It was a good week.
I never imagined that my first year back as an educator
would be hijacked by virtual learning. In
my arsenal of preparation, I did not plan for a pandemic, quarantine or
teaching with a camera to students on the other side of the screen. It’s super uncomfortable for this camera-shy
gal, to spend my days in front of a camera.
My dreams all take place behind the scenes, yet this national crisis has
me daily teaching, motivating, inspiring kids to continue working on towards
graduation. Some days I struggle to
leave my bed, knowing that I have to turn on my camera and work in isolation
trying to bring feelings of unity and hope to my kids.
In in-person learning, I can read the class, I can see when I
am losing my students or when they are excited and really capturing the lesson;
but, in virtual learning I speak into this black abyss and am not sure how the
students are doing. Since, I have issues
being on camera, I empathize and do not require my students to have their
cameras on unless they want to. This means that most turn theirs off. Yet, I
have noticed that they participate more when their cameras are off. On days that I don’t have technological
issues I rejoice – but most days I find that my internet lags, or that some kids
can’t open a document, or that the platform I use is failing to function and I
spend my time trying to fix these technological issues that learning seems to
happen very little. I used to struggle
with the drop in learning that this pandemic has caused, but I have learned
that just showing up to class and being there for my kids is the big lesson. Forcefully turning on my camera and being present
is me letting them know that they have someone who will show up no matter what.
Virtual learning is not as rewarding, but there are days
that even all the challenges cannot keep some good from reaching me. This week, I had a student who on her first
day of class arrived crying. She suffers
from severe anxiety and this past year I have watched her grow and become
more confident. This week she surprised
me when she joined our virtual run club and two Direct Instruction classes. She has blossomed from an insecure girl,
terrified of others into a student doing extra while working towards her high
school diploma and college. She and I have
developed a deep bond and watching her excel has been such a victory…
Then I have another kid, a teenage mom and she is always
sending me picture of her baby, now six months old. When she sends me updates on her baby, I can’t
help but feel so darn special! I met her
when she was pregnant and to watch her blossom into a mom while continuing her
education has been a joy. Sometimes I get
so focused on the technical aspect of my job, that I miss how much my students
are developing and achieving great things even in this challenging time.
It took me almost a year to get into distance learning, but
now I am starting to see beyond the challenges and see the fruits of this
difficult process.
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