Bring Me Back in Focus

You can’t blame the actions of a person in mourning. Death makes the strongest vulnerable and only time can bring the tide of normalcy once again.  This past week has been challenging, things that normally don’t push me off balance have made transitioning to life after grandma difficult.  I dropped my cell phone in Francis’ water bowl and didn’t realize this until two hours after, damaging my phone.  After days of letting it air dry, I was forced to order a new one.  Due to the damage, my phone navigation had some issues and I got lost making me thirty minutes late to a training that I had to attend.  I am one of those people that always shows up early so that I can choose my seat and just get acclimated with my surroundings before all the people show up this helps my anxiety.  Then I had an allergic reaction and my upper lip puffed up making me look like I had a bad Botox job.  My first day back to work, I got a mew student with severe anxiety and possibly trauma that was crying and refused to sit at her assign seat.  I had to have someone cover while I went outside with her and the school psychologist to calm her panic. 

Normally these bumps in the road don’t affect me as much, I am able to center myself in prayer and get through the day.  However, with the emotional instability of losing a loved one I am more sensitive and these small challenges seemed a whole lot bigger and I couldn’t stop and have a moment to breathe because my schedule was so impacted.  My coworker asked me if I was going to see a doctor about my puffy lip and I told her that I didn’t have time.  That’s how all of last week felt like I was rushing and just trying to survive each day with the added stress of little things going wrong.  Even looking towards the weekend was not alleviating, since I had been scheduled to work Saturday school.  Somehow, working Saturday school was a blessing because I got a lot done and now, I am caught up at work.

Having only one day for myself made a difference and I was able to order a new phone yesterday.  My lips are back to their normal size and my outlook on life much more positive.  Sometimes, I needed to withdraw and just be by myself in order to find peace.  I went to my sanctuary (the dog park) and watched as my pup played with many dogs and the happiness, he felt was contagious.  I find myself with a stupid smile when I am there admiring God’s beauty all around me and His beauty gives me the will to go on.  Even if things are challenging my peace, I can run to Him to help place me back in focus and there among a group of pups I find my antidote.