Honesty is the First Chapter in the Book of Wisdom

White Chrysanthemum the flower of truth.

When I was a college freshman, a friend once made me a weird tasting Spaghetti.  He was extremely proud of his secret ingredient. After dinner he asked me how I had liked it, to which I gave him an honest answer, “It’s not the best I’ve had, I just think it would have tasted better without the odd tasting sausage.”  The sausage happened to be his secret weapon.  He was upset and so was my other friend who liked him and I couldn’t understand what I had done wrong.  “I was just being honest,” I later told my therapist.  She told me that when being honest I couldn’t forget kindness.  I realized that my opinion at times is not important, I appreciated the time and effort my friend put into making us dinner and that’s what I should have expressed.  I wouldn’t have lied and I would have also been kind. 

Growing up, dad always told me, "the Penny’s are people of their word."  That to me meant honest, people you can count on.  A yes from him is like getting a notarized contract, he’s no wishy-washy Charlie Brown.  Cather in the Rye continue to fuel my hate of hypocrisy and now my faith teaches me to live in the truth.  All of my life that’s something that has been a constant, live truthfully.  Now I have a bigger responsibility if I want to be a saint (which as of recent, I do) then I have to lead a life of truth.  Besides lying is way too hard, I am a scatterbrain and I wouldn’t be able to keep track of my lies.

I like routine.  With children routine makes them thrive because they know what to expect.  It creates order in their lives, promotes confidence and gives them a safe setting for growth.  Since, I have been diagnosed bipolar routine makes me really happy.  My day begins early because I work east coast hours, which means it also ends early because sleep is important for my sanity.  On a regular day, I pray, check for my good morning and when I reach the office while I drink my coffee I go through my social media page.  At work for the most part things run smoothly, usually with me working on my own and stopping occasionally for brief breaks.  Then the alarm goes off at the same hour and I run home to a happy dog and a little alone time to gather my bearings.  The afternoon activities change depending on the day.  Lately, I have been a homebody so I pick an activity, pray, walk my dog, say goodnight, read then time for bed.  It doesn’t sound too exciting, but I love my simple life. 

In between all that I try to share on FB with consistency because I guess I want to create an environment to thrive.  Sharing with such precision doesn’t come easy, I am not obsessive compulsive, but I go through the trouble of keeping such an exact social media routine thinking it will promote trust. I am always an open book.  I am aware that lies are not just what one says, but also the things that sometimes one withholds.  The last few weeks I have posted things afterwards thinking that keeping to routine was the better option.  Yet, I think it might have created distrust? I am still learning to be an effective communicator, communication just happens to be one of those areas of study that one never fully graduates from.  In certain matters it’s hard to trust, but I think, “devout Catholic’s should not lie” and that helps me trust others and keep my peace.  We are called to live in truth, not when it’s convenient but always as a sign that Christ is in us.

I have friends who have two FB pages for different people, or some who find a way to post selecting and unselecting friends who can see posts- I don’t do any of that.  If I befriended you on social media every soul is equally tortured with my multiple posts.  Lies create paranoia (I see this with friends who use FB selectively) and for a bipolar sufferer maintaining our peace and sanity is of utter importance.  Sometimes I feel like blocking my sister because she can be so critical at times, but I deal with her wrath because it was my choice to befriend her (smile).  We’ve been sisters all of our lives and we still have disagreements and most of the time due to poor communication!  But we have also been raised to forgive and not hold on to any resentment.