on the side of the friend he agreed to go.  Yet, he was a drug addict and during the conference he so high on drugs that he sat taking naps during the lectures.  The conference was about to end the last speaker had taken the floor and about midway thru the talk the priest wakes up to the image of Jesus holding a man (“Forgiven” by Thomas Blackshear).  Jesus is holding a broken sinner.  The priest is so moved by the image that now fully awake and alert, he sees God holding him and calling him higher.  He stares at the painting and continues to see his own image wrapped in the merciful hands of God.  This painting moves him so deeply, minutes later he begins to hear God calling him to His service.  He is healed from his addictions on the spot and with humility and a grateful spirit he goes into seminary to become a priest. He's the priest that laid hands on me when I was healed.

As I have deepened in my faith I have come to the understanding that priests and leaders of the church are utterly human.  They struggle and hurt just like all of us.  Sometimes because they have taken religious vows we assume that they are closer to God and we forget to pray for them (perhaps thinking they don’t need it).  We forget that they need to be loved by us as brothers in Christ – that they need motivation and encouragement.  I challenge you to do something nice this week for the priests in your parish, we are the instruments of God and it is our duty to express God’s love to others including our clergy.  God needs our hands and lips to hug and encourage others (smile).  I still get intimidated by our church leaders sometimes because of the erroneous image I've had of them, but slowly God is showing me that priests are normal people too. Let us pray.      

Anxious Heart

When I was in third grade I told my best friend that I had a crush on a cute boy in class.  She was unable to hold her tongue past recess and during lunch my crush chased after me yelling that he would never like me in a million years, that I was gross and had cooties.  While the experience sounds funny and now I can laugh at it, for a really long time I was traumatized.  Since, trust has been a trait that I value in my close relationships- yet, trust takes time it is something that is slowly earned…  This is so clear in the early stages of a relationship between a man and a woman.  This time of getting to know each other can be really frustrating because trust is being established.  There’s constant risk involved in developing deeper trust and the process can be really exhausting!  Risk is taken and a little trust is earned, risk again and more trust is given… that’s the process that occurs between two.  It’s a process that demands your defenses to go down and slowly let that special person in.  This process of revealing your true self can make you feel unsafe and at times even at the mercy of your beloved.  As time goes by you can’t stop thinking about the object of your affections- they are your first thought in the morning and the last one before you fall asleep- and no matter how hard you try to overcome your obsessive thoughts it’s as if your mind is no longer under your jurisdiction.  You begin to make time in your normal, busy routine for that special person and as you put more energy into solidifying a friendship you realize that you are giving of yourself and these actions can make you feel anxious.  Though you are a confident, whole person you begin to feel insecure and needy.  The good news is that all these wild thoughts and crazy feelings are all part of the process of opening yourself to love and they are temporary (SMILE).  Eventually after enough trust is built the endangered, obsessive feelings will die a just death and you will regain your tranquility.  Love is for the courageous – it not only requires a leap of faith the kind that allows you to walk on water - to fall in love takes guts beyond reasonable comprehension. It takes time to trust each other and to realize that this attachment won’t hurt you.

There’s so much to gain and so much to lose in the process of discernment in relationships, lucky for us we have God on our side and no matter the outcome He will be with us through the end of time.  I run to Him when I am feeling especially vulnerable and share how I find myself.  He always gives me strength and hope to press on. I also like to think that the object of my affections is a godly man who will always (try to) act according to our faith - never leading me on or playing with my feelings.  New experiences can be challenging, intimidating and downright scary- but through prayer we can maintain our peace and strength.  In the end, everything worthwhile takes time and a good amount of courage.        

Ramblings from the Corazon

The Apostle Peter was known to run his mouth.  He was extremely vocal and usually his tongue got him in trouble, while perhaps taming his tongue was a weakness of his, I am especially drawn to him because of this character flaw.  Often in my own life I have said things that were instant regrets.  In writing, I get a little more time to choose my words, but even then I am not saved from mistakes and misunderstandings…  Yet, Saint Peter grew to become a better communicator because he had the humility to accept his errors and the will to correct them.  I love the account of Jesus asking Peter if he loved Him after Peter denied Jesus three times. “Peter, do you love me?”  The denial of Peter is followed by his restoration (SMILE). Jesus invites us to be forgiving, even when others hurt and betray us.  Forgiveness allows us to grow individually, but also gives us the power to heal relationships and grow in love and trust.

Sometimes my lack of patience gets the better of me and it is during these restless times that I often fall into the temptation of running my mouth and expressing my frustrations.  I think in a matter of two communication is vital and at first in the process of learning how each of you communicates leads to a lot of misunderstandings and even hurt feelings.  However, as you get to know each other more deeply you learn the ways of each person and slowly those frustrations minimize.  I am learning to see the subtle ways in which a friend is expressing his affection and learning to accept that his way of communicating varies from my more bold style, but that doesn’t mean his attempts weigh any less.  Introverts have their own language and sometimes it’s so understated that it gets missed.  I guess that speaking too freely can get you in trouble just as speaking too little can also communicate a lack of interest…

Plants and animals come into this world with instructions engrained in every fiber of their being and they are able to live according to their given purpose.  A Daisy will never try to be a Rose- it knows instinctively that it’s made to glorify God as a Daisy.  Yet, we humans are a bit confused, especially the more educated that we become, that’s why Jesus choose simple folk as his close friends because he knew that humble people are malleable.  I often get lost in my head overthinking and overanalyzing and my energy is wasted trying to make sense of things instead of simply living true to my purpose.  We are vessels made to receive and give love.  God supplies us with constant love and our mission is to receive and give it away – to not keep any for ourselves (receive and give).  Yet, I find myself at times unsatisfied yearning to receive and keep the love from my beloved.  Or measuring how much love I have given another and how little I feel I received in return from that person.  That’s where many of us find ourselves measuring the love we give with the love that we receive.  Yet, in yesterday’s Gospel reading God reminds us to love as He first loved us- and if we study the life of Jesus there’s no doubt that He loved us without expecting anything in return, knowing that His Father would fill Him up.  People who love with such freedom will hurt the most, but will also experience union with God the Father who is LOVE.  For love is more than a feeling or an action - it is God!    

Stop Wishing Start Doing

These past few days we have enjoyed beautiful, cloudy skies in California…  I love walking into the fresh greyness of the day (smile).  Usually the atypical weather is enough to make me happy, yet this week I have been feeling really insecure and with insecurity comes this uncontrollable necessity to overanalyze every detail about my life and relationships. Sometimes I have difficulty between action and waiting on the Lord and I think it’s a common struggle of the Christian life.  My friend’s life philosophy is “just let it be,” and I half-heartedly agree with it…  Trust in the Lord is essential, but God created us with the ability to accomplish a lot, the capacity to think and freedom to choose; thus, there’s a part of us that must be always putting our talents to work.  The Parable of the Talents teaches us to use what God gave us for the good of the kingdom and that at the end of time God is going to hold us accountable for the lot He entrusted us with.  Thus, there has to be some action on our part- we can’t just sit back inactive and hope that things will get done- that’s the description of sloth.  However, God wants us to act in the things that we can change and the things that are out of our control to give those to Him with full confidence.  There have been many times that I have wondered God’s will for my life.  That’s usually a curiosity that we all have, we want to know exactly where He wants us to go, afraid of making mistakes or of losing a blessing through our own bad leadership.  Yet, God doesn’t work like that- if He’s going to bless you (which He is) there’s no way that you will lose out on a blessing if it’s meant for you. 

Mother Teresa prayed a great deal and trusted with utter surrender that if God willed it, it would get done.  When she needed funds to keep her ministry going she would pray, but while she waited for God to provide she went on ministering to the poor.  She has this great quote, “God doesn’t require us to succeed He only requires that you try.”  I think in each situation in which we are wondering the will of God we need to first pray and then look at what part of that objective we can do ourselves while we wait on the Lord.  For me lately, I have been praying and wondering about a relationship that confuses me.  To me when I like someone I want to establish communication and to get to know that person better, to develop a friendship and discern in an active way whether God wills it or not.  In discernment of any kind, there has to be prayer and action.  While I have been praying and doing my part by being encouraging at times I feel like I keep hitting a wall, but deep down I know that I am doing my part and trusting that in due time God will reveal His plan.  Sometimes, our loss of peace is because we are trying to do someone else’s or even God’s part.  We get fooled into thinking that we have to do everything on our own, but God delights in being involved in our lives (smile) and He values our work in community. 

Fear can also rob us of our peace.  Not knowing right now God’ will in a certain area can be enough to drive us crazy.  On days like these, when I feel slightly insecure, I get scared that I like this man more than he does me, that am just a person who strokes his ego, that he has no intention of seeing this friendship grow, and many more negative thoughts…  The thing is in matters of the heart one will have these rollercoaster feelings and insecurities because of the vulnerability it takes to recognize that you desire another. Father has told me numerous times a man who really wants you will do whatever he must to possess your love (and vice versa a woman who really likes you will encourage you)...  I think the remedy to pessimistic thoughts is to lean on God and trust Him because He has promised to provide for our needs.  Whatever the outcome to my prayer request I must learn to be content and at peace with God only.  To rest in the TRUTH and throw all those "what if’s" in the garbage.  

In the Shadows

When I was in high school a group of us founded a music club for those of us that felt a great connection to Hip-Hop music.  When I visited teens in prison- this knowledge of nineties rap music helped me connect with the boys in the juvenile detention center.  We talked a great deal about Tupac, Eminem and Biggie Smalls – the kids found it fascinating that a Christian woman knew the history and lyrics to some of their favorite songs.  Through music I was able to earn their respect and after sometime talking about hip-hop they started sharing their stories, dreams and hurts with me… Recently I posted a comment on my Facebook page about how I really enjoyed “The Walking Dead” TV show and I got some commentary on how that show is too dark and not of God.  Perhaps my friend is right- but to me my past has been full of darkness.  I had to overcome poverty, abuse, alcoholism, domestic violence, addictions, mental illness- everything that I have I had to fight for, nothing was given to me- I had to earn it.  To me my faith has not been a walk through sunny meadows – a lot of my past happened in darkness and it is because of this darkness that I am so utterly grateful for God’s light.  Sometimes when I am feeling really down I listen to “Lose Yourself” by Eminem because it reminds me of where I came from.  As immigrants we came to this country following the American Dream – yet dreams are not walks in the park they require a lot of effort and sacrifice.  Growing up, I lived in a two bedroom apartment with eighteen other people- we were dirt poor.  Books became my escape and education my ticket out.  Yet, my relatives always thought I would end up pregnant and all my efforts would go to waste.  Their desire for my failure fueled me with the conviction to prove them wrong and I became the first person in my entire family (relatives included) to graduate from university.

I been thinking about Hip-Hop (though I don’t listen to that genre of music anymore) I realized that we can’t judge people for expressing themselves the only way they know how.   A boy in the Ghetto is not going to have the experiences or language of a boy in the suburbs. And people will be drawn and connect to what they know.  The character of Daryl in “The Walking Dead” is a major reason I watch the show.  I love a good story of transformation (even if it has zombies in it) and Daryl Dixon draws me in.  He’s a character that has been abused, neglected, and comes from a lineage of poverty and addictions.  He begins as a man with a wall so high that no one can get through. All his actions are motivated by self-interest and his desire to survive.  Yet, as this family is formed through horrific circumstances, people begin to depend on him and to demonstrate genuine love towards him.  This display of needing and loving him pushes him to become the best version of himself.  The key issue is love.  Love transforms.  As I meditated on my friend’s comments about this show being ungodly- I realized that our background is very different and perhaps to her, God would never speak to her in art that has such difficult themes, but to me He does.  As I thought about darkness associated with Hip-Hop music and some TV shows, I thought about God and wondered if He really stays away from the dark valleys and I was reminded of how Jesus leaves his sheep to go find the lost one.  God will reach us wherever we find ourselves through whatever means necessary.  As we grow in faith we should drop anything that causes us to sin, but art is subjective and what speaks to me might not speak to you.  I try to be vigilant about what I watch and what I listen to (we all should be), but sometimes art that displays triumph over darkness really speaks to my soul because I see pieces of me and am reminded of my deliverance.  God is omnipresent – that means that’s He’s everywhere with the desire to reach each of us personally (smile). Thanks be to God for that!        

   

Growing in Friendship

In the garden of Eden, God did not want a gardener, but a friend.  From the beginning He gave us utmost value, and constantly in our biblical history we see the special place we have in God’s heart.  In yesterday’s reading, from the Gospel of John (15: 1-18), Jesus reveals the type of relationship God desires to have with each of us.  His descriptions are of unity, love, dependence and reliance on Him.  He wants us to be so close to Him - that is to ABIDE in Him or as my favorite verse states: “remain in me and I will remain in you.”  It’s worth repeating, remain in me and I will remain in you.  This verse has supported me through many trials because all I have to do is CHOOSE to remain in God and He will provide (even rescue me) when I have fallen into hardships.  It requires a simple action on my part and I will receive Him.  Though He seeks us first (and forever after that) He gives us the choice to choose Him because true love is given not bought or bullied… He created us for relationship with Himself and others.  When we are in relationship with God we produce fruits because love naturally yields blessings.  In abiding in God we learn how to love, and after we are trained to be lovers we are sent into the world to love as He first loved us...  We are so special, we are God’s chosen friends (smile).

Love is more than an emotion it requires action and the use of reason. God, teaches us how He wants to be loved (by us) through the keeping of the commandments, obedience and loving others.  I find it interesting that He tells us how He wants to be loved because each of us have our own unique way in which we feel loved.  A man wins my heart not with style or looks, but with words because I am moved by what I hear.  I love good conversation, because through it I get to know others better and my affection grows as each person through self-revelation begins to become a friend (no longer a stranger) in my eyes.  In establishing a friendship with the opposite sex a good dialogue has to begin at some point, as intimidating as that might be. While initially (due to nerves) the conversations might be a struggle, go nowhere or tank we must be patient and persistent.  Once you have my attention, with your handsome good looks (smile), you need to keep it by talking to me.  There’s nothing you can say that will push me away unless it violates one of my deal breakers and those are making me feel like a toy or disrespecting my loved ones or values.  We introverts are loyal creatures, and not scared away too easily because we are good at observing people’s characters through non-verbal cues.  When I become interested in someone it’s usually because I admire his character, humility and find him rather interesting.  And revealing yourself to me will cause my affection to grow because I love really getting to know others. Let’s be friends first, but friends that talk about everything (at the beginning words are important, but as time goes by just being in each other’s company silently is enough).

How do you establish that initial dialogue? If you know she likes you, trust that she will be extra patient and considerate with you.  Ask her a question, one that requires a longer answer than yes or no (smile). Or share something about yourself, believe me if she likes you she wants to know everything about you!  Be persistent if at first the conversation ends abruptly try again. Pray about everything and learn from the friendship that you have with God how to make this special one grow. Praying for you.   

Wow Him with Femininity

As your sister in Christ, I am going to tackle this much overlooked issue about physical beauty in relation to finding your spouse.  Many times in faith circles we learn to not give much importance to our physical beauty, rather to focus on our inner being.  That a man who finds a virtuous woman finds a treasure the bible tells us.  Yet, I would be lying to you if I didn’t share that men are visual creatures and while serious, godly men will not base their spousal choice on superficiality- a nice appearance is needed to provoke initial interest.  Sadly at first glance your inner qualities as wonderful as they might be are not seen…  There was a picture not long ago (making its rounds in social media) with the slogan: “there are no ugly women only poor ones.”  The picture was taken for a completion for the show “Extreme Makeover.”  What I found really thought provoking (from the before and after picture) was that we all have the potential to look authentically beautiful - we just need to learn what brings out the best in us physically and use it towards our advantage.  If I still haven’t lost you with these honest thoughts- let’s explore the subject of beauty from the Biblical story of Esther.  The Book of Esther is the biblical "The Bachelor" story. A great king is looking for a beautiful wife to become the queen and maidens are chosen from all over, but before they meet the king they are each given numerous treatments to enhance their beauty.  After the beauty regime clothes and jewels are brought for each maiden to choose their look for their first meeting with the king.  Esther who is as clever as she is beautiful finds what style the king favors and chooses her wardrobe and jewelry according to the taste of the king she is trying to win and the rest is history (smile).      

God made us each beautiful in our own unique way and what I am about to propose is a Christian form of using what your momma gave you to help in the process of finding your mate (smile).  The period of waiting for a spouse is a time to work on being the best version of you in the totality of who you are: body & soul.  It’s a time to become the type of person you want to attract inside and out.  It’s a time to develop a healthy self-image.  I was asked to write a piece on what to pack to a singles retreat from an obvious female perspective.  In addition to giving you a list - I also want to give you some examples and hints to enhance your physical beauty, which I hope you take just as friendly tips from one sister-in-Christ to another.  I was raised by a mom who stressed the importance of good hygiene and a clean appearance and with a very fashionable older sister- these two women passed on to me a love for clothes, shoes, accessories and just anything ultra-feminine.  Growing up I was most often found in a frilly dress and to this day I love being a girly-girl.  I’m also an artsy person and usually we tend to dress more creatively as a form of self-expression.  So that’s my informal background in fashion and beauty- though that probably doesn’t qualify me as your personal stylist I was asked to do this so let’s begin (smile).

I usually take a good book  and my traveling journal to read & write.

Toiletries: Tooth brush, tooth paste, floss, deodorant, etc.

Make-Up: Foundation, blush, mascara, lipstick etc.

Electronics: Cell phone, charger, camera, memory card, etc

When preparing for a singles event we must plan what we pack with more consideration than usual since even though it is a retreat we want to look our best to increase the potential of meeting a godly man.  First, I like to find out what activities will be offered that way I know that if there’s a pool I bring a swimsuit, if there is hiking to bring comfortable shoes, etc.  Since, this post is particularly for the June retreat with Ave Maria Singles, I have checked the activities and it seems like two casual outfits for Friday and Saturday will be needed, a cocktail dress for a dance on Saturday night and a nice day dress for Sunday Mass.  Below are some examples:

Casual Dress:  Wear an outfit that displays your personality.  I would do layers since you are most likely going to be in the casual outfit from morning to afternoon and that way if it gets too hot you can remove some layers.  A simple hint is to buy things that are functional, yet cute and feminine.  A bold color, pattern or cut usually make an effortless impact.  I added a fringe scarf and glitter flats to make this otherwise boring outfit display a hint of me. 

Formal Dress: Again get creative, if it’s the common black little dress add a fun statement necklace, a pop of color with a cute clutch or fun shoes.  I am really into lace and glitter so I added some basic pumps that are not so basic because they are covered in navy glitter (smile).  The dress is a vintage handmade dress that I found at a thrift store and is so much me that I feel super pretty in it. An awesome Betsey Johnson eagle statement necklace completes my look.  Wear things that you feel great in because that will naturally bring out your confidence.  

Sunday Mass Dress:  If you are going to dress to impress the opposite sex it's only natural that you should also dress up for God.  A nice summer dress with comfortable shoes to to celebrate the Eucharist and get you through the last day activities should be in your suitcase. I added some fun sandals, gold jewelry, a hairband to make it a bit more dressy. 

Overall be healthy, be clean, be attractive and develop the habit of being your best inside and out.  Pay attention to your dress and always be encouraging.  God made you beautiful - in your femininity you have POWER learn to work it to get a man's attention and once you have it your inner beauty will close the deal. Though I wont be attending the retreat, I will be praying for all of you, God bless.