Leave Your Comfort Zone

When I began therapy in my early twenties I remember a session in which I was telling my therapist that my new coworkers had invited me out dancing, but that I didn’t know them very well and had declined their invitation.  She probed further and I told her that I only went out with my close friends because I felt safe around them.  I told her I was afraid I would be stranded at the club not enjoying the company or atmosphere or even worse have an anxiety attack.  She suggested I take my car and have extra money in my pocket for an emergency cab in case I needed to leave.  As homework she asked me to tell my coworkers that I had changed my mind and I would be joining them.  On the day of the outing I placed extra cash in my purse and drove to the club.  It turned out to be a really enjoyable time- no exit strategy was needed.  As I continued therapy my therapist challenged me many times to step out of my comfort zone and slowly my small circle of comfort grew.   I learned that taking risks helped me grow as a person too.  Many times we let opportunities and people that we are not familiar with escape simply because we fear ridicule and rejection.  We avoid doing many things or postpone them until a date that never comes simply because we won’t allow ourselves to leave our comfort zone.  In therapy I learned to step outside of my small circle of life experience and seek untraveled paths.

I have shared the importance of living my life without regrets and thus I am constantly challenging myself to do new things.  I have this strategy where I step outside of my circle of comfort just a tiny bit allowing myself to confront the mixed feelings that come with the unknown and then I step back inside if needed.  I repeat this process until I have conquered the new experience and have gained a new level of familiarity.  More than anything my faith has propelled me to take more risks and to constantly want to grow and mature my small circle of contentment.  Relationships with other people require taking risks and leaving our comfort zone especially at the beginning because we are traveling unfamiliar roads.  It’s a little more difficult to risk in matters of the heart because there’s a greater possibility for rejection.  Yet, I have learned that a clear no is much healthier than missing the opportunity to love and be loved.  Usually prayer helps me gain courage and show the object of my affections that I am interested, but if he responds unfavorably then I retreat to the safety of comfort circle.  There I remain until my beloved comes to me because in matters of two both parties must step outside of their fox hole, take risks and expand their comfort circle to include one another.  It’s a process of mutual risk and giving.  Below are ways which I have found helpful in leaving my familiar little world to seek untraveled lands…

Do not be afraid to be a fool- One of my biggest fears was that I would be humiliated or ridiculed.  I think it had to do with the fact that I don’t like the spotlight, but as I have gotten older I realize that practicing the virtue of humility really has transformed me in this area.  I look at the life of Saint Francis of Assisi, who called himself “God’s fool” and I realize the importance of taming our fragile ego.  When we learn our smallness in comparison to our Creator it’s hard not to realize how foolish we really are.   

   

Change your Thoughts- Nobody is perfect, the person you like has defects and should not be placed on a pedestal.  Learning to see others beyond the societal values - honestly as sinners, but equal in God’s eyes places all of us at the same level.  Starting together on the same level with God begins the creation of a mutual comfort zone. 

Practice and Expand- Develop a habit of becoming comfortable with taking risks by detaching yourself of any expectations and diminish stress and anxiety by taking small steps.  True change happens slowly, thus don’t push yourself too far.  Like I shared before I step out of my zone, but if I feel threatened I return to it until I develop the courage and peace to try again. 

Move through fear with action- With risk comes a chance of failure and rejection but NEVER forget there’s also a chance for greatness.  If you never leave your comfort zone you are diminishing opportunities to succeed and add happiness to your life.  Mother Angelica reminded me that suffering is part of a Christian and growing in holiness is to do so joyfully.  Thus, we Catholics should NOT be afraid to suffer especially for love!  If a girl shows you she’s interested go for it with gusto and if she rejects you don’t take it personally God just has other plans (smile).

We are wired to seek comfort so it’s hard to step outside of it, but once in a while we all need a little excitement and change (smile).