Years ago
when I contemplated the idea of getting a Myspace account I thought about how I
wanted to light the world with goodness and positivity. I thought that I would choose Alanis Morsette’s
“Hand in My Pocket” as my profile song and I would flood the social media site
with meaningful posts. That didn’t go
very well because my peace was only skin deep; thus, my time on the site turned
out to be a series of posts portraying my drunken nights, songs used to express
my dark feelings, and a bunch of publications revealing the storm inside. When I opened a Facebook account I did it
with more mature reasons- my friends were having babies and through
Facebook I could watch the fast growth of their little ones. As God began to really transform me, as I got
more comfortable professing my faith and as I felt the need to evangelize I
began to use the site as my testimony of life.
Then the idea of starting a blog began to form in my mind, and though I
had always written in my private life- my writings were never seen by anyone
other than myself. Many times in moments
of prayer I felt God asking me to write and finally I began this silly, little
adventure. At first I thought that I would write about trivial things like my great bargain shopping skills or my
shoe collection, but as time went by I felt the Spirit of God leading me to
write about my testimony and life as a young, Catholic woman. Today is my 300th post! Though I cringe at some of my initial entries
and am amazed by some of the intimate things I have shared I have found writing
this blog to be such a healing and growing process- and no one has been more evangelized
through it - than myself! Father told me
back in January that he has seen me grow a lot this past year and become more
confident (smile) I think a lot of it has to do with these simple posts. Throughout the year I have receive a few
questions and today I want to answer three as a way to say thank you for reading
and keeping this little dream of mine alive!
- Where does my happiness come from? My happiness comes from God. As a
teenager and young adult I desperately sought the answer to the question: what
is the meaning of life? I looked for it
in relationships, in alcohol, in partying, in studying, in accomplishment – but
found everything meaningless. We all
died in the end and oblivion was our destiny- these dark thoughts propelled me
into the realm of existential philosophy and I fell deeply in love with Nietzsche
and Kant. Their thoughts validated my
despair and for many years I believed life was an inevitable anguish only
escaped through death and nonexistence. Religion
for that matter was for foolish people and I hated anyone who tried to talk to
me about any form of spirituality especially of God. Yet, death humbles even the most proud and
the passing of my brother drove me to unexplored territories. His death caused me to reexamine life and
death and the meaning of life- but this time considering Christian philosophy. God led many people and books that
transformed my mind and heart– He wooed me slowly and when I finally decided
that He was it for me I found a peace and joy that I had never experienced. As time has passed He teaches me to rely more
on Him and as my trust in Him grows so does my joy. One of my favorite scriptures is (Phillipians
4:12), “I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in
any situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.
I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me.” Chesterton makes a great observation in his
book Orthodoxy, he says that fairytales (which many people reduce
Christianity to) have never made anyone insane but reducing the cosmos to the
smallness of human intellect does. Thus,
I rather live my as if it were a fairytale where goodness, magic, happy endings and God exist.
- How do I manage to remain positive? Again God. I have found that
living my life believing in the promises of Christ really inspire me to be
positive even in the darkest situations.
Taking responsibility for my actions, finding ways to correct unwanted
behavior and praying helps a lot too.
God wants us to become better versions of ourselves so we need to be
open to change and growth. Often in
difficult situations God makes me aware of areas that I need to surrender and grow
in. As He highlights these points I pray
and actively try to change my poor habits.
Albert Einstein said the definition of “insanity is doing the same thing
over and over and expecting different results.”
He’s on point, we need to be open to different techniques until we find
ways that motivate our spiritual growth.
Believe me I lose my peace and positivity a lot, but every time I am in
a situation that requires me to be positive I use it as an opportunity to try
again. Many times it’s just a matter of
letting go and learning to trust that God is in control and He will take care
of it. I try living my life like God is the Pilot and I am just the sidekick enjoying the ride.
- Where do I shop? To lighten the mood a little let’s talk about shopping! To be honest I don’t like to shop- I have to be in the proper mood to go out shopping and even then I do a quick scan through the store. I also have been a green shopper for a few years now so most of my stuff are second hand articles. The places I love to shop are Goodwill, Savers, local thrift stores, EBay, Yard Sales and swap meets. I am a snob and do like brand name items because they are better made, last longer and usually don’t exploit people or nature.
No comments:
Post a Comment