Be Faithful in the Little Things

Dollar makes a Friend...

Sometimes the single journey gets discouraging, but I like to focus on the blessings I have and not the things that my life is lacking.  In the Mexican culture women don’t move out on their own until they are married and true to my culture I live at home with my parents and my dog.  While on paper I own our house – it’s my parents’ home.  The truth is that I just can’t imagine myself coming home to an empty house.  In the mornings as I Ieave for work my mom sends me off with her blessing and when I arrive after a long work day she welcomes me with a smile and a “Gracias a Dios for another work day.”  

When I am home I enjoy being in my bedroom and hearing my parents’ laughter coming from the living room.  We are very close and am blessed to have access to them daily! There’s a verse in Ecclesiastes that was made popular by the Byrds, “For everything  there is a season…”   I think this is my time to enjoy and serve my parents.  My mom taught me (what the Bible so clearly teaches) that once we get married our priority must be our husband and the family that comes after.  Due to her sacramental union to my father my momma has left her siblings, parents and even her country to follow him.  Thus, I understand that if I yearn for marriage it is inevitable that I too will have to part and our relationship change thereafter.  This knowledge allows me to treasure this time in which I am able to bond so closely to my parents and I try to enjoy them daily to the max.   The same goes for my dog, I get to spoil him rotten and he gets to sleep next to me every night.  Who knows what the future holds, but today I am enjoying everything God has given me especially my loved ones.

Enjoying a Day Outdoors.

I think the mentality of living in the present and finding joy in all the blessings that God has already given really helps maintain peace and joy in one’s heart.  Looking back, the moments I have had terrible bouts of depression and anxiety have been moments were I am either trying to live in the future or focusing on things that I don’t have.  A few years ago I fell madly in love with a man and he didn’t feel the same about me  and I remember not wanting to let go of my feelings for him thinking that one day he would fall for me and if he did I’d better still be in love with him.  When I realized the absurdity of it I walked away from the relationship and gave myself to God for healing.  The theme of unrequited love is one I am all too familiar with; yet, I have learned that suffering occurs when our heart wants to change reality or the truth that cannot be changed and only acceptance liberates us.  Saint Therese of Lisieux tried to live her life free of illusions she felt that life without romantic expectations brought peace.  It’s hard for me who was raised in a culture of soap operas where romantic love conquers all and happy endings always triumph to look at love without the exaggeration of passion or glamour.  Yet, as I learn more about love as God intended it I am thrown into the realm of sacrificial love.  
Mexican telenovelas ruined me and God is now restoring the damage.  I found this great quote in a book I am reading, “your origin is love, your vocation is love and your destiny is love.”  Wow! God wants us to love like He loves (not just our one-and-only), but all the brothers and sisters He has placed in our journey.  Right now my commission is to love my parents, my family, my friends, my dog – to love all of those that are in my life right now; to enjoy and rejoice in their company and to wait in peace for my spouse never losing my cool (smile).  That’s the big challenge to be truly content with what you have.  It’s like that verse if we are faithful with the little things, we will be faithful with the large ones – if we are happy with what we have now and learn to love with God’s love our transition into spouse and parent will naturally come in God’s time.  

Dollar makes more friends...

True Beauty

When I was growing up, we had one television in the living room and being the youngest in the family meant that I never got access to the remote control; thus, I had two choices watch what my siblings chose or find another method of entertainment.  While many times I suffered through Steven Segal action movies as I gained access to books through my school library I began to devour novels.  While Segal fought multiple enemies in my living room, I escaped to wondrous places never leaving my kitchen floor. Early on words fascinated me.  The way artists combined them created goose bumps in my flesh and a profound joy in my heart.  For the longest time during my teenage years I couldn’t understand my affiliation to language.  How did it convey such depth, such closeness, such beauty?  Why did it make me feel so supreme?  Why did my body react to it with such tenderness, such exaltation with such an explosion of happiness?  

Once Upon A Time Show

Obviously my favorite subject was English and some of the best experiences of my early life happened while digging into Homer, Shakespeare, Frost, Steinbeck, Huxley, Salinger…  Looking back I didn’t understand the outbursts of deep pleasure words invoked, I didn’t understand the way my soul reached out to the heavens every time I greeted a new poem or the way prose inspired my heart to quicken it’s beating song… 

Last week I went to Theology on Tap at Claim Jumper and Father Troy spoke on the church and art.  He described beauty as a path that always leads to God.  True beauty has one purpose and that is to elevate our soul to dance with God - to share intimately with the Spirit of God.  Looking at a painting, a sculpture, listening to a song or as for me coming across words can transport our being to such immediate connections with God.  Pope Benedict “invites us to be open to beauty and to allow it to move us to prayer and praise of the Lord… Art is capable of making visible our need to go beyond what we see and it reveals our thirst for infinite beauty, for God.”  Visiting churches, galleries, museums can all be forms of prayer! 

San Juan Cathedral in Puerto Rico

During the talk I realized that while I love art I never saw it as a path to God, those deep feelings that I experience in poetry or a novel were just that - deep feelings.  But, now knowing that the purpose of beauty is to always lead us to the infinite, I am more vigilant as to what I read & listen.  In the past, all art and artistic expression was born of faith and expressed faith, but in this fallen world we have exploited the intention and the message.  Today, we have Miley Cyrus singing in a marijuana covered leotard, Beyonce & Rhianna dancing on strip poles, Lady Gaga living for the applause in objectifying wardrobe - sure they have the freedom of expression excuse, but their beauty is finite in a few months or a few years they are no longer in style.  On the contrary Pope Benedict describes his experience after a performance of the classical works of J.S.Bach, “After the last piece of music, one of the Cantate, I felt, not by reasoning, but in my heart, that what I heard had conveyed to me truth, something of the truth of the great composer’s faith and this pressed me to praise and thank the Lord.”  True beauty true art always leads to God and never goes out of style(smile)…   

Acrobats & dancing

Natural Beauty

Yesterday, my family was watching Nuestra Bellesa Latina, it’s a beauty pageant series on Univision.  During the bathing suit competition the judges asked the contestants ridiculous questions and after a few girls took their turns answering on the spot questions my seven-year-old nephew confidently blurted, “my Auntie Penny would totally win this competition because she’s the smartest girl I know.”  His innocent view of the world placed me above all the size zero, surgically enhanced, over the top hair extension & made-up women of Latin America (smile).  His genuine statement had my family laughing and me pondering at what age do we lose that childlike wisdom?  He hasn’t been corrupted by society’s distorted view of beauty instead he perceives the world through eyes of purity and goodness.  To him, I am the most intelligent girl (who based on my brains can win Miss Latin-America) because he looks at me as God does through eyes of truth and love.  Of course, I first had to answer how tall lady liberty is in feet to get his complete trust in me (smile).

Gap Summer Dress & Espadrille Wedges

Yet, I struggle with my appearance, I have my “fat days” when I feel bigger than a whale and nothing I try on looks good.  I know my lady friends understand the dilemma of trying on multiple outfits and unsatisfactory tossing them all on the floor.  Why do we feel like that?  As a little girl I don’t remember having that issue.  In fact, when I was a little girl I usually had a messy head of curls and was always covered in dirt from my active, naturally curious lifestyle.  Generally, as I made my way to the door I hurriedly put on whatever outfit my hands first yanked from the drawers excitedly to be outside.  Yet, when I saw myself in pictures or in a mirror I didn’t scrutinize every flaw of mine – I generally liked what I saw. 

Vintage Roman Coin Earrings

A few years ago I read Lies Women Believe and the Truth that Sets Them Free, in the book Nancy Leigh De Moss exposes many of the lies that women believe and the guilt and condemnation that comes as product of those deceptions and God’s truth that set’s them free.  I mentioned before that I love fashion (I see it as a form of art) and I do tend to pick up used magazines at my local secondhand book store.  I love glancing at the beautiful photographs and getting lost in the stories they tell; but, I have to be honest before reading De Moss’ book I truly believed the information the articles in the magazines shared was real.  They were published articles on popular magazines, thus to me they were sources of reliable information.  Like many girls I bought into “the need to be perfect” (to be loved) or the need to be “more like her” (to have value) which are reoccurring themes in these fashion magazines.  I saw the pieces on losing fifteen pounds in a week and because they were on the cover of People I believed that they were doable and when I failed to get those results I felt like a failure.  The pictures themselves too are distortions of the truth.  They are photoshopped selling unattainable perfection and the sad thing is that girls believe the images are real!  I remembered the day I covered photoshopping in the media in De Moss’ book I couldn’t believe it so I googled it and the first photo I saw was one of Madonna all wrinkly on one side and her skin absolutely perfect in the touched-up photo.  I seriously almost fell out of my chair with delight at the truth that celebrities do age!

Before & After

I think we owe it to ourselves to do a deep examination of self and to bring to light all those lies that we believe about us and replace them with truth.  God told us to be more childlike to perceive life and others with a sense of wonder and to be amazed by His beauty.  All of us are made in the image of God and just like flowers come is all forms & colors – yet, they are each so perfectly beautiful on their own – we too are uniquely beautiful!  And if beauty is in the eye of the beholder than I challenge you to see yourself through the loving eyes of God for He created you and when He was finished He admiringly looked at you  and said you were “very good.”

Figured it would be fun to photoshop Dollar & I (smile).

New Shoes

“New shoes, new shoes who has new shoes? Penny has new shoes!”  Back in elementary school that was the hymn that we sang for show-and-tell.  When a brave kid forgot his show-and-tell item he would quickly tell the class that his shoes were the item he had brought to share with his classmates.  I especially loved singing this tune and still today I recall it with a smile because it has become my anthem.  Yesterday, my friend decided to invite me to the shoe sale at Macy’s.  I of course resisted knowing my weakness, but as firmly as I tried to escape the allure of shoes on SALE, I decided a little peek wouldn’t hurt.  I was doing really well- until I saw a pair of stilettos with a renaissance flair and we locked eyes (because shoes do have eyes) and it was love at first sight!  They beckoned me to adopt them, to carry them far away from their hard shelf life into a home of love and appreciation.  While my friend tried to persuade me to walk away shoeless – I couldn’t leave these beautiful, studded to perfection twins.  As I went to pay, the salesman gave me an additional forty percent off and that confirmed my decision!  Then I remembered that I haven’t bought a pair of shoes in like four months (for a shoe collector this is quite a gap).  In addition, earlier in the week I went to confession and after talking with Father he told me that he wanted me to do something nice for myself.  The more I reasoned the more the purchase felt right- even though my over one-hundred-and-twenty-pairs-shoe-collection-conscience felt guilty.  

Beaded to perfection!

One of my goals this year is to de-clutter my life- to cleanse myself from the endless stuff that I have accumulated.  I have decided to donate a lot of my shoes to Working Wardrobes. I have mentally made this decision, but parting from my babies is so HARD!  I begin the process of selecting which shoes must go, but every time I pick-up a pair to donate the wonderful memories of what happened when I wore them makes me put them back on my shoe rack.  Or, I think that no one will treat them like I do and the thought of my shoes being mistreated again makes me put them back in their safe residence.  These thoughts sound funny or dangerously obsessive compulsive - even crazy; but, I seriously have an emotional connection to my pretty shoes.  I think that I just admitted that I have a problem (smile) so it should be an easy road to recovery from here.

They are a bit over the top- just like me!

When we moved from Mexico to the States, we went through years of economic hardships and I remember wanting pretty things to wear like my classmates who brought nice shoes to show and tell; but, we could barely afford the roof over our heads and the food on our table.  My mom and sister made a great portion of the clothes I wore. I remember the first time that my parents splurged on a pair of twenty-dollar-tennis-shoes from Payless I was the happiest kid on the block.  Later, when I got my first job (as teenager) I bought my first pair of brand name shoes these black & white high-top Nikes.  However, my shoe collection didn’t begin until a few years ago – I think my untreated bipolar shopping sprees are the major reason that I accumulated so many shoes.  Though, now part of it has to do with having the resources to buy myself anything that I yearn for.  It’s funny I was talking to Father about how greedy I am – I spend too much money on things that I don’t need.  It makes me so happy to bring home dashing shoes – but that’s temporal happiness; thus, I need to start to mature in my handling of money- just because I can afford it is not reason enough to buy- am a work in progress I tell you (smile).  Hopefully I will find the will to part from the shoes that though beauties I don’t wear anymore because they are too uncomfortable, I’ll keep you posted.

"Cinderella, proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life!" 

February Catholic of the Month

Surname: Big Phish

Parish: SVDP

Home Schooled  Student

I would like to introduce February’s Catholic of the month my friend, Big Phish.  He’s been such a standout Catholic since the first day I met him back when I was contemplating on joining the Core Team to help with Lifeteen.  As I observed the happenings of a particular Sunday’s Lifeteen at my parish I came across a red-headed teenager and he introduced himself as “Big Phish.” His confidence and self-acceptance at such a young age struck me. He wasn’t (and is not) afraid to be himself and his red hair suits his originality!  He’s on fire for God and shows it like no other teenager I know.  Later when we served together at a Confirmation Retreat I was again surprised at his surrender during praise and worship.  His whole being was lost in prayer - he was unashamedly rocking out to and for Jesus.  Watching him so profoundly consumed in worship helped me focus and gave me courage to dance in the presence of my Lord.  The following is a short interview that hopefully illuminates all the goodness and holiness that I see in him: 

1. What was your first encounter with God like? Though, I was raised Christian, my first real encounter with God was at the teen leader retreat last year during personal Adoration time. It was an unexplainable feeling. I was so overwhelmed with His presence, and I could actually hear His voice saying that this group of people (SVDP) is where my heart and soul truly belonged.

2. What has been your experience living/practicing your faith? Living my faith has been so unbelievably wonderful. Though it is hard at times, I have made so many friends that help me whenever I fall down (physically and spiritually). In living my faith I have learned to see the true beauty of God's creation...

Jesus' Lifeteen Super Heroes

3. How do you nourish your faith? I nourish my faith in 3 ways: the first, is by going to mass at least every Sunday, but I try to go a couple times during the week as well. The second is by praying... A lot (cause I really need it). Finally is by doing praise and worship either by myself or by using webcams and such with my friends.

4. How do you integrate your faith into your daily life?  By trying to always focus on God and seeing everything as His creation. I also try to pray as much as possible and I listen primarily to worship music. I also let my faith influence my writing and my creativity. I try to spread God's love and glory to all those around me, weather I know them or not.

Dress-Up Sunday

6. What do you love about your faith? I love everything about it: Mass, prayer, God, the friends I've made, the Bible.... Everything (about my faith) is wonderful!

7. What does your faith mean to you? It means everything. It shapes the way I live my life: how I act, the way I talk and even the people I hang-out with.

8. Why is your faith important to you? For many reasons: it's what I base my whole life on.  The purpose of my life is to live out my faith and lead others to God so that one day everyone can be in heaven together.

9. What are some activities that you are involved in at your parish?  I've done a lot of stuff with the youth in my parish: I was a teen leader, I was a teacher for EDGE, CLUB345 and CGS. I even led a bible study one time!

Teen Disciples and some Wannabes

10. Fun fact: Whenever I am bored, stressed out or fighting temptation I like to write poetry, it calms me down and helps me express my love for God, my friends, and... A special girl.

God has great plans for my dear Big Phish...  At our recent overnight retreat my girls & I agreed that one person that inspires our faith is our beloved & so colorful Big Phish.  

Sunday Fun Day

Sunday's Outfit... GAP Maxi Dress & Denim Jacket

In the Catholic faith, we believe that our calling is to become saints- or holy people.  That notion disturbed me for a while because I didn’t understand its meaning.  I thought that aiming to be saints took the glory from God and shifted it to ourselves, but as I grow more in my faith - my mind too understands concepts anew.  Now, I know that holiness only comes from God (“holiness is Christ in me”), so the more a person achieves it the more God is being glorified in that person and since it comes from God it kills vainglory.  Thus, there are no proud saints.  During the cruise we celebrated the Feast Day of Saint John Bosco and Father described him as the most “fun” saint.  Saint John Bosco studied jugglers, acrobats and magicians and used these fun skills to do tricks that got the attention of children and once he had their attention he taught them about the Catholic Faith and the power of the Mass.  He dedicated his life to helping abandoned boys…  I love the creative imagination of Saint Bosco and his methods of using games and music to inspire the youth.  And while I was listening to father’s homily on Saint Bosco - I thought that if I have a choice I choose to be the saint of fun!  “So I recommend having fun, because there is nothing better for people to do in this world than to eat, drink, and enjoy life. That way they will experience some happiness along with all the hard work God gives them.” Ecclesiastes 8:15

I think the Catholic Church has this image of limitations and killer of all things fun.  If you are Catholic you have to abstain from alcohol, drugs, sex, etc.  And in all these “don’ts” translate to “no fun” and for the legalistic Catholics a “pride” in their discipline of these behaviors.  But scripture tells us to have fun and enjoy life.  God wants us to be happy, if you have trouble understanding this just look around at creation and the beauty of this world.   There’s not a single day that I live without a smile breaking across my face, God has given us all of creation for our enjoyment- talk about generosity! A priest was the first to tell me that what God wants most for us is happiness - since then, I always look at ways to make my life more entertaining.  I go around dancing, joking and laughing and I think at times all this giddiness might make me appear quite shallow to reserved Catholics and at first impression even be perceived as a “party” girl not serious about her faith…  But the more that I discover God the more that I can’t stop the party using rapper Pitbull’s words (smile)- I don’t think a good Christian can go around with anything less than joy in one’s heart and a continuous smile.  Yes, I hurt and I cry messy with buggers and spit- but after the tempest the light of God shines and delivers me again and again. 

A stroll with my Baby.

God does encourage and teaches us to live a life of discipline and provides a life map to follow, but only because of the value God has given everything.  For example, Catholics love sex!  We love it so much that we give it an extremely high value and we save and protect it until marriage.  I have a friend who loves cars.  She has a pimped-out Subaru that she only drives on special occasions and she always makes sure it is parked in safe places when she does take it out for a drive and she stores it in her garage daily.  We all have something that we treasure like she does her car- similarly God told us to treasure sex, to save it, protect it and keep it from becoming exploited.  It is because of love that we are so prude as some have called me, not because we hate it.  Since the beginning God told us sex was beautiful and because it’s so special it requires special care.  I’m telling you when I get married my husband and I will enjoy this gift a lot because God told us it is good (smile)!  In a more mathematical way let’s say I live to be 90 years-old and I don’t get married until I am 34 then that means that for more than half of my life I will have sex- God is only asking me to abstain for a few years while I am single- I think that sounds pretty reasonable (SMILE).   

A Rainbow of colors in Nature!

100th On Online Dating

Today is a very special day – It’s my 100^th post!  It’s also St. Valentine’s Day a day reserved for love and all things romantic.  In my early twenties I used to be one of those people that boycotted the commercialized holiday and prohibited my boyfriend (at the time) from celebrating it… I wanted to transmit the message that any day should be a day for goodness, love and romance – not just one day out of the year.  However, my technique of transmitting my love message violated the purpose because every 14^th of February I would ban chocolate, teddy bears, flowers, LOVE itself to prove a point (smile).  This year it has been really special because my nephew is a little older and he’s gotten so excited about the holiday.  Every day he has been working on a Valentine for each of the family members, he couldn’t keep his excitement and gave me mine after the retreat on Sunday.  It was a colorful picture of my dog and a page long poem about me & Dollar (smile)… He’s such a thoughtful kid- I adore him!

Since it’s a day of love and it’s my 100^th post I would like to share that I did it- I joined a dating website!  On Tuesday at the God Among Us event I prayed for many things and one of them was for God to give me a sign on whether He thought it was the right time to try online dating and if so to direct me as to which on-line site I should join… I never imagined He would be so quick to answer my prayer, but the following morning I had an email from the coordinator of Ave Maria Singles and she was telling me that since I went on the cruise I was eligible for a sizeable discount if I wanted to join their dating site!  The thing is that I was conflicted between the Ave Maria site and Catholic Match – so I had my answer.  In addition, with the discount I was able to afford it right now.  During the cruise I asked my fellow cruise mates who are on dating sites which they preferred and I felt like the message was that stronger Catholics were on Ave Maria Singles even though the amount of members on the site is smaller- but since I just need one man the odds are still good for me (smile).

I started working on my profile this week.  The questions the site asks are really good they dig into a person’s faith.  Then I selected two great photos of me and one with my fury baby because he is part of the negotiation (smile).  It was fun to build my profile, but once I was done I was like, “now what?”  For some naïve reason I thought that all I had to do was create a profile as an obvious statement that I am single and looking then all these messages would start coming in; of course that wasn’t the case.  After the silence, I realized that I needed to start looking through men’s profiles and then send a warm message (yikes)!  At the realization of the amount of work and time that I still needed to invest – I wanted a refund (smile).  A few hours later after processing the unexpected on-line dating procedure I realized that I am in the right path though foreign I am walking with Jesus.  And I am doing everything in my power to find my man and leaving the impossible to God.  Though I haven’t contacted anyone and am still uncomfortable with the affair I am praying for humility and courage…Happy St. Valentines Day, besos!            

God Among US

Last night I attended the first event held by The City Lights Collaborative “God Among Us” at Yost Theatre in Santa Ana.  It’s a new movement aimed at the new evangelization that includes a powerful message, heart moving worship and adoration.  The neat thing about the event is that it was held in a secular theatre where concerts, raves and even burlesque shows are held: “It’s easy for us to see these worldly venues and run from them, but instead we must follow Christ’s example and run to them, not to be swayed by them, but to redeem them, to glorify God with them as beacons where the culture can interact with the Gospel.”  The theatre holds about a thousand people and it was full with young Catholics.  Even our Bishop Vann came out last night and gave us a joyful greeting and dared to play a song on the keyboard!

Saint Vincent de Paul Parish ready to worship our God

"There is power, power here in this hour..."

I drove a group of our teens to the event and their enthusiasm was contagious, when we got back in my car to drive home they all expressed their desire for more events like God Among Us. One even declared that she loves adoration!  (smile)  The message that our speaker gave also encouraged the youth to cherish the Mass, to participate in it and to attend rigorously.  The Catholic musicians motivated the crowd with a great selection of powerful songs and inspired us to pray in community singing along to the lyrics.  The sound of hundreds of young Catholics praying and adoring our Lord in one voice sounded like a chorus of angels.  When Jesus came out in the monstrance everyone kneeled even though space was very limited and the Eucharist in the center of the monstrance looked like a beating heart due to the vibrations of the music and prayers.  I closed my eyes and just rested in the sound of my brothers and sisters worshiping and enjoyed being so close to my God, I silenced my mind, my heart and just breathed in the Spirit of God.  The experience was surreal and I saw Jesus smiling happy to see His children together adoring Him.

Youth adoring our Lord, BEAUTIFUL!

Events like these is what keeps my faith inflamed, they motivate me to press on with God.  So, I encourage you to find similar events to attend in your hometown, to create godly friendships and to participate in the sacraments.  Faith is an ongoing process that requires sustenance to blossom and remain in bloom.

Our Bishop, Kevin Vann rockin' down the house.

As an aside completely unrelated to this post… Paragraph one of my "After Thoughts" post was published in Regina Magazine! Click on the following link to it  Ave Maria Catholic Cruise   

Make Me an Instrument of Your Peace

Glory to Glory Retreat

 I received my Valentines a week in advanced…  After thinking that I would be too tired to serve at the Confirmation retreat this past weekend and spending all last week stressing about finding the energy to lead a small group of girls for three days - God just spilled His energy in me!  Also the worry that I would have to leave my dog for a few more days (so recent after my vacation) created a deep guilty conscience, but he survived…  Then on Friday after a long day of work and sometime getting lost on my way to the retreat location I continued to worry about how I would manage to wake up for work on Monday after so little sleep in the coming days…

My Valentines...

My Girls!

The Bible makes multiple references to “do not worry” probably because we need to be reminded time and time again to trust in the Lord...  The death of a dream or the beginning of one usually leads me in journeys where I lose my peace and begin to dump my hope thinking I know best.  And of course the recent shattered fantasy that I created about a romance that never came to pass challenged my peace. While I attempted to remain firm in my faith- I had a childish moment of “why me?”  Thus, the retreat being the weekend following my vacation was so perfectly timed- God truly is omniscient because during a weekend of serving others I regained my trust in Him and now I know more than ever that there’s no one I would rather follow and though at times I will fall in my distrust or in my hubris, God is it for me!  I love Him SO much, I love His philosophy, His way, His truth… and to be able to share my most valuable possession with the youth has been such a gift. 

Morning Leader Meeting 

One of the great things about being single is that I have a lot of time to focus on activities that perhaps if married and with a family of my own -I wouldn’t have the time for.  It’s also a matter of living in the present and giving my all right now for God’s use.  I love the “Prayer of Saint Francis,” (Make Me an Instrument of Your Peace…) in which he yearns for God to use him.  My hope is that God will use me daily to bring His love to others too.    

What I wore to Mass this past weekend, my Jesus sweater & jeans.

After Thoughts...

After an Ave Maria Cruise there is always the dreaded melancholy of putting the beautiful experience in the past and living life in the present full of deadlines and responsibilities.  It’s difficult to believe that one week in the presence of God and godly people can affect your life in such a way that when it’s over one feels like a glimpse of heaven has been revealed and one yearns to remain locked in those enchanting days of past; but, time doesn’t stop for anyone and one is propelled to move forward into routine dreaming about the those magical seven days…  I love the seclusion of traveling in the lonely ocean undisturbed by technology or city noises only the peaceful crashing of waves and the infinite view of sky and sea.  The natural setting inspires the poet in me and I pray sweet nothings to my God and whisper poems into the wind hoping they reach Him.  Perhaps the daily Mass and hour of Adoration connects my being to complete communication with my Creator and I understand deeply the beauty of cloister life for He truly is enough.  Then to meet others like me, who love God and the Catholic faith – and not only love as immature children; but, with a seriously, profound devotion and life changing imitation of Christ- makes the oceanic retreat temporal peace on earth.  Though I haven’t met my husband on the two trips that I ventured on, the other blessings that I have taken away with me from these mystical vacations have nurtured my soul in celestial ways.  Thus if you haven’t tried the Ave Maria Catholic Single’s annual cruise I daresay- do so!

A cemetery on the beach, with an iguana protecting it....

Hanging out in Saint Maarten...

This year I didn’t do any excursions because I wanted to relax and silence my being- to listen to the voice of God. Thus, in the Bahamas and Saint Maarten I was a beach bum and in Puerto Rico I was a tourist.  I never imagined Puerto Rico to be so beautiful, but it was love at first sight.  We got to tour Old San Juan with a member of Son by Four (courtesy of one of my cruise angels) as a tour guide - which seriously was an incredible blessing!  He shared his testimony about how after reaching world stardom (singing at the Grammy’s with N’Sync) the group had a close encounter with God and they left the secular music world to now only play Catholic music.  Son by Four had this huge hit in the 90’s (one whose lyrics I still recall) - so hanging out with a famous person who left everything for God was subliminal.  To end the tour he took us to Raices an authentic Puerto Rican Restaurant to try the infamous and quite delicious Mofongo.

Hanging out with a celebrity in Puerto Rico..

My favorite stop Old San Juan...

Pure relaxation...

On the shore of Saint Maarten, while the sun set, I had spiritual direction from Father and he heard my confession too.  Then I got to pray inside a Catholic Church that was right on the beach, what a blessing!  We traveled in a ship called the Freedom of the Seas – how fitting for I know we all let go of burdens to make room for the gifts that God had ahead of time prepared for each of us.  While now, after the cruise my cruise companions and I suffer from separation anxiety and we yearn to be back riding the waves we trust that God will continue to work in us and rest knowing that what we shared is in us forever…   

The Freedom of the Seas...

God's love, we heart you... And a round of miniature golf.

Mis Angelitos

Bahamas...

Sometimes God answers prayers instantly and at other times it can take many years… Last cruise I prayed that He would send me someone to spend my vacation with since I felt like a lot of the girls I was meeting seemed to have "finding a spouse" as a priority and didn't care about making female friendships… I went into adoration thinking that I would have to spend seven days on my own and said a prayer for a friend and as I exited the prayer room I bumped into two beautiful girls. They laughed in unison and asked me if I wanted to hang out with them! Praise God! They made the cruise experience so much better and this time as I nurtured a broken heart they again came to my rescue. The story of my life is that I seem to fall for men that don’t feel the same way about me, it’s difficult for me to open my heart and when I do it’s like I open the gates so wide that I forget to use caution. During a walk alongside the shore I shared this with Father and he gave me some good pointers so hopefully next time I decide to let someone in I will use reason in addition to my heart... 

Freedom of the Seas

 I prayed a whole year for a man that I thought God wanted just for me and foolishly went on this year’s cruise in hope of meeting him again and when I realized that this man was not on the cruise it was more than anything an injury to my pride. That first day of the trip all I wanted to do was to sink into a pit of self-pity and as I struggled in an empty cabin thinking of falling apart or putting on a happy face my beautiful friends came to my door – and to my rescue. They prayed over me and gave me a beautiful crucifix to keep with me during the duration of the cruise… They are my cruise angels who God used to help repair the sadness and disappointment in me; among hugs, kisses, laughter and a lot of dancing they helped me heal in a healthy way.

Puerto Rico

The thing that makes love so beautiful is also the thing that causes so much pain. It’s a matter of choice - of the will, to choose to love someone and for that someone to choose to love you back is an experience that we all hope will happen to us, yet- because it’s so precise and so specific (in matters of romance) finding it requires quite the journey and only the brave- those who continue the quest through hurt, falls and rejection- will find it. I felt foolish, for loving a man – but in prayer God revealed to me that in my life I have done pretty dumb things and loving a man is not one of those! While talking to other friends on the cruise I realized that we all have done pretty ridiculous things in the name of love and I admire their courage and romanticism- though we all have learned great lessons from those mistakes… 

On the plane ride I was reading Orthodoxy by Chesterton and he “viewed this world as a sort of cosmic shipwreck. A person in search of meaning resembles a sailor who awakens from a deep sleep and discovers treasure strewn about, relics from a civilization he can barely remember. One by one he picks up the relics—gold coins, a compass, fine clothing—and tries to discern their meaning. Fallen humanity is in such a state. Good things on earth—the natural world, beauty, love, joy—still bear traces of their original purpose, but amnesia mars the image of God in us.

Mis Angelitos...

For Chesterton, and also for me, the riddles of God proved more satisfying than the answers proposed without God. I too came to believe in the good things of this world—first revealed to me in music, romantic love, and nature—as relics of a wreck, and as bright clues into the nature of a reality shrouded in darkness. God had answered Job’s questions with more questions, as if to say the truths of existence lie far beyond the range of our comprehension. We are left with remnants of God’s original design and the freedom, always the freedom, to cast our lots with such a God, or against him.” We are free to love who our heart claims and when it is reciprocated it’s magic like fragments left behind from paradise...