Great Expectations

December is such a busy month; between the parties, the decorating, the activities, the potlucks, the writing and sending of Christmas cards, the shopping and the list goes on- that by the time Christmas day comes all I want to do is rest!  Last year the same thing happened I overbooked my month with all these fun activities and by the end of December all I yearned for was free Penny time.  In the Catholic faith, the period of Advent (Christmas time) is a time of preparation for the birth of Jesus in our hearts.  It’s a time to slow down and take the time to reflect on the Christmas story and to contemplate the second coming of Christ.  It’s a time to think deeply about our personal faith and our relationship with God.  During this time it’s common to hold small Bible study groups in our homes so that together with our spiritual brothers (and sisters) we can contemplate the real reason for the season. 

My Bible is full of scribbles. 

Earlier in November, my friend asked me if I would be willing to host a small group at my home for the four weeks of Advent and I impulsively said yes.   As the first week approached, I started having second thoughts – I really feared opening my home to people that I had never met before.  As a child of an alcoholic- this fear in me just consumed me and this feeling of shame came over me that linked back to when I was a child and my dad used to get so embarrassingly drunk that I decided to never bring friends home.  I seriously almost had a panic attack the day of our first Advent meeting- but I had six people coming over- I couldn’t cancel.  So, I contacted one of my best Catholic friends and just started telling her how I was feeling, I mentioned how I was afraid that the people that were coming over would have a critical spirit and would judge me on how I live.  The more that I talked and she listened the more I realized how absurd my fears were and I realized that God wanted to heal another area that I had been unconsciously keeping from Him.

My Bestest Catholic Friends (Oops one is missing)

My buddy in her wisdom started to direct my focus away from the anxiety and towards my responsibilities as a hostess and to assure me that hosting is stressful for everyone!  She started asking me questions like: when you visit someone’s home what are things that you like? And then following up with: do you think you could do that?  By the end of our chat, I had a list (she and I had developed) of things that I needed to do during the meeting like being welcoming, having a coffee pot ready and some cookies along with the materials set. She encouraged and prayed for me - and knowing she was praying for me gave me strength.  The first night of the group I managed to do all the things on my list while at the same time lead the Bible study and though I was terribly nervous I survived!  The friends that came over (they are friends now) were super sweet and God just radiated from their beings.  Submerging ourselves in scripture and sharing our faith took away all my anxiety and now when we meet, I look forward to it free of fear & shame.  I’ve said before that I struggle with anxiety and at times it can be paralyzing - sometimes the most simple things can trigger anxious periods, but when I lean on God I can confront those difficult moments and give Him those insecurities knowing healing will happen.

Materials for study.

I still have one more week with my Advent study group, and I am glad that I said yes because the experience has helped me to sit and spend time with God.  It has helped me to realize that above all Christmas is a time for Jesus- it is He who we honor and He who we eagerly wait for!  It’s a time of joy and expectation, Happy Almost Birthday Jesus!