Learning to Pray

Iris the Flower of Hope.

When I began praying in a formal way, I followed the instructions of an Evangelical Pastor:  

A Quiet Place - Checked

A Set Time During the Day - Checked

A Comfortable Position- Checked

A Lit Candle (optional) – Checked

I remember that not knowing any better, I sat in my silent room like a small Buddha: my feet crisscrossed with my hands palms up resting on my knees.  My thoughts would wander trying to focus on God.  I waited frustrated that I couldn’t hear His voice; but I persevered sitting in the darkness for at least fifteen minutes daily.  One day, I had this vision where I saw myself standing at the edge of a river and my brother on the other side.  It was dark, we were just two shadows, but I knew that I was me and that he was him and that this body of moving water separated us.  There were no exchange of words, but deep in my heart I knew he was telling me to live and that one day I would too cross over that threshold.  So, I got myself on a little boat and I started living, rowing towards him every day a little closer.  He became my goal and I started exploring religion mostly through the notion of heaven of life after death…

Father once shared during a homily that when he asks people about heaven the popular response is I am going to see my loved ones, but people forget to mention that God will also be there.  For months I prayed and traveled back to this image, until one day I saw a white figure next to my brother and I knew it was Jesus.  Without speaking my brother told me that I needed to let him go, and that day in tears I knew that I would not visit this place separated by a river for a long time.  But I also knew that he was with God and that was such sweet sorrow.

The beginning years of my return to the faith I rowed my little vessel towards my brother, I carried his heart in mine like a compass.  A compass that guided me towards him.  The thing about God is that He knows how to speak to us each individually.  God knew that in order for me to trust Him and to fall in love with Him I needed my brother as a mediator.  I needed what was known to me to take a leap of faith.  For years my vision of heaven was my brother until one day, I realized that Jesus would also be there.  One day, as I rowed my little boat towards the speck of heaven my brother was, I realized that all this time God was using him until I was ready to see the majestic vision of the Promised Land.  To see the complete heavenly picture transferred my compass to the true guide, God.  When I think of paradise (now) I know that it will be bigger than just a reunion with my loved ones, it will be like a Mexican party where all are invited because everyone is familia - only better because we will be with God. 

I came across the song, “Al Otro Lado de Rio” around that time and it became so special to me.  There’s a light on the other side of the river. Animo!

May this song speak to you in a way personal to you.