No Mountain High Enough

I had a couple interviews this morning, so forgive my tardiness…  I have never been very good at selling myself, so I feel like I am not the greatest interviewee.  I get a little self-conscious trying to give my potential employer reasons why I am a good hire, but I think it’s equally uncomfortable for the person asking the questions.  Thus, I usually try to tell myself before I go in that we are both just trying to get a feel for one-another- they have a job to offer and I a person qualified to do so.  Therefore, neither person is better than the other, we all have the same value and that reduces my feelings of intimidation. The job hunt is a path of highs and lows – sometimes a job that seems perfect for you, one that you have pictured yourself doing doesn’t get offered, or turns out to be a bad fit or for whatever reason you just don’t get- it’s hard to not take it personal.  A denial no matter the reason can feel like a failure, like a kick in the stomach that leaves you winded and feeling so utterly vulnerable.  A door closing does feel like a rejection and no matter how positive one is - it’s hard to reach the mindset that one closed, but another will open.   

This week I realized that two of the jobs that I had my hopes on – most definitely are not going to work.  I had a day where I did allow myself to feel the insecurity, but I didn’t allow myself to remain there.  All these months I have NOT been unemployed, I have actually been self-employed working on my eBay Store full-time.  Thus, financially I am not at all suffering.  I do get a little crazy working from home, but I have been able to spend so much time with my parents.  Everyday, we have lunch together and share in such great bonding time.  I have been able to train Francis, who requires a lot of attention as a puppy.  I have been able to grow in my faith – to have times of prayer, to attend Mass more frequently.  It’s easy to focus on the negative, somehow or minds usually go there quite easily; but nothing is ever bad or good there’s always a little of both and what we choose to focus on really is how we live life.

Recently, I discovered how prayer works and that has made my relationship with God so much more meaningful.  Since, I discovered prayer As a little girl I always thought that my prayers changed God into giving me my petitions and I got so frustrated when years went by and nothing changed.  I think I shared that part of the reason I left the church was because I prayed for years for my alcoholic father to seek recovery and nothing ever happened.  Thus, I felt that God didn’t hear me, that for whatever reason He just didn’t care about giving me a dad without addictions.  All this time I have felt like my petitions didn’t have much value because in the end God would do whatever God wanted to do.  Now, I know that it’s not about getting what I want, but of asking God to change me into a closer image of Jesus.  My conversion matters more, my sanctification is of greater importance.  Which leaves me singing, “ain’t no mountain high enough, ain’t no valley low enough to keep me from getting to you…” (smile)