Bad Day

This week has been difficult (and it’s only Tuesday)…Negativity has ruled my mind and I just can’t get out of the funk.   Am exhausted!  I just want to get in my bed and get out of it on a future morning when the day is unblemished and full of promise.  Am so tired of fighting with my mind all morning, chronic fatigue, another characteristic of Bipolar Disorder.  Tiredness comes and visits me a few days a month and it’s such a struggle to function and accomplish daily tasks.  On days like today I feel far away orbiting my body in a haze.

My lifeguard walks on water.

I wish I could enlighten you with simple techniques, but the reality is that I just press on.  No matter how great the desire to sleep all day is, I put my fists up and fight.  The odds of me winning are better if I have a routine established.  Today, I must work at least eight hours and then I must give my doggie a good walk anything else I accomplish on this day will be a small miracle.

Little Guys that always make me smile.

Usually a period of fatigue follows a manic stage.  It’s really your body crashing after a period of much activity and little sleep. Thus, one needs to take the time to catch-up on sleep and allow the body to recover from the frantic time. Since treatment the symptoms between manic and depressive have lessened, but it’s still a battle to focus on “truth” rather than “feeling.” 

Jorge Drexler - Al Otro Lado del Rio

In addition to the low energy, depressive thoughts overwhelm my mind. I have found success in confronting these feelings with reality.  Like today, I was feeling terribly insecure so much so that even changing lanes 0n the freeway required more concentration than usual.  I felt like talking to no one and desperately wanting to be invisible so that I wouldn’t have to acknowledge anyone in my path. These were all negative coping mechanisms to the self-doubt and insignificance that overpowered my mind.  So, I stopped and confronted these lies that my mind was focusing on and attacked them with God’s truth. I am beautifully made and worth so much so that Jesus became man, died and overcame death for me - even on days when it doesn’t feel like it! He loves me and that is enough. Press on, rema, rema, rema-a… (smile)