No Pictures Allowed

On Saturday, I found myself standing outside the Nidorf Sylmar Juvenile Detention Facility- stripped of jewelry, phone, money - even my hair tie was confiscated because of the small metal cuff that connected the tie together.  Entering the facility took over an hour due to the meticulous search that each of the people in my group underwent.  As I entered the LM Compound, am not sure what I expected to see, but I was not prepared for what I experienced.  Young children (as young as fourteen or just shy of eighteen) all dressed in grey sweaters (with the size marked by sharpie on their backs), blue Dickies and black rubber shoes.  They were all sitting with their hands on their knees and ordered not to look up until told otherwise.  Some couldn’t contain their curiosity and looked up while still managing to hold their head down.  The warden shouted instructions and finally gave the command to relax.   At which point interested eyes looked at us.  Their eyes scanning my face killed me – they were but children! As we introduced ourselves to the group of about 30 inmates they welcomed us with smiles, “Hello Miss, nice to meet you.”  Their courteous greeting punched the air out of my lungs- they were the age of the kids I see in confirmation classes!  My eyes got misty and my throat began to threaten a possible melt-down… At which point I asked God for strength and for the ability to hold it together so that I could love these kids and show them a living Jesus through my actions.  Am not sure what criminals are supposed to look like, but these kids (some doing 25 to life) didn’t fit my minds definition.

Some of the young adults from my parish joined the Sisters of the Company of Mary for the Christmas visit to the juvenile hall.  There we sang songs, had dinner and played games with the kids.  While having dinner I had the opportunity to chat with some of the teens and while our conversations were mostly on the topics of hip-hop music and dancing – they asked me to pray for their coming court dates so that they would be able to spend Christmas with their families.  One told me it was his first time getting detained and promised me that he would never be there again; he looked at his shoes and said, “it’s crazy we are all wearing the same shoes!”

While singing Christmas songs they requested, “Silent Night” we sang it together and it sounded so beautiful…  When I was a teacher- I remember many times wanting to take my students home to provide a healthy, loving environment to flourish- that’s how I felt that night.  I wanted to take these kids home and give them an opportunity to rise above their circumstances…

When I was outside and had my material freedoms back I bitterly muttered, “that was the most depressing thing I have ever done in my life.”  My heart felt like it was breaking and I didn’t want this experience to be just another service moment.  Since then I have spent many hours contemplating that visit- thinking of the teens and praying for them.  Am not sure what God is asking me to do, but I feel something very powerful stirring inside me.  I see adoption in my future and this experience confirmed it even more because love transforms lives and that much I do have to give.