I am writing this bit from my garden, a place I have been spending most of my time lately. It's just such a wonderful feeling to be outside enjoying the natural beauty, listening to Solecito (my bird) sing and watching my dog sunbathe. Usually I am involved in reading, working on my purse restoration, praying or just in silence thankful for this space. When I was a little girl, stuffed like sardines in an apartment, I used to dream about a yard with a white picket fence. It took my entire childhood and teenage years for this dream to materialize; God didn't forget nor did my prayers go unanswered it was just a matter of waiting. Waiting. In this day of such a fast paced world with technology making everything faster, waiting has become a foreign concept. I've always been fascinated by how God made the birth process a nine month waiting period for the parents. Pregnant women will even complain as the day gets near about their desire for baby to already be out so that their discomfort will minimize. Yet, like a bun in the oven it needs to stay inside until it's fully baked (smile).
As I think of my doubts in prayer, I believe they stem from asking God for prayers that required years to be answered. I prayed for a home of my own and that took many years to acquire. Another prayer that left me scarred was asking God (even during my agnostic years) for my father to stop drinking. These two prayers hurt to voice, and they hurt more in the waiting. Yet, as I have reflected on these two petitions I realize that they were voiced from a person that I am no longer today. I lost my faith at a very young age and during moments of desperation I called to a God that I was unsure I believed in. Today, I know that God is real and I believe in the power of prayer; yet, I feel like God is asking to heal an area that I didn't even know needed healing. An area that goes back to that girl who prayed in desperation fighting reason and a deep belief that prayer didn't work.
Though it took many, many years, God provided a home and gave me the father I always wanted. The big lesson is that God answers when He knows best. My sister had been married for many years and she was unable to conceive. A year after my brother died our prayers were answered when she found out she was pregnant and that news gave us all a huge reason to go on. Waiting isn't easy nor popular in this fast paced world, but God uses time for our benefit.
Last Sunday, we heard in the gospel about the workers that were all paid the same wages even though some worked only a couple hours. I always had a problem with that scripture reading because I felt it was so unfair. But if you have ever been a laborer waiting for work at a Home Depot parking lot you know that you would rather work a full day shift then to wait uncertain whether you will make any day wages. Usually waiting is accompanied by worry; yet, God challenges us to present our petitions to the Lord and go about our business knowing He will provide. A huge lesson, one that I hope little by little with His grace I will learn (smile).
As I think of my doubts in prayer, I believe they stem from asking God for prayers that required years to be answered. I prayed for a home of my own and that took many years to acquire. Another prayer that left me scarred was asking God (even during my agnostic years) for my father to stop drinking. These two prayers hurt to voice, and they hurt more in the waiting. Yet, as I have reflected on these two petitions I realize that they were voiced from a person that I am no longer today. I lost my faith at a very young age and during moments of desperation I called to a God that I was unsure I believed in. Today, I know that God is real and I believe in the power of prayer; yet, I feel like God is asking to heal an area that I didn't even know needed healing. An area that goes back to that girl who prayed in desperation fighting reason and a deep belief that prayer didn't work.
Though it took many, many years, God provided a home and gave me the father I always wanted. The big lesson is that God answers when He knows best. My sister had been married for many years and she was unable to conceive. A year after my brother died our prayers were answered when she found out she was pregnant and that news gave us all a huge reason to go on. Waiting isn't easy nor popular in this fast paced world, but God uses time for our benefit.
Last Sunday, we heard in the gospel about the workers that were all paid the same wages even though some worked only a couple hours. I always had a problem with that scripture reading because I felt it was so unfair. But if you have ever been a laborer waiting for work at a Home Depot parking lot you know that you would rather work a full day shift then to wait uncertain whether you will make any day wages. Usually waiting is accompanied by worry; yet, God challenges us to present our petitions to the Lord and go about our business knowing He will provide. A huge lesson, one that I hope little by little with His grace I will learn (smile).
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