Ave Maria Cruise: Part Two

One of the best experiences of my vacation, happened along a horse ride in the Belizean forests.  My horse, Brownie, sure taught me a great deal about men and the importance of communication.  I love animals and I thought building rapport with my horse would ensure a smooth ride, yet my baby talk and caresses communicated my insecurity to my horse.  Once on Brownie, he decided that he was the master and refused to listen to me.  He walked really slowly behind the entire group of riders, stopped to munch on leaves and at times he seemed like he might quit the trail.  I was too scared to lose control and afraid to trust that together my horse and I could work together.  It wasn’t until my guide came back and told me, “Ma’am, you need to be assertive, horses are like men you treat them too nice and they take advantage of you.”  Ah, now I had something to work with (smile).  Though the power struggle never changed, my horse knew he had me at his mercy throughout the ride, I learned that communication is so important in all relationships.  My guide had to come back several times to help me with my horse and I marveled at how Brownie knew the voice of his (real) master. 

As the cruise continued and I began to have conversations with men and women - I realized that a lot of us are as weak at communicating as Brownie and I were.  There’s this fear between men and women to share their true feelings for one another.  They hide even when they are attracted to one another- there’s this epidemic of lack of vulnerability and godly courage.  To reveal your feelings to the one that has you losing sleep- is down-right frightful!  I suffer from the same ailments- but am trying to learn to be courageous and to love more like God does.  Even in Catholic circles we suffer from the same secular problems of loving selfishly and of paralyzing fear of rejection.  We love people for what we can get from them and not simply because people are loveable.  Sometimes we even love God because of the consolations He gives us through prayer and once we experience a dry period we start to question Him.  In the same way, we love certain people for the feelings they inspire in us and we dismiss others.  We get rejected, but we also do our share of rejecting.  A man on the cruise shared that he had been rejected by a woman during the cruise and he was really bummed about it.  Yet, he who has the courage to get rejected truly is doing God’s will.  If I were a man I would want a life full of rejections rather than “what if’s.”  I shared with my friend how proud I was of him for having the courage to follow his heart even if the consequences were not positive.  Sometimes in faith circles we talk about dying for those we love, but the odds of a man taking a bullet for a woman he loves is quite unlikely.  Yet, when you ask a woman out- (men) you are taking that bullet for her.  You are making yourself the target and if you get rejected you did the honorable thing for her- this way she won’t experience rejection.  Pursuing is the epitome of chivalry the definition of godly men and sure there will be rejections, but there is such honor in that!

Every time I go on these cruises I always wish that someone would tell these men to go out there and take risks, to not be afraid of broken hearts because we have a God that heals.  To have the courage and humility to get up and try again- that success is only a matter of perseverance.  Meditate on “The Parable of the Persistent Widow” and die trying.  Prayer is great- but eventually it requires action.  I think this needs to be followed with women being kind in rejecting men.  I see that a lot of time we are horrible at letting men down kindly- or stringing them along afraid that our “no” will crush them.  Get off your horse, we are Christians we can handle “no’s” because we have a God that strengthens, comforts and gives us hope.  Sometimes I wish I was a man because they get to act- women get to wait, but I know that’s just my pride because both sides have their difficult challenges. 

The best relationships begin with friendships- so cultivate godly friendships with people of the opposite sex.  Sometimes we live quite rapidly trying to discern romantic situations- why not start by being friends.  Friendship creates a great foundation for romantic relationships and friendship teaches us to love selflessly.  But don't let the relationship remain stuck there forever if you sense a mutual attraction- ACT- take it to the next level.  And prayerfully continue discerning. Finally, women pray for men so that God gives them the courage and creativity to pursue, to heal and to try again.  
Ave Maria Cruise: Part One